Chapter 25

25

28 years old - Lily

I have been texting Bryce, but he hasn't replied to any of them. I know he took the morning off to talk to Nick. The thought of them meeting has me constantly picking at the skin around my thumbs. Focusing on work today has been a challenge. Deep breaths, Lily. Deep breaths.

My coworker, Paul, turns off his MacBook and puts it in his messenger bag. He waves his goodbye to me and I give him a smile in return. I check the time on my watch and shut down my laptop. As much as I would love to sit here and daydream all day, Birdie still needs to be picked up. After putting my coffee cup in the communal dishwasher, I say my goodbyes to a few people from the design team, the only other people in the open workspace aside from me and Paul, and make my way out the door.

The tram ride to the apartment building where the Ferreiras live is short. After ten minutes, I am already back out in the rainy weather, gripping my umbrella tightly so it doesn't fly away. I click on the button with their name on it and wait for someone to buzz me in.

The moment the door swings open, I immediately hear her voice and the sounds of feet stomping on the floor. "Mom, you're here!" Birdie yells at me with a big grin on her face.

"Do you want to come in first?" Mariana asks, a slight Portuguese accent present. I look up to see her walking toward me.

Like most mothers with a child Birdie's age, Mariana is older than me. This is one of the main reasons I found it so hard to make friends, but that all changed when the Ferreiras moved from Portugal to Germany around two years ago. Jacinta Ferreira became fast friends with Birdie and so did Mariana and me.

"No, I have to get going," I tell her. "My brother is coming over later and I have to start dinner."

While Birdie puts on her boots and jacket, I take two vitamin bottles from my bag and hand them over to Mariana, who is now standing in front of me. "Here, these are the ones you want, right?"

She nods. "How much should I pay you for this, Lily?"

I shake my head. "All good."

"Thank you so much," she says, her cheeks slightly flushed. "One of these days, you are going to let me pay."

"One of these days," I parrot her words back to her. My eyes shift their focus to Jacinta, who is walking in our direction. She seems sad to see me because this means it's time for Birdie to go home. I remember this look. I used to have it on my face all the time when I was small. It always felt like the end of the world the moment my parents or Nick's parents would tell us it was time to go home.

Nick . Despite my best efforts to forget him, I still find myself reminiscing about him, especially after Birdie got out of the baby stage and started playing with other kids. And now he's here. In the flesh. In the same city. Possibly moving to Berlin.

Jacinta and Birdie promise each other that whoever comes to ballet class tomorrow will wait for the other one in front of the gate and say their goodbyes. After Mariana and I give each other a hug as our own goodbye, Birdie and I start making our way back home.

To my relief, the rain has stopped. Birdie skips next to me and I walk beside her as we discuss our day. A few turns and zebra crosses later, we finally make it to our neighborhood. I got lucky. Rent was dirt cheap when I moved here around seven years ago. Now that the area has slowly been gentrified over the years, you can't really find a decent place to live here anymore. I kid you not, when the apartment next to us became empty, there was a waiting line of at least seventy people. I'm pretty sure being a realtor in Berlin in today's market is one of the most lucrative jobs out there. And lucky for the old grandpa who owns the apartment, Bryce was willing to pay any price to live one door down from our place.

A tall figure approaches us. "How are you doing today, little princess?" Bryce asks Birdie.

"I baked cookies with Jacinta and her mom today!" she answers, happiness beaming out of her.

"Did you bring me some?" He playfully rubs his belly, making Birdie giggle. She shakes her head and he pretends to look sad before breaking out a smile and opening the door.

Time goes by fast the moment we are in the comfort of our own home. Birdie is tired from her full day at school and then hanging out at Jacinta's house. Jacinta has an older brother, and when he's not out with his friends, the three of them would sometimes play together or go to the park near their apartment. A few hours with them is enough to make Birdie only want to have dinner and then go straight to sleep.

I open the door to Birdie's bedroom to see if she is really passed out. She lays there motionless like a starfish with arms and legs spread wide; her blanket covering only a quarter of her body. I tiptoe my way in and cover her up before leaving the room. I silently close the door and leave the Hello Kitty night lamp on. It's a waste of electricity, but she always gets mad when I turn it off without her permission and I hate the thought of her waking up scared in the middle of the night.

I reply to Bryce's text that he sent out directly after we went into our own living spaces, telling me to text him once she's sleeping.

she's asleep.

Not even five minutes go by before I hear the sound of my apartment door opening and I see Bryce appearing.

I open the conversation directly after he comes to the living room and stands in front of me. "How was it?"

"Good," he answers casually, nodding his head. "We did a bit of catching up." What does that even mean? "He asked about you." His last sentence comes out in a different tone than the one he used in the beginning.

"What did you say?"

"I told him he can ask you yourself tomorrow," he says. "I told him I would pick him up for lunch. I thought maybe I can pick Birdie up from ballet and spend the day with her so you both can catch up. It's Saturday. We can go to that food truck festival and then to the zoo."

I sigh and look away from him. This is typical Bryce. As much as I love him, he really has always been the one to stick his nose right in my business. After living as the only child in the household for almost fifteen years, I was used to nobody truly knowing the inner workings of my daily life, aside from Nick, until he moved. When Bryce came along, it was like I had a friend and a big brother all in one package. But like any overprotective sibling, Bryce can be annoying as hell. Like when he doesn't know where his boundaries lie.

"You can't do things like this without talking to me first, Bryce."

"Lil," Bryce says as he walks toward the couch and sits. He puts his elbows on his knees and looks up at me. "You should have seen the state he was in. You owe it to him."

Bryce continues, "When we left, I was still in touch with Cameron, Sienna's brother. Do you remember him?" I nod. It surprises me that the mention of Sienna's name in a conversation about Nick still makes my stomach clench. "You know Nick used to buy weed from him, right?" I nod again. "Well, Cameron told me a story once about Nick a few years back, and it wasn't a good one. I know you're pissed off at me and you feel blindsided, but you have to stop him from torturing himself. He deserves the truth, don't you think? And you deserve closure." I hate it when he's right.

"What did Cameron say about Nick?"

"Well, you can ask him yourself tomorrow." Bryce grins. A grin he used to have when he knew I was sneaking out to go to a house party or getting drunk with my friends in the pool house. A grin that rarely comes out anymore after Logan took our youth away from us.

"Bryce," I say to him. I sit next to him and put a cushion on my lap to rest my hands. "I don't deserve you, do you know that? Thank you for this. For everything."

His baby blue eyes look at me lovingly, as if I was his own flesh and blood. "That's what families are for."