Chapter 30

30

18 years old - Nick

Lily, please. Why are you doing this?

After a month of radio silence, it's not like I expect an answer from her now, but I know she reads them.

I hear a soft knock on the door, followed by my mom's voice calling out my name. "Come in, Mom!" She opens the door with a laundry basket filled with my clean clothes at her hip.

I open my closet and take the basket from her, letting it rest on top of my bed. I yank the hangers off the rod and start putting the clothes away in the closet, working silently in tandem with my mom, who is handing me out the different items.

"Have you heard anything from her?"

"Nope."

"Did you try talking to Astrid again?"

"I did," I say through gritted teeth. The mention of Lily's mom makes me want to punch a wall. It seems that the woman is the only person who knows why Lily suddenly disappeared. I have a feeling she played a huge part in that. "She said the same thing the last time I went to her house. That Lily doesn't live there anymore, and I should get off her property."

My mom gives me a weak smile before squeezing my shoulder and leaving my room. I grab my phone and open my chat history with Lily again. I shake my head in confusion as I scroll through the messages. What happened to her during my flight back home from New York? The last text she sent me was after I called her multiple times when I drove to her place after she was a no show. That night we landed back in Radinger.

My phone rings in my hand. Taylor's name flashes on the screen. "I'll be ready in ten," I tell him. I keep it short, already knowing why he's calling me.

Tonight is the night of the farewell bonfire. It's a tradition here at Elsham Cove. Every July, Elsham Cove High School's graduating class has a bonfire party at the secluded beach near the school. The beach that can only be reached by foot. The police and our parents let this one slide because, well, they probably did it themselves when they were our age, and so did the year before them.

I take a brown shirt out of the laundry basket and pull it on. Tabitha's car is already waiting for me on the street when I walk out my front door. "Hey," I greet them before closing the door and buckling myself in. Awkward silence fills the air as Tabitha puts the gear in drive and the car starts moving, her eyes observing me from the rearview mirror.

"Any luck?" Tabitha asks when we reach a red light.

"No. You?"

Both of them shake their heads.

"My mom told me she went to rehab," Taylor says, twisting his body so that he's facing me.

"I already called the ones in the area. No patient under her name," I answer.

Of course, there was a possibility that her mother really sent her to rehab. That she's checked in under a different name or she told the staff that she doesn't want visitors. But at some point two weeks ago, I learned not to let these things that someone's mother told them or someone's sister's boyfriend's uncle overheard send me on a wild goose chase anymore. Small-town gossip can be especially nasty.

The only logical reason would be that she really did leave me here, but I refuse to believe that she would be so cruel to fucking break up with me with a three-sentence text. Nick, I'm leaving. I'm sorry. You deserve better . That's it. She actually did it. She found a way to dump me that is fucking worse than the last one. She deserves a motherfucking award.

A lot of cars were already parked in front of the school when we arrived. The three of us close the doors almost simultaneously and join the crowd of people making a beeline towards the path leading to the beach to begin our thirty-minute walk.

Isaac, a football player, comes our way to give me and Taylor a slap on the back, and Tabitha a hug. He walks with us, drinking a bit of his dad's red wine that he stole straight from the bottle, before offering it to Tabitha, who does the same and passes it along to me. This goes on until the four of us drink the green bottle empty, giving us a nice buzz once we arrive at our destination.

The beach is already packed with people I know from school, most of whom I saw during graduation. The fire that's at the center of the beach lights up the area, helping the sun that's almost setting illuminate the sky. Taylor and Tabitha disappear directly into the crowd dancing to loud EDM music and Isaac walks toward his teammates. Some people, not many, are staring at me. Although I can't make out what people are saying, I already have a rough idea. They're talking about the guy whose girlfriend skipped town mysteriously. About the girl whose stepbrother has also disappeared from the face of the Earth. I didn't want to come here tonight exactly for this reason.

A few red and blue coolers are lined up on the sand on the beach's left side, all filled with ice cubes and different drinks that we brought with us. I fill up a red cup with rum and Coke. As I am screwing the cap bottle back on, a hand touches my wrist. Sienna hands me a shot glass with light brown liquid inside, a big flirty grin plastered on her face.

"Come, do shots with us!" she says. Behind her are four other people waiting for me eagerly to take the shot from her hand. We all lift the small plastic shot glass into the air and chug it down together. Lily would fucking hate me for this.

The group disperses, but Sienna lingers, twirling her locks around with her finger. "So, how are you doing?" she asks me, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Good," I answer her, taking a sip from my red cup.

"I'm sorry about you and Lily." Her bullshit is as transparent as it can be.

"It's none of your concern, Sienna."

"You know, if someone I was with decided to run off with his stepsister, I would be so pissed off, too."

"What did you just say?" With each word that comes out of my mouth, I feel the burn of the shot that I just took.

She gives me one of her smirks, her face gleaming with victory to have gotten a reaction from me. "My brother told me last week. He told me that all of his friends already know. Lily and Bryce ran off together."

My jaw tightens at the thought, but I choose not to entertain her anymore. In the back of my head, though, her words fester. Bryce has been ignoring my texts as well, which is strange. Usually, he is the one who is panicking every time something happens to Lily, sometimes even more than me .

I stare at the crowd of people in front of us, trying to let the thoughts disappear. Not wanting to give Sienna another second of my attention. Trying to convince myself that it's just gossip, and she's being nasty. When I take my phone out and completely ignore her, scrolling through pictures on social media, she lets out a huff and finally gets the fucking hint, leaving me alone. Her friends all wait for her near the bonfire, wanting updates on the newest gossip, I bet.

I find myself looking through my message history with Lily again and spot the gray bubble at the bottom of the screen, telling me she's typing something. This has happened a lot lately. The bubble would pop up, only to disappear again a few minutes later. I usually call her the moment I see the bubble disappear, but it always goes straight to voicemail.

Maybe it's Sienna's words, maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's me having enough of this shit, or maybe I just feel embarrassed that this is happening to me and need some form of control back in my life, but I start typing a message that I'm sure I am going to regret in the morning.

You need to make a decision. Either you send that text that you've been drafting right now, or I fuck Sienna here at the bonfire and we're done. It's really over this time.

The gray bubble appears, disappears and appears again.

Answer me.

The gray bubble appears, disappears, and appears again.

Can you please just fucking answer me.

The gray bubble appears, disappears, and appears again.

Just hit send, Lily.

Thumbelili

Go fuck Sienna at the bonfire.

Is there somebody else?

Why are you saying that?

You're fucking somebody else, aren't you? Is that why?

I fucking loved you.

The gray bubble appears, disappears, and appears again.

That's it. She's blocked. Blocked everywhere.

When Sienna approaches me the second time around, I don't turn down her advances. We ply ourselves with more alcohol and snort a few lines of coke as we dance with the crowd and she laughs at my jokes. Sienna, seemingly surprised that I'm having a sudden change of heart, doesn't push much to find out the reason behind it. It feels wrong to have her next to me, but Lily's message keeps appearing in my head.

Go fuck Sienna at the bonfire .

She doesn't want me anymore.

Taylor and Tabitha approach me when they see me making myself another drink. "Tabitha ended up drunk as well, so we're going to walk to the Magnolia Inn and get a room there. She needs to sleep it off and I also can't drive like this," Taylor tells me. Tabitha is barely conscious, propped next to Taylor's body, her legs wobbling around.

"Sienna and I are coming with you," I say casually. He raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. Lily has been gone long enough that people have assumed by now she has left me here to rot, I'm guessing Taylor and Tabitha included. I whisper the plan to Sienna, and like I had guessed, she agrees.

Go fuck Sienna at the bonfire .

Our clothes start coming off the moment we enter the room. We kiss each other sloppily as I unclasp her bra. My hands grab her ass while hers go down to push my boxers down. I feel my erection getting harder at the sensation of Sienna stroking my dick. This feels wrong. It doesn't feel right that my cock is getting hard for somebody else, but the text message from Lily keeps on appearing in my head.

Go fuck Sienna at the bonfire .

She doesn't want me anymore. I love her with all my heart and she doesn't want me anymore.

Sienna breaks our kiss and gets on her tiptoes to whisper something to me. "Forget about her, Nick," she murmurs. "You can mope around, or you can fuck me."

I search for my jeans to grab the condom from my wallet. A folded black-and-white photo strip of Lily and me is tucked in the card window. We took it at the mall in Radinger shortly after Tabitha's party back in October. I told her I loved her again that day, and she told me she loved me back without hesitation. I close my wallet and throw it on the floor, ignoring the voice in my head that tells me to get the hell out of this hotel room. She doesn't fucking want you anymore, Nick. So I go to the one that does and thrust myself deep into her, imagining a faceless guy doing the same to Lily right now and her enjoying every minute of it. She doesn't want you anymore, Nick.