Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Jonah

Well, I find myself in a pretty damned difficult position. I know that. I'm not a child. I'm an idiot, not a child. I'm really overwhelmed by the very thought of Mara, and that's a fucked-up place to be when I'm certain I'm a bad choice for her. The guys are no help, of course. Something similar is such a damned cliché in the world of shifters.

Every shifter has had to sit and listen to another shifter moaning and grousing about how they just can't be sure if it's fair to go ahead with a relationship with a human woman. I swear, it's a tired and boring and old and… Well, think of every way to call something stupid, and that's how it feels.

In this case, Mara already knows I'm a shifter, and that's not the problem at all. The problem is simple. I'm too old for her. It's an entirely different problem and my moaning and grousing about it isn't like the typical moaning and grousing at all. Not even in the slightest, damn it.

Of course, the guys at the station don't give me any slack. We're all shifters there. It's a secret, actually, known only to a few people in the hierarchy of the city fire department and a few in the state hierarchy. We all know, of course. Shifters instantly recognize other shifters.

We may not know for certain the animal. Of course, a wolf will always know a wolf. The only shifters whose shifter nature might be hidden are dragons. They're a different animal altogether. When I'm shifted, I'm almost twice the size of a typical wolf. Nobody knows how much bigger dragons are than their natural counterparts.

Nobody has seen a natural dragon in millennia.

Or every dragon shifter is a natural dragon. That's what the dragons will tell you. While I think of myself as a man who shifts into a wolf, dragons think of themselves as dragons who shift into humans. Maybe they're right.

Maybe I'm just out of my fucking mind right now because I'm so worked up about Mara. I think that's probably more likely than anything else.

Anyway, most humans don't believe shifters exist even though we officially revealed ourselves to the world. Why would they? The purely human population is billions. The shifter population doesn't add up to a million. We're also spread out through the world because we're comfortable in climates that support our animal forms.

People see us on television but, really, with special effects the way they are and now with AI, is it any wonder there are people who don't believe it? Hell, most pure humans will go their entire lives without ever seeing a shifter. Those who do see shifters will very likely not know that they're shifters in the first place.

Okay, I need to stop.

I'm contemplating shifters to keep from thinking about Mara and the fact that I'm twice her age, for fuck's sake. I suppose I'm also contemplating shifters because I'm at the edge of lands owned by the Federal Government. BLM (that's Bureau of Land Management) land out here is primarily in desert or near desert conditions. The government holds onto it in case they feel a need to expand the three military bases in a hundred-fifty-mile radius.

But what's important to me is that it's always empty and always private. That's good when I'm standing naked next to a rock outcropping. When I shift after the fire, I destroy one more fire suit. The shift shreds whatever clothes we have. It will, in fact, destroy anything in our path. If I shift in a car, the car will sustain a hell of a lot of damage and my wolf won't even slow down.

Enough! Fuck, I'm beginning to sound like some damn teen movie, all angst and will they, won't they. Hell, Mara's behaving a lot more maturely than I am right now. Well, I'm not going to just stay stuck on this like an idiot.

Instead, I finally shift and enjoy that first intense rush of freedom the form gives to me. My senses sharpen and the world around me becomes about what is immediately around me. Thoughts of Mara fade and I am simply physical.

I stretch out and begin to run. My mouth hangs open and I begin to feel like a pup again. In this form, the effects of age are different. I wish some of my buddies were with me, to run with. We wolves tend to be solitary, but we enjoy the company of a pack in stressful times.Shifters, I mean.

I start to move faster, feeling the wind combing through my fur. This is the beauty of being a shifter! My muscles tense and relax and my thoughts fall away into just the strike of my paws on the hard dirt. I hear other animals moving, their slight movements echoing in my ears. I smell them even more clearly, and I briefly toy with the idea of giving a coyote a chase.

The sky is getting dark and my eyesight sharpens even more. Now, the whole area comes alive. My own breathing hits my ears as they swivel to catch the rustlings of the oncoming night. I stop briefly when I think I hear people talking. We shifters may have publicly come out to the world, but that doesn't mean that a normal person suddenly seeing a hulking giant wolf-looking creature wouldn't lose their mind. Dire wolf, a thing of fantasy.

Even worse, if that person losing their mind were to have a gun on them.

Eventually, I figure out that it's safe and I sprint out even faster, turning in circles and snapping at flowers and insects. I would like to say that I'm all serious and moody like in those teen movies, but this is more how I let off steam in this form.

I let the outdoors and the freedom of my anonymity in this form briefly rescue me from thoughts of Mara. But I do have enough sense of time passing to know that it's getting late and I can't disappear forever. I growl and begin my meandering trek back to where I left my clothing.

The run back is slower. I try to hold this peace inside myself for when I shift back. Finally, I get to the outcropping and trot up to where my clothes are piled. My chest is heaving and I'm panting. I take just a few more seconds to live in this purely physical world and then, I shift back.

I'm not breathing heavily at all after the shift. Nobody knows why we're like that. I slowly dress, looking out over where I've just run. It's beautiful, even in this form. I smile at my stupid thought. I feel sentimental and ridiculous. I feel like a pup in love.

Fuck!

This is not where I want to be right now. I didn't want my time in my shifter form to just make me give in to things with Mara. Damn! Who am I kidding? This is exactly where I want to be. I never really got over her. I didn't date anyone seriously, no one compared. Mara is a pretty impossible act to follow.

I go to my car and head home, and the whole drive there I can't keep thoughts of Mara away.I know I'm not done with this argument but I've said all I'll say to myself tonight.