17. River

Afew days later, we're driving in my truck to the next location. It's only a few hours, but I decided to show Akira the scenic route on Highway 1. The Pacific Coast Highway is one of my favorite parts of California. Akira seems to love the ocean as much as I do, so we take our time driving on the coast and even stop at Hearst Castle.

"We actually know a lot about each other, but I don't even know your age." I chuckle, gripping the steering wheel and looking over at him.

"I just turned a hundred and twenty."

My eyes pop wide. "Wow, you're old, man."

We laugh.

"You're thirty-one, right?" Akira asks.

"Is it weird that I'm swooning because you remember?"

Akira laughs. "Well, don't swoon too much. We don't need to drive off the road."

I roll my eyes.

"But seriously, River. I want to know everything about you."

"Want to continue our game of truths?" I ask.

"Sure, it's your turn to ask something."

I swallow hard. This is a question I've been avoiding, but I've been desperately wanting the answer to. "Do kitsunes have fated mates?" I have the wildest idea that Akira and I might be. But I remember Indy telling me that Seven could sense it. Did Akira feel this crazy pull like I do?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Akira studying me nervously. "We do," he says slowly. "But our fated mates' lore is different."

"How so?" I ask, grateful I'm driving and don't have to look him in the eye. God, what if I wasn't fated to be with Akira? What if he was meant to find someone else?

"A lot of fox spirits have a unique connection to the dream world. My particular kitsune travels the dream world when I'm asleep. Sometimes they pick and choose what I get to see. So, sometimes I don't remember my dreams, because my fox might not show me everything. Or like normal dreams, most are hard to remember when they fade away."

"That makes sense based on all the lore I've researched. What does that have to do with your fated?"

"Well, in theory, my kitsune spends their time searching for our mate in the dream world."

My heart begins to pound. "Wait, does that mean your kitsune will visit your mate in their dreams?"

"Yeah. Since my particular kitsune is a fox spirit guardian, they will only visit our mate when the other person feels lost or needs guidance."

I gasp. Like when I needed someone to help encourage me to keep searching for my brother. Is that why Seven's Forget Me potions never worked? Was Akira's kitsune guiding me? Hope starts to fill my chest.

I steal a glance at Akira. "And how do you know if your kitsune found your mate?"

"My kitsune will give our mate a gift in the dream world. Something that's special to our fated. Our mate will be very aware of the dream. If they accept our kitsune's gift, then they are accepting the bond."

Disappointment washes through me. If I really have been dreaming of Akira's kitsune for years, I don't think it ever offered me a gift. Not once.

Akira continues, as if my heart isn't shattering. "When our fated mate wakes up, both of us will remember most of the dream, if not all of it. Then, as per tradition, our mate will find me, and offer me a gift in person. Something similar to what our kitsune gave them. Then when I accept the gift in person, the bond will solidify."

"Wow," I choke out. "That's, uh, really romantic." I feel like I can't breathe.

Akira gives me another worried glance. "But this is all in theory. Who knows? My kitsune might not ever find their mate."

I notice that the way he says mate like it's a bad word. Akira sounds just as emotional as me. I need to see his shifted form. I need to know if the tattoo on my back is Akira or not.

***

Once we are parked and settled in the new location, I'm about ready to jump out of my skin. "I need to go for a run," I tell Akira. "What do you think about swinging by my brother's place and asking him where exactly you can shift?"

Did I sound too needy? Can Akira see through me? Fuck. What would I even do if Akira is the kitsune from my dreams? They haven't given me a gift of any kind. Could I count the fact that I got my brother back? Because that's the biggest gift I could ever ask for.

"Sure." Akira watches me. "Are you okay, River?"

I nod, glancing away and blinking back tears.

"Hey, hey. Come here." Akira pulls me down onto his lap. And our size difference makes me giggle despite the tears. Akira hugs me tighter, trying to kiss my tears away. It only makes them fall faster.

"Is this because of the whole fated mates thing?"

I nod silently, feeling so stupid.

He sighs. "I didn't want to tell you. I'm sorry, little fox. It doesn't take away from how I feel right now."

I stand quickly, wiping my tears. I don't know if I can hear him tell me how he feels. If it doesn't match my own feelings, it might break me. I wave my hand in the air as if to erase the last few minutes. "No, it's fine. I'm just being silly."

"It isn't silly," Akira replies. "Tell me how I can help."

"I need to run, but I really want to see your kitsune form."

Akira swallows hard, suddenly looking vulnerable. "Do you want to see it here? It might be a tight fit, but I can do it here if you need me to."

I shake my head. "No, let's go for a run. If Seven says we can't, then we can come back here and I can see you shift. But I want to see all of you."