Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Barrett

This is a fucking disaster! I've been standing here watching her for nearly an hour, and she hasn't stopped her pacing. If anything, she's more agitated.

It's breaking my heart.

"Cedara, it's okay," I try to soothe her. It's not going to work. It hasn't worked the last half-dozen times I've said it. She's never been this unresponsive to me.

At least she's not aggressive. Although her lip had curled when I'd moved close initially. Now, I'm keeping a safe distance – not because I'm worried for myself. I don't want to upset her.

I tug a hand through my hair. When I find myself pacing, too, I stop myself. I can't work her up more than she already is.

What the fuck happened?

She spent the whole of yesterday comfortable in her human form. I thought she was over the worst of it.

Did I do this? Was it the mate bond? Was it too much? Jesus, if I pushed her to this, I'll never forgive myself.

I lean up against the wall and take a few deep breaths as I watch her. "You can't keep doing this all day, beautiful."

She responds by turning and pacing in the opposite direction, throwing anxious glances at the door.

"I can't let you go out there. You know that." I feel like I'm talking to myself. It's like my woman isn't in there. Like the animal is taking over again. It occurs to me that the only reason she hasn't been aggressive is that the wolf now sees me as her mate.

Except she's reverted to her wild side.

God. Don't let this get worse.

There's a knock at the door, and Cedara spins around, her whole body bracing as if to launch herself at it.

"Hellooooo!" It's Sybil.

Cedara releases a slavering snarl.

Shit!

"Just a minute," I call back.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Don't tell me you're not decent," Cedara's mother laughs.

"Uh…yeah, you got me. Caught in the act," I respond, reaching for any kind of reason to keep her at bay.

"I knew it!" she says gaily. "The way the two of you are together… It's a match made in heaven." Her laughter tinkles through the door. "Cedara? You can let me in, you know. I'm your mother, after all. And it's nothing I haven't seen before."

Somehow, I doubt it.

Cedara is still crouched, aiming a malicious glare at the door. If the wolf recognizes her mother's voice, there's no sign of it.

"Cedara's in the shower, Sybil. And I'm pretty sure she's going to want a nap after…well, you know…"

Fuck. I'm going to hell.

"Oh! Aha…silly me." She giggles. "Of course she'll want some privacy. Forgive me, I'm being a nosy mom, aren't I? I guess I can't help it. I'll give you some space."

"We'd appreciate that, Sybil," I reply. "I'll call later."

At least, I hope I will.

"Lovely. Thank you, sweetie. Now, you two have a good time."

I can imagine that she's winking as she says it.

I don't relax until the sound of her footsteps has faded completely. Neither does Cedara. But when it's quiet, she goes back to her maddening pacing.

I sink down onto my butt, leaning my back against the wall. I rest my forearms on my raised knees and survey the prowling wolf. Her breath is coming quickly, panting a little.

Why is this happening, dammit?

She casts a glance at me, then keeps going.

"I'm going to stay right here until you get through this, my love." I settle back against the wall. "I don't care how long it takes."

Four hours later, Cedara's stopped pacing. Now she's sitting beside the door, facing me. I can only imagine she's exhausted.

"Do you need some water?" I stand and head to the kitchen, where I fill a bowl. It eats me up inside to think that she's going to have to lap from it like a dog.

I push the thought aside. I don't care as long as she's comfortable.

The phone rings. It's Casey. I answer it. "Well, this makes a nice change from you simply hammering on the door." I'm surprised at how calm I sound.

"Would you like me to do that?"

God, she's snarky.

"No. What's this about?" It feels like I say that a lot these days.

"You know that thing you discussed with Jagger yesterday?" She's cagey.

"Yes."

"It happened again. Two this time. Couple of youngsters out near the old buildings just outside the north perimeter line."

My blood runs cold. That's too close.

"So? What of it?" I keep my voice neutral.

"Where's Cedara?" Damn, she's so fucking blunt.

"Right here with me." At least her wolf is. I'll keep that to myself.

"And last night?"

"Same thing. She was with me all night." I expel a breath. "Look, if you're trying to get at something, why not just come right out and say it? You think Cedara's involved somehow."

"Actually, I don't," she says. "Not after yesterday. Besides, Edirn has some theories about this, and I think he's right."

"Really? What theories?" I'm curious.

"He says her thoughts are jumbled, but there's no malice in them. She's confused and scared, but she'll do anything for you."

"Her thoughts are jumbled? What the fuck does that mean?" Now I'm confused.

Casey goes on, "He read her thoughts, and they're—"

"He read her thoughts?" I sound incredulous. "What the fuck are you talking about, Stone?"

"Edirn is psychic. Didn't you know that?" She pauses. "Oh, wait. You probably don't…on account of being AWOL for days." She smirks. "Anyhow, he can read minds, and he says she's not a killer."

I stare at the phone, then put it back to my ear. She just said that like we were discussing the weather.

"Right. Good to know."

"I believe him. Which is why I'm calling you instead of scampering over there like a goddamn errand boy. Fucking Jagger and his errands," she mutters. "So, you're all good?"

"Yep. We're fine." I fix my eyes on the wolf, who's now lying beside the door.

"Great." She hangs up without saying goodbye. I put the phone on the kitchen counter and rub my eyes. I have a migraine brewing. Giving my head a quick shake, I head back to the front entrance, cautiously setting the bowl down beside her, and then sit on the floor.

???

Barrett

It's nightfall, and there's still no change. My muscles are cramped from sitting for so long. The only activity has been when she's raised her head to drink from the bowl. And now she's letting me touch her. I don't know who gets more comfort from it – her or me.

I need this connection. My wolf cries out for it. But I also need to stand before my spine seizes.

Carefully pushing myself to my feet, I stretch and take some halting steps forward. Cedara is lying with her chin resting on her paws. I'm aware of her watching me from beneath her brows.

I have to do something.

But what?

Impulsively, I head to the kitchen counter and retrieve my phone. Before I can change my mind, I hit one of the numbers on speed dial.

"Barrett? It's so good to hear from you." The warm tones across the line would normally be calming.

"Doc, I need your help."

"What's wrong?" Dr. Bea is suddenly sharpy efficient.

"I…" I exhale. "You have some sort of doctor-patient confidentiality thing going, right?"

"Yes…?" She draws the word out.

"Just how far does that extend?"

"It depends. Is someone in trouble?" she asks cautiously.

God, I hope not.

"Maybe you'll be able to tell me that. Can you come down to town? To the apartment they found for Sybil and Cedara?"

"Cedara? How's she doing?"

I rub my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. "I just need to know if you can come here, Doc. Please."

"Give me the address."

I rattle it off.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Twenty minutes later, I hear her coming down the hall. I crack the door open, and the doctor slips through, holding a sturdy bag. Her eyes widen as she takes in Cedara lying nearby.

"How long has she been like this?" She gets right down to it. I'm pretty sure she doesn't need me to explain what I'm concerned about.

"All day…at least. I'm not quite sure when the change came over her because she was like this when I woke up."

The doctor takes a step forward, and Cedara makes a warning sound.

Dr. Bea stops. "Is she still…?"

I know she wants to say "dangerous." I'm glad she doesn't.

"She's been fine with me." It's not really an answer to her question. "In fact, before this, we thought she had a handle on it."

Dr. Bea makes a humming sound, still eyeing the wolf. "Has anything happened since then? Anything unusual?"

I hesitate for a moment, then forge ahead. "We sealed our mate bond last night," I say quickly.

She gives me a quick glance. "I see."

When she doesn't go on, I ask, "Do you think that could have caused this?"

"No telling, honey." She looks concerned. "It seems to me that her wolf responds instinctively to extreme emotion. Fear. Rage. Passion…"

Great. I loved her into losing control.

"Is there anything we can do?" I set a hand on my hip and rake the other through my hair. It's something I've done a lot today.

"You could try giving her another shot of the antidote." She reaches into her bag. "Maybe she simply needs more of it than the others. From what they told me, she was more heavily drugged than they were. She fought harder."

Bastards!

But it doesn't surprise me. My mate is a fighter.

"You think it will work?" I ask.

"It's worth a try." She shrugs, then removes a small vial and a hypodermic syringe from her bag. A moment later, she's drawn up the antidote and is passing me the syringe. "I think this is your job, right?"

I sigh. I have no doubt that Cedara isn't going to let the doctor anywhere near her with a needle. But I hate having to test her faith in me this way when I know that the memories associated with this must be hell for her. Yet, when I kneel at her side and find a place to stick the needle, she doesn't budge.

She's still inside here. My woman. I'm sure of it.

I stand, and the pair of us look down at the panting animal. Nothing happens, but I'm not surprised.

"Barrett," the doctor breaks the silence, "I think you should brace yourself for the worst-case scenario here."

"What are you talking about?" I'm guessing I don't want to hear it.

"This antidote might not be the solution." Her eyes are gentle when she turns them on me. "And if these bouts keep getting more frequent and longer…"

"Spit it out, Doc!"

"This could become permanent, honey."

I swallow convulsively. "You're trying to tell me she might stay like this? As her wolf?"

"Perhaps worse." That gentle expression is now tinged with sympathy.

"How could it get worse?"

"She might slip away completely, Barrett. If the beast takes hold…there might be nothing left of the Cedara you know."

"Bullshit!" I spit the word out so violently that Cedara startles. "Shhh…" I soothe her. "It's just me. I'm sorry." I turn back to the doctor, keeping my voice low. "I don't believe you."

"Look at her, Barrett." Dr. Bea tips her head down toward my mate.

I run my eyes over her golden fur. She's beautiful, even like this.

"The last time I saw you together, she was responsive to you…she turned to you. This…" She tilts her head in Cedara's direction.

"She's just distracted. She's been cooped up in this apartment too long. You know we're not meant to be caged."

Caged. Like they caged her before. This place may be more comfortable, but is it much better for a creature who's meant to be free?

I think of how I found her this morning.

She wanted to get out.

"She's trying to break free, Barrett. Maybe to return to the wild." The doctor echoes my thoughts. "That's where you found her, isn't it? In the woods?"

I nod, not trusting my voice.

"If this goes badly, she may have to go back there."

"But we just forged a bond!" Why do I sound so tortured?

Because I am.

"I'm so sorry, honey." The doctor sets her hand on my shoulder. Cedara growls, and she quickly removes it.

"She's there! She's in there, dammit! And as long as she's there, I can handle it."

"Then you may have to meet her where she is."

"Where she is? What is that supposed to mean?"

"In your wolf form, Barrett. That's the only thing I can suggest. But are you ready for that?"

"I'll do whatever it takes." My jaw works.

"Forever?" Dr. Bea cocks her head. "Are you prepared for that? To leave this behind? To step away from your humanity?"

"Yes." I don't hesitate.

"Even though it might mean losing your human side, too?"

My steady gaze is my answer.

She's silent for a moment. "You're a good man, Barrett Chord." She nods over at Cedara. "Take care of her. And call me if you need anything else."

I manage a tight smile, then open the door. Once she's out of the apartment, I turn back to my mate. She's watching me silently. Moving to her side, I drop to one knee and reach out to stroke her silky coat.

"You've been lying on the floor for too long, beautiful. You should be resting someplace comfortable."

She keeps watching as the change comes over me. The tendons and ligaments and muscles that shift and contort around my changing frame. My snout stretching as fur sprouts over my skin. Once I'm on all fours, the wolf in me takes over. Turning away, I pad back to the bedroom, giving her a backward glance before I walk into the room. I bound onto the bed and settle onto the soft coverlet, gray paws dark against the pristine white linen.

A moment later, the mattress dips as Cedara springs up next to me. She curls at my side, nuzzling her face against me.

I heave out a sigh. There's sorrow in it. But if this is the only way we can be together, then I'll take it.