4. Bryce

4

Bryce

“ C an you really deny Fate, Connor?” I leaned against one of the white pillars of Connor’s porch, ankles and arms crossed. “Because I don’t think I can.”

“Bryce, what are you doing here?” Connor turned from the front door he had been unlocking a minute before. I made a mental note to remind him to be more conscious of his surroundings, since he was unaware of having an audience until I announced my presence. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. Please go away.”

“You told me you were done talking about it, but I’m not. I’m not done trying to understand how you can scent that I’m the one person out in the world made for you yet walk away so easily—”

“Nothing about this is easy, Bryce.” Connor plopped down on the porch swing and sighed. “Nothing was that simple ten years ago when I had to watch my best friend and first love leave for his dreams of hockey stardom, and it’s definitely not now when that same person comes back into my life. Or for Fate to show us ten years too late that we were meant to be.”

“But it isn’t ten years too late.” I sat next to him, allowing a bit of space between our bodies. I needed to convince him to trust this. “I’m back in Valleywood. I can stay with you this time, and we can build a life together.”

“I don’t know if that is what I want anymore. Or if it’s what’s best for me, in any case. Can I trust you?”

“You can trust this.” I gestured between the two of us. “Even if Fate hadn’t shown us that we were perfect for one another, I planned on trying to win you back. I never forgot you or what we had together. Whenever I won a championship, I wished you were there with me. Whenever I asked my parents how things were going back here in Valleywood, I feared I’d hear you found someone new.”

“Yet, you never came back to get me.” Connor lowered his head, trying to hide. But a tear rolled down his cheek. “You could have come back and asked me to travel with you. We could have done a long-distance thing. But you didn’t call.”

“You told me not to.” I laid my head back. “I picked up the phone so many times, but I kept hearing you telling me not to call you or it would be too painful. And I guess I didn’t know better than to listen to that.”

“I’m aware I did something wrong, too. I shouldn’t have told you not to call. I could have found you after my parents died and asked you if you still wanted me. But I feared you would reject me, and I had already lost so much.”

“So, we both made mistakes. Let’s put those to rest and see what the future can bring.”

“What can I say, Bryce? When you went away, it broke me in a way I never thought I’d heal from. I have built a life here in Valleywood without you. Maybe it isn’t the one I always dreamed of, but it is one I’ve been happy with for the last few years. Now, you come back, and my mind and heart are torn on what to do.”

“Give us a chance, Connor. That’s all that I’m asking for. Give me a few dates to show you how great it could be between us as adults. Let me prove to you I’m here to stay this time.”

“One date.”

“Five.” I had to aim high.

“Two.”

“Three.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Fine, three dates, and then you’ll have to leave me alone forever.”

“No promises. I’ll leave you alone, but I will give you more space while I try to convince you again.”

“You’re too frustrating.” The uptilt of his lips belied his true feelings. He always loved our banter. So did I, especially when it led to us making out afterward.

“I’ve been told that. But I also have been told I can be charming.”

“Whoever told you that was a liar.”

“It was you.”

Connor shrugged. “Well, I must have been drunk.”

I scoffed. “You were seventeen and too much of a good boy to break the law and drink.”

“Drunk on love.”

“If that’s the case, then I’ll just have to get you drunk on my love again.”

“Augh. Shut up.” Connor got up from the wooden swing and walked to his unlocked door. “Pick me up tomorrow night at six. You can plan everything else about the date.”

“Deal.” I stood and followed him to the door. “Can I at least have a good-night kiss to seal the deal?”

“Nope. Not tonight.” Connor opened his door and slipped inside. “But if you play your cards right, we’ll see about tomorrow night.”

Connor

Lying in bed, trying to sleep, my memories of high school and being with Bryce bombarded me. I imagined us in our matching tuxes for prom and the morning after when he was sneaking out of my bedroom window before my parents woke up. I could still taste the cherry lip balm he used to get every year on St. Nicholas Day and the white-chocolate imports he would share with me. I yearned for the heat of his body lying next to mine while we stared up at the starry night sky out at our spot. But then came the sadder moments. The day we said goodbye, the months that followed when I was so alone, I’d call him from other people’s phones just to hear his voice. I’d never say it was me; instead, I’d hang up once I heard his ‘hello.’ I stopped after Evelyn threatened to tell him it was me if I took her phone again. I closed my eyes and got lost in a memory.

The touch of Bryce’s hand on the small of my back was enough to make me calm. The whole day, I had been anxious, like something huge was coming, but I had no idea what it was. I was powerless to the feeling. Luckily, my best friend was there to make me grounded. I could always count on Bryce to bring me back to reality.

“Have you made up your mind about the NHL Entry Draft? I know your dad was trying to get you to go to college first and try again in a few years after you got your degree.” Bryce had been weighing his options for a few weeks. I’d felt his tension lately and wished I could ease it. But I wasn’t sure how I could.

“My chances are high at being drafted, and I think I need to go for my dreams. After discussing it with the coaches, even if I am drafted, I’ll most likely be sent to play either college hockey in the NCAA or I can go into the USHL. Like the college level, the junior leagues would allow me more time to develop my skills and gain experience. After that, I can make my debut in the NHL.” Bryce rubbed my back, but his eyes looked off into the distance as if he envisioned this future. “How I am going to balance everything. I promised you we would go to college together but didn’t get into the same one. I don’t know what to do, Connor.”

“Follow your dreams, Bryce.” My voice was low, but I knew he could hear me because his arms tightened around me at my words. “I can’t be the reason you don’t achieve them. I am staying in Valleywood, but you were meant for the bigger world. It’s okay, Bryce. I will be okay. Be the hockey star you were born to be.”

A few months later, Bryce was gone, and I was broken. I had to let him go, but part of me always wished he had told me I was his dream. Not hockey. That was unfair of me, and he did what he should have by going for the draft. Every championship he won proved he made the right choice. I would never regret my decision to stay home with my parents and get to spend every last minute with them. I just wished I could get over myself and believe him when he said he was back for good this time. Why is it so much easier to know what I need to do than to actually do it?

Meow.

Ren pounced on my hand and demanded some ear scratches. I obliged, partly for my own benefit since petting him could double as a sleep aid on restless nights.

“Thanks, Ren.” I turned to cuddle his tiny body in my arms, and he snuggled right in. “I’ll give you extra tuna tomorrow.”

Meow.