13. Tovan

13

TOVAN

S tars.

I am at peace.

Of all the ways I expected this sol to end, I could have only dreamed of this.

I lie, spent, nestled against the soft frame of my female.

My female. Mine. Donna of the line Johnson is mine .

Pressing my face against the softness of her mane, I tug her even closer to me as I roll onto my back. She settles on top of me so well, her body limp from my ministrations, her entire frame fitting against mine like a puzzle piece I’d lost and had always been searching for.

Her head rests on my chest and I tug the bed covering over her, enjoying how her softness and her weight shift with my movements. Enjoying that she’s stuck with me like this until this knot loosens.

I hadn’t intended to knot her, but my mate is irresistible. Knotting is often only done during the rut. My shaft should not even have responded in such a way because I am not in heat. Not yet, at least.

But this can only be good news. My body is responding to this female in ways it has never responded to any other female before. Surely, that is a good sign.

“Mm.” Donna releases a sound from her throat as she turns her head on my chest. There are tiny beads of perspiration on her thin skin and I lift a claw and brush away the spectacle. “Tovan?”

“Yes, lira’an?” A breath shudders through her frame and I almost groan again. Her nakedness against my scales is not something I could have prepared for. “You are so soft everywhere,” I whisper, trailing a claw down her spine.

She makes another hum in her throat at the same time that her slit clenches. I jerk, the sensation both pleasurable, threatening to make me harder than I already am, and painful. She’s so small inside. So tight. When I explored her with my tongue, I was sure it wouldn’t work. I am still amazed we fit.

Donna lifts her head, those dark eyes meeting mine in surprise. “You didn’t come? I thought you did.”

“I did.” And she can probably feel I’m getting harder thinking about doing it again.

“But you’re still hard.”

I grunt. “Of course, I am. You are here.”

She stares at me for a moment before her gaze softens and her lashes flutter ever so slightly. “You’re a sweet talker.”

Did she say sweet talker, or something else? Lifting a claw, I tap my implant, forcing it to reset again. The frakking device is failing more often than it should, and while I’d not updated it because I’d had no need to, now there is a sense of urgency. Because I have Donna.

I want to understand every word she says.

She looks away briefly, her composure slipping just enough to reveal a hint of vulnerability. And then she jerks. “Oh, let me get off you!”

She shifts her hips upward, only to be stopped by my claw pressing firmly on her behind and, of course, my knot. She freezes, eyes widening, at the same time that I grunt.

“Don’t move, lira’an.”

Her throat moves. “I—” She shifts her hips again. “I…can’t.” Deep inside her warmth, I feel her core-beat pick up. “Tovan, I…I can’t move.”

She shifts her hips again and I hiss at the twinge of pain.

“Lira’an,” I warn.

Donna stiffens, eyes still wide. But instead of moving her body, she clenches her tight slit around me. I hiss again.

“We’re stuck. Your cock it’s…” She trails off, looking down between us but she can’t see farther than my chest. “You can’t pull it out?”

The slight panic in her voice kills something inside me. She didn’t want my knot? Doesn’t want it?

But…she’s my mate. My kahl . My lira’an. Our joining, the knot, it’s…it’s supposed to be the ultimate expression of our bond, the physical manifestation of our destinies entwined.

“Oh my gosh,” she whispers, still staring between us. I feel her clench around me again, testing, and I try to remain still. “You can’t take it out, can you?”

“No,” I manage, my voice rough despite that I’m trying not to make it so. “Not…yet.”

My grip tightens on her hip, not to restrain her, but to ground myself, to anchor myself to the reality of her warmth, her scent, the rapid thumps of her core-beat against my chest. I can feel her tremble, a fine tremor that runs through her like a current, and a wave of protectiveness washes over me even though I’m the reason she’s suddenly afraid.

What have I done?

“It is…temporary,” I say, forcing my voice to remain calm, steady, even as my own instincts scream in protest. “The knot…it will release. Soon.”

Even as I say the words, I will my cock to deflate, to release Donna before this turns sour and this rocky foundation I’ve managed to build sinks beneath my feet.

Donna doesn’t answer, but the way her muscles are locked tells me everything. I have to do something, to ease her fear, to soothe the panic that’s rising within her like a tide.

“Look at me, lira’an.” My voice softens, a low rumble that I hope conveys reassurance, even as my own core-beat thrums a chaotic mix of desire and uncertainty. “I didn’t—”

“You didn’t want to knot me.” Donna’s gaze meets mine and the fear I thought I’d see is overshadowed by something else—guilt, perhaps even shame. “I forced it in, didn’t I. It felt so good that I…Oh shit, you didn’t… You didn’t want that to happen, did you.” Her throat moves and she looks away, a furrow marring her brow.

She thinks…she thinks she’s forced this upon me?

If she only knew…

“No,” I say quickly. When she winces, I curse inwardly, realizing how my answer sounded. “I mean, yes.” Frakk, this is too important to fumble. “Donna, I wanted to knot you. More than you know.”

She glances up at me, but her gaze has gone unreadable. Just like those times when she’s pushed me away before. Gods, I must make her understand.

“I wanted you from the moment I first saw you. But my knot, it’s…” I pause, studying her face, hoping for some revelation, a look into her thoughts. “It’s large and you are small, my kahl . I didn’t want to rush, didn’t want to risk frightening you or pushing you away.”

She’s studying me now. Her gaze moving across mine.

I have no choice but to continue. “The knotting…it’s a part of being a Kari. I should have warned you, explained it beforehand. That’s my fault, and I apologize.” Now it’s my turn to look away, because if she rejects me now, while I’ve knotted her, I have no doubt I will die. “If anything, I worry that I’ve pushed you too far, too fast. This bond…it’s intense, more so than I expected. I would feast on you every chance I get, if you let me.”

My voice drops lower, a rumble that I can feel resonating in my chest. “I want you, Donna. All of you.” Frakk. Am I making this better or worse? “I read all I could in the archives. I know your species doesn’t form bonds like this. But it is different for me. I want you.” I need her. But will she run if I tell her that? It’s a lot to put on a female whose species doesn’t form mate bonds like this. “I want to learn every part of you, to share myself with you in ways I’ve never wanted with any other female.”

I pause, suddenly aware of how much I’ve revealed. Yes, surely, I will die if she rejects me now. But as I shift my gaze back to Donna, my core beat skips.

She’s looking at me strangely, thoughts behind her eyes that I can’t read. “So…we’re stuck like this?”

“Joined? Yes.”

“For how long?”

I hold back a groan of pleasure as she wiggles her hips, testing the knot once more. “I…do not know.”

She goes silent, studying me once more. But there’s a slight smile on her lips. The only thing that makes me settle down a bit.

“Must really be something,” she finally says and I’m tempted to tap my implant again or rip it out altogether. But then Donna laughs. She drops her chin to my chest as a chuckle makes her entire frame vibrate. “What do you do if you only want a quickie, but you end up knotting the woman?”

Quickie? “I want nothing quick about this. I want to savor you for hors. Always.”

Donna snorts. “C’mon, sweet talker. I’m talking about when you had sex in the past and were forced to cuddle because of your knot.”

My brow tightens as I stare down at her, unable to soften my glare. “I would never do such a thing.”

But despite my rough voice, despite the snarl on my lips, my Donna isn’t fazed. Her pointed gaze meets mine, undeterred.

“I don’t understand,” she says.

“You are the first female that has ever taken my knot.” I grip her behind, groaning at the sensation of her flesh under my claw. “Do you not understand how special you are to me? How rare?”

She goes silent, the humor that had been building on her lips slowly dying. Finally, she rests her head against my chest. For long moments, I hold her like that and she says nothing. Her warmth, her softness, they both envelop me even as my thoughts grow chaotic, wondering what my female is thinking.

“Tovan?”

“Yes, lira’an?”

“What were you scanning for out there? The day we met.”

I shift slightly, still enjoying the way her body moves on top of mine. Her question is strange. Not the question I expected her to ask.

“Ore. Ore of the rare kind is out in these lands. We were surveying that pasture on that sol, Arnak and I.”

“Arnak?” She lifts her head now. “You weren’t out there alone?”

It feels like I’ve just opened up another well shaft to fall into. “No. I was not.”

Donna studies me and I fear she may take this as some form of deception. And she’d be right to, because it was.

“Arnak is my survey partner. We often work together on field assignments.”

Her brow furrows slightly, but she doesn’t seem upset. Instead, there’s a glimmer of curiosity in her eyes. “So…he saw me that day too?”

I nod, feeling a strange mixture of pride and possessiveness. “He did.”

She chuckles. “But you shoo ed him off because you wanted me all to yourself.”

“Correct.”

Donna’s mouth falls open before she snorts again.

Resting her head against my chest, silence surrounds us once more.

“How much is this ore worth? The one you’re looking for?”

I shrug. “A clawful is worth enough credits for a lifetime.”

Her head snaps up from my chest, eyes wide. “Could you…could you survey my farm? Check if any ore is there?”

It is my turn to study her now. “If there is, we would have to destroy your farm to retrieve it. It is buried deep. There would be nothing left of this place.”

Something dims in her gaze. “Oh.” She rests her head again and there is more silence.

“Why, lira’an? Are you low on credits?” If that is her worry, she need not. I have enough to take care of her and twenty other Kari generations without trouble. As my mate, she will be well-provided for.

I feel when her throat moves. When a sigh makes her body shift against mine, reminding me of just how close we are together. “It’s just…I need to find a way to make money out here. It’s not urgent, but…I have to put things in place now. Bluebread isn’t working for me and I’m not a great farmer. I guess I’m just worried. It’s only me and—”

I growl, stopping the words in her throat. Donna looks up, meeting my gaze.

“It’s not just you,” I grunt. “Not anymore.”

Something changes in her gaze. A hesitant hope. A flicker of trust that makes my core-beat thrum with a joy I haven’t felt in orbits. My shaft pulses in her heat as those dark eyes of hers take me in, seeing me, truly seeing me, for the first time.

“You really see me in your future…” she whispers, her voice a breath against my scales.

I growl again, a sound of possession, of promise, as a wave of pleasure, so intense it borders on pain, washes over me. My knot loosens, releasing its hold, and a guttural moan escapes my lips, mirroring the soft cry that escapes hers as our bodies convulse in unison. A wave of my essence spills between us. Warm. Marking her as mine.

“Not in my future, lira’an,” I murmur, my voice hoarse as I pull her closer. “You are my future.”