14. Donna

14

DONNA

W here do I go from here?

I wake up feeling so completely sated, I don’t feel like myself at all.

The blanket is tangled around my limbs, still warm from Tovan’s embrace, and the scent of him, that sweetness, lingers in every fiber.

I dip my face in it, inhaling deeply, even before I can stop myself. When a deep groan rumbles in my throat, I freeze.

Oh Lord, what is happening to me?

The question comes clawing at the edge of my consciousness. I’ve crossed a line, a galaxy-sized line, and there’s no going back. I’ve given myself to an alien, a creature from a world I barely understand, a creature who claims I’m his…lira’an. His kahl . His mate.

His future .

The thought sends a tingle right through me, starting at the base of my spine and spreading right through to my fingertips. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down, but what only happens is that I pull in more of the scent of him and our lovemaking.

I groan again, another shiver going through me.

“Tovan?” I hazard, but thankfully, there’s no answer. I don’t think I can face him just yet. What will I say? He revealed so much yesterday. I felt so much. Rolling over, I lift my comm from where it rests near the bed. As the screen lights up, it looks like Xarion has been trying to ping me and there’s still that notification blinking in the corner, too, the one about that blood sample New Horizons wants me to give so I can hopefully find my Kari match.

Before, I’d decided not to do it simply because I didn’t want to invite trouble into my life. But now, the thought of that test confirming everything Tovan’s been saying has something strange settling deep in my gut.

Because I’m starting to believe him. I’m starting to believe every word he says.

Damn.

“Computer,” I speak to the comm, “what does lira’an mean?”

For a moment, the device does nothing. I’m still figuring out how to use the thing, and it makes my head spin. I open my mouth to try again, but it suddenly replies, its synthesized voice echoing in the quiet bedroom.

“ Lira’an is a word from the Kari old tongue .”

“Okay, but what does it mean?” I brace myself for what the device will say. What am I hoping for? Part of me hopes it won’t know, that it will say the word is untranslatable or unknown. But another part, a part that’s growing stronger with each passing moment, yearns for confirmation of everything Tovan has told me.

“ In the language that you speak, lira’an from the Kari old tongue means ‘melody of the sun’ .”

I stare at the comm, something hard forming at the base of my throat that I just can’t swallow down. “Melody of the sun?” I breathe.

Because of my singing? The phrase is so beautiful it holds me speechless. I don’t know what I expected. It wasn’t that.

Everything this alien says and does, he’s slowly pushing past all my defenses.

Placing the comm down, I brace on my elbows, scanning the bedroom. I don’t hear him in the front room, so maybe he’s gone outside for a bit.

Or maybe he’s left, Donna. That could be the case, too.

I stop that thought right there, despite how true it might be. Maybe he’s not gone. Maybe this isn’t like other times. Maybe…

Maybe I can give all this a chance.

Sighing, I start to rise, only for my thighs to rub against each other and for me to become aware of a more immediate problem: the sticky evidence of me and Tovan’s joining. There’s a lot of spend still clinging to my skin, more than I think I’ve ever encountered before, and that only reminds me of the lovemaking, the way he handled me with care and possession, and…the knot.

My God, the knot.

I clench just thinking about it. In all my years…

Good God, Donna. Get up.

I slip out of bed, stretching as I gather the blanket around me and push the bedroom door open. It’s silent. I don’t know why I tiptoe like a fool sneaking by as I hurry to the bathroom. Door locked behind me, I take a breath.

I’m nervous. He’s really gotten under my skin. My heart’s beating hard and my ears are perked. Forcing myself to calm as I fill the tub with water and sink in. All through my bath, my thoughts revolve around one thing. Him.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t have an answer. Not yet.

I finish my bath and dress quickly, pulling on a fresh dress that falls gently over my curves as my mind still reels from the events of the day before.

By the time I’m dressed, there’s still no sign of Tovan in the house. But on the table, I find a bowl covered with a clean cloth. Lifting it, I discover a steaming bowl of that thick stew. I bite my lip.

He even cooks. I am in so much trouble.

I’m halfway through the stew, savoring each bite, when a sharp rap on the door makes me jump. I set the bowl down, my heart suddenly pounding against my ribs. Tovan. But why is he knocking?

Without hesitation, I unlock the door and swing it open, a welcoming smile already forming on my lips. Play it cool, Donna. Don’t look too enthused, just a little interested. A little curious. Not overly ecstatic. Whatever you do, don’t make him realize you’re still weak in the knees.

But whatever words I had die in my throat, my smile becoming stiff as I take in the sight of the alien standing on my porch.

It’s not Tovan.

This is someone else. Someone who makes my skin crawl. Someone I can immediately tell is surrounded by a whole lot of juju.

“Uh…hello?” I glance behind the mountain of the Kari male before me, but he appears to be alone. His scales are a deeper shade of purple than Tovan’s, and his features, though sculpted like Tovan’s, come off as sharper, angular, giving him a severe look. What’s worse, his expression is as unreadable as stone.

“Good sol,” he rumbles, his voice lacking the warmth I’ve come to associate with Tovan.

“Yesss,” I drag out the word, shifting a little so I can see up the road behind him. There’s a transport by my gate. Something that looks like a metal balloon. But I see no one else. “Are you Arnak?”

That’s what Tovan said his friend was called, right? I put some hope in that. That this stranger is just here looking for Tovan and that he hasn’t arrived at my door for some other reason. Because the vibes I’m getting aren’t good, and they’re all I have to go on.

“I am not.” His face shifts and I figure he’s smiling? God. It doesn’t look like that when Tovan smiles and I’m immediately grateful. The alien before me looks like he’s baring his teeth over a bit of steak. “May I come in, Donna of the line Johnson?”

He knows my name. Alarms ring loud in my head.

“I…who are you?” It’s as if all my senses sharpen and my hand tightens on the doorframe. I have no weapons. Nothing to defend myself. My closest weapon is all the way in the kitchen!

“My designation is irrelevant.” He takes a step closer, and I instinctively shrink back, my other hand squeezing the doorknob. I want to slam it shut; to bolt it. Everything about this male screams threat .

“We’ve been waiting for you to register.” His voice is so flat, emotionless, that his words fade into the background of his looming presence.

“We?” I lift my chin.

“Many males. We wait for the result of your test. You are the only female we have to hope for.” His head tilts slightly and a cold dread tingles along my spine. “It is…disappointing…that you have chosen to delay this process.”

“The blood test,” I whisper, more to myself than to him.

He does that thing again that suggests he’s smiling. All that happens is I see more of his fangs. “Aye. Just a sample of your lifeblood is all we need.”

I try not to swallow hard. To not reveal the sudden increase in my heart rate. “That program is voluntary, and frankly, I’m a bit put off by the fact you are here at my door requesting that I comply. Are you a representative of the program?”

But I know he isn’t. It isn’t run by Kari. It’s run by New Horizons.

“Not a representative.” He leans closer, slanting his frame to brace against the door jam and blocking my view of everything behind him. “A hopeful. For all I know, you could be my kahl and we are ignorant of that fact because we have no sample of your lifeblood.”

So he’s here to what? Make me comply?

The thought almost makes me want to vomit. This is leagues away from the apprehension I felt around Tovan. This…this is something dark. A violation of my very being.

“I’m not interested.” My voice is stronger now, defiance replacing fear. “I want no part in it.” I move to close the door, but it doesn’t shut. And that’s because at the last moment, the stranger blocks it with one boot.

My heart lurches and I force the lump down my throat. I’m alone out here. For all I was hoping that Tovan might have been different, that what we shared meant something and he wasn’t just spewing lies like every other hopeful in my life, I might have been wrong. Because he’s not here now. He’s gone.

I have to be smart about this. I have to be there for myself, just like I’ve always been. This…this weight of independence. Of always having to fight battles on my own. I’m tired. I’m so damn tired.

So tired of dealing with things like this. That and the fact this alien has dared to approach me in the sanctity of my own home pushes past my fear and reaches my anger instead. My brows dive. “Now listen here.” I press a fist into my hip as I glare at him. It’s the same look I used to give stubborn old patients who would have rather died than take their medicine. “I don’t know who you think you are, but you better pick on up and leave .”

“That is not your choice, human.” The stranger growls, muscles bunching as he leans even closer. He sniffs, inhales deeply, and something withers inside me. Not like Tovan. Not like Tovan at all. This is all wrong. “We have been patient, female, but your…resistance…ends now.”

He lunges then, his arm shooting out, grabbing my shoulder like a vice. Pain explodes in my flesh and I scream. Instinct takes over and I lash out, my fist connecting with his jaw. It barely sounds like a punch. Pain shoots through my fist, anyway.

The stranger roars, more surprised than hurt, and I use the momentary lapse in his grip to wrench myself free. I stumble back, adrenaline pumping through my veins, fear warring with a fierce determination to fight, to survive.

“Get out!” I scream, my voice raw with fury. “Get out of my house!”

But he’s already advancing, his eyes narrowed. I scramble back, my hand searching for a weapon, anything to defend myself. A vase? A chair?

But there’s nothing. Nothing but my own trembling hands and the frantic beat of my heart against my ribs.

He advances so fast there’s just a single moment when there’s a single terrified beat of my heart. When he grabs me again, this time by the waist, he lifts me off the ground like I’m a rag doll. I kick, I scream, I fight with everything I have, but it’s no use. He’s too strong. Too big.

This is it? This isn’t how I expected this day to go. Yesterday was so wonderful, like a new world opened up for me, and then today…

“Put me down!” I claw and scream at him, but those scales that I admired on Tovan Kamesh, their smoothness, their softness, also turn out to be impenetrable. My fingers do nothing. I’m screaming, struggling, vaguely aware that it’s having some effect. Stools topple and the stranger bangs into the dining table. I continue screaming, thrashing. I will not make this easy for him.

Just when he grunts, his arms tightening even more around me, a new voice, a familiar voice, a voice that sends a surge of hope through my terror, cuts through the chaos.

“ Get your claws…off my mate .”

Tovan.

Suddenly, there’s a blur of motion. Tovan appears as if from nowhere, his eyes blazing with fury. He slams into the stranger with the force of a freight train, forcing him to let me go. I fall, barely managing to land unsteadily on my feet as I lift my head, trying to get a sense of what’s happening.

I look up in time to see Tovan punch the stranger hard enough that he staggers backward, crashing into the door before stumbling off the porch.

Chest heaving, Tovan turns, his gaze finding me.

“Donna,” his gaze skips over me, assessing, “are you hurt?”

I’m speechless, the words stuck in my throat as I shake my head.

There’s a sound outside, a growl coming from the stranger, and I see the moment Tovan snarls. And then he’s gone.

I’m frozen in place, watching in horror as the two Kari males trade vicious blows. Tovan fights with a ferocity I’ve never seen, landing punch after punch on the stranger’s face and body. It’s then that I realize I’ve never seen him like this before. The soft, agreeable male that’s been stalking me is nowhere to be seen. Instead, I see a warrior. A fighter who’s seeking blood.

But the stranger is just as large as Tovan, and his strikes, when they land, seem to shake Tovan to his core.

“Tovan!” I cry out as the stranger lands a devastating blow to Tovan’s ribs. I hear a sickening crack, and Tovan stumbles back, gasping for air. It feels like the sun is going down, cloaked by a heavy rain cloud as I watch the stranger press his advantage, driving Tovan to the ground with a series of strikes that feel like they hit me too. Blood trickles from a cut above Tovan’s eye and his breathing is labored. But still, he struggles to his feet, placing himself between me and the Kari stranger.

The sight of it shatters something inside me. Something I’ve been pushing against for so long.

I like Tovan .

I like Tovan Kamesh.

Seeing him get hurt like this, I can’t, I can’t stomach it. I have to help him.

I hurry to the kitchen, heading toward the knives when I spot the still-bubbling pot of hot stew. Gulping, I grab a towel and lift the pot instead.

“Leave.” I hear Tovan growl as I head back to the front. His voice is a mix of raw pain and determination. “ She is not for you .” He’s standing but he’s gripping his chest with one arm, even as he glares at the stranger, who looks like he’s got a busted leg.

The stranger wipes blood from his split lip, but with his back turned to me he has no idea what I’m doing. “You fool,” he spits. “You cannot keep her for yourself. We are all waiting. Every single one of us. Waiting for our kahls .”

Tovan stands taller. “She already has a kahl.” He speaks with such surety, such finality, that for a moment, I can only stare at him. This alien that stumbled into my life and is claiming me with such conviction it rocks the ground at my feet. “She has me and I’m not going anywhere.”

For a beat, there is silence and then the stranger laughs. It’s a grating hollow thing. A sound that makes me shake with the pot in my hands.

“Liar,” the stranger growls. “There is no core-rhythm. Just as you lied at the registration, you lie now.” He laughs again. “You should be ashamed.” He wipes his lips again. “You think you are better than us with your masses of credits. Better than we who were on the ground during the war. We who had to fight with our fists. We who bear the scars of those experiments. You are no better, Tovan of the line Kamesh. You do not deserve this female .”

Tovan’s jaw clenches, his scales glinting in the light as he stands taller. “Deserve?” he snarls. His voice is low, so deadly, it doesn’t sound like him at all. “You speak of deserving? You who would force a female against her will? You who would violate the sanctity of her home, her life? You are no Kari. You are a disgrace to our kind.”

His words are sharp. Cutting. They hang in the air like a challenge, a condemnation. The stranger flinches, his bravado faltering for a moment before his anger flares again. I can see it in the way he stands that he’s about to make a move, and I grip the pot tighter, ready to react.

But before he can retort, Tovan steps forward, his gaze never leaving the other male. He’s injured, vulnerable, yet the power radiating off of him, the raw intensity of his possessiveness, makes the stranger take a step back.

“This female,” Tovan says, “is my mate . She is under my protection, and I will remain by her side until my last breath, until she herself casts me away.” His gaze is fierce and unwavering. “I will stand beside her. Always.”

His words are a promise, a vow, and a warning, all wrapped up in one. And as I watch him, standing there, tall and proud, defying both pain and convention for a woman he barely knows, a warmth spreads through me, a feeling I haven’t dared to acknowledge, a hope I thought was long gone.

Maybe, just maybe…Tovan is right. Maybe I do have a protector. Maybe I’m not alone after all.

“What a pest.” The stranger snarls, crouching lower, and I know he’s about to attack. No more lingering around. Time to move.

“Hey!” I shout. There’s not much warning. I don’t allow it. It’s almost painful wasting the food, but I don’t hesitate. As the stranger looks over his shoulder in my direction, all he sees is a hot pot of good stew descending on him. Shock makes him howl as he spins to face me, his spine bending back as he roars in pain.

“You’ve really got some nerve !” I shout. I still have the pot in my hands and I’m about to clobber him with it, but I don’t get a chance to.

Tovan tackles him to the ground, landing some hard punches that have blood streaking across the dirt just outside my porch.

The stranger fights back. “Admit it, Tovan Kamesh. You don’t deserve this female.” He punches upward, landing a solid one in Tovan’s jaw.

“You’re right. I don’t.”

The stranger laughs, coughing blood. “Even you know it’s true. You, who spent the war safe in the skies. You, who have never known true hardship, true loss. You think you can just claim this female as your own? You—”

Tovan silences him with a punch. But he doesn’t stop there. I watch, heart in my throat, as Tovan unleashes a torrent of fury, his fists pounding against the other alien’s flesh, each blow punctuated by a guttural growl. It’s terrifying, the raw power he unleashes, the primal rage that contorts his usually handsome features. It’s like a different creature has taken over, a beast fueled by a protectiveness that borders on madness.

He’s going to kill him.

The realization hits me like a cold wave of horror washing over me. I can’t let that happen. Not on my doorstep. Not because of me.

“Tovan!” I scream, my voice barely audible over the roar of their struggle. “Stop it! You’re going to kill him!”

But my words are lost in the wind, swallowed by the chaos. I have to do something, to stop this madness, but what?

Without thinking, I drop the pot and rush forward, throwing myself against Tovan’s back, my arms wrapping around his chest, pressing myself into his spine as I hold on tight.

“Tovan…please.” My voice breaks as I hang on, knowing this isn’t going to work but not sure what else I can do.

But Tovan stiffens beneath my touch. His arm pauses midway in the air, his fist still clenched tight. Beneath my breast, I can feel his whole body vibrating with a tension that makes me tremble. I feel the shift, the slow, grudging release of his fury. His shoulders slump, his breathing becomes less ragged, and the heat of his anger cools as his arms drop to his sides.

He’s still trembling, his breathing ragged, but I hold him tight, my cheek pressed against his spine. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“No. I could have failed. It isn’t enough.” I can feel the vibration of his words all the way through his back and I press into him some more. Because his words don’t sound like he’s talking about only right now. It feels like he’s talking about more than just this incident. Of horrors past. Memories. Ghosts that still haunt.

With the pause in the onslaught, the stranger drags himself away. It’s slow, every second like a full minute as I hang on to Tovan, stopping him from moving.

The stranger grunts and anger flares as my gaze slides to him. Every one of his movements is slow and pained as he shifts away, pausing only when he’s far out of reach of Tovan’s fists. He looks like a crumpled broken thing now, far removed from the confident asshole that knocked on my door.

“Leave.” I lift my voice, my anger evident. “And if you know what’s best for you, you don’t come back here.”

As the other alien drags himself to his feet and stumbles away toward his transport, I keep my arms wrapped tight around Tovan, feeling his tension bleed right into me. Feeling his pain.

He watches the other alien leave, his claws still tight fists at his side, and I realize that I’m not just holding him back.

I’m holding him together.