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Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

AXEL

A fter Luna left, I went back to the cabin, wishing I had something to work on, but we'd completed everything. The only thing missing was Luna. She'd designed everything with me in mind, and there was nothing that was quintessentially her.

This was my style, and that should have been fine. But I wanted more. I wanted to wake up to Luna and cook her breakfast every morning before we worked on whatever project we had planned for the day. I wanted to talk to her about our day and fall into bed or the hot tub together at night. Instead, Luna was flying home, and someone else would rent out her cabin.

It wouldn't be the same without her. This cabin was supposed to be my respite, but instead everything reminded me of her.

I went for a run, but it was too late in the day, and it felt off. I was hungry, tired, and irritated. After a shower, I decided to show up at the farm and see if they needed my help. It had been a long time since I worked there, but I was positive it would all come back to me.

When I parked at the house and got out, Dad greeted me. “What are you doing here?”

“The cabin is done. Luna went home.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets. “I have time. Figured I'd offer a hand.”

Dad gave me a look before sending me in the direction of the cut lot. “We can always use help getting trees on vehicles.”

I gave him a wave. “I'm on it.”

I worked side by side with Teddy and the kids we hired for the season. Charlotte must have worked some magic because we'd never hired this many people before.

I volunteered to work all day, not wanting any down time. I knew what would happen as soon as everything around me slowed down. I'd wonder why I'd let Luna go without telling her how I felt.

We gathered for dinner after the farm closed for the day.

“Luna gone?” Wes asked.

“Got on a plane today,” I said, stuffing the sandwich into my mouth so no one else would ask any more questions. Everyone exchanged a look that had me shifting on my feet. I chewed, swallowed, then added, “She's seeing a beach house tomorrow. Might put an offer on it.”

“Nice,” Jameson said.

I pulled up the pictures and passed my phone around.

“She's moving there?” Wes asked.

“She plans to flip it, but she said she might keep it.” My throat tightened at the idea of her being permanently tied to a state so far away from me.

“Do you always fall in love with your first flip, or is that not the right saying?” Jameson joked.

“My cabin was her first renovation.” Not exactly a flip because I hadn't decided what I was going to do with it.

Wes smacked me on the arm. “Did she make over you too? You seem more outgoing, less antisocial since she's been in the picture.”

Teddy dipped his head slightly. “I found him hiding out in his cabin, and now he's working the farm. So it must be true. I'm sure I didn't bring this out in him.”

“I wanted to stay busy. There's nothing wrong with helping out on the farm. At least until I get a job.”

“Is that what you want?” Dad asked.

“I haven't decided yet. I enjoyed renovating the cabin with Luna, and it changed what I was thinking about.”

Teddy raised a brow. “Didn't you offer to do it with her?”

“She said she wanted to start the business on her own.” It hurt that she didn't want me to be involved, but I understood why.

“Are you going to do the same thing? Get into construction or flipping houses?”

“Maybe.” I wanted to be close to my family, but I also wanted to see Luna. I had to keep reminding myself she never said she liked me, much less that she had fallen in love with me.

“How did you leave things?” Wes asked.

I was starting to feel like a broken record, repeating the same things over and over again, Unfortunately, the repetition didn't make things clearer for me or them. “She's going home to start her new business. She was excited to go.”

Wes winced. “You didn't talk about your relationship.”

My jaw tightened. “We didn't have one. We just enjoyed each other's company.”

Jameson's lips twitched. “Uh-huh. That's why you're here looking like someone kicked your puppy.”

“She wants to do it on her own,” I repeated stubbornly. I was giving her space, doing what any good man would do, even if it tore him apart inside. Now that I wasn't busy, and my brothers were questioning me, I couldn't escape the pain.

Dad lifted his beer, then hesitated to drink it. “Yeah, but you could go for a visit, extend your time together, see what you want, or where it could go.”

I sighed. “The reality is that she doesn't feel the same way about me.”

“Are you sure about that?” Wes asked with all the confidence of a man who was married to his best friend and the love of his life.

“I'm positive she didn't say how she felt.”

Jameson pointed at me. “Yeah, but you didn't tell her either.”

Is it possible she was afraid to tell me her feelings because she didn't know where I stood. “She had plenty of opportunity.”

“So did you,” Wes unhelpfully pointed out.

My head ached. “This isn't getting us anywhere.”

“I think you need to talk. I know you haven't had a relationship in a while. But communication is key,” Dad said.

“I know what I'm doing,” I insisted. I was giving her space. If she wanted to see me, she'd reach out.

“I hope you know what you're doing,” Wes said. “You wouldn't want her to meet someone else and move on.”

I hadn't even thought about that. What if her douchebag ex confronted her as soon as she got back and convinced her he'd made a mistake. What if she gave him another chance? Something that felt like indigestion settled in my stomach.

Luna couldn't go back to him, could she? What if she liked one of the contractors she hired to fix up her new house. What if she had a special bond with the next man that helped her renovate a house?

I wanted to believe I was special, but that was being overconfident. I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Conversation turned to the progress with the farm, and I spaced out until it was a good time to make my goodbyes.

On the way out, Dad walked with me. “It's never too late to talk to her.”

“Mmm,” I said noncommittally.

“You don't want her to get away if you're in love with her.”

I blinked against the sudden sting in my eyes. Was I that emotional that I wanted to cry? I needed to get home, and away from the scrutiny. I was afraid I wouldn't hold up.

When I got home, I sat on the porch with a beer, searching for Luna's name on social media, not feeling the cold. I remembered her talking about starting up business accounts when she got home. There were already several videos of the renovation of my cabin.

She'd asked permission to film but kept me mostly out of the shots. I was okay with that. I wanted to help her, and no one knew where my cabin was located.

But there was something about seeing her beautiful face light up when she talked about the renovations that made everything worse.

I could see her face, hear her voice, and the excitement in her tone. I missed her. I couldn't believe she was gone. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Would telling her that I was in love with her have changed anything when her family and her business was in Florida?

I rubbed the ache in my chest, trying to soothe the pain. Should I reach out to her and ask how it's going? Tell her I saw her videos, and she looked amazing?

Her page was new, but I could already see her style taking shape. She had posted a ton of pictures of design choices she liked with tips on when they worked best. I knew she'd been working on her brand, but this was so professional, and well thought out.

I was impressed. I couldn't disrupt what she had planned. I didn't want to mess this up for her. She'd let her family hold her back, and I wouldn't do the same.

A car pulled up, and a family got out. Kids ran to the hot tub yelling to their parents about it. I sighed, the pain in my chest deepening. I couldn't even enjoy the solitude. Not only wasn't Luna here, but someone else was already renting her cabin.

I needed to buy a new cabin on fifty acres where I wouldn't see any neighbors. But then again, I wouldn't have met Luna.

I went inside, taking in the upgrades, the touches that would forever remind me of my time with her.

I couldn't regret it, but I'd carry the memory of her with me forever. Would I ever see the hot tub next door and not think of Luna? That first day when I went over to confront her about her music and saw her naked?

It physically hurt to think of her. Time should make it easier. But there was something about this time of year, seeing the lights we'd strung on the cabin next door, lit for someone else, that was doing me in.

Luna touched everyone she met with light and happiness, and now she was spreading that joy in Florida to other people. Her ex would have to know he'd screwed up with her, that he'd let something amazing slip through his fingers.

But I didn't think flying down there was the right thing to do either. She needed space to open her business, to grow, and get better. And I needed to give it to her.

I picked up a paperback. After reading the same paragraph three times, I threw it on the covers next to me.

I swear the room smelled like her even though we usually slept in her cabin. She hadn't christened my new sheets or even tested out my shower. Why was that so important now?

There was nothing I could do about it. Me going there would only make things worse. Especially if she didn't feel the same way.

We were temporary, and our time was up.

I worked at the farm on Christmas Eve, assisting with the last-minute tree shoppers.

When the last tree was sold, we closed the farm for the season. It was tradition to have a drink at the main house afterward.

This was the first time in a decade that I'd been around for it. I felt nervous for some reason as we headed to the house and grabbed beers from Dad's fridge. We stood around the counter, all of us grown up. We took up more space than we had when we were kids, and our sisters weren't here. They were home with their families.

Fiona ran Aiden's family inn with him, and they were busy this time of the year. Daphne had two kids with Cole, and he had his own contracting business he ran with his cousin.

I felt a connection to my brothers, and it was good to be home even if I felt like something was missing.

Wes set his beer on the counter. “I saw that Luna has a social media page for her new business.”

I nodded. “I saw that too.”

“She posted that she got the house,” Wes tipped his screen toward me.

“What?” I'd hoped that with the holidays, there wouldn't be any possibility of a contract. But I practically shoved Jameson out of the way to see what Wes was talking about.

It was Luna, a bright smile on her face as she held up the keys in front of the Sold sign. Then she walked toward the front door of the cottage, talking about how the owners wanted to sell quickly, and she was finally realizing her dream to renovate her first place. She talked about how she wasn't sure she was going to be able to flip the house because she loved it so much. She went from room to room, talking about what she planned to do with the place, then invited her subscribers to follow her on this journey.

It was addicting. I couldn't look away from her. She was so excited to be in her new place and renovating it.

“That's a great hook. Not only is she renovating it, but she doesn't know if she's going to stay or not. It's like a reality show.”

“She's getting followers,” Jameson interjected while looking over my shoulder. “Think how much better her ratings would be if her ex-boyfriend showed up, telling her how much he loved her and didn't want her to leave.”

“And asked her to come back here? Her life is there.” I gestured at Wes's phone.

Wes gave me a look. “No one said you had to live in Maryland.”

“I'm finally home, and I want to spend time with you”

“That's so sweet,” Jameson teased. “I'm obviously irresistible.”

“You know what I mean. I've been gone for so long; I can't just up and move to Florida. And we're ignoring the part where she left.”

“Someone has to make the move, and right now, she's busy in Florida. You don't want her to give up on her dreams.”

“That's why I'm staying put in Maryland.” She didn't need me screwing things up for her.

Wes dipped his chin. “Tomorrow's Christmas.”

“I should be with family.” But the problem was that everyone was paired off except for me and Teddy. It was nice when Luna joined me at the farm. I wanted to renovate the beach house with her and visit my family. Couldn't I have both?

Right now, it didn't seem like it was possible.

If I went down there and she'd moved on or hadn't felt about me what I felt for her, it would hurt too much.

“The holidays are even more of a reason to spend it with those you love,” Jameson said, obviously talking about Claire and her son, Owen. They were a family now. Just like Daphne, Cole, Izzy, and Colson.

Wes set his phone down. “No one is going to be upset if you chase Luna. We'd understand.”

“How can you be so confident that she returns my feelings?” I asked my brothers, watching the way they exchanged exasperated looks.

“You can't know for sure, but you won't know if you don't ask,” Jameson pointed out.

They were pushing me to go to Florida, to tell Luna how I felt. But tomorrow was Christmas. I needed to think about it. She would spend the day with her family, and I didn't want to interrupt that time.

I was here with my family, exactly where I was supposed to be. If I felt the same way about Luna after the holidays, I'd do something about it then.

But when I said my goodbyes and went home to my cabin, I felt worse. Even the new renters weren't home. They were probably with people who loved them.

They weren't at home feeling sorry for themselves.

On the bed, my eyes drifted shut as I thought about what our future could look like. I wanted to renovate the beach house with her. It could be our home base, or we could sell it and flip another one. Maybe I'd convince her to renovate homes in Florida and Maryland. We could do whatever we wanted. We didn't need to stay in one state.

There were so many hurdles. Did she feel the same way? And there were geographical concerns too. Would I be willing to move to Florida and only visit the family on the holidays?

I'd resigned from the military because I wanted something more, and I thought that was getting to know my family again. But what if the something more was Luna?

I didn't know how she felt, and that was holding me back from deciding. I still had the holidays to get through so I watched her videos on repeat, needing to hear her voice, and see her beautiful smile.

Before I finally went to sleep, I messaged her on social media.

Congratulations on the beach house. It's going to be amazing when you're done with it.

She looked amazing on video but I couldn't exactly say that. I could see the comments from men that already said the same.

I turned off the phone, knowing I would have a harder time sleeping if I was waiting for her message. What if none came?

She hadn't told me she'd gotten the house. That had to mean she wanted space, right? I tossed and turned. The only thing that finally got me to sleep was dreaming about us renovating the beach house together. That felt right.

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