Chapter 21

Ok,this was it.

I clutched the device the doctor had given me in my hand and stared at the hallway in front of me. The instructions had said that it would work best if I took it while absolutely terrified. How I was going to time that, I had no idea, but I was about to find out. While I had been bathing, one of the yellow painted airlocks had been redesigned, colored over so that it looked like the pattern on Aeson's scales. I lightly pressed a fingertip against the new design and then pulled my hand back to look at my finger - there was no color transfer. Whatever it was, it wasn't wet paint.

The converted airlock was now open, leading into a dark hallway, the light from the common room barely penetrating it.

I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

Once I'd progressed a short way, I couldn't see anything at all. I put my hand out in front of me as I walked, my steps short and cautious. The floor beneath my feet changed, from a hard surface to a squishy, damp sensation that seeped into my socks, chilling my feet. I hadn't been wearing shoes in my room or the common room, so I hadn't thought to put them on to walk inside yet another fully enclosed building.

I stopped to pull them off, wadded them into a ball and tossed them backwards towards the light of the common room behind me.

I wiggled my toes in what felt like an ice-cold, mossy marsh. The floor had an uneven texture, with small slimy bits that pressed into the bottom of my feet as I walked. I stepped forward, further into the darkness and my feet sank down to the ankle in ice-cold water.

I looked down and saw the slight glow of a dim light reflected in the water.

I looked up and saw a dim light high up ahead of me, and the shadowy overhang of the hallway connector I'd just passed through slightly behind me.

I had entered the new building.

"How did he get all this water to the moon?" I murmured out loud.

A sharp rattle, like dried seeds in a seed pod, broke out from the silence next to me. All of the muscles in my body tensed as I froze at the sudden sound. My heart began beating faster. The rattle shook again, slightly softer, like it was moving away from me.

I took sharp, shallow breaths as my brain caught up with the tension in my body.

That rattle sounded like a rattlesnake but bigger.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot.

Uncertainty swelled in me. This was already so unpleasant with the darkness and the ice-cold, ankle-deep water. I didn't know what lay in store ahead of me, but it wasn't going to be good despite my earlier attempts to danger flirt my way into a more pleasurable encounter.

I could feel the tight grip of anxiety beginning to dig its clawed fingers into my chest.

I didn't like this. I didn't want this.

Was it really such a problem if I just kept taking the Blamex? It worked, didn't it? So what if trying to stop the doses would cause panic attacks and seizures? I had no way of knowing that the alien doctor had any idea what she was doing; she could have given me a treatment that would work for Norratar and not for humans. I could be putting myself in a situation where I was going to have a full blown panic attack and not have access to my medication and not have the new treatment work.

My mind raced around and around and came to one single conclusion.

This was a bad idea.

I turned around and walked back the way I came.

I didn't have my arm outstretched this time so it was my nose that found the wall instead of my fingers.

"Ow," I gasped and grabbed my throbbing nose.

The exit was gone.

The rattle filled the room, only now it was behind me on my left, as if whatever made the sound had moved in a half circle around me. There was the sound of water moving, and I felt ripples gently lap against my ankles.

"Shit," I swore, then slapped my hand over my mouth.

The rattle echoed again in response to my cussing, closer this time.

I moved away from it, the shapes coming into view in the darkness as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, but still not enough to see more than shapes shifting and waving in the air. The one closest to me in the direction I was heading wasn't moving like it was alive, so I put my hand out as I approached it.

My hand met thick, heavy cloth.

Something brushed my ankle and I let out a squeak, eliciting another rattle that jackknifed my heartbeat up another notch.

I lifted my foot and felt out in the direction of what touched me. It was the bottom of the curtain, heavy and wet with the water, brushing against my foot with the slight current.

I walked along the upper part of the curtain with my hands, the soft velvet feeling of the fabric the first pleasant thing I experienced until my hands brushed against something… slimy, like a snail trail.

I pulled my hands back and continued moving.

Scattered lights struggled to illuminate the space, casting long shadows that flickered and danced at the corners of my vision as my eyes adjusted more to the space.

A soft hiss from behind me caused my shoulders to tense.

I had to find an exit out of here.

Massive pillars, irregular and imposing, rose from the floor to vanish into the overhead shadows. I put my hands on one. It was wrapped in textures that mimicked rough tree bark. A subtle draft caught the heavy curtains, making them flutter, catching the corner of my eye. I turned to look at it, tracing the movement, half-expecting something to emerge from behind the billowing fabric.

There was definitely going to be a jump scare.

I was already halfway there to terror, my heart pounding in my ears.

The dim lighting and the movement of the curtains created a deceptive play of light and shadow. Every step I took seemed to stir the air, and with each rustle and hiss, my tension grew.

This was too much. I didn't like this at all.

I lifted my wristband and flicked open the screen which adjusted its brightness so I could still see it but it wasn't blinding me, and activated the app I'd requested from the doctor. She hadn't even asked what it was for, just forwarded my request to the development team who then shot over a piece of software before I was even done with my bath.

It was startling how fast it was.

I pointed my wrist forward, and the app showed only dim blue colors. As I turned in a circle, I could see the warm red of a sizable sinuous serpentine shape.

"There you are." I smiled. See, I could see him. It just took a little bit of technology.

The red shape suddenly grew larger on my screen.

I dropped my hand and realized that even though the light of the screen was dim, it still had stolen the little adjustment my eyes had made to the dark. The room was pitch black again.

I darted sideways, moving at a shuffling run as I reached out with my hands.

I only made it a few steps before arms caught me around the waist.

"HEY!" I yelled, kicking my feet into his stomach.

He snatched the medication dispenser out of my grasp.

Then he threw me.

I screamed as I arched through the air, my arms windmilling, trying to grab anything. My flight path was clear. My feet hit first, but they didn't meet the squishy floor under the cold water. No, the cold water enveloped me, surging up my thighs and waist as I slipped into it like a drink sliding down the esophagus, the water covering my face as my entire body sank into a deep, icy, black depth.

The cold shock of the water caused me to exhale, my air rushing out of me.

I couldn't think as I clawed at the water, trying to find the surface as my need to breathe burned at me with an urgency beyond any I'd ever felt before. My muscles weren't responding. My movements were jerky and uncoordinated, but I barely noticed, my mind consumed with the sole thought of the surface.

A hand wrapped around my arm, dragging me into the air, and I sucked it in, coughing with the urgent need to breath. Then the rattle went off right next to my head, the noise loud and overpowering, shocking me as I flinched away from the painfully intense sound. I scrambled away from it and something wrapped around my ankle and yanked backwards, sending me face first into the icy ankledeep muck water.

Some of it went up my nose and I choked, pressing my hands into the squishy slippery ground as I lifted myself up to my hands and needs, my fingers digging into the marsh to get a grip and keep them from sliding out from under me.

Something heavy pressed down on my back, knocking me down into the water, pressing my face into it again. I struggled, my hands and feet tearing at the muck around me, the material sliding away as I failed to find a purchase to push against the overwhelming force that was holding me down, that had hunted me, that was going to kill me.

I was going to die.

My body flooded with the singular focus - I had to survive.

With a moment of strength I didn't know I could possess, I pushed up from the floor, just enough to suck in air and let out a scream. The weight shifted forward, sliding up my back until something wrapped around my chest and neck. I clawed at it with my fingers like an animal, twisting my chin to bite down into the flesh. It felt like biting leather over steel. My teeth couldn't pierce it.

I flew backwards through the air, the sudden yank cutting off the air as the thing wrapped around my neck tightened. I was lifted up in the air and suddenly I was hanging, kicking. I was fighting for my life but there was nothing for me to grab onto, nothing for me to fight against but the inevitability of the darkness.

Something wrapped around my waist, supporting my weight.

The tight wrap around my neck let go, and even as I twisted, fighting like a feral cat caught in a cage, something pressed against my neck; there was a light pinch, and I heard a small cool hiss of machinery.

Then arms wrapped around me and I felt myself pressed back into a warm chest.

Fear ricocheted through me, layering onto the already overwhelming layers of primal terror that had fully consumed me in a state of fight because flight wasn't an option.

"No! Red!" I screamed. "Red! Earth!"

"It is over," Aeson murmured. "Do you want me to carry you out of here or do you want to walk?"

I shuddered against his chest, pressing myself into his warmth as my heart continued to careen, my body still seized by the absolute certainty that I was under attack, that this male that held me in his arms was about to rip me to pieces.

I pushed my hands against his chest, pushing away, my fear clawing at my mind.

He lowered me down to the ground, setting me down on my feet. I took a few steps back, my chest heaving as I sucked in the oxygen I needed that I had been deprived of. A light lit up from his wrist display, illuminating the curving shape of his serpentine form as he loomed over me. A moment later, the room grew brighter, and I could see the columns and curtains around me. I could see the dark hole in the center of the room, filled with the water. I could see the floor underneath me was a wet carpet, covered in layers of old decaying plant material to create the slippery, muddy sensation.

On the ground next to him, half in the water, was a large brown gord like thing. I poked it with my foot and it let out a small sliding, rattling noise as whatever was inside it shifted.

My fear reduced, but it didn't have anywhere to go, so it transmuted, surging through my chest like a wave, a swell of anger that carried the memory of helplessness. I clenched my hands into fists at my side, my jaw tensing.

How the fuck could he do that to me?

He almost drowned me. He choked me.

I couldn't do anything to fight back. I took a deep breath, and the smell of ammonia wafted up.

I'd been so scared I'd pissed myself and didn't even notice.

That realization caused another surge of emotions that had nowhere to go but ping pong around inside of me like a cat on catnip trapped in a closet full of mice.

"If you need to strike me, I will not stop you or cause you any harm." His voice was a deep rumble that held notes of sorrow.

Hit him? My teeth couldn't even penetrate his skin when I was biting for all my worth. If I punched him, would he even feel it?

My eyes flicked down to the pelvic region of his humanoid top.

A scream tore through my throat as I lunged at him, I planted my feet, one behind the other at hip distance apart, and then I twisted my hips and then my shoulders, hitting him straight in the slit that protected his alien malehood.

A hiss ripped from him and he shifted backwards, his hands moving to cover that spot.

That hiss caused another stab of fear through me, but I let it flow into the anger, letting it shift in my heart until it served what I needed. What I needed was to feel strong where I had felt weak.

I followed him as he retreated backwards, half punching, half slapping at his abdomen, letting out incoherent screams as I flailed on him. As he moved, he shifted lower and my blows began to fall on his chest. HIs tail moved off to the side of me, moving alongside me as I chased after him with my fear and rage fueled violence.

A twinge of pain split up my hand as I hit him again and I stopped, standing still, my chest still heaving with the weight of my emotions.

He stopped moving as soon as I did and just looked at me.

I stood there, breathing heavily in the silence, and looked at the forming bruises on my knuckles. I just… I was just attacking him like a rabid animal.

"I'm…" I wrapped my arms around my middle. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"You have nothing to apologize for," Aeson murmured. "That was a horrible experience and you are safe to express your feelings in any way you need to. You cannot hurt me."

He glanced down at where his hand still covered his slit.

"You mostly cannot hurt me," he amended.

"Do you need me to kiss it and make it better?" I snapped, feeling vicious and gleeful in a strange way.

His mouth dropped open for a moment, and his tongue snaked into the air, flickering for a second.

I shivered. As the adrenaline subsided through my body, I felt a sense of exhaustion and a chill that had sunk down into my bones. I shuddered, wrapping my arms around my body a little tighter as my teeth chattered together.

"You are cold and hypothermic," he stated. "Do you wish to walk to the bathing pool or do you want me to carry you?"

The ankle deep water were chains of ice holding me in place, dragging me down into the carefully crafted theater of muck. I didn't want to walk. I didn't want to trudge my way to a place of comfort

"Fucking carry me!" My teeth chattered together as I spoke.

He moved towards me, wrapping his arms around me and lifted me up, carrying me swiftly through the now open door and leaving a trail of wet behind him. He must have run over my socks, because they were strewn across the floor in the trail.

"You're making a mess," I pointed out.

"I will take care of it later," he replied. "The only thing that is important is taking care of you."

I leaned the side of my head against his chest, letting the heat of his body seep into me.

"How do we know if it worked?" I asked as he moved towards the bedroom door.

"The treatment?" he asked. "We can take a scan and send it to the doctor, or you can wait and see if you have adverse effects after not taking your medication for a few days."

"I don't want to do that again," I added.

"I don't either," he agreed as he moved us into the bathing pool room. "I found it difficult to complete. Do you wish for me to leave you alone in here?"

He stopped a good distance from the pool.

I didn't want to let go of him. His arms around me made me feel better, like they were melting away the harm and stress from what just happened.

"I don't want you to put me down." I pressed my face against his chest, not looking up at him.

I felt the warm water lap around my thighs, sliding up my body like a loving embrace. I pulled my face away from his chest to see he had gotten into the bathing pool while carrying me, still dressed in all my clothing. The water sloshed over the edge, wetting the stone around the pool before sliding down a small slope to the stream that ran on the side of the room.

I swallowed, feeling a soreness in my throat.

"Choking a partner is a serious threat." My words were soft with the heaviness of what I was saying. "It is one of the most likely signs that your partner is going to kill you if you're in a domestic abuse situation…. If they choke you, it means they want to kill you and likely are going to."

Aeson's arms tightened around me.

"I didn't know." His words had a torn quality about that. "It is not the same for our species at all. Males do not kill females in my culture. They would get torn apart by the female's other mates if they even tried. I had read that it was frightening for your species but I didn't realize the extent of that. I will never put any constriction around your neck ever again."

I let my legs float out in the water as I turned, leaning the back of my head and shoulders against his chest. His arms relaxed and his fingers began tracing gentle patterns up my arm. I pushed my arm into his touch, encouraging him to stroke down the length of my arm.

"What touch is comforting for you?" he asked, his voice low. "I wish to make your body feel relaxed and good. To be clear, I have no intent to initiate mating with you, just touch you in ways that you desire."

At the word mate my back stiffened, then relaxed with the rest of his sentence.

"What, is me pissing myself from fear of you not sexy to you?" The sharp tone in my voice cut my own ears as a flash of shame washed through me.

"I have never been aroused less than when you were terrified," he replied. "Though our previous conversation led to thoughts of chasing and catching you that were arousing, the reality of you being genuinely afraid and causing you harm to get there was unsettling for me. I don't wish to ever experience that again."

Those words hit me hard.

I pushed away from him, finding the edge of the pool.

I peeled my shirt off, then wiggled out of my jeans and underwear, peeling them off in the water. I dropped all of my clothing in a wet pile on the side of the pool, then floated backwards moving towards the deeper section of the water.

As my feet left the bottom, a small flash of residual fear flashed through me.

I took a deep breath as it passed through me like a feather floating on the wind, carried away by the effervescent breath of the Earth as it moved through the trees. It didn't grow like it used to, piling on until the whole pile of stones tumbled. Instead, the fear dissipated as my legs slowly kicked through the warm water, keeping me up right as I treaded water in the middle of it. I turned in the water to look back at Aeson.

He was looking at me with a gentle hunger, an intense stare that remained in his eyes as he glanced down at my naked body before fixing his gaze on my eyes. His heated gaze didn't turn into action as he stayed where he was at the edge of the pool, most of his tail back up on the stones with just a portion of him in the water.

"Are you comfortable like that?" I asked, gesturing at the rest of his tail.

"No," he rumbled. "But I thought you would feel better with most of me out there rather than circling the pool."

"Get all the way in," I ordered.

He slid the rest of his tail down over the edge, pouring into the pool like a waterfall that caused more water to wash outwards as it wrapped around the inner edge like a cinnamon roll.

"You're really all in on this, aren't you?" I asked and stated at the same time, a full concept of who this male was coalescing in my mind with the repeated clear expressions of his thoughts and feelings.

"All in is a gambling idiom, correct?" he asked. "I see no gamble in our relationship, only continued work to communicate with each other and work together to build the type of future we are happy with."

Future… that word was so strange to me. I'd approached dating, and even this marriage, as something I was doing for the time being, something that furthered my desires and enhanced my life in some way or another. I'd married him because it seemed like a better ploy for my crumbling career than backpedaling and rolling over on my belly for the masses.

But here, floating in this hot tub, surrounded fully by the male who had just given me one of the most visceral frights of my entire life just a short while ago, making me believe I was going to die, the word took on a different meaning.

I'd barely even begun to live my life.

I'd spent so long striving for the goal of attention, to make myself into a product that the world would want to look at, would want to see move around as a doll on the screen, telling other people's fictional stories. Working for the soap opera had been gratifying in the fact that I was supporting myself doing what I always wanted to do, but simultaneously a drudge as I acted out characters and stories I just didn't care about at all.

I was on the moon, with a husband who was a space billionaire, at least in comparison to what wealth could accomplish on Earth itself.

The difference in where my life was going and where it was now was breathtaking.

I had resources and support in a way I didn't know was possible from a romantic relationship.

All the potential directions of where I could go now fibonacci spiraled through my mind in endless possibilities, the salient linking point being the fact that I could choose.

My life had choices that weren't dependent on the image I presented of myself.

I could create a life based on me.

But there was someone else in this equation.

"What do you want out of life?" I asked, realizing suddenly the depth of my self absorption. Everything from the marriage onward had been me, me, me. I didn't know what Aeson wanted, other than the fact that he was down for what I wanted and needed.

"A nest," he replied. "You in it. A life focused on creating beautiful things that bring joy, fulfillment, and the spread of useful knowledge."

"The spread of useful knowledge?" I asked, continuing to swish my hands back and forth as I floated gently in the water. "What does that mean to you?"

"My species' knowledge about humans is based primarily on the slaves rescued… and sometimes purchased… from the slave traders who originated on this planet," he replied, his tail shifting through the water sending a current that gently pushed me a little bit towards his upper body. "I wish to provide a through, easily digestible information packet, in the form of a book or something else like that, to help my species understand and empathize with humans, as well as assist males applying for the mate program offer their best self to their new, delicate mates."

"I love that." I smiled, relaxing further in the water as the last of the tension left my body. "How do you feel about a documentary video that is a cultural explanation for both cultures? It can be a paired set, so that humans and Atisari can both see what is being said about one another."

"That sounds like a project that needs a film studio." He smiled back, the expression echoed in his body as his shoulders relaxed, showing me how much tension he had been carrying in his upper back.

"And a film crew," I added. "And a budget."

"Is this something you wish to get started on right away?" he asked.

There was a slight hesitation in his words, one that echoed in my heart.

"I believe I need to experience a proper honeymoon before I'm willing to throw myself into a new project." I doled the words out slowly. "My husband has been quite busy and I've felt alone. Although the view is great, frankly, this place is just a bedroom with an empty film studio and a… room that we're definitely going to repurpose for a different set."

"This honeymoon suite film studio is definitely in the early state of its development." He leaned back, his arms going on the rock as he pressed his upper back into the stones surrounding the pool. "What do you say to giving me a clear idea of what you want it to look like and I'll have it worked on while we go to the place on Earth you've most wanted to visit and have never gone before?"

"But what about your… whole body." I gestured at his tail.

Something brushed my ankle and a small thrill of fear brushed through me as I yanked my foot up and looked down in the water. The very end of his tail had snuck towards me to tickle my ankle.

I reached out with my toes and touched the tip of his tail.

He gently stroked the length of the body of my foot with it.

"I've gotten the go ahead to be myself on the surface," he replied. "There are specific restrictions on how I'm supposed to handle interference, and I've been told that I may cause distress depending on where I go, but the only way for humans to acclimate to aliens is to see them in person so an alien as intimidating as me exposing myself in public is seen as a good thing. There will be a Norratar force on standby if there needs to be a direct intervention."

"Exposure therapy for humanity as a whole," I sighed. "Seems like a better choice than having a government that pretends that aliens don't exist all the while selling people off to them."