36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Logan

As soon as Hunter's front door opened, he stood there with red-rimmed eyes, his dark brown hair growing out. His lips trembled, and he fell into me. We were all a little raw. My eyes watered, too, but I held back the tears. This was Hunter's time.

I didn't know how long I held him as he sobbed on his front porch.

"I'm so sorry, Hunt. It fucking hurts."

"God, I told you to go on this trip, but I missed the hell out of you. I'm so glad you're here." His voice was shaky and wet.

"I wanted to be here." He insisted I continue on my trip, but now I regretted not ignoring him and just flying back as I'd intended.

"And you are."

"Hunter, I'm—"

"Don't tell me you're sorry. I wanted you to go, and I don't regret making you. I'm just so fucking glad you're here. That's all. It was good for you, I can tell." He stepped back and eyed me up and down. "You look really good—refreshed and lighter."

"I feel lighter."

Hunter pulled out a pack of cigarettes and handed me a smoke. I took it, and once they were lit up, he walked off, and I followed him into the woods across the street and to the creek that belonged to just us, or so I imagined.

Maybe one day I'd take Nick there and show him all my other special places.

We didn't rehash the trip. I already told him all about Nick and me over the phone last night and that we were together for the long haul. Hunter accepted everything, but he had some opinions about our relationship, worried about how others would look at us. I had no intention of letting anyone know Nick and I were stepbrothers except within the immediate family and close friends.

The hardest part would be the day we had to explain it to Hannah when she got older. She would only see us as brothers, whether or not Nick and I were actually related. But we had time to figure things out.

"How are your dad and Julia holding up?"

"Julia is struggling, man. She's so little and keeps asking why Mom had to die. Dad's doing his best to hold everything all together for us, but in private, I know he loses it. I've heard him letting out a choked sob a couple of times."

Fuck, this was all so visceral, reminding me of my loss and how Dad had handled it.

We stood there, not saying anything, and finished our cigarettes, putting them out in the creek. Hunter and I were always good together in silence.

"Does it ever get easier?" he asked.

"Yeah, it does. You'll have setbacks, but eventually, you'll feel a little better. You won't ever stop missing your mom, but one day it won't sting as much."

He nodded.

We hung out for another hour, smoking and talking more about the trip and our plans once we were back in school.

"I guess we should get back."

"Yeah."

When I started to walk off, he grabbed my arm. "Wait… Listen, Logan. You and Nick won't always have it easy, but I wish you two the best. I'm so glad you finally found someone to love and who loves you back. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Hunt. That means a lot."

He huffed a laugh. "Maybe one day, I'll find someone to put up with my weirdness."

"You will. One day, someone will see what an amazing person you are."

The funeral had been held in the historical Vienna Presbyterian Church. The McKnights weren't overly religious, but it was what Hunter's grandparents wanted.

It was weird to see Hunter wearing a suit, but at least it was in black because I couldn't imagine him in any other color.

During the service, I sat with my parents and Nick at my side, wearing a navy suit and a red paisley tie.

I wanted so much to hold Nick's hand, but it was Mia who grabbed my hand instead.

"You hanging in there, sweetheart?" she whispered.

I was until she asked me, making my eyes water, but I nodded. "Yeah."

I'd already thanked her for all she did for Hunter and his family. She'd rallied the neighborhood to help feed them and keep their house clean. That was the beauty of a small town.

After the service, there was a reception at Hunter's house that Mia also helped to organize, so the McKnights only had to worry about showing up. God, I'd have to do something nice for her and appreciate her more.

When the reception wrapped up, Hunter and I talked for a bit longer with Nick by my side, but Hunter was emotionally exhausted and sent us home so he could go to bed early. At least he had plans to fly back to Berkeley with me, needing to get a break far away from here.

I gave my condolences to Mr. McKnight and hugged little Julia before I left with Nick.

While I tossed and turned later that night, Nick snuck into my room and crawled into bed with me.

"Can't sleep?"

I shook my head and nuzzled my face into his throat, gripping the hell out of him, worried that if I let go, he'd float away from me forever.

"I can't either."

"I'm going to tell them tomorrow. Are you still with me?"

"Always."

Nick pulled away and slid down my body, pulling down my underwear. He wasted no time in getting me hard and coming. The relief was fleeting, but it was enough to make me sleepy.

He lay back down with me, pulled me against him, and I held him all night long, grateful for his presence and helping me keep my shit together.

"Who do you belong to?" he asked.

I chuckled, more at ease now, thanks to Nick. "You."

"That's right. And I belong to you."

We were all sitting at the dinner table the next night, but I wasn't hungry, picking at my food. I'd spent the entire day rehashing what I'd planned to say to them. Everything sounded worse than the next. But it was all going to be shit regardless, so in the end, it really didn't matter how I said it.

Dad and Mia quietly ate dinner while Hannah sat in her highchair, shoving a handful of spaghetti noodles into her mouth, making a mess while Nick kept giving me worried looks.

My stomach twisted and turned hard enough to make me nauseous. I needed to trust our parents with the recent news. I'd already dumped that I was gay on them, but how would they take this new arrangement? Would Mia hate me for ‘corrupting' her son? She'd been so nice to me, and I'd hate to ruin this tentative relationship we'd been forming before it even began.

I glanced at Nick, whose dark eyes read me so well. He could tell I wanted to say something soon.

God, did we really have to tell them? Nick said he didn't care either way. Before I could back out, Nick put down his fork, wiped his mouth with his napkin, and grabbed my hand under the table.

"Wyatt, Mom? Logan and I have something to tell you." Fuck, he was so much braver than me. Despite my all-consuming fear, I let him run the show. He looked at me for permission, and I nodded.

My dad and Mia glanced at each other with knowing eyes and grabbed each other's hand. Oh, hell no. There's no way they figured it out . Nick and I had been fucking careful.

"Are you going to tell us that you and Logan have developed more than a friendship while on your trip?"

I swore that Nick's jaw dropped straight into his dinner plate of spaghetti. "H-how did…? Wh-when? Huh?"

"Well said, Nick," I chuckled, despite my growing nausea.

Mia looked at my dad and then back at us. "We've been meaning to talk to you both about it, but the timing hasn't been right. Since we're here now, let's talk. Wyatt, do you want to start?"

"I'm going to admit, I'm confused. You two never got along. Suddenly, you return not only as close friends, but you're… dating? Is that what this is?"

My heart hammered so hard in my chest that I rubbed it to ease the pain. Dad's face was blank and unreadable. His tone was too neutral. What did that mean? He wasn't screaming, so that was a bonus. But sometimes he seethed in silence when he was pissed.

God, should I admit my feelings for Nick from early on? Or treat it as something new?

"It just sort of happened," Nick admitted. "We hadn't planned any of this, but… Logan admitted he was gay, so things just fell into place for me about why he was so closed off and broody. We started really talking and learning about each other in a more profound way. But then I found myself falling for him. I know it's totally weird to be crushing on your stepbrother and that I'd never been interested in a guy before, but I feel so comfortable around Logan. Once we got past our issues, I wanted to explore things. But we're beyond that now."

Mia's eyes were wide as they pinged back and forth between us. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and directed my attention at her since it was her son, who she always believed to be straight.

"Nick and I didn't get along because of me. I've loved Nick for years and always believed it was impossible. I'd been in the closet and he's my stepbrother… It's a disaster in the making, and it turned me volatile, taking it all out on poor Nick. So, don't let him tell you it was all him."

Nick squeezed my hand and smiled softly. "We both went into this with eyes wide open and totally amazing communication. We talked about all of this, the consequences, whether to tell you everything."

"I-I don't understand, Nick. You're straight. You were with Lauren for years," Mia said.

He shrugged as if it were no big deal when this was massive and life changing. "Apparently, I'm pansexual. I can fall for whomever, regardless of gender. I just have to find the right person, I guess. It's not that I'm attracted to men per se—only Logan, at least that I'm aware of. And please know that Logan fought me on this at first, so don't believe for a second, he coerced me or talked me into it. No matter his feelings for me, he never wanted to disrupt this family."

Wyatt sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "There are some things I need to say here. While I don't understand sexuality like this at all, Mia and I love you both. Never question that. But this… You two are stepbrothers, and you share a sister. I… I'm not sure how to explain this to the outside world so that they understand. I'm not even sure I fully understand. This relationship is all a bit taboo, and we live in a small town. People gossip and distort the truth all the time."

Mia nodded. "This is a lot, but we love you. It's just…"

You could cut the tension in the room. Still, our parents weren't yelling at us and didn't disown us… Silver linings. "So don't tell anyone. Nick and I don't plan to be open with our relationship like that, if that's what you're worried about. We want to be careful about this." I glanced at Nick and pulled his hand tighter. "We met two gay men while on the road. They still live in secret because of their jobs, but they've been together for over a decade, and they're happy. The difference is one of them lost their family over it, and I never wanted that to happen here. Nick and I wanted to be honest, but we don't want to lose you as parents."

We sat quietly at the table for a while, processing all this before Dad finally spoke up. "That's all well and good, but what about Hannah?"

Nick stood and took his plate to the sink, dropped it in, and leaned against the counter, folding his arms and looking at our sister. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We won't be living at home as she grows up. As she gets older, we can decide how to handle it."

"You're adults, and you're not related by blood. We won't tell you what to do, and while Wyatt and I are pleased you both have been talking a lot about this, life won't be easy," Mia said. "And it's going to take adjustment on our part."

"We're prepared, Mom. We know." Nick walked back to the table and squatted in front of his mother. "Logan and I aren't asking you to understand, but please forgive us. Don't resent us. And… don't hate us. Please."

Her eyes watered, and she touched her son's face. "We don't resent you, sweetheart. Wyatt and I are only worried about your well-being."

"That's all we ask."

He sat back down with me, grabbing my hand again, which instantly had me at ease. I swear, his touch was fucking magic or something.

"How did you figure it out? Nick and I were so damn careful."

"I was the first to notice. When I mentioned it to Wyatt, he started to see it, too. You two may not have been touching or close to each other all the time. But you couldn't hide how you two looked at each other." For the first time, Mia chuckled. "Remember, you two have been at each other's throats for years, then suddenly you have moon eyes. It was quite obvious, really. We both wondered if you would tell us or not. If you didn't, Wyatt and I would've brought it up, regardless."

My face burned, and so did Nick's. "So much for that," he laughed.

Nick and I were safe for now. Safe within our little family and friends. All those who were essential to us knew about us. And they still loved us.

That night, Nick crawled into bed with me again, this time with less apprehension and nerves than before.

"Don't worry, I'm not here for head. I'm too fucking drained."

I laughed. "Then why are you here?"

"To tell you I've come to a decision."

"That must've been totally hard."

He climbed on me and straddled my body, slapping my chest. "Be nice, or I'm going to leave, Snuggles."

"Ow!"

"Seriously. I'm coming to Berkeley."

I sat up and held him to me. "Say what?"

"Yep, I can't do this long-distance thing in two different schools."

"We'd only be an hour away from each other," I teased him, but I was seriously going to miss him, too. Regardless, I couldn't risk him missing out on his tennis scholarship for me.

"You know what I mean. Even at Berkeley, we wouldn't be able to sleep together all night, but at least we'd be closer."

"No. You have too much to lose. I'll come to you."

"Look, going to Stanford had been a plan with Lauren. I want to start fresh. And I'm not talking about this semester. It's already too late for that. But I'm going to transfer everything for next semester. Besides, I've already called about transferring. I've got a better chance of getting into Berkeley as a transfer student than you do transferring to Stanford. And Berkeley takes students mid-year. They also have a good tennis program. It's easier for me."

"You've already researched this?"

"Yep, I did some calling. I'm smart like that."

I laughed as the world just fucking righted itself. "Have I told you I loved you?"

Nick pretended to think. "Only about ten times. You're short a few."

"Ass."