Chapter 11

" I love our nightly ritual," Ella said, turning to Finn and running her hand down his arm. "I always read while you review scripts, making your little chicken scratch notations. Without fail, I end up putting my book down and just staring at you—the sexy little lines around your eyes when you concentrate, the shape of your lips when you lean your pen there." She shook her head. "It's silly, but it's been my favorite part of the day since we started our love affair."

He smiled and flung the manuscript onto his nightstand. "That's sweet, baby."

"Your film wraps soon. You must be inundated with offers after your big Oscar win. Have you selected a script for your next project?"

"Yeah. I was just rereading it, actually. It's a high-action blockbuster. It's by no means great or important art, but the script is a lot of fun, much better than most in the genre. They're offering an astronomical payday. I'm not getting any younger. My days as a hero-lead are numbered, so it's time to cash in for our family's future security. It films in LA too, and I figured, if you get pregnant . . ." She smiled and he continued, "Anyway, I told my agent I'd do it, but that he should focus on interesting or challenging indie roles moving forward."

"Sounds like a good plan. And for the record, you'll always be my heroic leading man."

He blushed. "Will you read the script and tell me what you think?"

"Don't I always?" She gave him a little kiss. "I love how we share our passions."

"Me too."

"Maybe that's why I cherish our evenings so much. Plus, it's so cozy in bed with you."

Finn smiled devilishly. "I have to confess that my favorite part of the day is what usually happens next," he said, playfully running his hand along the curves of her body. "Although since we've been trying to conceive, we're doing it morning, noon, and night."

Ella giggled. "Just an added benefit of trying to have a baby—I get to have you any time I want you."

"Speaking of which," he said, dimming the light and pulling her into his arms.

ELLA WAS HUDDLED IN BED, ANXIOUSLY playing with her hair, the script beside her, when Finn finally came home the next evening.

"Hi, sweetheart," he said, leaning down to give her a smooch. "Sorry I'm so late. We had to reshoot a scene about a million times. Mercifully, it's the weekend. I could sure use the time off."

"Uh-huh," she grumbled.

"Did I wake you?" he asked.

"No, I was waiting for you," she replied, propping pillows behind her and sitting up.

"Let me brush my teeth and wash up," he said, darting off to the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later in boxer shorts and slipped into bed beside her. "Hi, baby," he said softly, kissing her. "This is a pretty nightgown."

"Finn, we need to talk," she said, pulling away from him. He looked at her curiously, and she gestured at the script.

"Did you get a chance to read it? What do you think?" he asked.

"I can't believe you would agree to do this. You're married. Didn't you think of that at all? Didn't you think about how this would make me feel?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, looking bewildered.

"All the sex and kissing," she said quietly, as if she were embarrassed to say it out loud.

"Ella . . ." he muttered, nearly breaking out into laughter. "You can't be serious."

"Don't do that. Don't act like it's nothing. How do you think that makes me feel? The opening scene is you having steamy sex with another woman. Touching another woman's naked body, her touching you, kissing passionately. My God, she's riding you with her bare breasts in your face!"

"It's acting. There's nothing the least bit sexy or romantic about it. You know how movies are filmed and what it's really like."

"What I know is that you and another woman will be more or less naked, touching each other, and kissing. Kissing , Finn."

"It doesn't mean anything," he said dismissively.

"It does to me."

"Sweetheart, you're the only woman in the world that I want. You're my one true love. Always. It's just work."

"But I'm telling you it hurts me."

"Ella, I'm an actor. This isn't new. Hell, we met on a film set," he said with exasperation.

She sprang out of bed. "Yeah, and I told you back then that I wouldn't be comfortable watching you be intimate with another woman, acting or not. You said you were glad I felt that way, that's how it should be with people who love each other, and now . . ."

"What?"

"Now you agreed to do this without even considering my feelings."

"Baby," he said, getting out of bed and taking her hands, "please don't turn this into something that it's not. It's a meaningless action movie with the meaningless proverbial eye candy sex scenes."

"Exactly. That's what hurts even more. It's not like this is some great piece of cinematic art and the intimacy is integral to telling the story. You're willing to hurt me for some stupid blockbuster you don't even care about, for money. That's so much worse," she said.

"Please, baby," Finn said, putting his arms around her. Ella held on to him as he rubbed her head. "The first time we kissed, I felt it in every part of my body. I still do, each time. A scripted kissing scene with an actress can't touch what we have. Nothing can. Don't give it another thought."

She pulled back and looked deeply into his eyes. "How can you say that?" She gently ran her finger across his upper lip, following the curve, lingering on the soft raised spot in the center. "This is my favorite part of you," she said, and she lightly pressed her mouth to his. "How could you ever put this part of yourself on someone else? You're breaking my heart, Finn."

"Ella, please. I'm an actor. That doesn't change just because we're married."

"I thought everything changed when we got married. We promised to always put our relationship first."

"Actors have love scenes all the time, and their partners understand. I never thought this would be an issue for you of all people. You're usually so cool." He shook his head like he was annoyed. "Let's table this for now. I'm exhausted and you're being . . ."

"What?" she asked defensively.

"You're being totally unreasonable!" he snapped. "This is absurd. I'm a fucking actor. Get over it!"

She burst into tears and threw her face in her hands.

"Ella," he said gently. He caressed her arms and said, "I'm sorry I shouted. I'm just tired."

She looked at him through a film of tears. "You hurt me, Finn. You promised never to hurt me, and now you have done it without a single thought. What's worst of all is you're trying to make me feel crazy for it."

"This seems so unlike you. Why are you being so emotional?"

"I don't know. I just am. I would hope you'd be emotional if I wanted to kiss another man." She slipped on her silk robe and shuffled to the bedroom door, tears streaming down her face.

"Ella . . ." he called.

"I'm going to sleep in one of the guest rooms. Please just leave me alone. You don't care about how I feel, and it hurts too much to be near you right now," she said, closing the door behind her.

"Fuck," Finn grumbled, pacing around the room and muttering to himself in frustration. "She's being totally irrational. I'm a fucking actor." He sat down on the love seat and gripped his head in his hands. Soon, his mind drifted to the summer he left for Sweden and how his old girlfriend had given him permission to fool around while he was away, how little she cared and how wrong that was, and how right it felt when he fell in love with Ella. Every promise he had ever made to her echoed in his mind as he remembered how her touch made him feel.

Swept away in a swirl of memories, he went to find her, ambling into the nearest guest bedroom. He found her there, lying on her side, her wild spiral curls fanned out behind her, tissues strewn everywhere. Finn lay down, slipped his arm over her, and pressed himself closely to her, the silk of her robe soft on his body. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he whispered.

"I never wanted to love you, but you pushed me and now I can't help but to love you. You promised my heart was safe with you," she whimpered.

"It is. I love you so much."

"Have you any idea what it's like?" Ella asked through a sniffle. "I have to see things you never would. There are thousands of photographs of you with every woman you've ever dated, and the media constantly finds ways to splash them all over the place. Your fans have social media accounts dedicated to how hot you are. Some even post about how they can't wait for us to split up so you'll be on the market again."

"Baby, I had no idea. I never look at that junk."

"I try to avoid it, but sometimes it's impossible. It's not always easy to love someone the whole world fantasizes about. Then there are your movies. All those intimate acts recorded forever, images I can't unsee. At least it was all before me, so I have an easier time putting it out of my mind, remembering that it's your job, and focusing on us. But now you want to put more of it into the world. So much of this you can't control, but this . . ." She paused as her voice cracked. "This, you're choosing. You're choosing to kiss someone else."

He sighed. "You're right. You're my partner in everything, and I should have taken your feelings into account. I'm so sorry." She sniffled and turned to face him. He wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I've been acting since I was a kid. I've never had to consider anyone else when selecting projects, so it didn't even occur to me. It should have. I'm sorry. You are the most important thing in my world, and I would never want to hurt you. I promise I'll fix this."

She leaned her cheek against his chest, and he cradled her head in his arms. "Maybe I love you too much," she whispered. "I don't know how to love you less."

He dropped a kiss in her hair. "My beautiful Ella. Don't ever love me less."

ELLA OPENED HER EYES AT THE EARLY morning light, still nestled against Finn. "Hey, you," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"You're up early."

"I barely slept. Baby, I'm so sorry about the movie. You were right. The more I think about it and how I would feel if things were reversed, I know it's not worth it. I'm going to call my agent. Nothing's been signed, so it's not too late to get out of it."

"Finn, that isn't what I want."

"I don't understand. I thought . . ."

"What I want is for you to take my feelings seriously. I want to be a factor in your decision-making."

"But you said the sex scenes are too much for you, that if I have to kiss an actress it will break your heart."

"It will. A little piece of it. So, when you're choosing which roles to take, I hope you'll think about that, think about what's being asked of you and how it will make me feel. Think about how our children may feel one day if they see it. Then weigh all of it up against the quality of the script, how badly you want the part, how important the sexy stuff is to the film. Finn, I know you're an actor—a beautiful, gifted performer," she said, sweeping her fingertips down his face. "I know that's a big part of who you are, and I don't want to control it or take it away from you. But we have linked our lives. It's not just you anymore. What you do affects me. It can change things between us. I'm just asking you to remember that. Prioritize our relationship along with whatever else you want for yourself. I love you. Please be gentle with my heart." She paused to consider her words. "This is new for both of us. I don't know what all the answers are, but there must be a way to balance who we each are with who we are together."

Finn kissed her forehead. "I'll make it my mission to find that balance. As for this movie, after thinking about what you said last night, I don't know if I could ever kiss someone else again, even though it's only work. I certainly couldn't manage to make it look believable. What we have is so special, and I don't want to do anything to diminish or change it. Hurting you is unbearable."

"Give it some time. Mull it over. I love you for who you are, and you're an artist. I knew the score from day one. The last thing I'd ever want is for you to feel you have to choose between me and something you want for yourself. All I'm asking is that you consider me. Consider us."

"I promise I will. I hope you know what you mean to me."

"Well . . . how about you show me in a private love scene?" Ella suggested, pulling him closer.

A WEEK LATER, FINN CALLED ELLA from his trailer during some downtime on set.

"Hey, you," she answered.

"Hi, sweetheart. My agent just got back to me. He told them I wouldn't do it without specific rewrites to the script. They hemmed and hawed for a few days, but in the end, they were fine with it. They wanted my name attached for the box office appeal."

"No surprise there. You are the best," she said.

"The opening scene has been changed. There's a naked woman in my character's bed, but he just gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom. The sex is implied. I never even touch her. Most importantly, no kissing. They actually like it better this way—fits the unattached, tough-guy nature of the character."

She giggled. "I'm glad it worked out. It would seem that art and life can sometimes harmoniously coexist. Thank you for doing this for me."

"This is what I should have done in the first place. It's for us and it's exactly how it should be."

"I love you. Funny timing, you calling. I was just thinking about you."

"Oh yeah?" Finn said. "What were you thinking?"

"Something I can't say over the phone. I was actually about to call you. Any chance you'll be able to get home for dinner tonight? I was hoping for a romantic night with my husband, and it can't wait. I'll make something special."

"If we stay on schedule, I should be able to get out of here by seven, eight at the latest. Can we do dinner on the later side?"

"Yes. I'll be waiting for you."

"ELLA, I'M HOME," FINN CALLED.

"In here," she replied.

He walked into the dimly lit dining room to find a beautifully set table covered with glowing candles, rose petals, and two plates beneath silver cloches. Ella was standing in a sheer white dress, her long spirals flowing freely, and the green amber necklace that Finn had bought her in Sweden dangling from her neck. "Wow! You are stunning. I'm sorry I'm late. I got here as soon as I could," he said, giving her a peck.

"You're worth the wait."

He blushed and kissed her again. "I hope dinner isn't spoiled."

"Everything is perfect. I made salmon in a caviar sauce. Do you remember?"

He nodded. "That's what I had prepared for us that night in Sweden."

"That was the first time we shared our dreams for the future. You said there was no fantasy we couldn't make a reality as long as we were together."

"I still believe that. More than ever."

"Me too," she said. "Before dinner, will you dance with me?"

"I would love to."

She turned on the music, and Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling in Love" floated into the room. "Our wedding song," he said, taking her hand. They swayed with their bodies pressed closely together, staring deeply into each other's eyes, their faces practically touching. When the song ended, Ella's eyes filled with tears.

"What is it, my love?" he whispered.

She smiled through her tears. "We're having a baby, Finn. I'm pregnant."

"Oh my God," he mumbled. He smiled brightly, took her face in his hands, and gently pressed his mouth to hers. "That's the best news I've ever heard. I love you so much, Ella. With all my heart."

AFTER A SUCCULENT DINNER, DURING which they were too giddy to even speak, they wandered into their bedroom hand in hand. Finn touched her cheek. "You look so beautiful, so radiant. It must be true that pregnant women glow."

Ella smiled, turned around, and lifted her hair away from her neck. "Will you take my necklace off?"

He unfastened the chain and placed it on her vanity. He blew on the nape of her neck, and she let her hair down and turned toward him. Without a word, he gingerly pulled her dress over her head and then dropped down to his knees, slipping her underwear off and putting his mouth on her until she squealed. "I need you," she said, pulling him up. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and helped him out of the rest of his clothes. He picked her up and carefully laid her on the bed, gazing deeply into her eyes, stroking the side of her face, and kissing her intimately.

After making love, Finn caressed Ella's shoulder, unable to peel his eyes off her. Eventually, in a faint voice, he said, "I love you so much I don't even have the words for it. You make me happier than I ever thought was possible."

"I feel the same way about you. That was so beautiful. Something was different between us."

"I've never wanted to be so gentle with someone. I was so lost in you." He shook his head. "I can't explain it, the way I feel about you. It's so deep. All-encompassing."

She pecked his lips. "We made a baby."

He smiled. "How did you know?"

"My period was late, and I've been feeling so emotional and out of sorts lately. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe we'd gotten lucky. I thought it was too soon since we only started trying a couple of months ago, but . . ."

"We were made to make babies together."

She rubbed the tip of her nose to his. "When I took the pregnancy test, and later when the doctor confirmed it, this profound, peaceful joy bubbled up inside of me. It was torture keeping the news to myself. I couldn't wait to tell you."

"You didn't have to go by yourself. I promised you that if we had children, you wouldn't go to so much as a single doctor's appointment alone. I'll do everything with you. I want us to go through this pregnancy together, and when our baby is born, I want to be a hands-on parent. I'll do everything in my power to be the best father I can possibly be."

"I know, and I love you for it. Our baby is so lucky to have you."

He rested his hand on her tummy. "I already love them more than I can say. Ella, you are my world. The family we're creating is my world. Please know you'll always come first."

She kissed him softly. "Finn, I want us to raise our family together, just you and me. No nannies or anything like that. We already have people cooking our food and doing our laundry. I want us to be the ones taking care of our children—guiding them, enjoying them."

"I want that too." He chuckled and asked, "But we can hire a babysitter from time to time, right?"

"Yes, of course," she replied through a smile. "I know we're both passionate about our work, but . . ."

"We'll figure it out. We'll make it work. Our way. As partners."

"Can I tell you something?" Ella asked.

"Anything."

"You know I've never been much of a planner, and I don't dwell on the future, but after I found out I'm pregnant, I thought about holding our newborn, watching them grow up, and before long, I was daydreaming about being old with you, about how handsome you'll look with gray hair and deep lines on your face," she said, tracing the soft lines around his eyes. "I imagined our adult children and lots of sweet little grandchildren running around. At the center of it all was the two of us, together, enjoying them all, as in love as the day we got married. Maybe it's silly, but I can see it so clearly."

Finn smiled and kissed her forehead. "It's not silly to me. I see it too, just as you described. Like I've always said: with how we feel about each other, there's no fantasy we can't make a reality. I'm so excited for this next part of our adventure."

"Me too. We're having a baby," she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"We're having a baby."