3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Logan

Hunter and I came to this party to unwind and have fun, but neither of us was in the mood. We had to make our appearance, anyway, so we tucked ourselves against a wall to drink and people-watch. As much as we needed to socialize, our vibe definitely told everyone to ‘back off.'

"Careful, he caught you watching him," Hunter said as I stared at Nick dancing with Lauren, unable to pry my eyes off him like some deranged stalker. "I love him giving you the bird, though. He's got some balls on him."

I grunted in acknowledgment and took a long pull from my beer bottle. He really did. Nick never backed down when I pushed.

I couldn't take my eyes off my stepbrother, fucking hating that he always sucked me in, like I had no control over myself whenever he was close. Nick pulled me in magnetically, not just from his appearance but also from his overall vibe, with his ready smile, outgoing personality, and always full of vibrant energy. Everyone liked him.

With more strength than I knew I had, I yanked my eyes away because I didn't want anyone to notice. It took exhaustive effort to hide my sexuality. How did one successfully hide their true self? It felt impossible to pretend to be someone else sometimes. It was also suffocating, making me feel alone even when I was constantly surrounded by people. The mood between Hunter and me didn't help, either.

Nick's energy yanked at my attention when he returned from the kitchen with a beer and a cooler for Lauren. Right before he reached her, the entire scene suddenly shifted. No longer was he my happy-go-lucky stepbrother. Instead, the room grew ice cold, and his face was both hurt and angry. They were fine walking into the party and dancing, but something had dramatically shifted.

Suddenly, she started crying, and her friends wrapped their arms around her protectively as Nick stormed off.

"Oh, shit. Did they just break up?" Hunter asked. "I thought those two were glued at the hip."

My eyes traced Nick until I couldn't see him any longer when he headed outside with a bottle of liquor. "Same here."

"Maybe you should go to him and see how he's doing. I bet he's hurting right now."

"No."

"Man, I know you don't like him despite wanting him, but at the end of the day, he's family, whether you like it or not."

Hunter was right, but I couldn't bring myself to chase after Nick. I didn't trust myself not to do something stupid like brush away his tears and tell him I'd never hurt him, even though I'd done just that countless times. Why should he trust me? Even worse, I might tell him I loved him.

"No," I said again, not having any valid or rational reason for not helping Nick.

Hunter shrugged. "Suit yourself."

I pulled out my smokes and lit one as I finished my beer. "Can I get you another?"

Hunter eyed the bottle in his hand. "Yeah."

Taking a drag of my cigarette, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed two beers from a cooler, doing everything possible not to look out the kitchen bay window. I didn't want to see Nick. If I did, he'd pull me into his orbit, and then I'd be forced to go out there.

I quickly returned and handed Hunter his beer.

"Man, I'm not in the mood for a party. I thought coming here would help push through some pain with Mom, but everything just seems so…"

"Inconsequential?"

"Yeah."

I nodded and took another drag, blowing out a stream of smoke as ‘Blue Monday' by New Order vibrated through the speakers, drawing everyone to the temporary dance floor.

"I felt the same way when my mom died. It was like what was the point of it all if you can just die so randomly? You never know when to expect it. And worrying about shit out of your control is stupid, yet we all do it, anyway."

Hunter grunted in agreement, taking a sip of his beer. "And the only ones who suffer are those left behind."

We clinked our bottles together. "Exactly."

"Logan?"

I glanced down at April, who ran a hand over my chest. She looked at me with glassy green eyes and a stupid grin. Her dark brown hair was teased and big, and her makeup was smeared. She was clearly drunk.

"What's up, April?"

April was the head cheerleader from high school who'd had a crush on me for about a year now. I'd been avoiding her like the plague, just waiting for school to be over so I didn't have to pretend to like girls anymore.

"You look dope tonight, Logan…"

"And you look drunk."

Hunter scoffed and shook his head. "Dude, you're such a dick sometimes."

Fuck, I was being a dick. I just didn't want to be here, and I definitely didn't want to get hit on. We really needed to blow out of here.

"Sorry, you look good, too, April."

She snuggled in close to me and rested her head against my chest. Jesus . I rolled my eyes and eased her off me.

"I'm not looking to date, April."

She feigned a pout. "You never date anyone."

I ignored the sudden knot in my stomach. "High school's over, and we're all off to different colleges. What's the point?"

Her fingers walked along my chest, and she bit her red-stained bottom lip. "We don't have to date , silly willy."

Any other guy would love to bang her, so my turning her down looked bad, but I wasn't about to fuck her. "Not tonight, April. You've been drinking too much."

"I can handle myself."

"You heard him, April. He said no."

April suddenly noticed Hunter and scowled at him. "No one asked you, freak."

"Fuck off, April," I snapped. "Leave Hunter alone." No one fucking messed with my best friend, and everyone knew it, but she was too drunk to shut her mouth. "Walk away now. We're not going to fuck."

She mumbled a slur that gut-punched me as she walked away. I wasn't sure if she figured out if I was gay or if she said that after being hurt by my rejection. Either way, it stung.

"Sorry, Hunt. She shouldn't have said that."

"It's not your fault. And she shouldn't have said that shit to you, either." Hunter chugged the rest of his beer. "I'm outta here. This party blows."

"Yeah, I'm gonna bounce, too. Call you later."

We shook hands, and he left to drive himself home.

Before I headed out to my truck, I stopped in my tracks.

Dammit .

Nick had just lost his girlfriend, or they had a massive blowout, and then he headed out back with an entire bottle of hard liquor. He was probably trashed by now, so I couldn't have him drive home drunk. Since I barely drank anything tonight, Dad would fucking kill me if I left him behind.

I put out my cigarette in a plastic cup, a third full of backwashed beer on a table, and walked away in search of my beloved stepbrother.

The party was in full swing, with people in the pool in various states of undress, some fully clothed while others were completely naked. The air was heavy with clouds of smoke from cigarettes and weed, and the house was trashed. Will's parents had a lot of money, so they probably had an entire crew to clean up the disaster.

After some searching, I found Nick with his back turned to the party, sitting on a lawn chair, staring out at the woods behind the house and ignoring the chaos behind him.

Before I could reach him, Will, the man of the hour, stopped me. He was fucking gorgeous, with black hair and cold blue eyes. While hot, I'd only ever been attracted to Nick.

"Hey, Logan. You're entirely too sober," he said, slurring his words as badly as April had.

"What's up, Will? Awesome party, man."

We shook hands, and I tried to walk away before he stopped me again. I had to force my eyes off Nick to focus on Will.

"Dude, you look entirely too sober," he said again.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. "Yeah, I need to get my… brother home." I winced, hating calling Nick that. "He's trashed, and I think he and Lauren broke up. Gotta bring him home."

Will turned to glance at Nick. "Bummer. Yeah, I tried talking to him, but he shoved me away."

"Sorry, gotta go."

I walked away, solely focused on Nick, and came to stand in front of him. He hunched forward with the half-finished bottle that he'd snagged earlier in his hand. Fuck, he was going to be trashed. I took the bottle out of his hand and read the label. Southern Comfort . That shit was lighter fuel and would get you drunker than hell.

"Come on. Let's get you home," I said and reached for his arm to lift him to stand.

He yanked himself out of my grasp. "Fuck off, Logan." His words were slurred, so the liquor was already hitting him, which was only going to get worse as time went on.

"You're drunk, and we need to get you home. We'll get your car tomorrow."

He looked up at me with so much hurt in those dark eyes of his—eyes that started to leak. I'd never so much as seen Nick shed a tear as long as I'd known him. Boys were taught not to cry at an early age. I swallowed my empathy for him.

"I'm not ready to go. I have half of a bottle left of… what am I drinking?"

"You're not finishing that unless you want to die of alcohol poisoning."

He scoffed, snagged the bottle from me, and took another sip of defiance. "Why do you even care, Not Brother ? You're just worried Mom and Wyatt will get pissed at you for leaving me here trashed."

True. But I didn't want to see Nick wreck in his car and die, either. Or have someone killed in the process.

I yanked the bottle from him again and poured it out onto the grass. "We're done."

Instead of getting pissed off as I'd expected, he put his head into his hands and sobbed.

Fuck my life .

This was bad, but no doubt the alcohol made it all feel exponentially worse.

"We're over. She hid shit from me."

I shifted on my feet, and my skin grew itchy. I was not used to consoling anyone other than Hunter. But I also wanted to sit on that fucking chair, wrap Nick up in my arms, and tell him he wasn't alone.

I drew on my well of anger to push out the undesirable thoughts about my stepbrother and yanked him to his feet. "Let's do this at home."

Nick didn't fight me as I snuck him around the side of the house and straight to my truck, so no one saw him sobbing.

I sat him in the passenger seat and reached over to buckle him up, inhaling his strong cologne, the alcohol, and his own scent that I would recognize anywhere.

With a deep sigh, I shut his door, climbed into the driver's seat, and drove us home.

"Two and a half years, man… How could she?"

"She cheat on you or something?"

Did I really want to know? Hell no. It was better when Nick wasn't single, despite loathing it when he kissed her or hearing them go at it in his room between our too-thin walls.

"No," he wailed, wiping his nose on his jacket sleeve. "That would be better, right? Then I could be angry. Anger is better than… whatever the fuck this is… Tears and snot?"

Fuck, his words hit down to my very soul.

"Well, then, what was it?"

"She got into Columbia University."

I glanced at him with a raised brow. "So?"

His dark eyes were wet and wide, looking at me like I'd lost my mind.

"So? We had a plan, a plan she changed so I wouldn't have a place in her life."

"Ah, so she told you this at the party? Kind of bitchy."

"No, I overheard her and her best friends. She planned to keep on fucking me, and then ‘Oops, I meant to tell you I'm not going to Stanford after all. Bye!' " he said in a high-pitched voice. "So, I dumped her."

"Fair."

He scoffed. "That's it? ‘Fair?' "

"What do you want me to say?"

Nick rolled down the window and let the breeze wash over his wet face. "I guess nothing, Not Brother ."

"Stop calling me that," I growled, gripping the steering wheel hard enough until my knuckles turned white.

"Why should I? You made it abundantly clear we're ‘not brothers.' So, yeah, fuck you, too."

I had nothing to add to that as we spent the rest of the drive home in silence other than his sniffling and my stewing.

By the time we got home, Nick was epically trashed. He could barely get out of the truck without falling face-first onto the concrete, so I had to help his ass out, take him inside the house, and up to his room. I drew the line on getting him undressed, so I tossed him onto the matress face down and went to my room. He could get his own fucking water.

I stripped off all my clothes except for my underwear and fell into my bed, tucking my hands under my head. There had to be a way to go on this trip alone or with someone else. I needed to get out of this fucking house and away from Nick before I slipped up. I could already feel my walls crumbling, knowing he wasn't with Lauren anymore.

This trip was everything to me. It wouldn't be the same without Hunter, but I needed to do this for my own sanity. And for Mom.

Suddenly, there was some banging around next door, a loud thump, and drunk cursing. The light flipped on in the hallway, beaming under my door, and the sound of the toilet lid slamming back against the tank.

The retching noises made me want to vomit myself.

"Fuck… Why'd I drink so much… Fuckin' Laur… Lauren."

It grew quiet for too long. Damn my fucking empathy.

I climbed out of bed and found Nick passed out on the bathroom floor. Well, at least he was close to the toilet if he needed to throw up again.

I headed to his room, grabbed an extra blanket, draped it over his prone body, and headed back to bed.

I didn't know how long I tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep.

The following day, Nick and I sat at the kitchen table, eating our oatmeal with our parents and a sleeping Hannah in Mia's arms.

Nick was slumped over his bowl, picking at it but not eating. I sipped my coffee with my legs stretched out, not looking at anyone while trying to find a way to talk my dad into letting me go on this trip alone, but I doubted it. Maybe if Mom hadn't died in that accident, it would've been different, but he was too afraid to lose me, too.

"Alright… out with it," Mia said. "You two boys look like you're more than hungover. Well, Nick looks more hungover than you, Logan. But both of you have the face of someone whose evening was completely ruined. Let's start with you, Nick."

He shrugged and dragged his spoon across the thick goop of oats.

"Now," she insisted.

He winced. "Not so loud, Mom. Lauren and I broke up. She's going to Columbia in New York City instead of coming with me." His face morphed into a scowl to hide his watering eyes. "She doesn't want to marry her high school sweetheart, apparently."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, honey."

"What a shame, Nick," Dad said, rustling his newspaper as he folded it and put it on the table. "We really liked her and thought you two were going to be together forever."

"This is terrible, but I also see where she's coming from," Mia said. "Your father and I got married too young after getting pregnant with you. We were high school sweethearts, too, and he left us. Maybe it's better she leaves now rather than later."

Nick shoved his bowl away. "Yeah, whatever. Tell that to my shattered heart."

"I know things seem bad now, but your mother's right. If Lauren's having these thoughts, perhaps it's best that it happens now."

"Yeah, well, she could've talked to me about it first instead of me overhearing it from someone else."

Mia reached for her son and patted his arm, careful not to wake Hannah. "You're right. She should've been upfront and honest. You'll feel better in time. That's a promise. Once you're in college and meet new girls, you'll find someone new and better."

"Whatever," he huffed and stood to pour himself some coffee.

"And what about you, young man? Why are you all surly? Did a girl break your heart, too?" Mia asked me.

I also shoved away my cereal, no longer hungry. "No, Hunter can't go on the trip. He had to cancel."

Dad and Mia gasped. Hell, I was still in shock, too, but more for his mother than for myself.

"What happened? You two have been planning this trip since you were in middle school."

I scowled at my dad. "No shit."

"Don't take that tone with me. I understand you're hurt and angry right now, but that's not my fault."

"It is when I know you won't let me go on this trip alone."

Dad's eyes softened because I knew what his words would be before he even did. "You're right. I don't want you driving nearly three thousand miles alone. You can wait until we all drive there together to get you boys moved into your dorms."

"Figures…"

I stood to go outside to smoke in secret before Dad stopped me. "Sit down."

I sighed and sat, folding my arms over my chest as Nick sat next to me with empathy on his face. I didn't need or want his fucking pity.

"Why did Hunter back out of this?"

I shut my eyes for a few seconds to stop them stinging. With a deep breath, I said, "His mom has breast cancer. They don't think she's going to make it since the cancer has spread. And don't say anything to them. They don't want people knowing."

Mia rested a hand over her heart and looked at Dad. "Oh, god. That poor woman. Surely, there's something we can do to help or anything."

"I'll ask Hunter if it's okay that you know and want to offer help. Anyway, he told me to go on this trip without him. He needs me to do it."

Dad shook his head. "I'm sorry, Logan. I know how much this means to you, but I can't let you drive out there alone.

"Whatever."

I shoved myself out of the chair and went outside, pulling a pack of smokes from my jeans pocket, ignoring Dad calling me back to talk more. Once I reached the side of the house, I lit one up.

"Fucking hell."