Chapter Twenty

They'd finished walking Sasha, and Luke's nerves hummed in anticipation. What had started out as a lust-inspired remark, that he wanted Jordan inside him, had turned into an obsession of thought and desire. During his traumatic journey to New York, he'd had no choice but to accept men inside him. Payment, they'd said, as they grunted and pushed their way into his uncaring shell of a body. It was the only way Luke had known how to survive. He'd vowed never to let anyone inside him, ever again.

All that had changed, thanks to Jordan. Watching Jordan give Sasha fresh water and settle her in for the night, Luke leaned against the carved newel post of the staircase. Jordan had shed his jacket upon entering the house, and the T-shirt he wore stretched across his back and shoulders, accentuating the flex of muscles as he bent over to give the dog one last pat.

Luke's eyes narrowed as Jordan approached him. "What is it?"

Jordan shook his head and grabbed Luke by the waistband of his pants, yanking him close. "Do you know how torturous it's been for the last hour, sitting with Jerry, making small talk, when all I wanted was to lay you over the countertop and fuck your brains out until you screamed?"

Fucking hell. In an instant, Luke's dick hardened. The thrust of Jordan's erection prodded him, the thin fabric of his sweatpants no help in concealing his mutual excitement.

"Oh yeah?" Luke licked his lips and took a deep breath. "That sounds pretty fucking hot, Prep School, but I'm kinda looking forward to being in a bed with you right now. 'Cause one time isn't gonna be enough tonight." He tangled his hands in Jordan's blond waves, kissing him, wanting to possess every inch of him. And Jordan, in his usual no-holds-barred manner, gave as good as he got, plunging his tongue into Luke's mouth while rubbing his body flush up against Luke.

Luke finally broke off the kiss, gasping for air. "You're killing me. Let's go upstairs."

Jordan said nothing and held out his hand. They walked upstairs together, and his mood shifted from playful to contemplative. The air hummed with a fine electric charge playing in the background. Every hair on Luke's body stood on end, and his heart thumped madly. With gentle fingers, Jordan touched his cheek, his face a picture of concern.

"Hey, we don't have to do this. It's not important to me who does what in bed."

Luke leaned into Jordan's touch. "I want you in me. It's been years, and before—" He choked on the words but pushed them out, knowing he had to tell Jordan. It was time to strip himself bare to the bone and show all the ugliness and rot that lay within him. "Before when I did, it wasn't for love or lust or even friendship. It was payment, a means to an end to escape. It meant nothing."

He listened to the silence. Jordan stepped back but didn't break contact, threading both his hands through Luke's curls, forcing Luke to meet his gaze.

Luke didn't want to see the pity, hear the sympathy in Jordan's voice, but what he saw in that pale blue gaze of Jordan's stole the breath right from his body.

No pity, only protectiveness. No sympathy, but rather, anger. No disgust. Instead, Luke recognized love. Acceptance. And pain for him and what he'd experienced.

Jordan kissed him softly on the lips, then drew back. "Oh, babe, I'm not here to judge you. Who am I? I don't know why you ran away, and I won't ever push you to tell me. But only you have the right to control your body. When your choices are stolen from you, it's up to you to decide how and when to reclaim your life."

Luke held Jordan tight, needing the solid warmth of the man to center him and make it easier for him to speak. "My choice is you, and I choose now." He rubbed small circles on Jordan's back, still not believing he had the right to have this happiness and this man in his arms. "God, I want you so bad."

"Those words—you. You mean everything to me. Take off your clothes and get on the bed. I can't wait to have you." Jordan's authoritative tone sent a shiver through Lucas. He wanted Jordan dominant, on top, thrusting inside of him. His body clenched tight.

Without a word Lucas stripped and lay on the bed. This is different. You love Jordan . But still he trembled, fighting to lie still. Someone as perceptive as Jordan would notice the subtle shaking in his arms and legs.

"Talk to me; tell me what's going on in your mind right now." Jordan didn't lie on top of him but curved his pale, nude body into Luke's and held him close. "Let me in."

At least he didn't have to meet Jordan's eyes when he spoke of his humiliation. "When I made my way up north from Georgia, I didn't have the resources to pay. I was young, alone, and so naive. I didn't realize there were people who'd take advantage of me." He swallowed. "Sexually."

He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Jordan stroked his chest with his steady, warm hands. "Shh. Take your time. I'm here and I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't make promises you may not keep."

Behind his back, Jordan stiffened, his hands ceasing their comforting touch. "Do you think I'd bail on you because of choices you made over ten years ago when you were nothing more than a child?"

Bile rose in Lucas's throat, and he pulled away from Jordan to sit in the center of the bed. The trembling began again. "Jordan, I became nothing more than a whore." Now that he'd said it, the words burst out like water from a dam, breaking free. "I slept with men and used my body to pay my way. I let them fuck me"—his voice dropped until it barely rose above a whisper—"I didn't want to, but I didn't know what else to do."

"You did what you needed to do to survive, all alone and hopeless." Jordan slid his arms around Luke and hugged him tight, nestling himself against Luke's back. "What you've told me only makes me love you more for the strength and perseverance you showed. I'm in awe of what you've made out of your life." The softness of Jordan's lips pressed against his neck.

Maybe it had all been worth it. To have suffered as he did, only to claw his way up and out of that blackness, proved happy endings do exist, especially if a man such as Jordan waited to accept and love him. "Since then, I've never let a man inside me, but now, I can't stop thinking of having you. Feeling you inside me."

"Let me in then." Jordan gently pushed him down on the bed, facedown. "Close your eyes while I taste every inch of you."

Luke complied and stretched out, arms relaxed at his side. He sensed Jordan hovering over him. Heated, wet kisses started at the base of his neck. Only Jordan's lips touched Luke's skin, his mouth traveling down Luke's spine, slow and deliberate. The tip of Jordan's tongue traced each vertebra as he worked his way down Luke's back, licking, kissing, caressing him with such tenderness Luke vibrated from the sensations erupting throughout his body.

Never in his life had Luke felt so wanted. Desire, hot and thick, coursed through him, and he moaned, the sound echoing off the bedroom walls.

"You like that."

Luke smiled at the self-satisfied tone of Jordan's voice. "You know I do." His voice caught in his throat as Jordan trailed his fingers up the crease of his ass. Nervous, Luke shifted, not willing to give in to the buzz of excitement that shocked him with its intensity.

Jordan knew him so well, it seemed, as he whispered, "Turn over."

When Luke faced Jordan, love and tenderness blazed from his eyes. Not since Wanda had stepped in, assigning herself the role of his surrogate mother, had Luke felt as cared for, as protected.

As loved.

Jordan cupped his cheek. "If you don't want to go through with it, I understand."

The only appropriate response was to pull Jordan in for a kiss. "I want you more than ever."

After that, Jordan took control. Luke had never seen him so strong and sure of himself. This was the man Jordan must have always been before death and sadness overtook him. His mouth moved everywhere on Luke's body—kissing his neck, sucking at his nipples and finally, mercifully, enveloping his erection. Warmth and wetness slid over Luke's hardness as Jordan's tongue first sucked and teased the sensitive head of his cock, then glided down his shaft, encompassing him entirely. As Jordan's mouth worked on Luke's cock, his strong hands caressed Luke's abdomen, then trailed down to the juncture of his legs, cupping his balls and teasing the crease of his ass.

It had been so long, and he wanted Jordan so badly, he was unprepared for the ferocity of his body's need to come. "Oh God." Luke couldn't help but cry out as the hard pulls of Jordan's hot mouth, coupled with the light touch of Jordan's fingers, sent him spiraling toward that bright white light where love and passion waited. His body clenched hard, then splintered, racked with powerful shudders. Luke came, and Jordan swallowed down every drop. After giving Luke's cock a final lick and placing a lingering kiss to the head, Jordan sat back on his haunches, looking down at Luke's worn-out body. A smug smile teased his lips.

"How do you feel now?"

A throb of anticipation tightened Luke's belly. "Come on, Prep School." He turned over on his stomach and rose on his arms and knees. "I'm no virgin, but you'll need to go slow at first."

And once again, Jordan began the sweet, languorous kissing up and down Luke's back. He draped himself over Luke, and he planted a heated kiss on the corner of Luke's mouth, then whispered in his ear.

"I've waited what seems like forever to fuck you, and I'm going to take my sweet time now." Hunger spiked throughout Luke's body, but as Jordan's finger, wet with lubricant, breached his hole, a dark memory snaked around Luke's spine.

Every sordid memory he'd buried years ago came rushing back: the yawning darkness of the trucks, their musty, dank smell invading his nostrils as he lay on the different floors. All filthy, all humiliating. The hard press of the anonymous trucker's hand against his back, holding him down. The clinking sound of a belt being undone, and the buzz of a zipper dragged down.

The harsh, burning push inside him. The pain and his tears.

Whether he made a sound or not, he didn't know, but Jordan ceased moving and hugged Luke tight. Entwining their fingers so their hands were clasped tight, Jordan kissed Luke's neck and cheek, whispering softly into his ear, "It's going to be okay, babe. Relax. Remember I love you." Jordan kissed him again and waited.

Luke welcomed the weight of Jordan's body on top of him. It wasn't anything like those men before. It didn't smother him or make him feel trapped. Instead, safety, trust, and faith stole through him. And once he fought past the initial terror, fear, and shame, the earlier hunger and desire roared within him once again. His body ached with a need he'd never experienced.

"Fuck me now. I want you."

And he meant it. Jordan pressed one last kiss on Luke's back and drizzled more lube over his quivering hole. Jordan slid one, then two fingers inside of Luke, and moved them in and out until Luke moaned and rocked his hips back and forth to match Jordan's movement.

"Now, damn it." Luke barely had the capacity to catch his breath and speak.

Jordan pushed his sheathed cock into Luke's willing body, and instead of fearing the invasion, Luke pushed back, sinking Jordan halfway inside. "God, you feel so good." The stretch and fullness mixed in with the pleasure and the sting and burn until he didn't know where Jordan began and he ended. The pull and the push and the slow drag of Jordan's hardness against his sensitized passage sparked an unfamiliar craving within him. A need to be possessed and taken. It shocked and scared him.

A trembling commenced deep inside Luke, like a dark wave threatening to overtake and drag him under. Luke tensed, and Jordan bent over to kiss him, then whisper in his ear. "Own it, Lucas. Control it. I fucking love you. Take everything you need." Jordan continued his push deeper and deeper inside of Luke, and Luke's body began to respond as never before.

Luke's mind emptied of everything but sensation, his body succumbing to Jordan's touch. When he thought the pleasure couldn't soar any higher, Jordan reached beneath Luke and grasped his rigid cock, stroking it with hard, long pulls. Luke shuddered hard, his heart pounding, breathing unsteady.

Jordan stilled, his cock remaining buried deep within Luke. The strain in his voice was apparent as he spoke. "Are you all right? Tell me what you're thinking."

Somehow he managed to dredge up the ability to speak. "I'm thinking you need to move." He reached out his hand, and Jordan grabbed it. "Now."

Jordan complied, snapping his hips hard, thrusting himself deep within Luke's willing body. Trust in their relationship, and having the faith to accept what he'd done and move on, freed Luke to take this step. Jordan opened Luke up to jump headfirst into the love that drenched him as Jordan climaxed, leaving them both shaking and sated; their damp bodies plastered together. Luke loved how every inch of Jordan's pale skin fused to his, connecting them as throbs of pleasure continued to ripple through him.

Jordan buried his face in Luke's curls and nuzzled his neck. "You smell fantastic."

"You're pretty fantastic yourself, you know?" Luke stretched and groaned. Jordan's softening cock slipped out of his sensitive passage, and he hissed a bit. Almost immediately, Luke missed that comforting warmth, even though Jordan remained next to him. Who would have ever thought he'd be a greedy lover? Yet here he was, the compulsion to keep touching Jordan's skin so strong Luke reached out to trail his fingers over the tight, corded muscles of Jordan's thigh simply to keep the physical contact between them.

"Did I hurt you?" Jordan removed the condom and tied it off to drop in the wastebasket, then lay back down next to him. He propped himself up on his elbow to stare into Luke's eyes. "I was worried."

"I know, and you should stop. You didn't hurt me. I loved it." Luke grabbed Jordan around his neck and pulled him down for a deep kiss. "But how do you feel? Are you ready to start the detox?"

Jordan lay sprawled on Luke's chest and played with his hair. "Yeah. I want to be normal again. I feel like this is a whole new beginning for us as different people. You've finally broken free of your pain, and I'm ready to admit I'm not strong enough to handle my problem, and I can't kick this on my own."

Luke rolled over to trap Jordan underneath him and stared into his face. God, he was so damn beautiful. Even after hot, sweaty sex, with his hair in tangles, a certain elegance about Jordan set him apart from everyone else.

"What are you staring at me for?" Jordan raised a blond brow, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I'm damn lucky." Luke's hand idly stroked Jordan's shoulder, the skin smooth under his touch. "I'm waiting for someone to trip me or smack me in the head, telling me it's all a dream and I don't deserve to be with you or be happy." Self-conscious at his heartfelt declaration, Luke tried to turn away, but Jordan wouldn't allow him to break eye contact.

Staring deep into Luke's eyes, Jordan's honesty shone bright in his clear-eyed gaze. "You're the only thing that's kept me sane all these months. That's why it was killing me, knowing I was lying to you, behaving like a weak, selfish fool."

"Darlin', you are many things, but a fool isn't one of them." Luke's lips quirked in a smile, but Jordan remained serious.

"Stay here with me while I go through this detox. Please? Even if I act like a bastard or say stupid things I don't mean." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "I'm scared, Lucas. I don't know what's going to happen."

It must have taken every bit of courage Jordan had to put aside his massive ego to admit his fear. "Hey, Prep School. I'll always be here for you."

Visible relief flooded Jordan's face. "Thank you," he whispered. "I need you. I need you so much."

He hugged Jordan with a fierce possessiveness. "Don't you worry. Nothing's going to hurt you as long as I'm around."