Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

SEREN

“ B aby monitor, humidifier, blackout curtains,” I announce to Siri, savoring the last bit of white peach frozen yogurt dripping down my waffle cone. The sun warms our skin as we lay sprawled on two chaise lounges, tackling the endless baby registry.

“Car seat, baby swing,” Jane chimes in, biting into her cone.

“Bare bones, remember?” I retort, shielding my eyes from the glare of the sun.

“Hey! These are essentials. I had an hour-long conversation with my sister, who has birthed three kids.”

“Nope. I’m putting my foot down on the car seat. I’ll be taking the subway for the next ten years. And this apartment has no space for a swing.”

“You’re turning into a whole new person,” she teases, her eyes sparkling. A tiny kick inside my belly makes me gasp, my heart skipping a beat.

“Maybe I’m just facing reality,” I counter, but the truth is, the weight of responsibility is starting to feel heavier than the baby registry. Two months. Two tiny months until my life is forever changed.

Jane senses my unease, her hand finding mine. “We’ve got this,” she assures me, her voice soft. But in the back of my mind, I’m tallying up expenses: rent, commute, check-ups, sitters. The costs are daunting, and soon I’ll be on maternity leave, and I’m still getting the hang of my job.

Despite things being tight financially, I refuse to reach out to Theron.

In my dreams, I often find myself in the lush Blackwood gardens, chasing after a raven-haired boy darting between the topiaries. Memories cling to me stubbornly, blending seamlessly into my dreams. There’s a persistent emptiness inside me, a void that I’ve grown accustomed to pushing aside. I have to force myself to move forward, just like he did.

We’re just finishing up our list when clouds gather unexpectedly in the sky. Jane grabs the iPad and I ditch my cone just as the first drops of rain hit our faces. The rain starts pouring so quickly that we end up getting soaking wet even though my studio is only a few minutes away.

“You know, for someone who didn’t show at all for the first three months, you’ve blown up pretty quickly,” she says, helping me to the elevator. “Are you sure the doctor said there isn’t more than one baby in there?”

I giggle. “Yeah, sorry to disappoint you. Just one boy.” As she wrinkles her nose, I add, “I guess you’re in charge of having the baby girl you want.”

Her smile falters. A shadow crosses her face. Something’s up.

Once we’ve dried off inside my apartment, I plonk myself in the middle of the bed, catching my breath from the walk while she races around, securing the windows in the apartment.

“I miss my Ella Bella so much right now,” I sigh. “Every time it would rain, she would make spicy curly fries and hot chocolate and we’d curl up on the back patio.”

“Awww,” she says before throwing a T-shirt at me from my closet while grabbing one for herself. “Want some hot ramen?”

As I glance at the clock, I suddenly realize Jane’s spent almost the entire weekend at my place. She has made zero mention of Gunner, and hasn’t even talked about when she’ll go back to their place. Something’s definitely up.

“Creamy tomato for me, please. I don’t think you’ll like me at night if I eat spicy ramen right now,” I reply. Her head instantly pops out from behind the door, her eyes narrowed, trying to get a read on my tone.

“You’re taking the couch, by the way, since lately I’ve taken to mid-sleep kicking.”

Her shoulders relax and the tension in her face eases, a small smile breaking through.

“I think Gunner’s already cheated on me, or is about to.” Jane drops the bomb as we settle on the couch, bowls of steaming ramen in our laps.

The chopsticks slip from my fingers, nearly splashing broth everywhere.

Gunner’s always seemed like the perfect boyfriend. Sure, he’s not Mr. Chatty, but I’ve never caught him checking out other women.

“Seriously?” I say, wiping my hands on a napkin. “Have you seen anything, or is this just a hunch? ”

Jane shakes her head, keeping her eyes fixed on the noodles in her bowl. “I haven’t caught him in action, but something’s up. He’s always talking about this girl as his ‘work wife’ like it’s a joke, and he guards his phone like he’s got the nuclear launch codes on it. He’s been acting weird for weeks.”

A loud crack of thunder makes the windows rattle, and the rain intensifies, drumming against the glass. I sip my iced tea, trying to digest what she’s said. “Have you thought about confronting him?”

She snorts, rolling her eyes. “As if? I can just picture him being dismissive. ‘Babe, you’re being paranoid.’”

“Then ask to see his phone. If he’s got nothing to hide, he’ll show you. You hiding out here won’t solve anything. And wait, why hasn’t he called you yet?”

Jane finally meets my gaze with a sheepish smile. “Well, I might have blocked him before I came over.”

“Jane!” I gasp, pushing my bowl away. “You’re kidding, right?”

She shrugs, a tiny grin playing on her lips. “What can I say? I needed a break from his nonsense. Plus, I figured a little radio silence would make him squirm.”

“You’ve got to talk to him eventually, you know. But maybe not today.”

She nods, sighing as she leans back onto the couch. “Enough about my drama. What’s going on with you and Ethan?”

“With this forty-inch waist?” I chuckle. “Not much. I’ve kind of put things with him on hold until the baby’s here. I just want to focus on getting ready for the little guy.”

Jane raises an eyebrow. “So…you’re not into him? ”

“No, I am,” I reply, gently rubbing my stomach. “What’s not to like? He’s warm, thoughtful, funny...and there’s this childlike quality about him that I really love. But I want to take my time with it. I don’t want to rush into anything just because I’m trying to get over Theron. It wouldn’t be fair to Ethan.”

I want to forget every single thing about Theron before doing anything with Ethan, but in two months I’ll have a permanent reminder of him living in my apartment. How can I deal with that and a new relationship at the same time?

“I hate how boys come into our lives and ruin them. Maybe the friends-with-benefits thing would be better for our mental health in the long-term.”

I laugh at her suggestion. We finish our ramen in silence, the storm outside mirroring the turmoil within us both. Jane brings back a bar of chocolate from the fridge for dessert.

“So, how’s the hybrid work mode going? Gunner and I were just talking about it the other day, and it sounds like you’ve hit the jackpot,” Jane says, handing me half the bar.

“It’s amazing. My gym routine’s still on track, and the office is more like a social meetup now. Twice a week in-person is perfect.”

She arches an eyebrow, looking at me directly. “No clients yet, huh?”

“None. But I’m kinda enjoying it that way,” I reply, swirling the chocolate around my tongue. “I can’t really do court hearings and client meetings right now. I mean, I could, but I’m relieved I don’t have to. I’ve been getting to know people from the IRS, SEC, and other regulatory bodies. It’s been interesting.”

She hums thoughtfully, her gaze drifting away. “Yeah, but I bet Dade and the partners meet with the main guys from those bodies, right?”

“Sure, they do. But I’m the go-to person for contracts and follow-ups. I see a future in negotiating deals and influencing policy. If not at Dade’s firm, there are large corporations that definitely need someone with my skills and contacts.”

Her noncommittal hum lets me know how she feels, but I smile. She’s always been old-school, and to her, being a lawyer means battling it out in a courtroom, not building relationships behind the scenes. I don’t necessarily agree. I also think getting out of Mammoth Hills has been the best decision of my life, even if my job doesn’t look like how I originally thought it would.

The next couple of weeks pass in a rush. My tiny studio apartment slowly starts filling up with beautiful things for the baby, including the swing that Jane convinced me I’d need to help him sleep.

Everything is going great. Work is sorted. I got confirmed as an employee at Cushman & Sedgwick a month ahead of time. My boss is pleased with my work. My apartment feels like a large and well-prepared nursery. I haven’t had any of the morning sickness that everyone talks about. I have zero mood swings and no crazy cravings, just a massive appetite.

But it is, after all, a hybrid baby. During my thirtieth week of pregnancy, at a routine check-up with my doctor, a sudden, sharp pain slices through my abdomen.

I’m spread-eagled on the examination bed with my doctor examining me. There couldn’t be a better place for something to go wrong. But a deep sense of dread fills me as the pain hits again. This time it’s much more vicious, stealing my breath and blurring my vision .

“Seren?” Dr. Patel’s voice cuts through my pain. Her eyes widen as she turns to me. I follow her gaze downward to see the white sheet swiftly turning red.

I feel like someone is cutting into my insides with knives and scissors. I know my baby is coming two months ahead of time, and I’m alone except for my doctor.

As I’m being wheeled down the hallway, the nurse says, “Your emergency contact is not answering their phone. Is there anyone else we can call?”

I’m in the middle of deep inhale and exhale despite the pain ripping through me, and I remember Jane is supposed to be traveling for a case in Philadelphia. Of course, she can’t answer her phone in court.

“Ethan. His number’s on my phone. The passcode is two-three-one-two,” I manage to tell a nurse before I’m wheeled into the delivery room.

Dr. Patel appears calm as she gently rubs my arm. “Seren, the bleeding indicates that your placenta might be detaching from the uterine wall, which means the baby is coming right now.”

I close my eyes. I know something is going to go wrong.

“I know this is scary, but we’re ready for this. I just need you to focus on your breathing. We’re going to do everything we can to keep both you and your baby safe,” she assures me.

“I’m scared. It feels like…” I whisper, tears flooding my eyes. Once again I’m alone, and I don’t know what’s at the other end. I don’t think my baby will make it. It’s too early.

“We’re all here for you,” she reassures me as she hooks me up to a monitor. “You’ve got this. ”

I try to force a smile, but a sob escapes me as an even higher intensity pain hits.

“I need you to push with the contractions,” Dr. Patel says once she moves to the other end of the table.

The intensity keeps building until I’m sure I can’t take any more. The doctor and the nurses keep trying to motivate me.

“You’re doing great! Just a few more pushes and you’ll have your baby in your arms.”

My strength is dwindling. My body is covered in sweat and the pain is unbearable.

“I can’t...I can’t do this,” I breathe out.

“Just one more push. I see his head. Please. Push.”

I grit my teeth and try one last time before my vision goes dark.

A soft wet rag running over my face wakes me up. I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep, and while the intense pain is gone, there’s still a dull ache. A familiar man in scrubs is wiping my face. The sterile scent of antiseptic is heavy in the air.

“Hey! You did so well.” Despite the surgical mask, I recognize the voice instantly. Ethan came. He removes his mask before leaning in and gently kissing my forehead. “Congratulations!”

“What happened? Where’s my baby?” I ask, looking around frantically.

“It’s a boy!” Dr. Patel announces, lifting the wrapped-up baby for me to see. “Eight pounds, fourteen ounces—big and strong. ”

As she removes the cloth for skin-to-skin contact, I notice his almost translucent skin is completely wrinkled, there’s fine hair all over his body, and his head is shockingly full of hair.

The moment I have him in my arms, it’s as if everything else fades away. Any empty space inside my heart is instantly filled. I have a son. I have a family . An overwhelming rush of love floods my body. It feels unreal. His movements are soft, but as I run my fingers over his head, he opens his eyes: big raven-black pools of love. I want to give the world to him.

I pull him close, placing kisses all over his head.

“He’s perfect,” Ethan murmurs.

The nurse laughs softly, touching the baby’s head. “With all this hair, he looks more like a little bear cub than a preemie.”

Suddenly the door bursts open and Jane rushes in.

“Oh my God, I missed it.”

She comes to my side to give me a soft hug. “Congratulations, Mommy.”

“Do we have a name for the birth certificate?” someone asks from behind me.

I smile through my tears, feeling a deep connection to this tiny being in my arms. “Leon,” I whisper, cradling him close. “Welcome to the world, my little fighter.”