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Chapter Twenty No Place Like Home

Chapter twenty

No Place Like Home

The following twenty-four hours were brutal.

Lee hadn't expected to be let off lightly with what he'd done. He hadn't when in the Met and it was his job to shoot to kill. Automatic suspension always followed a firearm incident, especially when used to kill someone, regardless of who that someone was. Terrorist. Kidnapper. Potential murderer. It didn't matter. A thorough investigation had to happen. Hence, he spent a lot of time being grilled by the state of California sheriff's department. They'd called in the FBI and an alphabet soup of agencies to corroborate his story, even contacting the Met to confirm Lee had used to be one of their own. Lastly, calling Rupert.

That had been the kicker.

They'd done their due diligence. Lee had to give them that. But despite his anxiety to get back to Eddie in the hospital being checked over for any lasting trauma to his head, Lee was as impatient as he was sparse with the details. Lying to the authorities would get him no badge of honour. But how could he admit his own failings? Again . He'd been there. Done that. And lost his job. Admitting to the FBI he was in a sexual relationship with the victim would…complicate things. And he hadn't wanted to out Eddie, nor for the information to find its way to Rupert. He'd stuck to a need to know basis. They'd suspected he was withholding information. They were trained investigators. But with Eddie corroborating his story when questioned at the hospital, and with Rupert explaining the situation across the pond, he'd dodged his own bullet.

Sadly, the woman who'd taken Eddie hadn't.

The couple who'd kidnapped Eddie had been on their way to complete their threat of driving him off the Grand Canyon, or at least getting far enough to threaten Rupert with it. Linked to the organised crime ring Rupert was prosecuting, also corroborated by the FBI, and disguised as an elderly couple, they'd been following Eddie since Death Valley. Blending effortlessly into the background, they'd fooled Lee. Or, more likely, and what he didn't admit to the authorities, was that his focus had only been on Eddie and himself for a while.

When Eddie had left their room to get water from the vending machine—Lee unsure why he hadn't got a glass of tap water—the bloke had knocked him out while pretending to aid the woman to work the ice machine. Not enough to cause permanent damage, but enough to have him dazed and confused and taken into the lift, then shoved in the boot of their car. As witnessed by the FBI on the hotel CCTV. Lee hadn't been privy to that, despite his protestations to the contrary, but it was probably a good thing. Because his gut wrenched at just knowing he hadn't been there when it counted. At Eddie's kidnap having happened under his nose. While he slept. Soundly. Peacefully.

Something he hadn't done in years.

With the full investigation underway, Lee had been released and he rushed straight to the hospital to be with Eddie. With all authorities satisfied Lee and Eddie were the victims in all this, Lee had escaped any charges pressed on him for ramming the Jeep into the couple's car, smashing their window with a rock and slamming the driver's head onto the steering wheel to knock him out cold. Nor for shooting the woman square in the eyes. It was self-defence. Or, well, in Eddie's defence. Which was more important than his own.

He'd have taken the jail time to know Eddie was safe.

When Lee had arrived at the hospital, he'd been on the phone to an anxious and fretful Rupert desperate to board the next plane out to LA, but with his trial still ongoing he, as the senior prosecutor, making a leave of absence, no matter how severe, could allow for the defence to call a mistrial and have the man go free—something Lee suspected the defence might be counting on. Rupert had to make do with making demands to the LAPD from the UK instead, and they'd pacified him by honouring Eddie with not one but two police escorts for the rest of his visit to their city.

Both the phone call and the police made Lee's reunion with Eddie fraught. Fractured. Hesitant . Even when Eddie had been free to go and they arrived back at the Hollywood hotel, LAPD officers were there, outside their room, in cars in front of the hotel, in case anyone else was on their tail, making it difficult for he and Eddie to reconcile. Eddie had crawled into bed, and whilst Lee had shed his clothes and slipped under the sheets with him, clutching him to his chest as Eddie shook, sobbed, and fell into a fractious sleep, it wasn't how it had been before. How could it be? Lee had ruined it.

His gut wrenched.

He'd let everyone down. He hadn't kept Eddie safe like he'd promised, and his rejection of Eddie's feelings must have caused him to flee their room and put himself in danger. Lee had messed up big time and hated himself for it. All because he couldn't keep his hands off Eddie.

The following days, Eddie had visitors. Mitch. Tiffany. Priscilla . The lawyers for the production company. All with varying degrees of apologies and sympathy. They even confirmed that Hank had been in on the plot after all. He'd been approached by the couple on the ranch and offered an obscene amount of money to "accidentally" put a bullet in Eddie. Not to kill, but enough to put the fear of God into Rupert and have him stand down, causing a mistrial. That, at least, offered Lee some comfort that his instincts hadn't been completely compromised.

But the ulterior motive for the production was to encourage Eddie to continue with the film. There was one more week of shooting to complete it. If they didn't do it now, they lost the cost of the studio time. And if Eddie couldn't continue for the very valid reason of his kidnapping and potential murder plot, the production would go under as they wouldn't be able to replace him for the parts he'd already shot. They'd suggested using his kidnap as some PR spin for promotional purposes, further fuelling Lee's belief that nothing prevented Hollywood from making movies. Not even murder.

Even more unexpected was that Eddie caved.

A braver man than he, Eddie agreed to the filming before heading back to the UK.

And for that week, Lee felt ever more redundant .

He remained by Eddie's side. As did LAPD, the FBI popping in from time to time, as well as the added security the film production insisted he have. Relegated to nothing but a hindrance, Lee lost Eddie to his filming. Long days of it. When he returned to the hotel, he barely had the energy to shower, let alone anything else.

They still slept together, though, wrapped up in each other's arms. And they kissed. But while sometimes Lee thought it could go further, Lee didn't push. Eddie had been through so much and even if the idea of getting back what they'd had in Vegas gripped Lee like a vice, it would be for his own greed and selfishness and not what Eddie needed.

Eddie's zest soured. His spark dimmed. He only came alive when in front of the camera. Lee was losing him sooner than their looming end date. He was slipping through his fingers and Lee was clinging on until the bitter end, grappling for the grains of sand passing through their hourglass timer. There wasn't any happy ever after for him and Eddie, not like there was for Joel and Maya.

That pinched ever harder when filming wrapped and he and Eddie packed, then waited outside the hotel for a taxi to take them to LAX and off to their separate homes. Their separate lives. Although their lives would always intertwine, they were like one of those puzzles in children's activity books where the route Eddie followed would lead him somewhere else, over and above Lee and onto super stardom.

Lee's route led him to a dead end.

Priscilla waited on the sidewalk and ushered Eddie into a hug.

"You come back soon, you hear!" She tapped her slender hand on Eddie's cheek. "You'll be a star when this airs. People will beg you to be in this country. Including all the big studios! Eddie Hart will be the sought after name. I've already talked you up for the Next Big Thing over here, so you stay alive."

Eddie hugged her as the yellow cab pulled up by the sidewalk. "Thanks, Priscilla."

"See ya, kid."

Tiffany rushed out from the revolving doors too then. "Oh, thank God I didn't miss you." She launched into Eddie's arms.

"Thought you'd be long gone by now?"

"Me? No way. I'm staying here in LA. Starring in a music video next for a new up-and-coming R&B star. Says he'll be the next Usher."

"Nice."

Tiffany kissed his cheek and stepped back. "You've been a great co-star, Eddie. It's been a pleasure. The best."

"You, too. And thanks for… letting me co-star with you. For saying there was chemistry back at the screen test when we both knew there wasn't."

Tiffany bit her lip, then leaned into his ear, but Lee could hear every word. "I chose you because you were the only one who didn't try to feel me up. Felt safe with you. Because, well," she peeked over at Lee, "your attention was elsewhere."

Lee looked away, pretending he couldn't hear, and let them say more of their goodbyes in privacy. He dumped their luggage in the boot, then got into the passenger side. Eddie joined him and the cab drove off, Eddie nibbling his thumbnail as he stared out the passenger window, immersed in the sombreness he'd been in since the kidnapping.

"Hey," Lee whispered, tapping his fingers across the seats toward him in one last-ditch attempt to keep touching him until he wouldn't be allowed to anymore. "You okay?"

Eddie's inhalation was long and suffering. And when he turned to face him, the defeat in those brown eyes had Lee's overcrowded chest restricting his ability to breathe.

"Can you do me a favour?" Eddie said.

"Anything."

"When you remember all this." Eddie turned his palm up on the seat between them and Lee tucked his hand into it, lacing their fingers together. Eddie stared at their conjoined hands, and his smile filled with melancholy when he peered back up at Lee. "Remember the good times? Only the good times? Remember that it was pretty special for a while?"

"It was special." The lump in Lee's throat thickened, and he gripped Eddie's hand. " Is special." Because no matter how much he knew this was the end, he couldn't quite put it in the past yet.

Eddie glanced out of the window, and Lee lost him to his thoughts again. He wasn't sure if he should say anything else. Nothing he said could make any of this easier. It was the end of their American dream. When they got home to England, things had to go back to normal. Eddie's life would change. Swept up in all the promotional activities for the film's release, maybe even landing another coveted role somewhere, Eddie was in his prime. Young. Ambitious. Gorgeous . Had his whole life ahead of him.

Whereas he…He was a has-been. Old. Weary. Broken and damaged. He'd failed at his one and only job being here and had hurt his oldest friend's son. He was a wretch. And if Rupert found out the whole truth of everything, Lee would lose him as well as Eddie.

So he kept quiet .

Very, very quiet.

The plane journey wasn't any easier. Lee couldn't ask the person in the seat beside Eddie to move this time, as it was a mother and her young child. He slunk away to his seat at the other end of the cabin. Over the ten hours in the air, Lee glanced toward Eddie several times. As though his eyes wouldn't allow him to look away yet. Eddie had his AirPods in, or was sleeping, and Lee spent the entire time wishing he were braver.

But handing over his heart was so much harder than shooting a target.

They landed, collected their luggage, and jumped in a cab to take them back to Eddie's. The car journey, laden with words left unsaid and hovering between them, tacitly built a wall between them. Lee was hollow, yet heavy. As though his insides had been gutted and replaced with lead. The nearer they drove to Eddie's house, the fiercer the lump in his throat became. And when they arrived, the cab crunching up Rupert's driveway, Lee couldn't do a damn thing to claw Eddie back because Rupert flung open his front door, leaping onto the driveway in his pyjamas with all the haste and fret of a parent who feared they'd lost their child.

Lee hated it.

Hated this .

Hated himself.

Eddie glanced at him and his jaw set. Lee held his gaze. Then tilted his neck as his whole body sank into the car seat and wished Eddie could read his mind. If he could, he'd know that he didn't want Eddie to get out of the car. That he didn't want to get out. For as long as they sat here, in this taxi, they could pretend.

"You getting out?" the driver barked from the front seat, bursting their bubble .

Eddie dropped his gaze, then spoke in a hesitant whisper, "Thank you. For everything."

"Ed—"

"I'm gonna fucking miss you."

Lee's heart struck, and he opened his mouth to say something, anything , when Eddie's car door ripped open, Rupert bending down to accost him. " Eddie !"

Eddie clambered out and into Rupert's arms and he held onto him as if he was back from the dead. Lee could have cried. For both of them. But he made himself useful by getting out and opening the boot to retrieve Eddie's case, then suppressed his dread to make his way around the taxi to where Rupert hadn't let go of Eddie.

"Lee!" Rupert stepped away, wiping tears from his eyes, yet kept one arm secured around Eddie's shoulders as if Eddie would disappear if he let him go.

He wouldn't.

He was only disappearing from Lee's life.

"Ru." Lee couldn't rid the abnormality from his voice. He could blame it on the jetlag.

"Thank you." Rupert held out his hand. "For getting him home safe."

Lee didn't deserve the praise, but he shook Rupert's hand, anyway. Then tried to make eye contact with Eddie, but he had his gaze trained on the gravel. In the end, he held out his case to him and as Eddie took it, their fingers brushed. God , Lee wanted to use that case to haul him in and hold him. Not let him go.

Would that be so bad?

"Go on in, Ed," Rupert said. "I want a word with Lee."

Eddie looked up then, right at Lee, and Lee had the answer to his question. Yes, it would be that bad. It would be terrible. Destroying .

"S'okay," Lee said, the lingering dread that Rupert might have figured their awkwardness out clinging to his tepid voice.

Eddie turned, walking to the front door without the elegance and control he had when he'd been playing Joel, then his silhouette disappeared into the house, leaving Lee alone with Rupert, a knot of unease coiling in his gut.

"Wanna come in?" Rupert asked, breaking the silence. "Have a beer? I can order you another cab later."

Lee would normally jump on that. The yearning to talk everything through with Rupert like old times wrenched hard. But how could he? How could he go in that house knowing Eddie was upstairs and he wouldn't be able to crawl into bed with him anymore?

He shook his head. "I'm beat, Ru. Another time."

"Of course. Sure." Rupert tucked his hands into his pyjama pants pockets. "I owe you more than one beer."

"I'm not sure about that."

"You saved him, Lee. You got to him in time. For that, I owe you my life." Rupert glanced back to the house, gazing up at the top window, looking in on Eddie's bedroom. The blinds snapped closed and Rupert sighed, lowering his voice as he turned back to Lee. "I know he resents me."

"He doesn't…" Lee let the lie die on his tongue. It wasn't worth bringing all that up now. What would it achieve? "He's been through a lot."

"As have we all." Rupert dumped a hand on Lee's shoulder and squeezed. "I'm doing my best to make it up to him. And I can only do that when he's here. It was hard when he was living up north filming that soap. Now he's back under my roof for however long he sticks around. I have my chance. I'm so damn grateful to you for bringing him back where he belongs. I don't know what I'd do if he…" Rupert choked, hand to his mouth.

Lee gripped Rupert's arm with desperate fingers. He hated seeing his best friend like this. Rupert had been his pillar when he'd crumbled after the bridge, and Rupert had been through enough himself. And whilst he might not have always made the right choices, his heart had been in the right place.

Unlike Lee's.

"He's okay. A tough ki— man ."

Rupert straightening himself out. "He is, isn't he?" He smiled, pride oozing out of him. "Lori would be proud of who he's become."

"She would."

"Need to get him a boyfriend now. Get him out of those clubs I know he goes in. Stop him from responding to those sleazy catcalls he gets on his phone. Most of them from men double his age, would you believe?" Rupert scoffed. "Desperate dirty old men. Thinks I don't know, but I do."

So did Lee, and he dropped his grip on Rupert's arm, icy cold realisation freezing his veins. He didn't want Eddie in those clubs, either. Nor responding to dick pics. Not anymore. Not now. Not ever .

But nor did he want Rupert to ever think of him as one of those desperate, dirty old men chasing Eddie as if he were the fountain of youth.

"Listen, I wanted to let you know the latest," Rupert severed his thoughts. "Defendant found guilty on all charges. Sex trafficking. Drugs. The lot. Bringing poor girls over from the trailer parks to here for…well, we know what for. Judge'll be sentencing in a couple of weeks. We're asking for the maximum. And this prosecution will mean his link to the wider network will be revealed. Especially considering they came out of the woodwork to attack Eddie. Could lead to one of the greatest international busts of all time. The Met are working with the FBI to link those here in London to those across the pond. That's down to you." He pointed at Lee.

"All I did was chase the bastards." He tensed. "And shot one."

"But kept one alive enough for him to talk and avoid a very hefty sentence himself."

"I didn't want him alive. Hit him hard enough not to be."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Rupert tapped his arm. "Go on. Go home. Have a beer. Sleep." He cocked his head. "Unless you're still battling that damn insomnia?"

"On and off." Off when he slept cuddled with Eddie.

"Let's hope this is an off night."

Lee nodded, then went to get back in the cab.

"Oh, Lee!"

"Yeah?" He peered over the door.

"Lori's remembrance. You'll be there, won't you? You know I can't get through that without you there, holding me up."

Lee gave a curt nod, gut wrenching at the thought of having to do that.

That's what he got for falling for someone he couldn't have and had to watch from afar as he continued his life—his best mate's son .

He clambered into the back of the taxi and it reversed off the driveway as Rupert held up a hand in a wave. Lee peeked at the top bedroom, blinds ruffling, then sank into his seat as the cab took him away from the Brownlees.

* * * *

Eddie stepped away from his window.

Heart sinking, he blinked back the tears he'd been holding in for weeks. It was over. All of it. His first Hollywood experience wrecked by heartache and peril. He didn't know how to feel. Because all he felt was loss. Heart wrenching loss. For Lee.

"Knock, knock." His dad approached his open bedroom door, and Eddie had to snap out of his wallowing by pretending to rummage through his case for his wash bag. "If you're hungry, there's some Chinese left. Ordered way too much earlier."

"No, thanks. I'm good. Ate on the plane." He sat on his bed and removed his socks, hoping the act would prove he wanted to sleep despite knowing he wouldn't be able to. Not without Lee. It was as though he'd taken Lee's insomnia for himself. "I'll try to get my head down."

Rupert nodded, then edged inside his room. "How are you?"

"Tired."

"Understandable." Rupert stood in front of him, leaning back on the fallboard of his digital piano. "I'm sorry, Eddie."

"For what?"

"For everything." Rupert inhaled a weary breath. "I know I haven't been there for you much. Since Mum…I know you took a lot on and it was my fault. You grew up fast and haven't needed me for a long time. For that, I'm very, deeply sorry."

Eddie didn't know where all this was coming from. It sounded like from a place of guilt. But one that had been festering. Why was he pouring his heart out now, when all Eddie wanted to do was curl up in bed and weep.

"Are you okay?" Rupert dipped to get into his line of sight. "What you've been through…I can't imagine, and I'm sorry. That was my fault, too."

"It's not your fault some whackos kidnapped me."

"It sort of is. But thank you for the acknowledgement." Rupert scrubbed a hand down his face. "When I heard…when I thought I could have lost you too…" He choked, hands trembling.

"It's okay, Dad. I'm okay."

"It's perfectly fine not to be. I want you to know that. We're used to trauma in this house. No need to hide it. I'm here for you. To listen. Cry with you. Do whatever you need. I know I wasn't very good at it when your mum passed, but I'm making it up to you now. I'm taking some time off work. It's been full on. Thought maybe we could do something together. Take you climbing again?"

"You know I hate climbing."

"I know. Something else then. Camping?"

"Maybe." Eddie smiled at the gesture.

"Or anything you want to do. Catch a movie with your old man?"

Eddie stood. "Sure." He stepped forward and hugged him. "But can I get some sleep first?"

Rupert stepped back. "Of course. Sorry, I've been teetering on the edge since I heard what happened and needed to say all that before I lost my nerve."

"You said it. I appreciate it."

Rupert playfully ruffled Eddie's hair. "You really grew up way too fast and into a mature young man I'm very proud of. You've not needed me for a while. I sort of wish you still did. "

"I do, Dad. I do." And for the first time in a long time, Eddie believed that. He did still need his dad. Always would. And right then, the need to tell him he'd fallen in love only to get his heart broken wrenched fiercely. He wanted to be a little boy again. Wanted to be wrapped in his father's embrace, sheltered from the cruel world and told everything would be all right.

But they both knew it wasn't.

Rupert smiled, then meandered to the door. He turned back in afterthought. "How were things with Lee?"

Eddie's heart jolted. "Sorry?"

"Lee? How were things with him?"

"Fine. Why?"

"You got on?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Rupert clutched the door frame. "He's quite a special bean. I'm glad you got on. I know it might have cramped your style to have your dad's old mate hanging around, but I guess he proved his worth in the end."

"Yeah." Eddie hung his head. "He did."

"Did you talk at all?"

"We didn't stay silent for months together, no."

"I sort of mean about him. What he's going through. Been worrying about him, too. We've not really talked since the divorce. And I know he's not…over what happened. No…reactions to anything?"

What was Eddie meant to say to that? Was he to admit to his dad that, yes, Lee had been triggered. But Eddie had been there to hold him. To kiss him. To swipe away the torment with his tongue. And how when he slept with Eddie, he'd been free of the haunting images and been able to sleep? That Eddie had helped Lee discover a side to himself he'd been unsure of until now? All that invaded Lee's privacy. And telling his dad the sacred details of their time together would water it down.

So he said what he guessed he might say if Lee and he hadn't fallen into bed together, "He was fine. A few wobbles. Nothing he couldn't handle."

"Good." Rupert tapped the doorframe. "Lee is exceptionally important to me, too."

Eddie cocked his head, contemplating asking what burned on his tongue. Jetlag had him blurting it out, "Is there anything Lee could do that would make you think otherwise?"

"Not a thing." Rupert winked, then went to nip out to the landing, but twisted back. "Well, I mean, of course there are some things that would turn me off. If he turned out to be a child murderer, or something equally horrific." He scoffed. "Neither of which I believe he is capable of."

"No. I don't believe he is either." Hope bubbled in Eddie's chest.

"And of course if he knocked up Olivia." Rupert laughed at the absurdity. "Still not something I'd expect. He's far too loyal."

Eddie nodded through his sinking gut. Would the same be true if he found out he'd fucked Eddie? He'd never know. Because he'd never tell him. And it didn't look like Lee was going to either.

Rupert closed his bedroom door, and Eddie sank down on the bed. He fished out his phone from his pocket, then collapsed onto his back and scrolled through. He opened his messages. What harm could it do? One last text?

Fuck it. He was still on LA time.

He typed out Good night, Lee then hovered his thumb over the heart emoji. Fuck's sake. He'd been saying goodnight to Lee with a kiss for the past few weeks. Why was this any different? He added the heart, closed his eyes and pressed send. Then he clutched his phone to his chest and hated himself for setting up another unnecessary rejection. Whether it came in text, emojis, or ghostly silence.

A few moments later, his chest vibrated with the incoming…

Sweet dreams, baby x

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