8. WILLOW

I’ve not seen Dean much since my first night here which I’ve been glad of as it gives me a chance to come back to reality.

Whenever he’s near me, it’s like he steals my entire sense of everything, I can’t even breathe when he’s near.

He’s been doing everything for me. Feeding me from his hand and washing me, that is when he’s not just fucking me senseless and making it hurt.

I hate him but not as much as I hate myself. This would be so much easier if my body didn’t have a will of its own.

Every single time he’s used me, I’ve orgasmed. It’s humiliating. No matter how rough he is I’ve still come and I think that makes me worse than him.

How could anyone possibly get any pleasure from something so sick and twisted? Why do I get pleasure from it?

So far his idea of hurting me hasn’t gone past battering my insides with his cock and biting me or leaving marks with his fingers. I’m not even sure if the bruises from his fingertips are deliberate, he just seems to have a naturally strong grip that he doesn’t let up whilst he’s inside me.

It’s only a matter of time before it escalates, I’m sure of it.

I’d rather that than the gentle touches he gives me after though. Like he’s soothing a pet because that’s really all I am to him. I’m not even sure he sees me as human. Just something to use and fuck. He only looks after me so he can use me more.

How long will he drag this out for?

The worst part is how nice to me he is the entire time. Not once has he made me feel bad about anything, it’s my own mind that’s been doing that.

Dean showers me with praise and comforting touches like he’s my lover. He’s even stocked the bathroom with feminine products and new shampoo, like I’m his girlfriend that’s moved in rather than his captive.

His actions make me feel like I’m not going anywhere for a long time but he’s not exactly told me he’s not going to kill me and even if he did I don’t think I’d believe him.

I don’t really want to die but I don’t even know what freedom is meant to feel like. From spending my life trapped under my dad”s thumb to whatever this is, I’ve only had a few brief hours of being my own person and even that was full of anxiety and fear.

I knew finding my own life would be difficult especially with no money to my name but it would be better than being back with Dad.

My current situation should compare to that but for some reason I can’t bring myself to list the similarities. If I do then Dad”s words will ring true. I’m just a whore spreading my legs for the first man that smiled at me.

I sit up on the bed and shuffle to the bathroom. Dean has swapped my rope bindings for leather cuffs with just a few inches of chain between them. So at least I can make my way to the bathroom unaided when I need it now, even if I do have to walk like a prisoner.

I hear the bedroom door unlock as I’m finishing up at the sink. I shuffle back to the bed not even bothering to hide my nakedness anymore.

“You’ve been gone all day,” I say, sitting down and looking out the window where it’s dark out.

“Sorry, little kitten, did you miss me?” The bed dips as he sits next to me then he’s pulling me onto his lap. I go stiff not wanting to give in to how warm he is or how good he smells.

I’ve learnt to not bother wasting my energy fighting him off like this. He always wins. I keep my strength for when I really need it, for when he wants to use me, but even then I lose against him every time. At least I can tell myself I tried.

“No, I’m hungry,” I say stubbornly. “You can’t just leave me all day without food.”

“Good job I picked up some takeout then,” he says, putting a plate of rice and what looks like some sort of curry under my nose. I scowl up at him even though the food smells so good like sweet coconut. ”If you stop being stubborn and just tell me what you like I’ll get it for you.” My stomach growls loudly and I blush.

Thanks body for once again betraying me.

He raises his eyebrows at me, as if to say stop being so stubborn and eat, as he holds a spoonful of food to my lips. At least this meal needs utensils unlike yesterday’s which I had to eat straight from his fingers.

I open my mouth, letting him feed me and try to hide the moan of satisfaction as the flavors hit my taste buds but it really is one of the best things I’ve eaten in a long time.

“Hope you make those sounds when it’s my cock in your mouth,” he murmurs against my temple and I choke on my food. I shove at him trying to get myself off his lap, almost knocking the food everywhere in the process which makes me stop and grab awkwardly for the plate. I’m not losing my meal because he’s an asshole.

“Do you have to be such a jerk all the time?” I say through my mouthful.

“I wasn’t even being mean,” he says, pinching my chin and forcing me to look up at him. “I was just stating the obvious. I love the sounds you make and you love my cock.”

“If you put that thing anywhere near my mouth, I’ll bite it off.”

He eyes me curiously as he smiles, his tongue wets his lips and my stomach flips. Only because I’m still hungry though.

”I didn’t hear you say you don’t love it,” he whispers against my ear and my skin tingles from the caress of his warm breath. He smells like cinnamon. Has he been drinking or is it from another woman? A flash of anger shoots through me and I have to block the image of him fucking someone else from my thoughts.

I open my mouth and stick my tongue out for more food whilst also taunting him with what I won’t give him. He laughs and puts another spoonful in.

I end up ignoring him for the rest of the meal, too lost in my own head to pay much attention to whatever he’s talking about until I hear him say the word killed.

“What did you just say?” I ask him. Has he killed someone else?

As he sets the empty plate down on the nightstand, I quickly crawl off his lap.

“You asked me before why I killed those men. It’s my job and I enjoy it but I just thought you should know they weren’t good people. They’d done a lot of things that should have earned them jail time but they were gang members with a lot of cops in their pockets so they always found an out.”

“So you’re like some kind of vigilante?” If he starts referring to himself as ‘the night’ I’m going to stab myself with that spoon.

Dean barks out a laugh so loud that I flinch back. “God no! I kill people because it’s easy money not because I care about shit like that. People are all bad, Willow.”

“I’ve not done anything to deserve this.”

“Maybe not,” he says as he strokes my hair. “I don’t have it in me to do the good thing. I’m not even sure if I can do the right thing. I don’t know what they are anymore” He frowns and ponders something but I can’t figure out what. Surely the good and the right thing are the same?

With a sigh I say, “I’m tired.” I pull away from his touch and lie down on my side, facing away from him then pull the blanket up over myself.

“Tough. I’ve not touched you all day and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about all the things I want to do to you. Do I fuck your sweet pussy again? Or maybe I can break your ass in? Or see what that vicious little mouth of yours can do?” I try to hide the shiver that his words bring out of me and curl in on myself so he can’t see the heat on my face.

Dean rips the blanket out of my hands and rolls me onto my back before crawling over me. I push my hands against his chest to stop him but he lifts them over his head so the chain hooks around his neck.

“I’m not doing anything for you!”

He looks at my lips and smirks. “That’s fine, little kitten, all I need is your mouth open and I can take care of the rest.”

“No!” I snap before sucking my lips in tight and clenching my jaw. I expect him to start tearing my jaw wide open but he kisses me softly instead. His tongue pressing lightly at the seam of my lips and his teeth nipping at me.

I’m surrounded by him as his hands trail all over me. They settle on my ass and squeeze before lifting me up so I’m straddling his lap.

His cock is right there under his jeans. Hard and rough against my pussy. It takes all my self control to not grind down onto his lap and let myself feel that delicious friction against my clit.

“Let me in, little kitten, let me taste you.” His voice is low and he sounds as needy as I feel. I shake my head hard and squeeze my eyes shut tight. He chuckles and the sound vibrates up the column of my throat where he starts licking and biting. His canines nip at a particularly sensitive area and I gasp, my lips parting wide as I take in a lungful of air. He quickly shoves two of his fingers into my mouth, so deep that I gag around them.

“That’s it, now suck.”

A tear falls down my cheek as I close my lips around him and start to suck.

I know this isn’t all he’ll do tonight.

Soon he’ll be giving me these instructions to use on his cock.

Part of me wants that. Needs it.

Heat spreads throughout my body and adds to the flames between my thighs.

Why does he have to make me feel so good?

Humiliation burns in my cheeks as he withdraws his fingers, spit trailing between them and my lips. I sob and he kisses me. This time I don’t try to stop him.

I can feel his hand between us as he unzips his jeans and then I feel the heat of his cock against my pussy. He wraps his hand around it and nudges my clit with the head. I gasp into his mouth and his tongue goes deeper.

I thought he wanted to use my mouth but I guess there’s no limit on what he’ll do to me in one night.

“Dean,” I whine out his name wanting to tell him to stop but losing the words to the pleasure that’s building up in me.

“Love it when you say my name like that, baby.”

Baby. He’s called me that a handful of times but I’ve never thought anything of it. It’s just another demeaning nickname but right now it helps me to forget what sort of man he really is.

My hips lift to meet his cock and let it rub against me more. “You want it don’t you? I know you do. Such a greedy, little kitten.”

I want to protest to say no, to do anything that’s not just grinding on him like the weak pathetic whore he’s turned me into but I can’t stop.

“You want to come.” He kisses my neck then bites down hard. “You want me to make you come.”

“Yes!” I cry out as the pain becomes one with the pleasure inside me.

He lifts me up by my ass and sits me down on his cock. My fingernails rake along his back and the chain connecting the cuffs together ends up pulling him closer to me as I grip him with everything I have. Although that energy should be spent doing the opposite. I’m dropped so hard on his cock that he fills me to the brim and I scream.

I could use this to my advantage, try and choke him with the chain but I don’t want to stop. I need to come so badly that even the pain as he stretches me out feels good.

So much for fighting back.

“You’re going to come on my cock, little kitten, then you’re going to taste yourself as I fuck your mouth.” His words make my pussy clench and he starts to bounce me up and down on his lap.

Yes!I shout in my head. Please!

Each time I fall back down his cock hits deeper inside me. For some sick reason I’m already wet enough to be able to take him without too much pain but he’s just so big compared to me that the stretch of him inside me still stings.

When I open my eyes he’s studying my face. “It hurts like this?” he asks curiously.

I nod but I know he wants more than my silent confirmation. For some reason he gets off on me telling him just how he’s destroying me. I hate describing it because it makes everything real and it only heightens my arousal.

“You’re stretching me and hitting me so deep.”

He growls and holds me down on his lap, then he rolls his hips and his cock moves inside me hitting a new sensitive spot making me lose my breath.

“No, don’t do that! Stop!” If he keeps it up I’m going to come and I can’t, not again. I should never have done what he wanted, shouldn’t have opened my stupid mouth and told him it hurts. Most of all I shouldn’t have given in to my body’s demands.

I should have just ran as soon as I saw him that first night. I sob and lean my forehead against his chest. “Please, stop,” I sob.

“Not when you’re this close, baby. You deserve to feel good.” He pinches my clit and tugs it. The harshness of his touch and the softness of his words push me off the cliff I’ve been teetering on the edge of and I fall headfirst into the crashing waves of my orgasm.

He keeps still as my body jerks on him and my pussy clamps down on his cock sucking him in as deep as it can. “That’s it, baby. Cover me in all your sweet come.”

When it’s over I slump down on his chest but he’s still hard and taking him deeper makes my sensitive pussy ache more.

Thankfully, he removes my hands from around his neck then lifts me off him. He stays seated on the bed as he lays me down on my front, my head resting next to his knee and I think it’s actually over but I’m stupid for thinking he’d show me any mercy.

For a few brief, gentle moments he strokes my hair and my eyelids start to get heavy as I relax. Then his fingers weave further into the strands and he grabs me tightly, close to the scalp. I try to reach up to stop him but I’m lying on my cuffed hands and my body’s too spent to move.

With minimal effort he lifts my head and yanks me towards his cock. “Look at how beautifully you covered me in your come.”

I can’t even shake my head as he moves me around like a doll. “Lick it,” he demands, roughly and I whimper.

When I don’t immediately do what he says he tightens his grip in my hair so hard that more tears burn my eyes and I let my tongue roll out and glide over his length. The salty mix of come isn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I don’t get to focus on the taste for long as he’s shoving my head down further and his cock hits my gag reflex.

“You taste so good don’t you, little kitten?” I whimper a soft mewl in response because as degrading as this is I also love it.

My body’s limp as he uses me, not caring if I have enough air to breathe or if I might choke to death on him, he just takes what he wants.

He doesn’t gloat or give me any of the confusing praise like he usually does.

The only sounds are my gags and his heavy breaths and grunts. When he comes he pushes me down so hard his cock tears through my throat and his seed shoots straight down it.

I need air.

I can’t breathe!

I start to panic and flail on him but he doesn’t let up.

“You’re doing such a good job. Swallow it all like a good girl.”

All I can do is focus on doing just that until he lets out a satisfied moan. But he still doesn’t leave my mouth. I panic and bite down.

Hard.

“Are you…are you biting me?” He sounds amused and surprised, not angry or screaming like he should be.

When he pulls me off I’m choking on air but it’s like I can’t get enough in as my lungs ache for more and more oxygen. I can’t get a single word out and my panic only gets worse.

Strong arms wrap around me and I feel his warmth against my body. I grab onto him. He’s the only source of comfort I have.

He shushes me and tells me to breathe but all I can do is sob and hyperventilate. “I’ve got you. You did so well, baby. You’re safe.” His voice is so quiet I’m not sure if I even heard him right but my panic slowly starts to fade.

Safe?

Am I really safe with him or is it a cruel lie?

I try to push him away but he holds me tighter and lies me down on the bed, curling his long body around mine.

His embrace is everything I”ve ever wanted.

To feel safe and wanted.

Even though it’s not real I let myself buy in to the illusion and find some comfort in the man that both breaks me and puts me back together each time.

My tears soak his chest but he doesn’t seem to care as he holds me closer.

My limbs grow heavy and I know I can’t fight the exhaustion that’s been plaguing me since I got here.

I want to die,I think to myself and his arms tighten around me before everything fades away.