Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

THERON

“ I t is in the pack’s best interest, Alpha Theron. We understand your loss, but taking on another luna right now would restore stability.”

Sometimes, I feel like I’m trapped in an alternate reality. Everything comes at me at the speed of light, inanimate objects attacking me from different directions. I’m constantly ducking and dodging, like a puppet controlled by unseen hands. The crown on my head feels heavy and suffocating.

And now, I don’t even want it. Instead, I want to disappear. I close my eyes and slump back into the chair, taking a deep breath as they start lining up pictures of potential candidates on the table, offering advice that I don’t want to hear.

Two words continue running through my head.

“Another luna?” I repeat. My voice is barely a whisper. Seren’s red-rimmed eyes flash through my head. The memory of Vanessa taking her last breath because of me is still fresh .

I slowly push my chair back and stand.

“I can’t.” Despite lacking the energy for this, I keep my voice firm. “It’s impossible for me to take on another luna.”

I finally understand what that position means for the pack and, more importantly, for me. I know I don’t deserve one.

Elder Marek purses his lips, disappointment clear on his face.

Another elder sneers. “You can’t just say that and get out of the conversation. We’re trying to help you rule better.”

“Look, if you’re still mourning Vanessa…”

I shake my head. “Can we please drop this?”

I feel exposed, as if only the last layer of clothing remains, protecting the last of my dignity. If this goes on, that last layer might also drop. At this point, I don’t know if keeping that secret even matters to me.

I start walking to the door, but an angry voice stops me. “At least offer some courtesy to your elders by giving them a reason for your refusal. This blatant disrespect is appalling.”

Without turning to them, I let that last layer drop. “I lost my wolf six months ago. I can’t sire an heir.”

As their gasps ring out, I don’t wait for their response.

For the drive back home, I take the top of my car down and stretch my arms wide, as if shedding an invisible burden.

Since Vanessa’s cremation, her mark has slowly been fading away. With each passing day, I feel a little lighter, like a brick is taken off my back each day. But my overall strength is still dwindling .

The wind whips through my hair along the winding roads of the mountain, a cold sting against my skin. It’s a welcome distraction.

The sight of the iron gates of the estate, and Seren’s empty window, almost makes me hit reverse, but I just want to crash.

“Can I send some soup and bread over?” the housekeeper asks as I’m heading up the stairs.

I frown. Even the thought of food makes my stomach churn. I shake my head and am about to leave when she persists. “Just broth?”

“Sure. Thank you, Lana.”

Stepping inside my room, I toss aside my clothes and pull on old sweatpants before flopping onto the mattress by the window. Curling into a ball, I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

Tomorrow marks a year since Seren left. I stopped looking for her six months back when Vanessa died. My mother passed away in the same attack. My father is alive, but his health is now fragile.

My own strength has faded, and it continues to with every passing day. I’ve lost my appetite. I would’ve left long ago, but I’m staying because of my father, a man I’ve disliked for twenty-three years of my life.

“How could you let this happen?” My father seems ready to shift into his wolf form and rip me to shreds. His eyes are red-rimmed as he glances back at my mother on the hospital bed, her heartbeat a faint tick on the monitor beside her .

I stand frozen by the door, unable to tear my eyes away from her bloodied body. “I—I was at the airport. I found out Seren’s location and…”

“Why?” My father’s deep frown etches lines into his face as he tilts his head back, eyes narrowed in disbelief.

I feel like the little boy of nine who used to wet his bed whenever he failed at something.

“Your luna is dead and your mother lies here fighting for her life, all because the pack alpha wanted to chase after a girl?”

“Seren is my fated mate,” I confess, my voice hoarse.

For a moment, I think he hasn’t heard me. Then, with a speed that belies his age, he delivers a swift punch to my face. The impact sends me reeling to the floor, the coppery taste of blood filling my mouth.

As I struggle to rise, he kicks me in the ribs. On reflex, I curl up, trying to lessen the impact. My injuries from the battle flare with pain—my arm is already broken, and two of my ribs are likely cracked.

“You were born with everything,” he says coldly, his words as cutting as his blows. “And you squandered it. You’re not worthy of the Blackwood name.”

“I never asked for any of this,” I hiss back angrily.

His scowl deepens. “Now I know why that girl was always roaming around looking sad and lost. It was because her mate devalued her. And it’s also why a girl like Vanessa lost her spark. And now your mother is here.” He leans in, eyes burning with disdain. “You shouldn’t have been born.”

My vision blurs and shame burns through me, but I know he’s right .

“Since you understand the pain of losing your mate, you will now make up for what the members of this pack have lost because of you. Fix things. Secure the lives of those who’ve survived, and if you truly want to atone, you’ll let Seren go. Let her live her life in peace.”

The bright rays of sunlight streaming in through the window wake me up. The warmth feels brilliant against my skin. I smile as my eyes fall on the calendar. April eighth.

Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I exhale a long breath and type out a text.

I’ve completed what I committed to do. I’m confident they can survive without me.

The three dots appear beneath my message almost immediately. The old man clearly wakes up early.

So go ahead. Come clean and then come over. The weather here has gotten better these last couple of weeks. :-)

My father has never used emojis in his life. I smile and send a response to my beta.

Hi Luke, it’s time. I’ll be addressing the pack after training today. See you then. Thank you for everything.

Once again, the three dots appear immediately, but the response never arrives.

I take my time getting ready. By the time I reach the pack grounds, the day’s training is on its last leg. The grounds are wet and things are messy as wolves train for hand-to-hand combat in pairs. The turf makes everything slippery.

We should’ve planted proper grass here .

The tarp on top seems to be leaking in several places. I should’ve also gotten a cement roof installed.

The sight of snack boxes lined up for everyone after their showers makes me smile.

The joy of small routines.

I notice Luke approaching me from the corner. He looks like death as he shakes his head. We exchange a brief hug before he whistles. Slowly the pairs disengage.

“I’ve called the elders. They should be here any second now.”

I offer him a smile. “Thanks, man.”

I remind myself that I’m still the alpha. I straighten my posture, tighten my muscles, and keep my expression neutral.

There have never been any speaker systems or microphones used in this area. I feel I might need them today. I clear my throat and wait for everyone to settle down.

“Pack, your alpha wants to address everyone. Hear him out first, and then if anyone has any questions, those will be addressed,” Luke announces.

There are soft murmurs on the grounds, but soon it goes quiet.

“This pack was formed over four hundred years ago by the legendary Hagen Blackwood. Growing up, I heard stories about him. I guess we all did. He was courageous, he took risks, and he protected his people, but most of all, he made the pack prosper. I tried to do all of that as best I could, but one thing I did not do as a leader was be honest.”

While everyone looks at me expectantly, I notice Elder Marek is absent from the gathering .

“For months, I’ve led you under a veil of pretense while carrying the title of alpha. The fact is, I’m not the leader you deserve. I did not value the blessing of the Moon Goddess when I recognized my fated mate. I disrespected her in every way until she rejected me and left.”

The words taste rancid on my tongue. A collective gasp ripples through the crowd. The realization hits like a wave, and the murmur grows louder, filled with shock and confusion.

“My chosen mate gave her life for me and this pack. I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t…because I lost my wolf at our mating ceremony.”

The hall erupts into chaos. Questions fly around, cutting into me like knives.

“How could you deny your fated mate?”

“What about Luna Vanessa?”

“How did you manage to lead without your wolf?”

“Will you ever get it back?”

“The truth is,” I continued, “the pack needs an alpha who is whole, one who has his wolf beside him, guiding him. I am not that alpha. Effective immediately, I am stepping down from my position.”

I take a step back but stand my ground, ready to answer their questions and taking in their confused expressions.

I’m surprised when I notice a large number of members howling and grunting in protest. But I’m shocked when their cries merge into a collective “No.”

Once an alpha abdicates from his position, the elders of the pack have the collective responsibility to select an interim alpha. For the next six months, his leadership is under review, and if after six months the pack votes in his favor, he takes over as alpha and his mate becomes the luna.

At the far end of the crowd, I notice Elder Marek striding over to me purposefully. Raising his hands, he instructs everyone to pipe down.

“We, the elders, are aware of the situation with Alpha Theron’s wolf and have sought guidance from beyond our world. We contacted a great coven of witches, led by the enigmatic High Priestess Morwen, who has offered us a glimmer of hope. In the darkest hours of the night, under a full moon, she had a vision. She has foreseen Alpha Theron’s wolf returning in six months and our pack prospering greatly under his leadership.”

I don’t even allow myself to consider the possibility. I know what I felt when Titan left my body. It was irreversible. Elder Marek is lying to force me to give six more months of my life to the pack.