18. Akira

Damn, why am I so nervous?

I want to see all of you.

I've never purposely shown anyone my kitsune side before, and stars, I want to show River. I want him to see me. To accept me. All of me. But was this the wrong time? I had a feeling that the other shoe was about to drop when River asked me about fated mates. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide, and force him to take the question back, but I also didn't want to lie to him.

"Is something going on?" Indy asks as he opens his trailer door and lets us inside.

River and I both stay silent. Fuck, what a loaded question. River sits at the dinette while I walk over to the beautiful tank filled with sparkling water and coral. Inside, Latte and Bubbles are swimming around. I love visiting Seven and Indy's trailer just to see the faerie creatures swim around happily.

Indy is suddenly by my side. "Did you do something bad to my brother?" Damn, if I"m not mistaken, I can feel Indy's sharp cat claws digging into my forearm.

"Of course not, little cat." Gods, why does that feel like a lie?

"Leave him alone, Indy. Akira didn't do anything."

Indy's claws retract and he eyes me suspiciously. Latte, the pink fae creature swims to the top of the tank, always eager to see me. I pop the lid open and catch Latte easily.

"Hey there, little guy," I coo at him, feeling some of the stress leave my body.

"Okay," Indy drawls. "Clearly by the sappy look on my brother's face, he isn't mad at you. So what gives? Why did you two look so sad when I answered the door?"

"No reason," River grumbles before I can explain. "We were looking for Seven. When will he be back?"

"I'm here," Seven says, ducking as he walks through the trailer door. "Wow. It's a little crowded in here. What's up?"

I place Latte back in his tank and turn to Seven. "We were just curious where exactly I can shift for a run?"

"I just double-checked the wards. Running on the beach should be fine. Just stop right before you reach the pier. The strip of sand is spelled to keep humans off of it while we are here."

"Thanks, Seven." River turns back to me. "Ready?"

"Of course, little fox. Let's go." I reach my hand out for River and he laces his fingers with mine.

Indy's jaw drops.

"Don't forget about our meeting tomorrow," Seven says. "I need to see what your show will look like before I can approve it. Then you'll have another full week to practice before you perform."

I nod.

River and I make our way to the beach. The ocean waves crash against the sand and the seagulls caw above us. If I wasn't so damn nervous I'd appreciate the view. What if River doesn't like my kitsune? It's probably a ridiculous thought, but when so many have tried to hunt my animal form, it gives one a complex.

Plus, I"ve seen his collection of books and know about all his research; none of them have—or mention—a blue kitsune. They are always white, black, or red and all with pretty markings on their fur.

"How should we do this?" River asks, clutching a bag I asked him to bring.

"I don't know if I can shift in front of you when I'm this nervous," I reply honestly.

"Oh, Akira, I'm so sorry. You have nothing to be nervous about. But would it help if I ran ahead and you caught up? Maybe I can get a head start, give you privacy to shift, then you can catch up when you're ready?"

I nod, then strip out of my clothes. River places them in his bag before his gaze lingers on my naked body.

"Ready," I say, pressing a kiss to his lips.

River pulls me in tighter and deepens the kiss. Then he takes off running down the strip of beach. "Come catch me, little kitsune," he teases.

I laugh.

His words ease some of the tension in my heart. My skin pulls tight and I let the magic of the shift take over. It's as natural as stretching. There's no pain, or rearranging of bones or organs. One second, I'm standing on two legs, and the next I'm on all fours, stretching my nine tails and wiggling my fox ears.

Taking off on all fours, I sprint after my human with the ocean breeze caressing my face. The kitsune inside of me is loving the freedom of the run. I catch up with River easily and jog by his side. He glances over at me and stumbles. Then stops running altogether.

Nerves grips me. That was quite a reaction. Fearing the worst, I meet River's eyes, stunned to see a huge smile on his face.

"It's you. I knew it!" He falls to his knees, landing on the soft sand. "Akira. You're just as pretty in this form as you are in your human form."

Overjoyed, I nuzzle River playfully, pushing him flat on his back and licking at his face. He giggles. His smile is like a balm on my soul. I don't know what I did to make him so happy, but I would shift a thousand times if it made him smile again.

River keeps laughing, murmuring the phrase ‘it's you' and ‘so pretty' over and over again. I soak up his praise, all the while wondering what he means by the first phrase.

Our earlier stress floats away on the ocean wind, leaving me feeling light.

Happy.

Finally, he falls silent, just lying in the sand. We've shifted positions a little, and now I'm under him and he's partially hugging my body while also using me as a pillow. He silently pets the fur on my back. At one point, he runs his hands over every one of my tails. I've never felt so relaxed in this form. If I could stay in this moment forever, I'd be tempted.

"Akira?" River asks, voice soft. "Can you shift back for me? I have something to show you."

I see him pull my outfit out of his bag. He turns away to give me privacy, still clutching my clothes. But this time I want him to see. I pad around in front of him.

"You want me to watch?" He asks.

In answer, I shift in front of him.

"Wow, I thought it would look different when you shift. You're so beautiful, Akira. Thank you for sharing this side of yourself with me."

"Always, little fox. Now, what did you need to show me?" I ask, curious.

"Please don't be mad. I wanted to wait and not show you until after I saw your kitsune form. Well, that and I was nervous about what you'd think," he rambles.

I scrunch my brows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

River whips his shirt over his head. He turns around slowly. On his back is a stunning, detailed tattoo. It's an image of a kitsune. It's sitting and looking down at a playful fox who is lying on his back. But what's most shocking about this tattoo is the kitsune's blue and purple fur, mixed with teal and gray.

My eyes snap up to his. "River," I breathe, heart pounding. "Is this me?" I trace the tattoo reverently, causing River to shudder. "And this little fox? It"s you, right?"

He nods. "I think it is."

"But how?" Then, memories flicker; River being shocked at my ears, the surprise rippling through him when I told him I was a kitsune. His reaction tonight. I touch the tattoo again. "It is me. Has my kitsune been visiting you in your dreams?"

"Yes," he whispers.

"Stars, I have no memory of it. How long?" It must be long; long enough for River to have a tattoo of me. It isn't fresh either. Maybe he got it back when we first met months ago?

"Ten years."

My jaw falls open. "Ten?"

River steps closer to me, his emerald eyes worried and searching. "Yes. Since I started searching for Indy."

Hope and happiness fill me. "River, do you know what this means? It means we are fated. We have to be!"

There's so much hope and happiness in River's gaze that I don't miss the way his face falls.

"What is it?"

"You said that your kitsune would give me something, a gift. Unless you count my brother, I don't have anything."

"Are you sure?"

He nods, his lips tipped down.

I shake my head. I wish there was a way for me to ask my kitsune questions where it can reply in full sentences. Is River our mate? I try. They twirl with happiness inside of my chest. My kitsune definitely thinks so.

"I'll do some research, but for now, stars, River, you have to be my mate. I can feel it."

River beams at me. "You can feel it?" His smile grows wider. "Really?"

"Yes, I feel it." I yank River to me and kiss him passionately, all the while hoping that I can trust my feelings.