35. DEAN

Ilove you.

The wind’s knocked out of my chest as she says those three words.

I. Love. You.

God, I can die a happy man now that I’ve heard that.

“Fuck, Willow. I love you too. I’m yours just as much as you’re mine, never forget that.”

With her firmly in my arms, I carry her upstairs to our bedroom. Without bothering to take our clothes off first, I turn the shower on and set her down underneath it.

Blood runs down us both and swirls hypnotically into the drain. I take in the beautiful sight before me of my girl covered in fresh blood with a huge smile on her face.

There's a feeling in my heart that I’ve started to get accustomed to. I imagine this is what pain feels like. A euphoric ache in my chest. My heart beats for both of us now. Each pump of life through my veins is all for her.

“Willow,” I sigh her name as I run my fingers through her wet hair and down her cheeks. She mirrors my movements, stretching up on her toes to reach my face.

We don’t need words to communicate how badly we need each other. If souls exist then ours are bound for eternity.

I crush her lips with a kiss that overwhelms me with both love and pain. This wonderful girl who was only supposed to be a momentary plaything has become my everything. She’s a part of me now. She is my pain.

I tug her soaked clothes off and she pulls my jeans down as she gets to her knees. My hand slaps the tiles as she takes me in her mouth all the way up to my tattoo. I feel the sensation of her teeth grazing me and I growl as I fist her hair.

Water cascades around her as I shield her from the shower head. Those big, beautiful eyes look up at me as she sucks and licks me with a hunger I’ve never seen in her before.

“Mine,” I growl banging my fist against the tiles.

“Yours,” she says as I yank her away. She gasps as I lift her by her hair and she grabs at my waist to help herself up.

“As much as I love that nasty little mouth of yours I need to come in your pussy, baby.”

She moans and I lift her, slamming her back against the tiles as I enter her. I watch as her pussy eats up my length in one go, just like her hungry mouth did.

“Don’t stop,” she begs and I give her what she needs. She comes hard as I pound her into the tiles, her tits bouncing with each deep thrust of my hips.

I’m too lost in pleasure to get out anything other than guttural groans. My throat closes up and my cock swells inside her until it feels like I’m going to tear her apart. She holds onto me for dear life, her nails clawing at my shoulders and her ankles wrapped so tight around my hips that I can only give short erratic thrusts until I’m coming inside her.

She mewls against my chest biting down on my skin leaving a lovely red mark that I’m tempted to also get tattooed. I want every mark she gives me to remain permanently on my skin. A constant reminder that I belong to her.

“I’m proud of you,” I say as I prop myself up on one arm and stroke my fingers over the scars on her stomach.

“For what?” she asks through a yawn.

“For watching. For not fighting me and letting me kill that bastard for you.” I keep waiting for her to break down and start crying as what happened in the basement catches up with her but she doesn’t seem phased.

“I thought I was going to throw up,” she laughs. “How do you stomach doing that for a living?”

I lift a shoulder. “I think it’s easier for me because I can’t imagine what the person feels like. If you see someone get hurt your mind tells you how it feels, I don’t have that.”

“That makes sense,” she says, then she covers her mouth as she yawns again.

”Get some rest, baby.”

“Not yet. I actually have something to tell you. I was going to tell you when you got home but obviously you were kinda busy and—,”

“Willow, baby, spit it out,” I laugh to hide the nerves from not knowing what she seems so desperate to say.

“I think—no, I know—I’m pregnant,” she says with a nervous smile on her face.

My heart stops and I don’t hear what else she says over the ringing in my ears.

Pregnant?

Shit. I didn’t think this through.

I sit up and run my hands through my damp hair. Of course it was bound to happen. We didn’t use protection but I didn’t plan on keeping her at first and then I just never considered it. Or maybe I did? Did a part of me want this all along? To bind her to me permanently with my baby?

No. I’ve never even thought about having a family before. Never wanted one. The thought of Willow getting pregnant just never entered my head.

“You can’t be. We can’t have a baby, Willow.”

Her face falls and her complexion pales. “But…I thought you wanted this? A life with me? You’re the one that never used protection, I thought this was what you wanted.”

“Yes. A life with you. I want you, Willow, not a baby! This will change everything.”

“You’ll still have me. You’ll always have me, Dean.” She puts her hand over mine and guides it to her stomach. “We’ll just have to be careful of what you do to me when we’re having sex. Just make sure it’s not too rough. Nothing’s really going to change. I mean we just had some pretty mind blowing sex and—”

I snatch my hand back and she flinches away from me. Fuck, how is this all going so wrong?

“No. That’s not how this works. Everything will change! You’re mine. I own you. All of you. You’re not keeping it.”

Willow stands up and backs away from me with her hands pressed to her stomach. I stare at my name etched into her, already branding her as mine and settling the feeling in my stomach of what I need to do.

“You don’t get to choose that! Dean, I love you. I want this baby with you. Please.” Her voice breaks on the last word.

I don’t say anything as I stalk towards her. She backs up until she’s pressed against the wall.

“I’m sorry.” Grabbing her wrists I drag her back to the bed, she digs her heels into the carpet as she fights me the whole way but I pin her down easily.

I reach under the bed for her old restraints I keep stored there just as a precaution, then I secure one to her wrist and loop it around the bed frame before securing the other wrist.

“Dean, stop! Let me go! We just need to talk about this! Please,” she sobs but I don’t listen to her. I can’t. Like Bones said she’s already changed me. I can’t have her changing me anymore and making me see her side of this. I’d do anything for her but I can’t bring myself to do this. It’s my own fault and now she’s the one that’s going to suffer for it.

I’ll get Luka to come and sort the problem out. After that I’ll make sure she’s on birth control and this will never happen again.

“Dean, please don’t hurt the baby. Please!”

I grab some clean clothes off the floor and take them to the door so I don’t have to hear her crying any longer than I have to. Each sob breaks my fucking heart.

“I’m sorry, Willow. This is my fault but I’m going to fix it and I swear I’ll do everything I can to make this as easy as possible for you. I’ll be back soon.”

She’s going to hate me for this but seeing her strength as she let me kill the man that abused her for eighteen years proves to me that she’ll come back from this.

She has to.