8. Tovan

8

TOVAN

A s I reach the border of Donna’s farm and the transit route, I pause, looking back toward the lodge. I can’t see her anymore, but I can feel her. A tugging in my chest, an awareness of her presence. Is this what it means to find your kahl ? To be forever aware of them, even when they want nothing to do with you?

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I need to think. Need to figure out what to do next. Because one thing is clear—I can’t leave. Not now. Not when I’ve found my kahl .

But how can I stay? Donna made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. The thought of imposing my presence on her, of making her uncomfortable in her own home, is unbearable. But the thought of leaving, of never seeing her again, is even worse.

Turning, I push across the transit route to the other side, the pasture where we first met. I find myself wandering aimlessly through the grass-feed, my feet moving of their own accord while my mind whirls.

All I can think about is Donna. The way her eyes lit up when she laughed. The warmth of her body pressed against mine. The look of cold hardness in her eyes when I told her she was my kahl .

I’ve dreamed of finding my kahl for so long. Imagined the moment countless times. In my dreams, it was always perfect. We’d lock eyes across a crowded space and just know. Our core-rhythms would sync, and we’d fall into each other’s arms, two halves of a whole finally united.

I never imagined it would be like this. Never thought my kahl would be a human, with no core-rhythm to sync with mine. Never considered that she might not feel the same instant connection, the same bone-deep certainty.

As I walk, lost in my thoughts, I find myself at the zimi bush where I first met Donna. Where she’d pushed through the thicket just to help me, a stranger in need.

That’s who she is. Kind. Compassionate. Willing to help others without thought of reward. It’s part of what makes her perfect for me. Part of why she’s my kahl .

But she’s also strong-willed. Independent. Not the type to accept being claimed by a stranger, no matter what forces might be at play.

I sigh, sinking down to sit in the still wet earth. The mud on my clothes has mostly dried, flaking off in chunks as I move. I barely notice.

I can’t leave. I just…I can’t. As I sit there, staring out at the fields without really seeing them, a thought occurs to me. Maybe I don’t have to choose. Maybe there’s a middle ground.

I could stay in the area, but not on her farm itself. Find a place to make a temporary lodge, somewhere close enough that I can still feel her presence, but far enough away that I wouldn’t be imposing on her.

And maybe, over time, I could find ways to interact with her. Not as her kahl —she’s made it clear she’s not ready for that—but as a…a what? A companion?

As I sit there, lost in thought, I look up just in time to spot scales like my own glinting in the light as a large male approaches. I didn’t expect to see anyone, didn’t want to, not when I’m feeling like this. But I should have known better. Of course, Arnak is out here. He’s still completing the surveys. He probably never went back to town.

“Tovan? Is that you?” As he gets closer, his steps quicken. “By the stars, what happened to you?”

I attempt a grin, but it feels more like a grimace. “It’s…a long story.”

Arnak crouches down beside me, his brow furrowed. “You look like you’ve been stuck in a pasture and trampled by oogas.” His gaze skips over me, his focus intent, even though I’m one of the few beings that knows only one of his eyes works as it should. “Are you injured?”

“Not physically.” I rise and he does the same with me. Even without meeting his gaze, I can feel him studying me.

“There’s something different about you. If the human threw you out, why didn’t you return to your grav bike? I would have enjoyed the company…” His gaze slides over me. “Even if you’re a bit surly right n—”

“I think I found my kahl.” I start walking, pushing through the grass-feed and leaving him there, stunned.

Arnak catches up with me a moment later, his wild mane blowing in the wind and obscuring his face as he jogs through the grass-feed backwards. “Your kahl ? The human ? But that’s…that’s incredible! Why do you look like the stars have faded across the cosmos?”

I laugh and realize it’s the same mirthless mockery of a laugh that Donna did. “Because she wants nothing to do with me.”

Arnak almost stumbles and he stops jogging backward and turns around to keep my pace. “Explain. How can that be?”

Slowly, haltingly, I begin to recount the events of the past few sols. Meeting Donna, feeling the instant connection, the disastrous conversation where I revealed she was my kahl . As I speak, Arnak listens, his expression cycling through surprise, confusion, and sympathy.

As I climb over the rise beneath which I’d parked my grav bike, Arnak glances at me. “Your core-rhythm…”

“Is silent.”

He almost stops walking. “But you’re sure?”

I look his way, thankful he’s not questioning my stance on this. I nod, chin to chest, my throat tight. “Yes. She’s…incredible, Arnak. Strong, kind, beautiful. But she’s also human. She doesn’t understand what it means to have a kahl . I believe my core-rhythm is silent because she has none.”

Arnak is silent as we walk up to the grav bikes. I can see an area of flattened grass-feed where he must have made a camp over the past few sols. Even my scanner is here and it’s obvious Arnak had retrieved it in my absence.

“What will you do?” he asks.

I release a heavy breath. “I cannot leave. But she doesn’t want me to stay. So I will keep my distance…but I cannot leave her alone out here.”

Arnak jerks his chin slowly. “Not like that, though. You need to clean up. Need supplies.” He looks up at the clearing skies. “It won’t shower for a good few sols so you should be fine, but you’ll still need a fresh weather cover to camp with. Yours has a hole in it. I know, because I got drenched the first dark cycle.”

I stare at him. “You used my weather cover and not your own?” But that isn’t what I really want to say. What I really want to say is “gratitude”. Even without questioning, he’s fully supporting my decision to stay out here until I can figure it all out. This is what you call a true ally.

Arnak grins at me. “Why use mine when yours was available?”

I growl and he grins wider before heading to his grav bike. He hops on the thing, waiting for me to do the same to mine.

“Come on, brother. We have to make it to town before the other Kari fill the queues.”

My brow tightens. “What queues?”

His grin widens. “As I thought. I’ve tried pinging you countless times over the past two sols and there was no answer. You had your comm off, didn’t you?”

I blink. Yes, he’s right. I forgot about it. “What does it matter?”

“There’s been news, brother. News I think will help you.”

I stare at the notification on my comm, hardly believing it. Standing here in the queue, Arnak practically bounces on his feet beside me.

“Isn’t this great? We can all know. No more wondering.”

Attention all Kari and Human citizens .

A voluntary program has been established to analyze the potential for mate bonds between your species. This program requires a simple lifeblood sample and will provide valuable insights into compatibility. Participation is encouraged.

A test. A simple test that will tell me with the surety what I already know, that Donna is mine. Not only will it be proof, she will have the surety, too. It’s almost hard to believe. Almost too good to be true.

“The two Korruk brothers have mated these females. Found their kahls in them,” I hear another Kari saying. “I hear there is one other female of this species living here. I hope she will be mine.”

They’re talking about Donna, no doubt.

“We all hope,” his companion says. “Do you know where she stays?”

“Out in the plains, but that area is vast. It will take me some time to find her.”

I stiffen, a white hot rage swelling within me so much that I don’t realize I’m glaring at the males until Arnak grips my arm.

“Brother,” he says, gaze shifting to the two males then back to me. “We are next.”

It is with much effort that I move my legs toward the medics waiting before us in this crowded hall. More Kari than I have ever seen before in one place since we came to this world. And all because we’re desperate to find our kahls .

But I’ve already found mine.

Arnak is before me. It’s a simple extraction. A device on the muscle in the arm and a sample is taken.

“Next,” the medic calls and Arnak moves out of the line, his gaze shifting to me for a brief moment.

As I step up to the medic’s table, it is only then that I notice the Saffion sitting there. A species with tall ears and fur-covered bodies, this one is all white.

“So far, we have a much larger turnout than we expected,” I hear him mutter. “And only one human.”

“Has she come in to do her sample yet?” the medic asks as she gestures me forward.

“Not yet,” the Saffion sighs. “I think it is best I head out and retrieve it myself. Donna is…strong-willed and might be opposed to this.”

Donna…

“But the notification was sent to all humans and Kari on this world, was it not?” The medic gestures me forward again and only then do I realize I’d stopped walking. “It’s part of the reason so many have turned up today, for a chance to meet these females.”

The Saffion grunts. “There is only one. And as I said, she is…stubborn. I have another human coming in a few sols, but she has already communicated that she is also not interested. These females might need some reassurance before putting themselves forward.”

I grunt and the medic dips her head in apology, thinking it’s the device she’s just placed on my arm that I’m reacting to. What I’m really reacting to is the fact that this Saffion is right. But not in the way he thinks.

Donna is strong-willed. Strong-willed indeed. She is vibrant. A force to be reckoned with. A female that sets my lifeblood on fire. But maybe what the Saffion says is what is true. That she might need reassurance .

I appeared in her life and suddenly declared that she is mine. She knows nothing about me. I must make her trust me first. Make her realize I will be there for her, always.

That’s what I will do. That’s the plan. My core beat settles a little with this new course of action. Something solid that will help me retrieve the mate I feel like I’m losing.

The medic finishes taking my sample and nods to me again. Finally, the Saffion looks up from the files he’s deliberating over. His gaze skips back down to find my name. “Tovan Kamesh, you will receive word via secure comm if we find your match.”

I give him a jerk of my chin. This male knows my Donna. Possibly is her companion, too. I hesitate, wanting to say something to him, but there are no words. Everything that happened on that farm is still too fresh.

If I tell him she is my kahl, he will think I’m lying. I have no solid proof. So I jerk my chin to my chest once more and step away, but not before I hear the males behind me in line speak once more.

“Hey, Saffion, you know the female that’s available?”

Available ? I pause. No, not just a pause. I freeze mid-step, my body completely tensing at the male’s words. Slowly, I turn back, my eyes narrowing as I watch the interaction.

The Saffion looks up, his expression neutral. “You’re referring to Ms. Johnson? What about her?”

The strange male leans in, a grin spreading across his face. “I heard she’s quite the catch. Living all alone out there…bet she could use some company.”

The Saffion’s red eyes narrow. “If you do not match with the human, I advise that you do not seek her out.”

The male chuckles. “She doesn’t have to be my kahl for me to get to know her. I am breaking no law. There are other things I’m interested in, too.”

The Saffion stiffens, his ears standing tall on his head. It’s a strange sight. His species is usually docile and fearful, but it seems when it comes to these females, when it comes to Donna, he won’t hesitate to defend. That immediately puts him in my good graces.

“And what things do you refer to…” His gaze slides to the files before him as he searches for the male’s name.

“You know what I mean,” the male says. At his utterance, there’s an approving grunt from his companion.

My fists clench at my sides, a surge of anger rising in my chest. The casual disrespect in his tone, the implication behind his words—it’s more than I can bear.

Before I can think better of it, I’m moving.

“Tovan?” Arnak calls, but in three quick strides, I’m back at the table. The strange male barely has time to look up before my fist connects with his jaw.

He stumbles backward, shock and pain mingling on his face as he bares his fangs. “What in the fates?!” he sputters, one hand cradling his jaw.

I stand there, breathing heavily, my claw not even throbbing from the impact. The Saffion is on his feet now, focus darting between me and the other male.

“Tovan Kamesh!” he says, but there’s no bark in his tone. Almost as if he’s pleased I punched the male.

I know I should feel remorse, should apologize for my actions. But all I can feel is a burning need to protect Donna, even if she doesn’t want my protection.

I glare at the male before me. “Don’t you dare go near her, or in the name of the gods, I will scale you alive.”

“Frakk,” Arnak murmurs at my back. “Vicious.” But there’s a laugh in his tone.

The strange male glares at me, still rubbing his jaw. “What’s it to you, Kamesh? The female has no kahl . Until then, she is unclaimed.”

I take a step forward, halted only by Arnak’s claw on my arm.

“Stay away from her.” My gaze shifts to the other Kari watching the spectacle, my glare meeting all of theirs. “She is mine.”

A hush goes across the room as everyone looks my way.

“Tovan Kamesh,” the Saffion says, “what do you mean?” He glances back down at his files then at me.

He wants proof. A core-rhythm that’s singing. A positive result from these tests they’re doing. I have neither.

My chest heaves as I take in the room.

There are too many Kari, and every single one of them wants my Donna, hopes she is theirs. She is in danger.

I level my gaze with the Saffion one last time before I turn and leave. I thought my resolve to camp out in those plains was sure. Now it is even more critical that I do.

I have to get out there and protect the female who has made my existence pivot. Donna has created a new path for my life. One I won’t let any of these hungry males walk over. She is my kahl and when my core-rhythm awakens, even if she still rejects me then, I will stay by her side, protecting her until I have no more breath to.