23. KADENCE

KADENCE

R iding with Dex feels different. His movements are swift, careful and cautious, whereas riding with Holden feels freeing. Up until Watson pulled us over, I had a moment of bliss with him. The anger that flows through me from my mother’s constant betrayal, the worry that Jeremy will find me…all of it vanished in a fleeting moment of happiness. And as such is life, it was ripped from me at the hands of the man I fear the most.

Dex doesn’t talk much to me on the drive. I’m fine with that. There isn’t much else I can say that hasn’t already been said and I can’t bear another sad look from the men who have inadvertently sworn to protect me. Something I know I don’t deserve.

“We’re here,” his voice booms over the sound of the engine as he pulls into a gravel parking lot.

I glance up at the flashing lights and neon sign that reads Moon . I can’t help the chuckle as he cuts the engine and lets me climb off first. Of course the Hell Hounds have a strip club called Moon. It’s a little on the nose, but I appreciate it.

He helps me unbuckle the helmet, setting it down on the seat as I take a few steps towards the door. Dex’s fingers wrap around my elbow, stopping me from going any further as I turn to him.

“Marlowe should be in the back,” he urges. “Find her first, don’t go lookin’ in any rooms.”

My brows knit together. “Why?”

His hand drops to his side as the gravel crunches under his boots. “Because if you see something bad, I’m gonna have no choice but to drag you outta here and I really don’t want to do that.”

I stare at him for a moment before the realization hits me. He’s talking about Holden, that if I see him with someone else, that it’ll stir something up.

Dex nods at the apparent look on my face. “Go straight through, it’s the last door on the left. I’ll check the rooms and if–”

“If you find him, leave him,” I say with conviction, squaring my shoulders.

It’s his turn to furrow his brow as he stares back at me, “Kade…”

“Leave him Dex,” I cement. “If this is the first place that he runs to… then he wasn’t who I thought he was.” It scares me how fast I’ve made the decision, but after everything, I need to find my worth, and it isn’t in someone who runs from their problems into the arms of someone else.

“Then we’ll both relish in the fact that we’re wrong about him.” He steps towards the doors, flicking his head towards the velvet paneled entry. “C’mon sweetheart.”

I suck in a breath and nod, steeling myself for what I might or might not find. I follow him as he pushes through the door. The overwhelming stench of smoke, disinfectant, and overly floral perfume surrounds me as he leads me through the club. I recognize the blonde currently spinning around the center stage, her gaze landing on the two of us. Jane narrows her eyes when they focus on me before a vicious grin spreads across her lips. The nerves I forced down outside return as I cast my gaze forward, ignoring the laugh that bubbles through the club.

I feel the warmth of Dex’s hand land on my back, “Ignore’m,” he whispers before pointing down a long corridor. “That’s where you’ll find Marlowe. Ask her if she’s seen Nash. If he’s been here, she’ll know.”

I nod, trying my best to hear him over the music thumping around us. Dex nods once before moving down a second corridor, leaving me. I take another deep breath, pushing the nerves back down before making my way down the hallway. There are doors on either side and sounds that definitely prove the girls here are good.

I take another step before a door to my right opens, and a redhead stumbles out of the room, giggling and moving to wipe her mouth with dark-painted nails. I recognize this woman too. Our eyes meet as Layla shuts the door behind her, leaving whoever is in the room.

“What are you doing here?” She asks bitterly, straightening herself up.

“Just trying to find Marlowe,” I say, attempting to move past the woman who had stumbled the same way into my apartment with Holden.

Layla lets out a venomous laugh. “Lookin’ for a job? What? Cole already get tired of you being at the shop?”

I narrow my eyes at Layla. “No, he didn’t. I’m looking for Marlowe and Holden.”

That seems to pique her interest. Layla rolls her tongue over her bottom lip with a raised brow. “What do you want with Nash?”

“Why is that any of your business?” I fire back, again attempting to move past her just as Layla steps in front of me, “are you going to move?”

“I know where Nash is, but I don’t think you’ll like it very much.” A wicked grin spreads across her lips as her eyes flit to the door. I follow her gaze, and a wave of nausea rolls over me. “What? You think you’re special?” Layla spits with venom, “Nash is a man who has needs that–” she tilts her head, her eyes trailing down my body and back up to my gaze, “-clearly you can’t meet.”

“He’s in there?” I ask, ignoring the jab. I have to know, it isn’t something I want to believe is true but staring at Layla makes me second guess that.

Layla smirks. “Why don’t you take that tiny little ass and march on outta here before you get hurt.” Her arms cross over her chest, eyes raking over me again, “or you end up on the pole like the rest of us. Actually,” she laughs as the music comes to a brief close, “if you want him then there’s your ticket. Jane’s set just ended. Hop on up, babydoll.”

Anger begins to bubble in my chest the longer I stand outside the door and in front of a woman who is as vile as the words she’s spewing. I know I should open the door and not trust a single word that Layla’s saying. But a part of me can’t. I can’t face the fact that if Holden is on the other side of it, my heart will shatter. I should have never made those promises this morning.

She leans in, forcing me back slightly away from the smell of stale cigarettes and dick on Layla’s breath, “He’s not into scared little good girls . Go find someone else.”

“Shut the fuck up Layla,” Dex’s voice booms from behind me, startling me out of my racing thoughts. He’s right behind me, his face twisting in the anger that lurks beneath my own chest. Between the two of them the hallway feels crowded and slowly it closes in on me. I spin on my heel, pushing past the mass that is Dex, and bolt towards the door, hearing Layla’s cackle echo after me.

“Kade!”

I ignore his call, pushing out of the front door into the hot sun that does nothing to soothe the tightening in my chest. This is it; I don’t need confirmation or for him to come back now. I suck in the sweltering mid-day air, trying to force any amount of oxygen I can into my lungs.

The familiar sound of boots crunching behind me forces me to spin around again, kicking up dust as I do. Dex halts in front of me and I can only imagine how I look right now. Panicked, horrified, and disappointed, all rolled up into one furled look.

“Hey,” his voice is softer than I’ve heard it before. “You can’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth, okay?” Dex shakes his head. “Did you see Marlowe?”

I can only muster a quick shake of my head, the heat becoming unbearable with the crushing weight on my chest. He nods. “Holden’s bike isn’t here Kade, he’s not here.”

I toss him a pointed look. “You think he wouldn’t hide his bike if he didn’t want to be found?” I ask, the anger forcing itself out of me now. “Nothing is apparently a fucking secret in this town Dex, he’s smarter than that.”

He takes a step towards me, holding his hands in front of him as if he’s trying to calm a rabid animal. Rightfully so, I feel like crawling out of my own skin at this point.

“All I’m sayin’ is don’t believe a bitch like Layla.” His head tilts to catch my gaze. “She’s got nothing better to do than suck dick and smoke.”

A hollow laugh bubbles out of me, “that’s exactly what I was worried about.” I rake my fingers through my hair, gripping it at the root, and turn away from him to collect myself.

“If he wanted to hurt you, Kade, he’d make a show about being here.”

I spin back around. “You can’t be serious.”

Dex shifts, pinning back his shoulders. “Deadly.” He moves past me towards his own bike. “Let’s check his house, if he’s not there then you can go all thermonuclear on me, but for now, keep it under the surface.”

I scoff as I follow him, ripping the helmet off the seat and shoving it over my hair. “Just take me back to the shop.”

“No,” Dex says firmly.

I turn to him, “No?” I ask with a raised brow. “What do you mean no ?”

“You aren’t giving up on him,” he says, swinging his leg over his bike.

“Dex, just–”

He shakes his head. “Get your ass on the back of this bike. You aren’t giving up on him yet, I won’t let you.” He raises a brow back at me when I refuse to move. “Get on the bike, Kadence, or I’ll put you on it.”

I roll my eyes. I’m a grown woman. There is no way– Dex starts to move off his bike, forcing me to take a step back. “Fine, Jesus,” I mutter, climbing on behind him.

I hear him chuckle as I settle behind him again. “I’m glad you think this is funny.”

“Oh, mama, you and Holden are more alike than you think.”

I wonder what he means, but before I can ask, Dex starts his bike and peels out of the parking lot.

I start to recognize the area as he hits the highway, it looks like the route Holden took when we went to the bridge. It's not long until he makes a turn into a neighborhood I don't recognize and onto a side road. A small secluded home comes into view and, in front of it, a small travel trailer.

Dex kills the bike once again and climbs off, helping me in the uneven driveway. “This is his home?”

He lets out a breath, "it was Becca's home. It was the only thing left after..." Dex taps my helmet before tugging it gently off of my head. I move towards the house but his hand wraps around my forearm stopping me. "Nash won't be in there. He lives in the trailer and hasn't been in the house since she passed."

I knew the feeling. After the first night home from the hospital and the night I spent in the nursery, I couldn't bring myself to go back in there. Maria helped me pack the room and sell the furniture that took up the space. Every time I thought about going in there, I only felt anger and like I was a failure for what happened. Maria constantly reminded me that it wasn't my fault, but it did nothing to quiet the little voice in my head that screamed at me every time I passed the nursery door. My chest aches knowing that Holden has experienced the same.

"Hey, you comin'?" Dex asks. He had already made a few strides over to Holden's trailer while I was lost in thought. I take a deep breath and nod, not knowing what to expect.

“I don’t see his bike, Dex, he’s not here.” I point out glancing around as we approach the door.

He looks down at me before knocking. "He sometimes parks his bike in the garage," Dex countered and I knew it was a lie only to make me feel better and to make me not lose hope that he ran home.

We wait for a few moments, listening for any sounds that might come from the inside of the trailer, but as Dex knocks again, the sound only bounces off of the emptiness inside. My shoulders slump. He isn't here and I'm still not entirely sure if he was at the club but after a third round of knocks I shake my head.

"Can we go back now?" I ask, the question coming out more pained than I wanted it to. Dex's gaze finds mine and reluctantly he nods.

"We'll find him." He reassures me by leading me back to his bike. Silence settles between us, uncomfortable and tight. I had been so sure before and now... now I don't know what to believe.