Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Cedara

I'm pacing the small cell, my claws clicking against the hard floor. The walls are closing in around me, trapping me in this hellish limbo between human and beast.

Have to get out!

I know I'm in trouble, but the details are hazy, like trying to make out shapes through a thick fog. Fragments of memory flash by – blood, terror, the instinctive need to hunt and kill. But there's something else, too, something pulling at me, anchoring me to my humanity. Barrett's face surfaces, and I latch onto the image, his warm eyes and reassuring smile anchoring me.

I pace faster, agitated whines escaping my throat. I need to change back. I need to explain, to make them understand that I'm not a killer. That whatever happened, it wasn't me, not really. But the wolf is strong, its urges coursing through me, and I can feel myself slipping further away.

I can't lose myself. I can't!

A growl rumbles from within as the cell door opens. I bare my teeth, ready to defend myself.

"Cedara?" It's the doctor. She moves cautiously to the bars that contain me. Bars just like the ones from before. "I'm here to help." Her voice is a soothing murmur, but it's hard to make out the words over the roar of blood pounding in my ears.

She takes a step closer, and I tense, muscles coiled tight.

"Barrett sent me, honey. He's worried about you. He wants to make sure that you're okay." She runs an eye around the cell I'm locked in. Takes in the sight of me, tense and watchful. "How am I going to tell him that you're fine?" she mutters under her breath.

Clearly, I'm not.

I bare my teeth as the doctor approaches, every fiber of my being screaming at me to attack, to defend myself against this threat. But there's something in her gentle eyes, her soothing voice, that makes me hesitate.

"Cedara, honey, Barrett cares so deeply about you," she murmurs, inching closer to the bars. "He loves you. And he's not going to stop fighting for you, no matter what."

My heart clenches at the mention of his name, and a flicker of hope sparks within me. Barrett. The one constant in this chaos, the thether to my humanity.

"You need to hold on to that hope, sweetheart," the doctor continues. "I know it's hard, but you have to keep fighting."

I whine low in my throat, feeling the wolf's instincts battling with my own desperate need to regain control. The doctor senses my struggle and pauses, giving me space.

"I'd like to try giving you the antidote again," she says gently. "But I need you to let me get close enough. Can you do that for me, Cedara? For Barrett?"

Every muscle in my body is taut, screaming at me to attack, to flee, to do anything but let this person near me. But the thought of Barrett, of his unwavering belief in me, gives me strength.

Slowly, cautiously, I force myself to remain still as the doctor reaches through the bars, syringe in hand. She's trembling, and I can see the fear in her eyes. I don't blame her – even I don't know if I'm going to attack or not.

Calm. Stay calm!

"That's it, honey," she soothes, inching ever closer. "Just trust me. You can do this."

I hold my breath, fighting against the wolf's base urges as the needle pierces my skin. The antidote floods my veins, and for a moment, everything goes still.

We wait, the doctor and I, both frozen in that single moment of hope and dread.

I've almost given up on that hope when the change begins.

I can feel it starting deep within me, a burning ache that spreads through my muscles and bones. I grit my teeth, bracing myself as the first wave washes over me.

Limbs twist and stretch as fur pulls back and skin stretches taut over newly formed curves and angles. My muzzle compresses inward, blunt teeth forming. The beast howls in outrage as its form is stripped away, leaving me gasping and shuddering on the cold floor.

The doctor moves quickly, reaching through the bars with a blanket.

"Here. I brought this," she says. Trembling, my teeth chattering, I reach for it and wrap it around myself. I clutch it tight, the coarse fabric grounding me as the last traces of the wolf fade into the depths of my mind. But it's still there, prowling at the edges of my consciousness, a constant reminder of the wildness that lurks inside me.

It takes me a moment to gather myself, to get my breath back as I crouch on the floor. "It's harder," I say hoarsely. "Harder to change back. It…hurts." I'm not used to feeling like I'm waging war against myself when I shift.

"That's probably because what you're going through isn't natural," she says. "Whatever they gave you has messed with your body chemistry. It's like you're being forced to rewire yourself when you fight it."

"Fuck." I hunch over. Another shudder wracks through me.

"Easy now," the doctor murmurs. "Just breathe, honey. You're safe."

Safe. The word resonates within me, and suddenly, it's like a dam has burst. Memories come flooding back in a torrent of fear and confusion.

"I… I don't know what happened," I rasp, my voice raw. "One minute everything was fine, and the next…" I trail off, shaking my head helplessly.

The doctor waits patiently as I struggle to gather my thoughts. "After Barrett and I…" Heat rushes to my cheeks at the memory of his lips, his hands, his body moving against mine. "We sealed the bond," I continue haltingly. "And then I felt this… pull. Like the moon herself was calling to me."

I run a hand through my tangled hair, agitated. "I had to go to her, to bathe in her light. I was pulled there…couldn't resist it. Like nothing else mattered." My breath comes in short, sharp bursts as the wolf's howl echoes through my mind.

"And then?" The doctor's voice pulls me back.

"Then… nothing. Just flashes. Blood, fear, the hunt." I swallow hard, fighting back the nausea that rises in my throat. "I can't make sense of it. The emotions were too strong, too overwhelming. They brought the beast forward until…until there was nothing left of me."

My hands are shaking now, and I curl them into fists, nails biting into my palms. The doctor lays a gentle hand on my arm, her touch grounding me.

"It's alright, Cedara. We'll figure this out," she soothes. "Just take a deep breath and start from the beginning."

I nod jerkily, forcing myself to focus on the here and now. On the damp chill of the cell seeping into my bones, the tang of fear thick in the air, the unyielding bars that separate me from the rest of the world.

I am not the beast!

I am Cedara.

I'm Cedara!

I feel my head clearing slightly. "I was outside…visiting Mother Moon."

"Outside your apartment?"

"Outside the walls."

"You got outside Steel Lakes? But how?" She looks confused.

"There was a tunnel. A dripping tunnel." I'm picturing it now.

"Tunnel… The old water outlet! You must have found it…it's not far from your apartment block." She rubs her forehead. "I thought they'd shut that thing down."

I can still see it clearly. A pipeline sunken into the earth. I'd slunk in and found my way out to where the open land lay beyond. The place where I could bask in the moonlight. A place where I could howl to the moon that I'd found my true mate.

My eyes prickle as I fight back tears.

"They said they saw a wolf." I lock eyes with her. "A golden wolf. They saw me. But I didn't do anything bad," I whisper. "I just wanted to sing. I didn't do anything bad."

"Of course you didn't, Cedara. I believe you."

But as I'm speaking, more images are flashing by me, and not all of them are of the moon. I stare down at where my arms are wrapped around my knees, my knuckles white.

I see blood.

My head shoots up as I stare at the doctor. "There was something there."

"Go on…if you focus, you'll remember," she urges me.

The problem is, I don't think I want to remember. Not when my mind is showing me things I can't accept.

Screaming.

A face contorted in terror, screaming, "No! Please! No!"

Tearing into flesh, fangs sinking in. Ripping. Rage…and then a surge of satisfaction.

My heart feels like it's going to explode as more visions flood in. The sensation of blood coating my face. My chest. My legs.

Death all around me.

Horror replaces the hope I'd been feeling. I cover my face with my hands before looking back at the doctor.

"I did it," I whisper. "It was me…I did it."