32. Mal

32

MAL

I couldn't tell you how many times I'd imagined claiming Doe's mouth as mine. Hundreds? Thousands? Maybe even more, but even just thinking about it once was way too many fucking times. Deep down I knew it wasn't going to be something that ever happened between us, even if we wanted it, it couldn't.

At least, until now I had thought that.

Until lines began to blur and I had her in my arms again. Staring at me like I was someone she was finally beginning to unfold and see. Like I was someone of worth.

And for a minute there, I let everything around us fade away. Hockey, my shoulder, Hayes, I pretended like it was just Doe and I. With no pasts that could intervene, no anything.

But the moment I had caught her eyes stray down toward my mouth, I knew I was done for. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop her or tell her how terrible of an idea it was because I wanted it just as bad, if not more than she did.

Even nervous and a bit shaky in my arms, this brave girl never shied away from me. Never faltered when I dropped my stare onto her lips and slowly began to close the distance between us. Instead, her eyes twinkled so fucking brightly that I almost said fuck the kiss and watched the expressions on her face.

Her eyes had fluttered closed as I inched my way closer. I never thought anything to be adorable until now.

I broke out into a grin.

Just kiss her already, my mind kept telling me.

I was nearly there now. Only a breath away and I'd have her lips against mine. Pink and plump, they were inviting me in with every innocent swipe of her tongue.

A motion I had no business seeing or wishing to see more of, but right now, I was being selfish.

No regrets.

Then closing my eyes, I finally leaned in. She was so close, I could taste her breath, but the second I was about to make contact, the door was swung open wide.

"Oh shit," Trevor said, causing Doe to quickly pull away from me as if I were on fire. She tried getting off the table entirely, but I held her in close, not wanting her to leave yet.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to walk in… I should have uhh, I should have knocked," he rambled off with a bright red face and eyes that darted between Doe and I.

"What do you want now?"

I gave a warning-like glare that Doe couldn't see and he must have taken that to heart right away because he never looked at her again.

"I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were still icing your shoulder."

Wren immediately turned her head to look at me.

"Mal, seriously? You were just injured less than an hour ago and you're already not listening to what he's telling you to do?" she berated, causing my chest to ignite in warmth.

I didn't care that she was scolding me like a child. Seeing her all worked up was sexy as hell, but it was more so gratifying to know that she was concerned about me.

"I am listening, I'm just choosing to not ice my shoulder because I think it's a waste of fucking time."

She rolled her eyes.

"Ice, bed rest, your arm sling, and heat therapy. If you want a chance at returning on the ice at around a month, then you need to do all of those. Not just one. Not just a few minutes a day. You need to do them all, Mal," Trevor began to scold, but he wasn't as near as heartwarming and accepting as Wren. "It's important, so if you don't think you can do it alone, then I suggest you have someone with you who will be more proactive about it."

This motherfucker.

If I wasn't injured, I'd show him exactly how proactive I could be.

As if she could sense my impending rage, Wren placed her palm over my racing heart in an attempt to calm me.

"You need to listen to him. He's only trying to help you so you can get back to doing what you love."

What I love.

More like what I used to love.

Or what I thought I loved. Now I wasn't so sure anymore.

"We can get you some anti-inflammatory drugs too for the pain," Trevor added.

I grunted in response. I knew there wasn't much of a choice other than to listen to what he had to say. He was the expert, and I hated how he knew my body better than I did.

My broken, battered fucking body.

"Fine," I agreed. "I'll do it your way, but you have to promise me that in exactly one month I'll be back playing again."

Trevor sighed.

"Mal, I can't promise that…"

"Then what the fuck's the point then? I've already been out for a month this season, who's to say they bench me for good after another month I'm out?"

My shoulder pain was beginning to flare up along with my temper. I felt helpless already and knowing that I had a long month ahead of me didn't help either.

"Look at me, Mal," Wren ordered. At first, I didn't want to, but reluctantly, I glanced down at her, knowing I couldn't ignore her. "Your health is far more important than hockey right now and the team knows that. Maybe after a month, your shoulder will be stronger than it ever was before."

She went on. "Stay positive, Mal. You're not alone."

Never again, I added in my head.

"It's easier said than done. My life's been nothing but negative, Doe."

Her mouth fell into a frown.

"It doesn't have to be negative anymore. You just need… You need…" She was having trouble finishing the sentence, but in my head, I knew what she wanted to say.

"I need what?"

Her breath came out like a wave. Choppy and unsure.

"Positives. You need things that bring you joy, happiness. Things that make you believe in yourself again."

You , I wanted to say.

You could be that thing.

"Sounds like an impossible task for whoever or whatever that thing is."

Her brows wiggled together as her eyes twinkled in confidence.

"Difficult, but not impossible," she said. "And trust me, I would know. I'm about thirty percent away from understanding you entirely."

Fuck, I wished that were true.

Even I couldn't even understand myself.

"Or at least, I think I'm finally getting to that point."

"Once you do, let me know."

Again, we found ourselves caught up in a never-ending stare-off that began to warp all my feelings and emotions. Just her eyes alone were enough to make me want to be a better man and one that would do anything she asked.

She was my kryptonite.

My Achilles' heel, and I knew there was no way I could ever let her go.

Soon, our stare was severed by a cough coming from in front of us.

"Before I go, I just wanted to say maybe it would be best if you had someone with you tonight. To help with your nightly schedule." He eyed Wren as if he already knew she would be the one. I didn't stop him from assuming it. "I don't want you to put too much strain on it tonight."

"I'll make sure he's okay," Wren offered, and my heart went soaring.

"All right, well, I'll see you two tomorrow." Trevor gave us an awkward wave before sauntering out of the room, leaving Wren and I alone.

"So, you'll make sure I'm okay." My mouth lifted on a chuckle.

She pulled herself from my arms and shrugged.

"Someone's gotta make sure you follow the rules. Plus, I'm intrigued to see where you live." She climbed off the table and readjusted her shirt.

"Where's the fun in that, and my place is nothing special. Just a place to sleep and hide away from the world."

She stopped what she was doing and frowned at me.

"Hide away from the world? That's… sad, Mal. Why would you want to do that?"

"People." I had given her a simple answer.

"You deal with fans and your teammates all the time, though."

That was different. Dealing with them was a part of my job. Now, when I was off, away from hockey, I wanted to live like a hermit. Away from society. Away from people.

It was the only way I could find some sort of peace in this world

"That's different." I shifted my body on a groan until I was now dangling my legs over the exam table. "I never was and never will be a people person."

She nodded in understanding.

"And what about with me? Think you'll be okay with me barging in on your safe space?"

I eyed her curiously.

"You won't be, it's about time someone other than myself gets to experience it."

She reared back in shock. Eyes wide and mouth falling open and closed, she acted as if I was crazy for saying that.

"Do you… Do you mean no one else has been in your home besides you?"

I couldn't decide whether I wanted to grin or frown.

Grin at the idea of her being in shock that I never had a woman in my house or frown because I just had admitted that I've never had a woman in my house.

"No, you'll be the first."

And the last.

"Wow. I guess I didn't expect that."

Her face was flushed in a beautiful shade of red. One that I wouldn't be opposed to seeing more of, especially if it blossomed across all parts of her body where I could get a full view of.

"Feeling special?" I raised my brow in her direction, causing her flush to deepen.

"When it comes to you, yes."

My heart soared.

I had no idea what to say to that, as I've never felt even close to what I feel toward her with anyone else. It was all new. Forbidden, but I was afraid to stop.

"Well, whenever you're ready to leave, I'm ready. You can ride with me, or I can drive your car to your place. Whatever you want."

Fuck.

This was really happening.

She was coming over to my house.

"Doesn't matter to me, if you want to drive my car, I'm okay with that. And technically, I have to stay until the game is over. So, we probably have at least another forty minutes or so left until I can leave."

She nodded.

"Oh yeah, of course. I forgot the game wasn't over yet…" She veered her attention off to the right, away from me and my constant gaze. "In that case, will I… will I be staying the night then?"

Blood instantly rushed to my groin.

Holy shit, how did I not think about that.

Wren staying the night at my place. Sleeping in my house.

I was now breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it.

"Yes," I responded, saying fuck it to all the other options that could have been chosen instead of her staying the night.

I wanted her in my home.

I wanted her scent, energy, everything that had to do with Doe, I wanted it imprinted into the walls.

But more than that, I wanted her in my bed.

"Oh… Okay. I can do that."

I noticed her gulp. It was obvious she was as nervous as she was skeptical, but so was I. Alarms were continuously going off in my head, telling me not to do this. Big red flags that were as plain as day to see, but I didn't give a fuck.

Once the game was over, whether we won or lost, Wren was coming home with me.

That in itself was the biggest win in my life.