CHAPTER 17

“Question...?” – Taylor Swift

THE SENSATION OF LUCA’S brEATH that close to mine was so impactful that I still feel it despite the many deep breaths I took on my way back to my suite.

I’m about to combust. Already warming up again at the reminder of the depth of his voice, his weight leaning in like that, and seeing his smooth lips just inches away from mine.

Which is why I immediately call Georgia and as soon as she picks up, confess, “Enrique tried to set me and Luca up back in college but forgot.” Somehow, I’m even more pissed than when Luca revealed this to me an hour ago.

“What?!” Her voice definitely matches the shock I felt.

I continue on restlessly, “And he told me that he was single at the time and even said he was interested .” I press my hands to my forehead, feeling a headache forming already. “Can you believe that he could have been my first boyfriend?!”

“This is so fucking hilarious.” I hear her laugh. “What were you saying about fate again? ”

“Very funny Georgia.”

“Did he say anything else?” she asks.

“He said that he knew this entire time but thought I liked Enrique so he didn’t think it was relevant to bring up which I’m still kind of annoyed by.”

“Isn’t that what you’ve been saying all this time, though? How much you like Enrique and want him to like you back?” she argues. “I mean, if you didn’t like Luca the way you kept trying to tell me before, what’s there to be annoyed at? I know a few days ago you said you’re starting to like him, but I completely see why Luca would keep it from you.”

I roll my eyes because I know she’s right. “Okay. I get your point.”

“I knew you liked him the minute you told me that you don’t think that he likes you.”

My brows furrow at her implication. “You mean the first day I met him?”

“That’s exactly what I mean, yes,” she confirms. “And I mean, he could still be your first boyfriend.”

“I don’t know. We almost kissed, but it didn’t happen.”

“WHAT? Why didn’t you start with that?!” Georgia’s voice is so loud that I almost jump.

“Because it didn’t actually happen,” I say. “And because…”

“Because what?”

I push down the knot in my stomach. “What if he just wanted to kiss me because I wanted to kiss him?”

“What is it going to take for you to understand that he likes you?” she says, frustrated.

“For him to actually tell me that he likes me,” I reason. “And with the way he left tonight I don’t think he does.”

“Well are you and Enrique still together? ”

“I don’t know what we are,” I admit. “We’ve just kissed a few times.”

“Okay,” Georgia says as if she’s solved a mystery. “There’s your answer then. That’s probably why he didn’t kiss you. Just talk to him.”

“Why doesn’t he talk to me ?” I argue.

“Because he doesn’t know how you really feel about his friend? Do you even know how you feel about Enrique now?” Georgia is bringing up all very valid points.

“I think he’s a really great guy, but we don’t really have a connection,” I confess.

“And Luca? Do you like him for sure now?”

I sigh. “What’s the point in even admitting that if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

She rephrases, “Which guy do you want to kiss right now?”

“That doesn’t count. Luca and I just had that moment,” I defend, not really knowing what I’m defending.

“It absolutely counts,” she argues. “Your answer would be the same even if you didn’t have a ‘moment.’”

What can I say? Georgia knows me.

I conclude, “Maybe Luca just likes me as a friend and leaned in to kiss me just because he thought I wanted it.”

“Jasmine, why would you think that? It sounds like he’s more thoughtful than to do something like that,” she points out.

“I don’t know. Maybe because blondes don’t like me.” I shrug with frustration at one of my insecurities that Georgia already knows about as I struggle to tell her the real reason why I’m having a hard time grasping that Luca could even like me.

She sighs knowingly. “I understand you’re scared, but how you handle things from here on out could make all the difference in actually having a chance with him. ”

I know she’s right. If anything, hearing myself out loud makes me realize how incredibly stupid I sound for basically creating my own insecurity out of mere coincidences over the years.

Maybe bringing up the blonde comment was really my way of convincing myself I don’t actually have a chance with Luca. That way it wouldn’t feel like he’s rejecting me .

Although it’s true that most of my crushes have been blonde, and not a single one of them ever noticed my existence thus far, the problem extends beyond this.

When you constantly go unnoticed by the one person you wish would see you the way you see them, at some point you think to yourself that maybe there is something wrong with you . I know I did. And it’s still hard not to.

Even self-confidence has a breaking point. Until you wonder, wait a minute, there has to be a reason why no matter what I wear, what I say, or what I do, my feelings are never reciprocated. Why else is it that this one thing I want the most has been out of my reach for years?

It’s like you’re in the fucking twilight zone or something. You’re standing right there, yet everyone keeps walking right past you. As if you’re wearing an invisible cloak that’s blocking you from their orbit. Wondering when’s it my turn? My turn to fall in love.

But now I feel seen. For once. And by Luca. So of course I’m going to question it right away when all the previous shit has affected how I see myself today.

Yet the intrusive thoughts are clearly not enough to block him out completely.

That’s probably why when Enrique has to have breakfast with his parents the following morning, I’m more relieved than I am disappointed .

I send a message to Luca wondering if he wants to eat together, the first I’ve sent to him privately so far, and then make my way toward the lobby.

In hindsight, maybe that wasn’t the smartest thing to do considering how awkwardly everything shifted last night.

As I walk through the outdoor curved pathway that’s filled with all kinds of flowers, I bump into Luca, before noticing how he’s already wearing his workout apparel.

“Hey,” he says first, with a hesitant smile.

“Are you going to the gym?” I ask timidly.

“No. I was going to go for a run,” he says. “I just had breakfast and was going to get my water bottle before I leave.”

Now I’m disappointed.

“Well, have fun,” I say. “Don’t forget your sunscreen.”

Really? That’s the best I could come up with? Ugh.

A small chuckle escapes his lips. “I won’t. I mean, I will.”

Woah. He looks as nervous as I feel.

Luca exhales. “I meant I’ll have fun but won’t forget my sunscreen.” His clarification is even more awkward than my comment. But it’s almost a relief to see him a bit flustered, the tension in my back relaxing a little.

“I know what you meant,” I say with a slight smile.

He hesitates for a moment, then says, “About last night.”

And there it is …

“Oh, the almost kiss?” I say as casually as I can muster.

He slowly stretches out his response. “Yeah. That.”

Still unsure how he felt about the whole thing, I decide to downplay it. “I know we were both tired. Delirious, even.” I still want to know why he apologized for even trying to kiss me. He never said why. If it was because of his friend. Or because he realized that he didn’t really want to.

“Yeah. We were exhausted,” Luca says. “I passed out as soon as I got back.”

“So did I,” I reply.

“And it’s not like we actually ended up kissing because we didn’t.”

So is this his way of admitting he regrets even trying to kiss me? It sure sounds like it.

“Yeah. Totally,” I say. “Nothing even happened.”

“ Nothing even happened?” he repeats as his eyes narrow a little.

“Yeah,” I say, “so there’s nothing to worry about.”

He confirms this when his brows furrow as he leans back. “I guess not. Yeah.”

He offers a weak smile. “So I’ll see you around then?” he asks this more so as a courtesy than a genuine question that he hopes comes true.

“Yeah. I’ll see you. Around,” I say.

What the fuck just happened?

I replay my conversation with Luca on a loop in my mind throughout the day, wondering if there was something I could’ve said for it to have ended better.

Everything about him felt different. Not in a good or bad way. Just different.

His voice, his body language, something no longer felt the same.

But there’s a party tonight that seems way smaller and more casual than the last one. So maybe everything will be normal tonight? Maybe he’ll even try to kiss me again? I tell myself these things hoping it’ll dissipate the sinking feeling in my stomach that’s somehow tripled after standing that close to him again.

________ _

Typically this royal blue crop top and short white denim skirt would be out of my comfort zone, but already feeling more confident than when I first got here, I put it on without a second thought, pairing it with my beige strappy sandals.

Eagerly getting ready only disappoints me when Luca isn’t at the lobby or by the valet. Apparently he’s not driving us, and yet these past two weeks he has.

I know I tend to make up most things, but what’s going on?

“Is Luca not coming?” I ask Enrique, trying not to sound too anxious.

“No he is,” he replies. “He’s just meeting us there.”

The grumbling in my belly now quadruples.

When we arrive, the house is much more up my wheelhouse (aka way less intimidating than the previous mansion was). It also reminds me of a college party. The same ones that I wished I could have gone to more of while still at university.

Nostalgia fills me and then leaves me altogether when I notice Luca in my periphery.

Except he’s not here alone.

There’s a girl standing next to him. And she’s beautiful. But I don’t recognize her from any of his friends that I’ve met so far.

I look away, hoping that he doesn’t notice me, if he already has. The nauseousness fills my entire body, my heart somehow sinking even deeper. And then, suddenly, I’m also pissed.

Even if I leaned in first, he’s the one that verbalized that he wanted to kiss me. Not explaining why he stopped is one thing. But showing up here with someone else seems pretty shitty to me.

And not that it’s my business, but the fact that he told me he’s not seeing anyone right now is only making me feel worse .

I try my best to avoid them, until I notice Luca approaching a line in front of the drinks. I walk toward him, trying to stay calm even though I’m also the furthest thing from it at the moment. “I thought you’re not dating anyone right now?” I mock, while my eyes fume.

He turns around, his expression dropping. “I thought that you don’t care?”

Even though he’s almost glaring at me, I try to avoid the warmth his eyes still fill me with.

I squint at him and reply, “You almost kissed me last night, and now you brought another girl here. How do you think that looks?”

Luca’s voice turns deeper. “I don’t see what I’m doing wrong if nothing happened between us, which you also made very clear.”

My chest tightens. “Well seeing how quickly you can move on makes me stand by what I said.”

“Move on from what ?” He raises his brows at me. “An actual conversation that we had agreeing that we were both just tired?”

Our eye contact is so intense that actual embers could fly out both our pupils at any second. Or at least from my eyes as I stand in a pool of frustration, watching him pour his two drinks. After he’s done, he turns toward me. “And for the record, she’s just a friend. And we’re not dating,” he says before walking away.

Now I feel shitty. Again.

This is the first time in my entire life where I actually want a drink. I don’t think I’ve ever had a shot this eagerly. Or two for that matter. As if it wasn’t enough for my inexperienced body, I finish it all with one beer.

My throat is burning at this point, but it’s nothing compared to what my heart’s currently experiencing .

I slump onto a chair outside, while I watch Enrique talk to a group of his friends like it’s his job to entertain this group of people. It hasn’t left my attention that as usual he hasn’t tried to talk to me for more than a few minutes right when we got here. Then I remember how he was at the last party, where it might have seemed like he was with me for the majority of it. When in reality he was just introducing me to his friends, then mainly focusing on them.

Putting my empty beer bottle onto the grass, I get up when I notice Luca going inside the house. I feel a little dizzy as the alcohol hits my body all at once, but I continue until I spot him in the hallway. I walk up to him and poke his back with my index finger, the pressure throughout my body building from the contact.

He turns around with frustration burning in his eyes. Even more than earlier.

It makes my skin feel all tingly as I tilt my face up toward him. “You don’t need to work out as much as you do,” I say. “Your back’s pretty solid to me.”

When his brows furrow, mine quickly mimic his confused expression. “Are you drunk?” he says.

“No. Why would I be drunk? I hate drinking,” I remind him. “Are you dumb?”

“You’re definitely drunk.”

I poke his chest. “I am many things but not drunk.”

Luca exhales deeply. “Here. Come with me.”

My eyes light up when he holds my hand, the heat only building all over my skin. “Are we going back to your apartment?” I ask.

“No. We’re going to the guest room,” he says. “I think it’s the next door down. ”

“To do what?” I play with his hair, and then hold in my whimper at how soft it feels.

Then I frown, no, almost grumble, when he gently moves my hand away from his head.

Once we’re in the room, Luca says, “Please don’t leave. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” I say, while getting on the bed.

A few minutes later, Luca comes back inside with a few cups in his hands. I prop up on my elbow as my mouth drops open. “You brought me a drink? You’re so sweet.”

He looks at me as if he doesn’t even understand how this happened, while handing me the cups. “It’s just some water and lemon juice. It’ll help you rehydrate.”

I look into his eyes and pout. “I told you I’m not drunk. I’ve never even been drunk before. Why don’t you remember?”

“I do remember, but you are drunk right now. And if you want to not be drunk this will help you.”

I scowl at him and put the drinks on the nightstand. “Maybe I want to be drunk then?”

“Okay. Suit yourself. But I’m not leaving,” he says, before he sits down onto the floor, tilting his head back against the wall.

My heartbeat continues to thud as I press my hands onto my forehead in growing frustration. “Why do you keep doing this to me?”

“We can talk about this later, Jasmine.”

“No. We won’t.” I shake my head. “We’ll just keep pretending.”

“There’s no point in me even arguing. You’re going to keep talking right now,” he almost mumbles to himself, while glancing down at his feet.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” I ask .

He looks into my eyes so intensely that it doesn’t feel like he’s sitting just a few feet away. “I—”

I interrupt, “I wanted you to kiss me. But you didn’t. Why?”

Maybe I look devastated right now because he looks broken after hearing my words. When he doesn’t reply, I lean more forward with a longingness growing in my eyes and say, “Stop being so nice to me if you don’t like me the way I like you.”

Luca’s lips part. “Jasmine, I—”

I don’t hear anything he says afterward. It’s all just a blur.

_________

When I wake up, the first thing I notice is the added fabric over me.

Why is there a jacket covering my chest? More importantly, where the fuck is my shirt?!

Before I have time to panic, I notice Luca asleep on the floor without a pillow. “Luca!”

His body jolts as his eyes widen. “What? Are you okay?”

“Yes. What the fuck happened? And where is my shirt?” My head is pounding, and there’s an obvious ringing in my ears.

“You got drunk,” he says. “And then you took off your shirt and threw it on the floor before you fell asleep. Here.” He gets up, handing me back my crop top as my body continues to flush with embarrassment.

I hesitantly lift the fabric that’s still draped over me. “Is this your jacket?”

“Yeah. I won’t look,” he says, while turning around.

I knew he wouldn’t. Hearing him say it out loud though, is enough to relax my clenched jaw and tightened chest. After putting my top back on, the mortification really starts to kick in. I cover my face and groan, “I feel so embarrassed. Fuck.”

“Don’t worry. You’re fine. Nothing happened to you,” Luca reassures, when I clock how disheveled his hair looks and even more so how heavy his eyes are. It looks like he barely even slept.

Suddenly feeling less distraught and more grateful that I was around him during this, I meet his eyes and confess, “Thank you for taking care of me.” His lips slightly curve upwards. “I can’t believe I got drunk. This is the first time I got drunk.” The temperature of my forehead only increases as I move my hands back to my lap.

Luca’s voice grows quiet. “I know. You told me that again last night.”

My lips part in an instant, fearing what else I could have potentially said to him. Things that could have embarrassed me far more. “I did? I’m afraid to ask you what else I said.”

He’s looking at me like he knows something that I don’t, and I don’t like it.

I sigh. “Oh no…I did say more than that. Fuck.”

He continues to glance at me with the exact same expression, except now through slightly pursed lips. “ That bad?” I ask.

“It was nothing bad ,” he says with a trace of shyness, only confusing me further.

I’m about to ask a follow up when he takes a deep breath and says, “And about the other night…”

I shake my head. “No, it’s fine, I got it. We were both exhausted.”

“I don’t know if you and Enrique are a couple or not,” he says.

“We’re not,” I quickly say. “At least I don’t think we are.”

“Yeah, but you’ve also kissed at least a few times from what you’ve told me. Even if it’s casual, he’s still my friend.” A sadness lingers in Luca’s eyes as he readjusts his posture. “ That’s why I said I was sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you what I did. It was inappropriate.”

A fire starts to burn between our eyes, our tense chests rising, when Luca’s phone starts to ring, breaking the silence between us. “Hey,” he answers, clearing his voice.

He’s quiet as he listens to whoever is on the phone with him. And then he replies to the person in rapid Spanish, clearly not wanting me to understand.

I wonder if he means to flick his eyes to mine, but nonetheless I don’t miss when he does it before speaking into the phone, in English this time. “Can we meet later today?”

I look at him through furrowed brows as he switches flawlessly between the two languages, leaving me baffled as I barely picked up anything from the conversation. I guess it was none of my business, though, to which he made clear by ensuring I wouldn’t even understand.

After the call, it’s as if our previous exchange is put on an indefinite pause, while we walk past the kitchen. On our way out the door, I notice the girl Luca came here with now flirting with another guy in the corner.

Well I misinterpreted that entire situation. I’ve been doing that a lot lately…

Seeing her reminds me how I got drunk. Where I followed Luca in the hallway. And then I remember what I said. Fuck.

I told him that I like him.

I don’t remember any details beyond that, but sadly I remember this.

My jaw starts to clench again at this jarring realization as I lose my appetite altogether.

________ _

Even when we’re back at the resort, I’m still floored that I got drunk.

I know it’s not a big deal. But for me it is.

It was years of fear that I’d somehow lose control over my mind and body. And that terrified me.

But the way Luca took care of me brings me such a sense of relief that there are people you can trust, even for things you could have never imagined you could before.

Relaxing onto the bed, I exhale deeply at the thought that for once I finally let go.

And while I still feel absolutely fucking embarrassed out of my mind, I feel a bit free. Lighter almost. That being said, it’s not something I look forward to doing again anytime soon.

As I stare at the suite’s ceiling, I’m left pondering the obvious.

That I told Luca how I felt, but he still didn’t tell me he likes me back.

So I’m not going to keep playing myself.

Luca has given me plenty of compliments. Remarks that no one has even come close to matching.

He’s made me feel special, appreciated, and beautiful.

He’s pushed me to face my fears.

He’s even helped me get over myself, whether he realizes it or not.

So the conclusion for me is that I like him. No, I think I might even love him. Because I actually know him now.

And that’s the problem.

I never had issues with chasing guys that I knew deep down it would never work out with. It’s all because I created an ideal version of every single crush I’ve had before in my head. I’d make assumptions, connect all these grand signs together, hoping that it would all lead back to this magical connection. One that only existed in my mind, and came to life because I imagined it.

This morning Luca interestingly did ask me if Enrique and I are together, among other things, but he didn’t once word for word say that he likes me despite not kissing me. Telling me he was sorry for even suggesting the kiss is not the same as telling a person you have feelings for them. So I’m not going to assume something that he has never said to me.

Assuming a guy liked me is yet another thing I never minded doing before. If anything, I used to assume everything.

But it was all fake. I liked what I thought existed in those guys, aka my interpretation of their personality.

Luca is the first guy that I like who I didn’t construct a version up in my head. I got to know him and found that I happen to like his personality. Probably even more than anything I have ever fantasized about in anyone else. And that’s what fucking terrifies me.

It’s the first time I have something to lose.

So yes, I’m scared to tell Luca how I feel because if he doesn’t feel exactly the same it would absolutely crush me .

On that same note, maybe I should give Enrique more of a chance.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing when I texted him if he wanted to have lunch together today, wondering if we just need some more time spent alone.

_________

Luckily, after a lot of water and plenty of food, my headache from earlier had already evaporated as well.

A part of me was still a little surprised when Enrique agreed to meet for lunch since we barely spoke at the party, and even more so that the afternoon went well. Although not enough to forget about Luca.

Once Enrique walks me back to my suite, I take a second to look at him again, wondering why I almost stopped noticing him as much the past week or so.

The one thing that I cannot deny is that despite my feelings and physical attraction toward his friend, the physical attraction between me and Enrique is definitely still there.

And so I temporarily avoid where my heart actually is. At least there’s this other gorgeous guy that’s right in front of me who’s actually asked me out on a few dates, even if he also hasn’t really said what we are.

Feeling a little out of character, I ask, “Do you want to come inside?”

“Sure.” Enrique’s eyebrows raise a bit at my sudden forwardness.

When he shuts the door behind him, I say, “I never got to say thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” His brows furrow, unsure of what I’m referring to as I clarify one by one, “Inviting me here. Arranging this stunning room for me. For including me in so many of your plans. I’ve had the best time, and it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you.”

The way his lips curve wide enough to reveal his dimples reminds me why I instantly had a crush on him on that first day of college. “You’re welcome,” he replies, his smile slowly fading. “You look really happy. Different than when you got here, but happier almost.”

I try to ignore the defeated grin he’s now giving me. Instead I’m focusing on how good he smells and how handsome he is.

I’m about to start overthinking, but then it occurs to me that maybe that’s exactly my problem .

I’ve always analyzed every little thing. And it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere. Maybe for once, I shouldn’t really think about anything . Besides, maybe something more casual wouldn’t be such a bad thing? Not everything has to be serious. If that’s what he wants, maybe I might like that as well. Or at least I can try.

As my confidence grows and the overthinking pauses, I wrap my arms around Enrique’s neck and feel his body tense up.

It’s odd. He’s never looked tense when we’ve kissed before.

To reassure him, I kiss him with an intensity that I haven’t explored yet.

A few seconds in, his shoulders relax as he holds onto the back of my hair, his confidence now returning.

With every single push and pull, I try and satisfy the longing feeling I want. The one I’ve always wanted. But when I can’t find it in his lips, I wonder maybe it’s because we’re only kissing.

I think I’m ready for more. Feeling a bit shocked at how I’m managing to lead us to the bed, and more so that he’s following, I pull Enrique in. When his hands travel to my waist, I remember a different set of hands that have ruined this sensation for me.

The one person that I’m trying so desperately to forget about comes rushing back into my head. “Wait. I can’t do this,” I blurt out.

Enrique freezes, then moves away, giving me some space.

“I’m so sorry,” I say as I get up, trying to readjust my skirt.

He sighs. “It’s fine.”

“I really wanted to,” I try, but fail to convince us both.

He fixes his posture, his voice growing deeper. “You don’t have to explain.”

I explain anyway, “I thought that I could forget about my feelings for someone else. But it turns out I can’t. ”

He nods as if he already expected to hear this. “I understand. Luca talked to me earlier.”

“He did?” My brows furrow in confusion.

“Yeah. He told me everything,” Enrique confirms.

Everything? As in everything, everything? Including my lack of experience? Enrique being my first kiss? The fact that Luca and I almost kissed?

The knowing look in Enrique’s eyes makes it seem like the answer is yes, he knows everything .

But now I’m confused. If he knew about my lack of experience, why would he allow things to escalate between us without addressing it?

I question, “So were you going to just let us hook up if I hadn’t stopped it just now?”

I know I initiated it, but given how important intimacy is for me and how this would have been the first time I’d basically be hooking up with someone, I feel my eyes grow a bit angry. Especially since Enrique now knows that I’ve never done any of this.

If he’s hurt that I didn’t tell him, I would understand, but then again I didn’t owe him an explanation to share something this personal with him.

“That’s the thing, I’m a little confused,” Enrique replies, puzzled. “I couldn’t really tell if you liked me or not. So I thought when you kissed me like this just now that maybe it was all in my head.”

My brows furrow, wondering if I’m even hearing him correctly. “You weren’t sure if I liked you ?”

“Well do you ?” His gaze turns more serious.

“ I did .” I feel awful for the way his eyes immediately look away when I say this. But there’s no point in not being honest now. “But I wasn’t sure if you liked me this entire time,” I reveal.

“I did like you. I thought I made it obvious. But I guess not obvious enough.” His Adam’s apple flexes as he swallows. “And I also kissed you back right now since I wanted it to be your decision. To decide what you want regardless of what anyone else told me.”

The frustration from a second ago dissipates after hearing his explanation, and I remember how I also have my fair share to be blamed for here.

My eyes soften, surprised to hear that he also thinks I gave him mixed signals. “I’m sorry,” I say.

“Yeah. Me too.” A trace of disappointment flickers in Enrique’s eyes, but he tries to smile. “For what it’s worth though, I’d be more pissed if it was anyone but him.”

Now I feel bad for assuming that he didn’t really care about me at all. Even though at some point I didn’t really care if he did. And I feel guilty for admitting that as well.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Or come between you guys at all,” I say. “I feel terrible about it.”

He nods through pursed lips. “So you like him?”

“Yeah. I do,” I say softly.

Enrique pauses for a moment, before he gives me a bit of an awkward grin. “Well, if you need anything for the rest of your stay, just let me know.” As he walks toward the door, he adds, “And thank you again for helping with the wedding. That meant a lot to me.”

I smile at his maturity. “Were your parents pleased?”

“Yes, thank God they were.” He chuckles nervously. “And that’s not the easiest thing in the world to accomplish for me. ”

“Oh I could not relate to something more deeply.” I grin, noting how Enrique always manages to return back to a cheerful mood, appreciating it even more now.

His comment almost makes me a little sad that I didn’t get to know him better. I don’t think I fully grasped how much pressure he must have been under. And the more layers I’ve managed to see of Enrique, the more I see why him and Luca are so close.

“Well I better get back to work before they take back their compliments.” Enrique scoffs. As he’s about to open the door, he turns around, and looks at me with a noticeable sincerity in his eyes. “Not to overstep here, but maybe things still have a chance at working out if you’re honest with him.”

I give him a warm nod, hoping he senses how thankful I am for his words. And how they’re exactly what I needed to hear.

Enrique’s comment sticks with me after he leaves. Even more so the implication. That if I was honest with him about my experience from the start that he wouldn’t have judged me for it.

Lying on the bed, I ponder that I could have kept kissing him without doing anything beyond that.

But even that would have felt wrong.

When Enrique’s lips were on mine, I finally realized that Luca’s rejection isn’t what I was really afraid of.

It was that admitting how I felt for Luca would mean to finally face my fears.

The fear of doing all the things that I could have never imagined doing with anyone else that I want to do with him.

Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, I owe it to myself to take the chance and tell him how I feel.

I came all the way here. There’s no point in backing down now.