Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

LUNA

L ast night was bittersweet. When I told him I was leaving in a few days, he seemingly had no reaction. He hadn't asked if we could continue our relationship long-distance. Then we made love in the dark.

He'd left early this morning to meet Teddy to work on the kitchen.

I wanted to enjoy the last two days with Axel. But I also needed to leave with my dignity. I wouldn't fall apart and ask him for more than he wanted.

I'd caught Fiona's sympathetic look when we overheard Axel tell his dad that I was just a way to pass the time. Pain had filled my chest.

I spent the evening with his family, enjoying their easy camaraderie, the obvious love they had for each other. It made me think I could fit into Axel's life. But the reality was he didn't want me.

We'd agreed our relationship wouldn't go past these few weeks. I was the one who'd hoped for more. I should have known better.

I was obviously a glutton for punishment because I invited him in. I couldn't shut off these feelings I had for him. I couldn't understand how he was able to block himself from feeling anything for me.

He'd told me he hadn't dealt with his mother's death. Instead, he'd enlisted, putting distance between him and his family. When he left the military, he hung out in a cabin, not telling anyone he was home.

Why did I think I would be different? That he'd want a relationship much less me? He was a master at avoiding connecting with anyone. I wasn't different. I was one more person he kept at a distance.

I flew through my work for the family business, eager to help with Axel's kitchen. I'd taken a ton of photos that I'd add to my social media page for my business. I'd launch my social media pages when I was home.

I'd have a ton of content to release online. I'd taken pictures and videos of our progress. In my spare time, I edited the videos and added captions to them, explaining what we were doing or giving little tips.

I wasn't sure it would be well received, but I was doing something. I was headed in the right direction. I wasn't waiting for my dad or one of my brothers to change their mind. For once in my life, I was taking the first step to a different future.

And I wasn't going to stick around in Maryland where I wasn't wanted.

I ate a quick breakfast, then headed over to Axel's cabin. I hadn't noticed the extra trucks arrive that were parked beside Axel's. It looked like a couple of his brothers had shown up. I was happy for him, but it meant that he didn't need me.

When I walked inside the open door, Jameson and Wes were moving the fridge into place, and Axel was directing them. I got out my phone to take pictures at every angle, then took more of the finished bathroom and bedroom.

I made Axel's new bed with the bedding, and the entire effect was amazing.

With nothing else to do, I wandered back to the kitchen, my heart beating hard. Should I stay, or should I go? It seemed like he had plenty of help.

Axel flashed me a grin. “What do you think?”

“Everything looks great.” We'd painted the walls white to complement the stone floors and white marble countertops.

“Come watch us hook up the fridge. You wanted to know how to do it, right?”

I let out a breath. “I'd love to.”

He waved me over, and I watched intently while he explained the process. He did the same with each appliance, and then they installed the heavy countertops.

I mainly watched and took notes. I figured I'd have someone install countertops. They were too heavy for me, and I was going to be a one-person operation.

I tried not to think about Axel's offer to flip houses together. That was merely a business proposition, one he hadn't mentioned again. So it must have been an impulsive idea that he hadn't been invested in. Otherwise, he would have brought it up again.

When we were finished, the guys talked about a celebratory bonfire back at the house. It sounded like a brother get-together, so I bowed out when Axel asked if I wanted to join them.

“I'm going to stick around and take pictures of the finished project.” The house was mostly completed. There was nothing left for me to do here.

When the guys walked out, Axel said, “Lock up when you leave.”

I nodded. “Of course.”

Then they were gone, and the pain settled deep in my chest. I took pictures of the kitchen as my vision blurred. I needed these pictures though, so I swiped at the tears that fell, trying to focus on getting every angle.

I wouldn't be able to come back and get more photos and video. This was all the content I'd have. I'd planned to do a few intro and conclusion videos, so I did that now since no one was home.

I was getting more comfortable in front of the camera. If I wanted to make this design business a thing, I'd need to get used to documenting everything. Then in the evenings I could post my videos.

I'd been watching similar businesses closely, and their followers tracked their progress with great interest.

I hoped I'd have followers too. When I was done, I turned off the lights and locked the door, I went home and heated up a frozen pizza. It was sad and lonely, but soon I'd be doing this in Florida. I needed to get used to the feeling.

There was a house I was interested in, and now that I'd be going home soon, it was time to reach out to the agent.

I sent her a message, indicating my interest. It was close to the beach, but then again, everything was in Sanibel. I wasn't worried too much about selling because houses that were renovated sold quickly, regardless of size.

The only thing I couldn't get out of my head as I clicked through the pictures again, was that I could see myself living there. It was a smaller three-bedroom cottage with a gravel driveway, and attached garage. There wasn't a pool in the backyard, but someone could easily install one.

I'd need to renovate the bathrooms and the kitchen, freshen the paint through the whole house. But the outside looked good from what I could see. The location was nice. I was excited about the idea of buying the house and fixing it up.

I'd given up on my family supporting my endeavor. I didn't need their approval. I knew I could do this, and that was all that mattered.

I was sitting in bed with my laptop going over plans to renovate the house I didn't yet own when I heard the rumble of a truck. I forced myself not to look outside to see if he was going into his cabin or not.

I asked my brother Cooper to do a walk-through for me since I couldn't be there, and he'd be able to give an opinion on the foundation, roof, electrical, and all the things I didn't know enough about. He wasn't swayed by my dad or Hudson's gruffness. He did his own thing, and I was fairly positive he'd keep his involvement a secret.

There was a soft knock on the door, and I ran to get it. When I opened it, Axel smelled like woodsmoke and beer, but he looked determined to see me. Without a word, he lifted me into his arms, his mouth crashing into mine.

I heard him kick the front door closed but never took my lips from his. He tossed me on the bed, removing his shirt, then shoving his jeans down. “I missed you.”

“Weren't you spending time with your brothers?” I sounded breathless as I less gracefully tore off my shirt and shimmied out of my leggings.

“I still missed you.” He came over me, kissing up my body until his mouth met mine.

“Me too,” I said into his mouth.

I'd never get enough of him. We were frantic. It had a desperate quality to it. I was leaving soon, and this was coming to an end.

Tomorrow, I needed to pack and drive my car to the rental office. Then I'd be gone. I wouldn’t see Axel again unless it was at Violet’s wedding. I tried not to think about what came after, but it was impossible.

I straddled Axel's lap and sunk down over him. I was so full of him. I bit my lip as I rode him, his hands gripping my hip.

“You're so beautiful.”

Why won't you ask me to stay?

Instead of asking the question burning in my mind, I let my eyes drift closed, and the next thing I noticed, his lips were on my nipple, his teeth scraping the skin. Then I forgot about everything other than chasing my orgasm. I wasn't ready for it to end, but I wanted to feel good. I wanted to erase my worries and concern.

I wanted to forget about the pain.

I tried to embed the feel of his hands and his mouth on my body in my brain. I never wanted to forget this or him.

All too soon, the orgasm rushed through my body, sending me reeling. The flood of emotions was too much, and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter to block the evidence. Axel lifted up so that I sat on his lap, and he could move me at his own pace. We were close like this. It was intimate.

I couldn't escape him. I was surrounded by him.

“I can't get enough of you,” Axel murmured in my ear right before he shuddered, releasing into me.

He held me tight for a few seconds, our breathing heavy. Then he gently lifted me, and I went into the bathroom to clean up. I needed a few minutes to myself. That was intense. There was something about feeling everything but not being able to express it beyond the physical. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but that was outside the bounds of our relationship.

And I knew he didn't feel the same way.

When I returned to bed, he gathered me close and kissed the top of my head. The tears threatened again, but I breathed deeply, trying to think about anything else. It took me a long time to fall asleep.

I finally drifted off listening to the steady rhythm of his breath.

T he next morning, I woke to the smell of bacon. I showered quickly, knowing I'd have to pack my things today and head to the airport.

I took a deep breath before I entered the kitchen. Axel stood at the stove without a shirt on, his muscles on full display.

“You cooked?” I asked as I slid onto the stool at the island.

Axel looked over his shoulder at me. “It's our last meal together.”

That stung more than I thought it would. But I think it was how easily that rolled off his tongue. This was matter of fact for him.

He plated the eggs and placed it in front of me. Then the platter of bacon.

“I can't believe we finished your cabin. It looks amazing.” I'd talk about anything except my impending departure time.

“Yeah, it's nice.”

“I bet your brothers were happy to help you with some of it.”

“It was good to have them there. I thought we were too different now, but they accepted me.”

“I'm so happy for you.” I checked my phone for messages as I ate, eager to see if I heard back from the Realtor. “Oh, she got back to me.” At Axel's questioning look, I said, “I'm looking at this house to flip, and she said I could come see it tomorrow. I wasn't expecting to get in before the holiday. But apparently, the owner died, and the son wants to sell it quickly.”

Axel came around the island, so I pulled up the pictures. I scrolled through them one by one, nervous about his impression. “What do you think?”

“I think it's a good first project. It doesn't look like a complete overhaul. You might want to have one of your brothers go with you.”

“Cooper is walking through today.”

Axel touched my shoulder lightly. “I think you'll do a great job with it.”

“There's only one problem with the house.” Well, two if you counted the fact that it was in Florida and Axel was in Maryland.

“What's that?” Axel asked as he moved to the other side of the island and picked up a piece of bacon.

“I like it too much. I think I might want to live there when I'm done.”

“I thought you were going to live in them while you renovated, then move onto the next.”

“Yeah, but this house is the perfect size for me. I could put a pool in later. It's within walking distance to the beach and the bike paths.”

“That's what makes it a good flip.”

“What if I can't do this? What if I fall in love with every house I buy?”

Axel popped the last bit of bacon in his mouth, chewed, then swallowed it down with orange juice. “I wouldn't worry about that yet. You don't know what's going to happen.”

“I'm so nervous.”

“You're going to do great. Look what you did with my place. You'll make this cottage the best beach house there is.”

“I already have so many ideas— I'm thinking white and blue, or white, blue, and yellow. I can't settle on one.”

“Whatever you decide, it will be perfect. And you'll get better with each flip. You'll know where to spend the time and money, and where you can ease up a bit.”

“Thank you for believing in me. I wouldn't be doing any of this without you.”

Axel shrugged like it was no big deal when it was everything. “You would have. Maybe it would have taken you longer.”

“I wouldn't be doing it now, and I'm so excited about this new step in my life.” I just hoped I could remain close to my family while doing my own thing.

The light in Axel's eyes dimmed slightly before he smiled. “I'm happy for you. We're both moving forward in our lives.”

“It's going to be great,” I forced myself to say because my future was missing the most important part—Axel Calloway.

I wasn't sure I'd ever recover from leaving him behind. But he'd said I was just something to do with his time. He didn't feel the same way. Remembering what he said almost made it easier to leave. Almost.

Any time I was lonely or regretted my life choices, I just had to recall his words. Because they were clear as day. There was no misinterpreting what he meant.

If he asked me to stay now, I would. I'd forget about the beach house waiting for me, my family, and the business. And that wasn't right either. I couldn't give up my dreams for a guy. I'd put them on hold for Rex, and look where that had gotten me. Nowhere, and fast.

In the end, I was alone. I had to make the best choices for myself. I couldn't count on anyone being there for me, outside of family. Axel was no different. Even if it seemed like he had been for a while.

After breakfast, Axel helped me pack, but it wasn't much.

When he put the luggage into the trunk of my rental car, he said, “I almost forgot.”

Was he going to ask me to stay? Tell me I really was the love of his life?

He jogged inside his cabin, and I waited awkwardly for him to return.

When he came back out, he held a rectangle object wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string. He thrust it in my direction. “This is for you.”

I opened it slowly, wondering what it could be.

“Something to remember your first renovation.” His voice wavered slightly.

It was a framed photo of Axel's cabin. “I love this. Thank you.”

“I don't know if you'll want framed photos of all your projects, but I could see this one on a wall next to your beach house.

I hugged the frame to my chest. “I don't have the beach house yet.”

“You will. I have no doubt.”

The tears came now, unchecked even though I knew I had to leave. He hadn't said the words I wanted to here. “Thank you for believing in me. For letting me take over your cabin.”

Axel pulled me into his chest, as if he couldn't express himself any other way, and I was all too eager to hide my face.

“You have a friend in Maryland, so maybe we'll see each other again,” Axel said as I pulled away.

I managed a smile even though it felt broken. “Right.”

I rested the picture of the cabin gently in the back, and Axel shut the trunk.

“I'll see you,” I said as I got into the car and shut the door. I turned the car around, careful not to look at Axel. I wouldn't be able to see to drive if I cried anymore.

I let out short breaths as I drove away, the pain settling deep in my chest. I was driving away from the man I loved, who didn't love me back. It was somehow worse than walking in on Rex cheating on me.

The pain was deeper, more permanent. I wasn't sure I'd ever feel okay again.