Fullepub 
21
21
Maddie wasn’t in our room when I got back, and I didn’t see her until the next morning. I suspected she and Noah had snuck off together for a while.
I hadn’t gone looking for Edan, and apparently, he wasn’t looking for me either. Of course, we’d already established that we were both master avoiders, so I shouldn’t have been surprised.
Maddie was on her bed when I emerged from the shower, and she looked up from her phone and then quickly back down.
I really couldn’t handle things being weird with Maddie and Edan. I took a deep breath, pulling the towel from my hair.
“Are we ever going to talk about this?” I asked.
She looked up with a smile. “Are you ever going to tell me your ideas, or do I have to beg?”
I returned the smile. “Are you going to listen?”
“Yes. I’m sorry that I didn’t. And I never meant to imply that you were stupid.”
“I was maybe projecting some things there.”
“You’re not stupid, you know. I’ve never thought you were.”
“I know. Laurence reminded me yesterday that I have some hang-ups about that. I invited him to come with us today, by the way.”
Her eyes lit up. “Seriously?”
“You said I should invite him.”
“I know, but I didn’t actually think you’d do it!” She bounced onto her knees excitedly. “Can I make him tell us lots of embarrassing stories about you?”
“You can try, but I don’t think he has many.”
She clapped her hands and grabbed her phone. “I’ll text the team. They’ll be excited.”
I sat down on my bed, twisting my towel in my hands. “Things got really weird between me and Edan. I’ve been dying to tell you.”
“Weird how?” She tossed her phone aside and got up to sit next to me.
“It was our last day in Lubbock, and I guess I lost my mind briefly, because I asked him if he was dating Hannah. And then I told him that I was fine with it, which isn’t even true. I’d be devastated if he started dating her. And then he seemed sort of upset or confused or something, and he said he’d been waiting for me.”
Maddie put her arm around me. “Clara, hon, I’m sorry to have to say this to you, but—no shit. Anyone with eyes could see he was waiting for you.”
I moaned, leaning against her. “I screwed it up. I froze up and didn’t say anything, and he just left, and now he’s obviously upset.”
“Listen, you’re going to have to be honest with him. You can’t just keep avoiding it and hope that it goes away.”
“I know.”
“Tell him that you do feel weird about him dating Hannah, but since you’re not ready to date, you’re going to suck it up and be happy for him. Or tell him you love him and you lied and you want to jump his bones immediately. But maybe say it more romantic than that.” She waved her hand. “I don’t know. I’ve never been good at that part.”
“Is there a third option, where I just keep doing nothing and hope it all goes away?”
“Sure. That option ends in the two of you no longer being friends.”
I moaned again.
“I’m going to be totally honest with you, I’ve really tried not to be pushy, but I don’t get why you’re still waffling about Edan. You’re obviously into him. He’s into you. It’s been months since Julian. Do you seriously still think you can’t be trusted to make good dating decisions?”
I straightened. “It’s not just that. It also really annoys me that Julian is the thing that defines me to a lot of people. To all the recruits, to people I’ve never even met. I’m just Julian’s ex-girlfriend. I wanted to be seen as someone who has her shit together and is totally independent and isn’t just someone’s girlfriend.”
“Who cares what other people think?” she said. “No one gets to define you but you. If you don’t want to date, fine. Don’t date. But just because you don’t need a guy doesn’t mean you can’t want one. It doesn’t make you less of a badass.”
“Yeah,” I said softly.
“But you know who you should really be talking about all of this with?”
“A therapist?” I guessed with a smile.
“Yep.”
“That one I saw back in May does Skype sessions, doesn’t she?”
“She sure does. You want me to schedule an appointment for you?”
“Yeah.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “I’m a really good influence on you, you know that?”
I burst out laughing. She grinned.
“What? I am.”
Laurence was waiting in the lobby, talking to Edan, when Maddie and I stepped off the elevator. Edan caught my eye briefly as we approached and quickly looked away.
“I see you roped your brother into following league guys around all day,” he said, looking at Laurence instead of at me.
“I figured he’d want to see firsthand the exciting life I lead,” I said. A hint of a smile crossed Edan’s face, but vanished quickly.
“This is Madison,” I said, gesturing to her. She extended her hand.
“Laurence. Nice to meet you.”
“You too.” She released his hand and looked him up and down. “You guys don’t look alike.”
We really didn’t. Laurence looked a little more like Dad, and I resembled Mom.
The rest of the team arrived with a ding of the elevator, and I introduced them to Laurence. Priya held his hand for a moment after shaking it.
“We’ve heard a lot about you,” she said.
Laurence looked skeptical, and then worried. “You have?”
“Well, Clara has mentioned you more than once, which for her is basically gushing.”
“Priya,” I said with an embarrassed laugh. Laurence looked at the ground.
She finally let go of his hand. “What? It’s true.”
“Come on,” Maddie said, heading to the door and leading us all outside. She stopped in front of the van and looked at Laurence. “Do you have a gun?”
He didn’t answer for a moment, like he didn’t realize she was talking to him. “Me? No.” He glanced at me in confusion. “Why would I have a gun?”
“You’re a Texan,” Maddie said. “Don’t lots of people here carry guns?”
“I guess some do. Were you hoping I had a gun?”
“No!” she said quickly. “I was going to tell you not to use it if you did. They’re pretty ineffective against scrabs; you’d just end up shooting us by accident. And Clara’s already been shot once.”
He looked at me in horror. “You were shot?”
“Not really. The bullet barely grazed me.”
“Who shot you?”
“It was an accident. The bullet ricocheted off a scrab.”
“Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?” Patrick asked. “What was his name?”
“Hunter. Grayson sent to him to join the teams in China. None of them have guns there.” Maddie returned her attention to Laurence. “Do you have any other weapons on you?”
Laurence looked confused. “Uh . . . no? I have a pocket knife on my keychain, but it’s not very big.”
“Maddie,” Edan said with a laugh. “Why are you concerned that he’s armed? Are you expecting trouble?”
“I’m always expecting trouble,” she replied. “But seriously, if we run into scrabs today, you might want a weapon. We have extra machetes in back.”
Laurence glanced behind him. “You do?”
“Of course.”
“We’re probably not going to run into scrabs,” I said.
“We are literally headed out to look for scrabs,” Maddie said.
“That’s a good point.” I glanced nervously at Laurence. I’d assumed we’d just be in the van all day. Now I wondered if it had been stupid to bring him.
“It’ll be fine,” Maddie said, clearly noticing my expression. “We can protect you if we need to. And you had combat class in high school, right?”
“Y—yes.” He looked worried suddenly. “Wait, you’re looking for scrabs? In Dallas?”
“Get in,” I said, pulling the van door open. “We’ll explain on the way.”
“You regret agreeing to come today, don’t you?” I asked Laurence after I finished telling him about our discovery in Lubbock.
“Five hundred?” he repeated incredulously. He was sitting next to me in the first row of the van behind Maddie. “You think Julian stole five hundred scrabs and brought them to Dallas?”
“Or one of his league buddies,” Edan said, glancing back at us briefly from the passenger’s seat.
“So now you’re tailing Julian and these league guys to try and find the scrabs?” Laurence asked.
“Yep,” Maddie replied. “If the Lubbock police find something, then we’ll head back there, but for now, Julian and the league is the best lead we have.”
“What would Julian even do with them?” Laurence asked.
“Our best guess is try and sell them,” I said.
“Or he could have just moved them,” Patrick said. “Dropped them at a different MDG facility, since he knew we were closing in on Dust Storm.”
“Hopefully not,” Maddie said. “And I’d be surprised if they had two huge facilities in Texas. Or even two huge facilities in the whole country. It’s incredibly risky.”
“It was there for fifteen years?” Laurence asked. “And the police never noticed?”
“I mean, I’m sure they noticed,” Maddie said. “But they either didn’t know they had scrabs in there, or they paid off a few officers to keep it quiet.”
“They still haven’t released the news about the facility yet, which is highly suspect,” Patrick said.
“I’m giving them a few more hours, and then I’m sending my pictures and videos to my contact at the Post,” Maddie said.
“Do you think they’re trying to cover it up?” Laurence asked.
“I really don’t know,” Maddie replied. “I’d like to get proof that Julian did it before I leak it, but if we can’t get anything today, I think I’m going to do it anyway. At least it will put some pressure on him.”
She pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant and came to a stop. Dorsey and Patrick climbed out.
“You forgot your hat,” Noah said, throwing it to Dorsey.
“I didn’t forget it so much as deliberately leave it behind,” Dorsey said, wrinkling his nose as he turned it around in his hand.
“What do you have against baseball caps?” Patrick asked. He was wearing one too, an attempt to fly under the radar at the happy hour.
“They’re not my best look. We should have gone with a cowboy hat. We’re in Texas, and I think I’d be cute in a cowboy hat.”
“No one actually wears cowboy hats here. Unless you’re going to the rodeo.” Patrick looked at me for confirmation.
“It’s true,” I said. “You’ll draw attention to yourself by wearing a cowboy hat, which is the exact opposite of what we’re going for.”
Dorsey sighed and put the hat on. “Fine. I still think we should have gone with a fake mustache, though.”
“You’re not actually in disguise here—we’re just trying to stay under the radar so we don’t get our asses kicked,” Patrick said. “Also, I’m sorry, but you would look terrible with a mustache.”
Laila raised her eyebrows like she agreed. Noah laughed.
“Hey!” Dorsey looked insulted. “Now I’m going to grow one just to prove you wrong.”
Patrick snorted. “I hope you do so I can make fun of you for it every day.”
“Text us updates, OK?” Maddie said. “Split up when you get in there—they’re more likely to place you if you’re together.”
“And don’t be too obvious,” Priya said. “Try to be casual while you gently inquire whether they stole five hundred scrabs.”
“Casual prodding, got it.” Dorsey pulled the door shut, and they both waved before turning to walk toward the restaurant.
Maddie drove about ten minutes down the road, to the conference hotel. Laila unhooked her seat belt and reached for the door. She was going to the lobby to wait for Julian to come out.
“Are we sure she should go by herself?” Noah asked.
“I’ll be fine,” Laila said. “Trust me, Julian doesn’t even remember me. He barely said two words to me when I was on his team. And he looked right through me when he saw me in London. No recognition at all.”
“He really was the worst team leader, wasn’t he?” Priya said.
I looked down at my hands. Sometimes I was still hit with a wave of shame about Julian—I’d been so wrapped up in how he treated me that I hardly noticed that he could barely pretend to care about the rest of the team.
“Their meeting is supposed to end at five,” Maddie said as Laila hopped out. “Maybe poke around the conference rooms if it’s possible to do so discreetly. And text us updates.”
“Got it,” Laila said. She hopped out and closed the door behind her. I watched as she walked across the parking lot and disappeared through the front doors.
Noah looked at his phone. “It’s only four thirty.”
“I know, but I didn’t want to miss him, in case they finished early,” Maddie said. She twisted around in her seat to look at Laurence. “I hope you weren’t expecting excitement.”
“I was hoping for the opposite, honestly.”
I smiled at him. It felt a bit awkward having him here, but not entirely terrible.
Priya leaned forward, resting her chin on the back of our seat. “Why did I think you lived in Oklahoma?”
“I did, but only for a few months,” Laurence said.
“Why’d you come back?”
Laurence and I glanced at each other briefly, my uncertainty reflected in his eyes.
“Our mom asked him to,” I said, after a silence that had stretched out a bit too long.
“Oh,” Priya said. She knew enough about my family not to pry further.
Our phones all buzzed, and I looked down to see a message from Laila to the team.
Maddie sighed. “Of course Julian was running late.” She looked out the front window, at the huge, mostly empty, parking lot. Her face brightened suddenly. “Oh! Let’s teach Edan to drive.”
“What?” Edan straightened, alarmed. “No.”
“Yes!” Priya clapped.
Maddie pointed out the front windshield. “Look. It’s perfect. There’s tons of space.”
Edan shook his head. “I don’t want to learn to drive. I’m an avid pedestrian.”
“Too bad,” Maddie said, starting the van. “You’re in Texas now. Land of gas-guzzling trucks and terrible public transportation. You’re learning to drive.”
Laurence chuckled and glanced at me. “Did you ever learn to drive? I only took you out once.”
“Yeah. I sort of learned just by doing it.”
“When they stole an MDG van after getting kidnapped,” Maddie said, driving to the emptiest part of the parking lot.
“And then Patrick taught me to drive stick a few months ago,” I said.
“See?” Maddie said. “You have it easy, Edan. It’s automatic.”
“Fine, but if I wreck the van, I don’t want to hear shit from any of you.”
“How are you going to wreck the van in an empty parking lot?” She pulled in, put the van in park, and hopped out. Edan reluctantly got out and trudged over to the driver’s seat.
Maddie slid into the passenger’s seat and hooked her seat belt. “OK, Edan, let’s go.” She waved her hands forward.
“Let’s go?” he repeated. “That’s it?”
“I mean, do you really need me to tell you to put your foot on the brake and put the car in drive?”
“Maddie, you’re terrible at this,” I said with a laugh.
Noah looked up from his phone. “Maybe the rest of us should get out.”
“Shush,” Maddie said, waving a hand at him without turning around. “Fine, Edan, ease your foot off the brake slowly or whatever.”
“Or whatever,” Edan grumbled, but he put the van in drive and we began to inch forward, very slowly.
“Well, we clearly don’t have to worry about you wrecking anything, because it’s going to take us all day just to get to the other end of the parking lot,” Maddie said. Priya giggled.
“I could do without the commentary, thank you very much.”
His phone buzzed in the cupholder.
“Do you want me to see who that is?” Maddie asked.
“It’s fine, it’s probably just Hannah.”
My chest tightened, and Maddie stole a quick look back at me.
“You know you have to press on the gas to actually make it move faster, right?” she said, returning her attention to Edan.
“I’m getting there.”
Maddie looked back at Laurence. “So, Laurence, how was Oklahoma?”
“It was fine. Boring.”
“Do you like Dallas? Are you going to stay?”
He shrugged. “It’s fine, I guess.”
Maddie looked from me to him. “I see the family resemblance now,” she said dryly.
Laila finally spotted Julian leaving the hotel an hour later, and she jogged out of the hotel and hopped into the van.
“You see the black car?” she asked Maddie.
“I see it,” Maddie said, easing the van across the parking lot. A black town car was turning out of the hotel parking lot.
“I heard some of the guys talking about dinner tonight,” Laila said. “But not until eight.”
“And Dorsey and Patrick said that the happy hour is wrapping up,” Noah said, glancing down at his phone. It was nearly six. “So, he’s probably not going there.”
“Hopefully he doesn’t notice us,” Maddie murmured as she pulled onto the street. “I probably should have bought another, more discreet car.”
Laurence and I exchanged an amused look.
“She bought this?” he asked me quietly.
“It’s used!” Maddie exclaimed. “Actually, do you want a fifteen-passenger van? You can have it after we leave, if you want.”
“Uh, I think I’m OK, thanks,” Laurence said, trying not to laugh. Edan looked back at us and rolled his eyes in Maddie’s direction.
We followed Julian down the street, through heavy traffic for about fifteen minutes. The car turned into a parking lot next to a white brick building with a sign that said THOMLINSON MARKET on the front.
Maddie slowed the van. “What is that?”
“Hold on, I’m . . .” Noah typed quickly on his phone. “A butcher! And convenience store. But from the reviews, people mostly come here for the meat.”
Maddie turned in to the parking lot next door. It was a deserted donut shop that looked like it had been closed for years, and we were the only car in the lot.
“Scrabs eat meat, don’t they?” Laurence asked. He looked nervous.
Across the road, Julian climbed out of the back seat of the car. Two young men, maybe in their early twenties, climbed out of their pickup truck. The door to the market opened, and a man pushed out a cart full of something packed in brown paper bags. Another man followed behind him with another overflowing cart.
“They sure do,” Maddie said. “And if you have five hundred scrabs in one place, you’re going to need a lot of meat.” She grabbed her phone, aiming it out the windshield. She snapped a few pictures. She lowered it suddenly. “Shit.”
Julian was staring straight at us. He started walking in our direction, so fast he was practically running. I could see the fury on his face as he got closer. He looked both ways, and then began across the street.
“Uh, Maddie, this guy already tried to kill me once,” Edan said nervously.
“You’re right, I’m going.” Maddie tossed Edan her phone and threw the van into drive. She hit the gas, and we peeled out onto the street, leaving Julian in our dust.
We picked up Dorsey and Patrick, who’d come up empty-handed at the happy hour, and headed back to our hotel.
“These photos don’t prove anything,” Patrick said, scrolling through Maddie’s phone as we walked across the parking lot. He handed it back to her. “We should find out who those two guys are, though.”
“That’s what I was thinking,” Maddie said. “I would have stayed longer, but Julian had his murder face on.”
“He sure did,” Edan muttered, and then shivered. Laurence glanced at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read.
“I’ll hold off on sending this to my guy at the Post. I’m going to go call him with everything else, though. I’m done waiting for the police to get their act together.” Maddie turned to face us. “Laurence, are you coming up?”
He stopped as we reached the hotel entrance. “No, I should head back. Thanks, though. For . . .”
“Terrifying you with Edan’s driving skills?” Maddie guessed.
“Hey!” Edan looked insulted.
“Or terrifying you by following around a guy with five hundred scrabs?” Maddie guessed again.
Laurence laughed. “Uh, both. It was nice to meet you guys.”
The team said goodbye to Laurence, and I hung back as they walked inside.
“Thanks for coming today,” I said. “I know it was kind of boring.”
“I’m not sure that boring is the word. Is this what you guys usually do?”
“No, there’s usually a lot more scrab fighting. And blood.”
He cocked his head, squinting through the sun, setting behind me. “I don’t think I realized exactly what you guys were doing out there. This is some intense shit. And Julian . . .”
I looked at him expectantly as he considered his next words.
“He’s scarier in person,” he finally said. “I got a bad feeling from him on the phone, but I thought maybe that was just because you’d told me what he did. But that’s the sort of dude I would turn and walk the other way if I saw him coming.”
“That is a good instinct.”
He hesitated for a moment, glancing up at the hotel. “You know someone took a picture of you guys here and put it on social media, right?”
“Yeah, Maddie mentioned it. A group shot of us checking in, right? People often notice us when we’re together like that.”
“Yeah.” He slid his hands into his pockets. “It’s just that if I know, then Julian may know.”
“He may, but we stick together. I won’t go taking any walks by myself or anything.”
He nodded. “I try to steer clear of talking about you with Mom and Dad, so I don’t know how much they keep tabs on you. What do you want me to say if they ask if I’ve seen you?”
“You can tell them you have. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t keep track of me at all, though.” I looked past him. “Mom’s never even emailed or tried to make contact once since I called her from Atlanta.”
“Do you want her to?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. I liked the space at first, but then it just started to feel like she didn’t even care.”
“She does,” he said quietly. “She’s always going to choose Dad, but she does care about you. In fact, she said something once that kind of made me think she was proud of you.”
“What?”
“She said that you were a lot like her, but braver. She said, ‘I don’t know why I was surprised when Clara joined those teams. I always knew she was the brave one.’”
“I kind of wish she’d called and said that to me.”
“I think she’s not sure if you want her to.”
“I’m not sure if I want her to either.” I blew out an annoyed breath. “I told Maddie I’d go to therapy. Maybe they can help me sort it out.”
“Tell me what they say—maybe we can both sort it out.” He laughed, though it wasn’t exactly cheerful. “I’m not doing any better than you. I’m just getting sucked back into everything.”
“We’re a mess.”
“We are.” He laughed again, and then looked back at his truck. “I should get going.”
“Thanks for coming today.”
“Sure. It was fun, actually. In a way.”
I smiled, and we both just stood there for a moment. I didn’t know if we were supposed to hug, but I was surprised to discover that I actually wanted to hug him.
I wasn’t exactly sure how to go about that, though. I could have just stepped forward and hugged him, but the potential awkwardness of that kept my feet rooted to the ground.
He took a step back. “I will . . . talk to you soon, then?”
“Yeah,” I said. I lifted a hand. “Bye, Laurence.”
