23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Logan

Day 11

After the taxi dropped us off, Nick and I rushed across 4th Street in Austin, dodging traffic before we stopped in front of a bar to give the bouncer our fake IDs. The area was packed with university students, other locals, and tourists. Southern rock poured out of the doors when they opened, and glorious air conditioning, along with a cloud of cigarette smoke and weed, blasted us.

Once we paid the admission, we headed straight to the bar, where I ordered a couple of beers while I lit up a smoke.

"This band sounds awesome," Nick yelled in my ear over the music. "Who's playing again?"

"Stevie Ray Vaughn, I think."

"Man, that guitar riff is fucking epic."

I itched to grab Nick's hand and lead him closer to the stage. Instead, I nodded my head and walked off with him following me as we shoved our way through the crowd.

I dropped my cigarette on the concrete floor and ground it out with the heel of my boots so I wouldn't burn anyone. We were packed in there, and Nick pressed up against me from behind. His fingers sneaked underneath my T-shirt just to touch the skin on my back. I doubted anyone noticed. Everyone had their eyes on the stage.

Despite growing sweaty from being confined between hot bodies shoved around us, I burst into a wave of goosebumps, and shuddered.

I tapped my foot and bobbed my head to the rhythmic beat, but all I could focus on was Nick, and not just from his touch. I'd been torn the past couple of days, struggling to keep my fucking mouth shut about pressuring him. Our talk in the car yesterday did nothing to calm my growing nerves about what all this meant between us. It wasn't easy going with the flow when you've loved someone for as long as I have, and you finally got them… sort of. I wanted him to make a promise that we'd last. I itched to tell him how I truly felt and that I never wanted to let him go, but I wouldn't do that to him, so I stuck to our deal that we'd face this thing between us when we reached California.

"I'm going to grab us some shots and a couple of more beers," Nick yelled, grabbing my shoulder and giving it a squeeze as a friend might.

"Okay."

He grabbed our empty bottles and walked off.

I continued to bounce to the music when a guy and his friend danced and inched their way closer while glancing at me without trying to be obvious.

He was pretty short and lean, with the top of his curly dark brown head coming up to my shoulder. His blond friend wasn't much taller, but he was more muscular.

"Hi there! Y'all likin' the show?" he asked in a Texas drawl as the song wound down.

"Yeah, pretty good."

"We love Stevie around here. He plays a lot in Austin. You go to the university here?"

I shook my head. "Just passing through until we reach California."

He seemed disappointed until he beamed a smile at me, brushing away the long, curly bangs that had fallen in his face. "California, huh? That's stellar. What school?"

"Berkeley for me. Stanford for my…" Friend? Boyfriend? Brother? "Friend."

"Friend as in…"

"As in friends?"

Was he hitting on me? Here, out in the open? If so, that was a first. I had no context at all.

While he was cute as far as guys went, I needed to make it clear I wasn't interested. Only Nick mattered.

Suddenly, Nick thrust a shot glass with some clear liquid in my face, and a beer bottle was shoved into my other hand.

"Who's your friend?" he asked, staring at the men. Was he… glaring at them? His lips drew tight and thin, and his body pressed against my side. Why did I like that so much, as if he was claiming me as his?

Wishful thinking, Logan .

I really needed to stop projecting.

Before I answered Nick, the guy thrust his hand at him. "I'm Art, and this is my best friend, Sean. We go to UT here."

"I'm Nick," he said, shaking their hands.

"I'm Logan."

"You know, there's a totally righteous party going on after the show. You cuties should come with us," Sean said, tucking his shoulder-length blond hair behind his ear.

"We have plans," Nick said. He shrugged before looking at me meekly.

"Yep, we have plans," I agreed. We didn't have anything specific other than to hit another bar after the show.

"Oh, too bad. It'll be fun."

Before we could talk further, another song started up. Nick handed me a lime and raised his glass, tossing back the shot. I did the same, biting into the lime as the burn traveled straight to my stomach. Ugh, I didn't like tequila all that much.

Nick stood closer to me, our arms touching, when we turned back to face the band. Taking a risk, I felt for his fingers, and he touched mine back. Fuck, I really wanted to hold his hand to show those two guys that I belonged to Nick.

After two more shots and another beer, I felt toasty, and apparently, so did Nick, since he snuck in more touches.

As the last song of the evening played, Nick tapped my shoulder to get my attention. I bent down so he could talk in my ear.

"I really want to kiss you right now."

I smiled, and then it dropped. We couldn't risk it. "As much as I want to, we can't."

He quickly nodded. "Yeah, I know. I just… want to."

Fuck, I really wanted to kiss him, too. We should be able to kiss and touch each other without fear, but this was life. We had no idea what the people were like around here.

Nick and I cheered for the band at the end of the song. As the crowd cleared, we headed outside. It was only around eleven at night, so it was still pretty early.

"Let's go to another bar or something," he suggested. "I'm not ready to go back to our motel."

"Yeah, sounds good."

We walked down the street, with me following Nick, trying not to stare at his perfect ass in those ridiculous preppy khaki shorts he loved so much, but damn if he didn't look amazing in them.

He turned around, smiling, making my heart beat a little faster at how beautiful he was, and for now, he was all mine.

"Hey, there's a bar over there with a line. The place must be bitchin' with that many people."

As we got closer, I could tell this was another gay bar, despite women standing in line, too. The men wore pink or leather, and some dressed up as women, while others were shirtless and wearing skin-tight pants.

My stomach tightened as it had the last time, but now we weren't out to find another man for me, right?

"Let's try this out again. I know you got nervous and weren't ready, but I'm fucking dying to dance with you and touch you without worrying about others. We can do that in this place."

A sudden guilt hit me because I was bringing Nick into this world. He wasn't gay. Shouldn't he be allowed to love openly and not stay hidden from others to protect each other? Sure, we could be open in a gay bar, but even as I debated going in, straight men walked down the sidewalk, heckling the gay men and women trying to get into the bar.

Nick must have noticed my hesitation. "We don't have to go in, Logan. It's fine."

"It's… not that."

"What is it?"

Fuck it. I needed to lighten up. We weren't an item. Not yet, anyway. We were having a great night, so why not continue to have fun and worry about the rest later?

I smiled at him and shrugged. "It's nothing. Let's go have some fun."

Nick fucking beamed. "Now we're talkin'!"

Throwing caution to the wind, I grabbed his hand, threaded our fingers together, and led him to the end of the line.

After several minutes, we made our way inside, hit with cold air and ‘Don't Leave Me This Way' by the Communards blaring over the speakers. The large club was packed with people and vibrant colors.

This was the first time I'd felt comfortable and at home around gay men, probably because I wasn't searching for Nick's replacement. I had all that I needed holding my hand.

Nick and I ordered shots before he grabbed my hand again and dragged me onto the dance floor when ‘You Keep Me Hanging On' by Kim Wilde came on.

I truly sucked at dancing and had no rhythm to speak of, but between the alcohol and Nick dancing so close that our bodies became one, I stopped caring. I wrapped my arm around his back, and his arm slung over my shoulder.

The dance floor was getting packed and hot, and the music flowed. Nick's body pressed to mine. I swayed, falling into the rapid beat, following Nick's lead, getting lost in his face, looking up at me, smiling. This was where we belonged, right at this moment.

I looked around at men taking off their shirts, grinding against each other, some of them making out. That was what I wanted, to make out with Nick right there at that moment. But before I bent down to claim his lips, someone pressed their body against mine, wrapping their arm around my stomach and gyrating against my ass.

What the hell?

Nick noticed instantly and scowled, pushing me aside and pointing at the man behind me. I would've found him attractive with his nearly black hair and sharp features, but Nick was the only one for me. "He's mine, asshole. Go find your own guy."

My stomach flipped at his sudden possessiveness. What did that mean? I didn't want to overthink things, but I wanted to belong to Nick more than anything.

The other guy smirked, raised his hands, and sauntered off.

"Fucking asshole."

Nick turned to face me, fisted my shirt, and pulled me down into a deep kiss full of sloppy tongue, claiming me in front of all the men on the dancefloor.

"You're mine," he said when we came up for air.

"Yes," I breathed, my heart pounding from more than exertion from dancing.

"No one else gets to touch you like that."

All I could do was nod in awe.

Nick kissed me again before taking my hand and tugging me off the dance floor and into another area that played quieter music with a lounge bar.

It wasn't as crowded there, so we snagged a couple of stools at the bar. Nick and I both ordered beers on tap, then he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. Fuck, I loved being able to kiss him openly like this. It was so freeing, even if temporary.

"Oh my god, aren't they the cutest, Ramón baby?"

Nick growled, which went straight to my nuts. "Not fucking again."

We both looked at the two men next to us, sitting on stools. They appeared to be in their thirties and dating each other. One had black hair and was a couple of inches shorter than Nick and me. The other was shirtless, with a cowboy hat on his head. Damn, he had a lot of dark brown chest hair. It put mine to shame.

"They are muy guapos, mi amor."

The one in the hat smiled at us and rested his chin on Ramón's shoulder from behind. "Look at the baby gays. Remember when we were that young?"

He thrust his hand out to us, and Nick was the first to shake it. "I'm Richard, and this gorgeous god is Ramón. How long have we been together, baby?"

"Going on twelve years."

"I'm Nick, and this is Logan." At least the tension washed off him when he realized the men weren't going to hit on me.

"Twelve years?" I asked, suddenly filled with hope. "That's a long time. Has it… been hard?"

The two men looked at each other with love and thoughtfulness before nodding. "It can be, but it has been completely worth it," Richard said. "How long have you two been together?"

Nick looked at me and smiled before answering. "Ah, just about a week, but we've known each other for years."

"Oh, new love. I remember those days," Richard said, batting his eyelashes.

"Yes, we had some good times," Ramón agreed.

I rubbed my neck, worried about being intrusive, but this was the perfect time to get some answers. What better way to learn about gay life than talking to other gay men who'd been together for a long time? "Can I ask a personal question?"

Ramón waved a hand. "Ask away."

"Are you two open? Or… do you hide your relationship?"

Nick rested a hand on my thigh, his dark eyes filled with… what? Concern? Understanding? I grabbed his hand and forked our fingers together.

Richard spread his hands out. "Here, we are free to be who we want to be. But out there? Ramón and I have good jobs we could lose should we come out. No one knows but our families."

"H-how did your family take it?" I asked.

The two men looked at each other with disappointed eyes, yet filled with a love for each other that had my stomach forming into a knot. Richard looked at me with a sad smile. "Well, mine took some work, but we're doing pretty good now. Ramón's family, not so much. His family is very Catholic and conservative. They turned their backs on him."

"Oh… I'm sorry."

Their stories proved that if I came out to my dad, it wouldn't be an easy road if he didn't shun me altogether. Would he do that? Is his love for me conditional?

"I take it you two aren't out?" Ramón asked.

I shook my head. "Not yet. This is… all still kind of new to me, but I've known I was gay for years now. But Nick here… we're not sure."

Both men glanced at Nick, who shrugged at them. "Yeah, this is even newer to me than Logan here. He was… a surprise."

"So, you're bisexual?"

Nick shook his head. "I don't think so. I've never looked at any man like I do at Logan."

"Oh my god, we have a baby pan in our midst, Ramón. What a gem you are, Nick."

Ramón smiled and nodded. "Indeed."

"Pan?" Nick and I asked at the same time.