27. KADENCE

KADENCE

I stare at myself in the full-length mirror in Blake’s room. The lilac dress hangs off my body like a dream. I’ve never worn anything like this before. The straps dig into my shoulders but not enough that it’s uncomfortable and the slit that allows me to walk ends just high enough on my thigh that nothing will be exposed. I can’t help but think of what Jeremy would say if he saw me like this, the slew of insults that would have spewed from his lips as he looked upon me in disgust. I run my fingers through my hair, combing out the dark curls that after fussing with for so long, I decide to keep down.

It’s hard. Seeing myself like this. Dolled up. There’s a ball of guilt that sits in my stomach for how I look. I actually think I look good, gorgeous even, and Blake reminds me every two seconds that I look out of this world as she puts it. But still, I can’t help feeling like I don’t deserve this. Don’t deserve the happiness that tonight is meant to bring when Holden is still out there without the truth.

“You look beautiful.”

I spin around, almost toppling over before catching myself on Blake’s dresser. Cole stands in the doorway of the room, leaning against the frame with his arms folded over his chest. His eyes are glued to mine as I look up at him. I’d finally stopped giving him the cold shoulder after my session with Dex and things between us have been a little less tense.

“Thank you,” I sigh, turning back to the mirror. “I’m not used to feeling like this…” I laugh softly. Cole moves behind me in the mirror.

“Like what?”

I pause, my eyes rake over my body in the mirror. The black combat boots I insist on wearing because heels are completely out of the question make me taller, but he still towers over me. “Beautiful.”

Cole rests his hands on my shoulders, turning me to him. “You are though, Kadence.” His brows furrow for a moment as our eyes meet again. He tilts his head. “Did he tell you that you weren’t?”

I suck in a breath, dropping my gaze from his knowing that ‘he’ means Jeremy. I feel his finger under my chin, lifting my eyes back to his.

“He lied.” Cole’s eyes search mine. The words come out firm and hardened as if he’s etching them into stone.

I study him, looking for any deception in his eyes. Anything that would tell me he’s just saying this to make me feel better, but I find nothing. A smile grows on his lips, it’s not his usual Cole grin but it’s something and there’s still this weird wall standing between us. He taps my chin with his knuckle before taking a step back.

“C’mon, Blake and Dex are waiting and I can’t leave those two alone for long periods of time.”

I laugh and pick my leather jacket up from the bed. “Something tells me it’s not because of Dex.”

He slings his arm over my shoulder as he leads me back to the center of the clubhouse. “No, it definitely isn’t.”

We make our way into the common room. Blake’s already badgering Dex, who’s doing his best to ignore her. His head turns in our direction and his eyes rake down my body and back up to my eyes. A smile spreads across his lips as Blake follows his eyeline.

“See!” Blake grins running up to me. “Told you that you clean up good, Andrews.” She playfully nudges my side as Dex approaches us.

“That she does,” Dex drawls.

Cole stands up a little straighter, clapping his hand over Dex’s shoulder. “You’ll keep an eye on them tonight?”

“I thought this was a girl’s night?” I ask with a raised brow.

Dex grins down at me, his tongue flicking over his bottom lip. “It is.”

Blake wraps her arm around my waist, leading me towards the door. “Marlowe won’t be there tonight, and judging how your last encounter with Layla went…it’s probably a good thing.” I look over my shoulder to the men as they speak in hushed tones.

“He’ll probably end up just sitting at the bar with his ever watchful eyes, it’ll be fine.” She reassures me.

I nod, slipping out of Blake’s grasp, and shrug on my jacket. It doesn’t bother me that Dex is coming. I was just curious. Spending the night babysitting us is probably the last thing he wants to do and knowing that he’ll be there in case something happens is comforting but it feels like another reminder that I can’t protect myself and that ball of grief in my stomach rolls.

When we finally reach Moon, the parking lot is already littered with a few cars and I can hear the music booming against the walls. My gut wrenches. I really, really hope that neither Layla nor Jane are here, but without Marlowe here, it’s unlikely that would be the case.

The three of us climb from the tow truck and head inside.

Dex settles us into a booth in the corner, one that gives us enough room to dance after Blake insists on it and one that he can see from his perch at the bar as well after bringing us a few drinks to get us started.

I down my first one in the hope that it will calm my nerves and settle the uneasiness in my chest. I can do this . I can have one night where I can be happy and enjoy my time with Blake. I can’t remember the last time that I drank, it’s been months since my last one so it doesn’t take long for it to go to my head and make my cheeks feel warm.

Music blares around us as Blake pulls me up to dance, and after one song bleeds into another, I feel myself smiling and laughing at the stupid moves Blake does to get me to dance. Dex refills our drinks once more and again I down it as Blake watches.

“You sure you’re okay?” Blake asks over the music, her eyes tracking the empty glass as I set it back down. “Those are meant to be sipped on.” Her brows furrow in worry. I shake my head.

“I’m fine.” I smile at her, wrapping my arms around her neck as I sway with her. “Thank you!”

Blake pulls back as we move. “For what?”

“For wanting to be a friend, for caring.” I lean into her, wanting to make sure she hears the words. Blake freezes for a moment before her arms wrap around my waist and she pulls me into a hug.

We pull back from each other and she rests her hands on either side of my face. “We all care about you, Kadence. We won’t let anything happen to you.” Dark eyes search mine. Blake’s normally bubbly personality has turned to stone as she says the words. “And we will find Holden.”

The pit in my stomach grows as Blake stares at me. I don’t want them to get hurt protecting me. I’m not sure that’s a promise I can make to them.

Things have been quiet over the last week. Watson has left us alone and Cole hasn’t heard from Stokes. I turned my phone off after an hour-long conversation with Maria when she saw the news piece. It was her suggestion. She knows just as well as I do how conniving Jeremy can be and if he hasn’t tracked my phone already it’s probably on his list of ways to torment me.

I still have the urge to continue looking over my shoulder every time I’m not around Cole or Dex. I trust Blake, but if Jeremy finds us, I’m not sure even Blake would be able to fend him off.

I give her a small smile, my hands coming to rest over hers. I lean in and press a kiss on her cheek. “I don’t deserve you Porter.”

Blake smiles back before dropping her hands. My head starts to feel dizzy as I try to hide the guilt riddling my insides. I feel that familiar weight on my chest start to get heavier the longer I watch her and it doesn’t help that I can feel Dex’s gaze on us.

“I need water.” I huff out a laugh, stepping back from Blake.

“I’ll come with you!”

I shake my head. “No, stay and dance. I’ll be right back!”

Blake’s brows furrow again but I give her a reassuring smile and step back from her before turning and heading to the bar.

I suck in a deep breath, my eyes squeezing shut for a moment as I attempt to gather myself. You can do this. You’re stronger than this. I try to remind myself.

I settle at the bar next to Dex. He’s leaning against it, a beer in hand as he watches me. I raise my hand to the barmaid and ask for water. He leans closer not saying anything but I can feel his questioning gaze on me.

“I’m fine,” I mutter, glancing over at him.

He grins, “Yeah. You look it.” Dex lifts the bottle to his lips taking a swig.

“Why are you here Dex?” I ask, turning to him as the water appears in front of me. “Blake doesn’t need babysitting and neither do I.”

A thick brow raises as he studies me. “I’m not here to watch either of you.” He takes another swig before turning towards me. “Men here tend to get grabby.” Dex tilts his head. “Do you understand what I’m sayin’?”

I stare at him for a moment. “So you’re here to watch everyone else?”

“I’m here to make sure the others know who not to put their hands on.”

I nod and pick up the water to take a sip. The drink does nothing to ease the fuzziness in my brain and here I am once again questioning the person who’s trying to protect me. “I’m sorry.”

Dex shrugs. “You have every right to be jumpy, Andrews.”

The hair on my neck stands up at the same time a chill runs down my spine. I glance around the bar quickly, feeling like I’m being watched. I know it’s not Blake. She’s busy dancing, whooping, and hollering at a girl on the pole I don’t recognize. Dex lifts his hand and brushes the strands of hair from my shoulder. My body freezes for a moment, unsure how to take such an intimate gesture but as he leans into me I know it’s only so he could speak freely to my ear.

“You have to start learnin’ to trust me, kiddo.”

He pulls back with a smile that quickly fades as his eyes flicker to something behind me. He stands up straight, setting his bottle down on the bar top. “Well, this night just got interesting.”

I furrow my brows and turn to see what he’s looking at. My heart stops as soon as I do and the ball in my stomach rolls again as a pair of blue eyes bore into me.

Even with the loud music I can hear the heaviness of his boots as he marches towards us. His hands have balled into fists at his sides and his scruff is longer than the last time I saw him. Dark strands of chestnut hair are soaked and stuck to his cheeks. At some point between us arriving and now it must have started raining, making the one man my chest has been aching for look that much more menacing.

“Holden,” I whisper as he reaches us.