9. Juliet

It's barelydawn when I open my eyes, to find Matt in my bed, kissing my neck.

"Good morning, babe," he whispers.

I smile and wrap my arms around him, and he kisses me. "Is everyone still asleep?" I ask.

"Yeah, still snoring." He grins and reaches down to pull my panties off. I lift my legs to help him, and the movement pushes his cock against me. I gasp a little, feeling that same rush of anticipation like I do every time.

These past couple of months have been so nice. I feel like a person again, even if I am herded into a dorm with 40 other people. Matt is sweet and attentive, and the sex is slowly getting better as his body recovers from all those drugs they fed him.

I'm grateful for those depo shots, because we fuck a lot. Gina asked one of the feeders for ear plugs the other day, and for a moment I wondered if it was because of Matt and I. I was too embarrassed to ask.

Matt grinds into me, and I moan into his shoulder. "Is that good?" He asks me.

"Mmm." I tip my head back on the pillow. "So good."

He keeps thrusting, and I wrap my legs around his waist to take him in deeper. My bed creaks softly, but I kind of don't care right now. I want to coast into the morning on this high. It's draining day for me again. I need a good start.

Matt groans softly against my neck, his breath washing over me as he gasps. "Oh fuck," he says.

No, don't come yet. Please don't come yet. This feels too good.I put my legs back down, hoping the change in angle will delay things, but it just makes me tighter for him. Matt groans loudly, and shudders as goosebumps break out over his shoulders. He goes still on top of me, and I suppress a sigh.

He can't help it. We've had some really good times lately. He tries really hard, and he's so sweet to me. I just have to understand. I nuzzle into him, nudging him with my nose until he's facing me, and I kiss him deeply.

"Sorry," he says softly.

"Please don't apologize." I kiss him again. "That was nice."

"I want it to be more than nice," he says, rolling us onto our sides together, his arms firmly around me. "My wife and I used to have hours long sessions, you know, just fucking all night. And now I can't do that anymore, and I hate it."

I don't know how to respond and just sigh instead, nuzzling into his chest. He's mentioned it a few times, how good sex was with his wife, and I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but it makes me feel awkward. I don't want to know about how great sex was with his wife while he's naked between my legs. But I don't want to upset him. It's been years since I even considered letting anyone in, letting someone care and caring for them in return, and I don't want to ruin this by being too demanding.

Footsteps start to sound outside, and I hold on to Matt tighter, wanting to draw out these last few moments in his arms before the day begins. "Draining Day," I say with a groan.

Matt kisses the top of my head. "It's OK, it'll be over before you know it. And just think, you get to shower beforehand."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, what a bonus, huh?"

"A shower, and a steak, and those fucking awful milkshakes," Matt teases, rolling me on to my back and kissing my neck. "You're a lucky, lucky girl."

My giggle is cut off as the dorm doors fly open. Silas and another feeder walk in, waking people for their draining. I tense as Silas's eyes fix on me in bed with Matt. I quickly adjust my clothes before getting to my feet to retrieve my towel and fresh clothes from my locker.

I haven't seen Silas all that much since that day he caught me in the stream. I felt a little sorry for him that day. I know the bond between a feeder and their maker is intense, and he'd feel that loss deeply. Especially because he had to kill her. The thought makes my heart hurt. I'm not an ogre.

But then I reminded myself that we've all had terrible things happen to us because of the vamps and their medical experiments. They brought this on themselves, and all of us right along with them.

I try not to meet his eyes as I walk past him, intensely aware of his proximity and his size, and that goddamn stare of his. I can practically feel the pressure of it on the side of my face.

The sky is still pale pink as we walk to the shower block, and I tip my head back to look at it, breathing in the fresh morning air. The extreme heat of summer is slowly passing as we head into Fall, the days are still hot but the mornings are glorious. I feel a little giddy, the morning with Matt just setting me on edge. It's good, but unfulfilling. I hate myself for wanting more.

We head into the shower block, and the other feeder who was in the dorm is ushering us in. That means Silas is probably watching us from the mirror. Heat prickles across my skin as I remember the way he looked at me at the stream. He liked what he saw, I know he did. My cheeks burn as I think of him looking at me with that same lust in his eyes as I shower.

I strip off, placing my pajamas and my fresh clothes in a locker. I head into the shower room with the others, and they all take the shower heads closest to the door. There's only 10 of us today, a mercifully small group which means when I cross the room, I have this side practically all to myself. I can almost pretend I'm alone for once.

The hot water is already flowing, and it's so soothing as it runs over my shoulders. I turn into it, face on, and tiny needles of water strike my nipples. I'm still a little turned on, my elusive orgasm hovering between my thighs. Lathering my hands in soap and running them over my body doesn't help.

I look over at the mirror. Is he in there, looking me over and wishing he could touch me? Is he relieved Matt isn"t here with me today?

The thought of him watching me has heat swirling in my belly that I damn well know shouldn't be there. But I find myself running my soapy hand over my breasts, pinching my nipple gently between my fingers.

I run the other hand down my stomach, teasing my fingertips over the lips of my pussy. My mouth opens a little bit, a silent gasp as my eyes stay on that mirror. One finger slips over the tip of my clit, and the moan that bursts from my lips brings me violently to my senses. What the fuck am I doing?

I rinse off quickly, wrapping myself in my towel and heading into the other room to get dressed. The others follow me, talking amongst themselves but I can't focus on anything they say because my cheeks are burning, but not with lust. Just a weird sense of shame.

The feeder leads us to the cafeteria, across the yard that's quiet but for early morning birdsong. A cool breeze catches the droplets of water running down my arms, dripping from my hair.

I get my tray of breakfast, piled with eggs, a small bowl of supplements and the usual big glass of orange juice. I sit down on one of the metal benches, knowing I should eat the eggs but also feeling so tired of them. I push them around with a fork, dreading the day.

"Not hungry?" The deep voice behind me sends shivers down my spine, and Silas sits down beside me, straddling the bench. His eyes are blazing red, and he runs a tattooed hand over his mouth before gesturing to the food in front of me. "You should eat."

"I will."

"Good." He looks me up and down. "You smell great."

"Fuck off." I hiss, shoving a forkful of eggs in my mouth. But he doesn't move, just stays next to me, watching me eat. "Why are your eyes so red?" I shift my head to look into those glowing crimson eyes. "Smoke too much weed?"

"Sign of arousal."

The word makes my stomach clench. "Arousal?"

He leans closer to me, bracing an enormous hand on the table. "I just had to watch a girl getting herself off in the shower, so excuse me for being a little worked up."

My eyes drop to the table, and I chide myself for being so stupid. What the fuck am I actually doing? Taunting him like this? I wouldn't stand a chance against him. If he wanted to drag me off and have his way with me, he could.

I shrug, trying desperately to appear nonchalant. "I was just showering. I wasn't… doing that."

He cocks an eyebrow. "You trying to tell me something?"

I scoff, trying not to think about how close his groin is to my thigh. "Definitely not."

He leans right against my ear. "You should be careful. Might give me the wrong idea."

It doesn't feel like a threat. It feels like flirting. And that should make me uncomfortable, because he freaks me out. He's a feeder, a blood-sucking monster. I don't want him anywhere near me. I turn to glare at him.

"I'd like to finish my breakfast if you don't mind. Do you have somewhere else to be?"

Those blazing red eyes move over my face again. "Yeah. I do." He gets up and leans over me. "Thanks for the show." He turns on his heel and I shiver, not watching him as he walks away.

Fucking creep.

I manage to choke down most of those god-awful eggs before we're herded into the clinic. I take my place in the dentist chair, staring up at the ceiling. One of the feeders comes in, going through the motions, but then she asks me something and I have to ask her to repeat the question because they've never asked me anything like this before.

"I asked if you could be pregnant," she says, staring at me sternly.

I shake my head. "N - no, of course not. You give me the shots and -"

"Are you currently sexually active?"

Fucking son of a bitch. I grit my teeth together, determined to tear Silas's eyes out the next time I see him.

"Yeah, I am."

"I don't need to tell you that it's not allowed." She sighs heavily, draping her arms over one another. "Have you had any symptoms? Any indication that you might be?"

My mind races, trying to think. I didn't want to eat the eggs this morning, but that was because I hate them. Not because I was sick. Have I been more tired? Are my breasts sore?

The feeder waits patiently, and I stutter out a response, something like, I don't think so.

"Best to be sure." She retrieves a plastic strip with a pink cap on it from the drawer in front of her, and my stomach lurches. Oh god. Oh fuck. If I'm pregnant they'll haul me away to a breeding farm. It'll break Matt's heart. They'll take our baby away from me when it's weaned, and I'll never see them again. I'll never see Matt again.

My eyes sting with tears as I'm escorted to a bathroom to take the test. She leaves me alone, the cubicle door slamming shut behind me sounding like a gavel, determining my fate. My hands are shaking so bad as I try to pee on it and not all over my hand. Please be negative. Please please please.

I put the pink cap back on, and watch as the dye travels through the strip. One pink line glows. Just one. Please just stay like that.

There's a sharp rap on the door, and I nearly drop the test.

"If you're done, you can come out." The feeder says.

I clutch the test in my sweaty hand, as though I can somehow control it if I squeeze hard enough. Back behind the blue curtain, she holds out her hand, placing the strip that's about to decide my fate on the metal trolley, casting a quick glance up at the clock.

She fills out some paperwork as the second hand glides past the numbers, counting down the minutes until I find out whether or not I'm truly fucked. I clasp my hands over my stomach, protectively, out of nothing other than instinct. If there's a little person in there, I need to keep them safe from all of this shit.

After three minutes, which feel like years, the feeder looks at the test and gives a brief nod. "Negative. Good."

I nearly collapse with relief. Thank god. Thank everything. Tears spring to my eyes again.

She administers the depo shot, and if she notices my emotions she doesn't say anything. She just goes about her business, and then puts the needle in my arm. My blood runs into the bag, as it always does.

The curtain pushes aside, and I half expect Silas to saunter in. But when I look, it's another feeder, a really big one. He has long reddish hair, pulled back from his face. His eyes are bright red, and he leers at me as I sit in the chair.

"I thought I smelled you," he says, licking his lips. He takes my chart from the cart. "4211487. Your blood is incredible, did you know?"

"I had no idea."

He picks up the depo needle, and twirls it in his fingers. "Did you know that vamps can get humans pregnant?"

I balk a little. "No."

He nods, putting the needle back down. "Yeah. It can happen. The baby isn't immortal, but it will live a much longer life than a bloodbag."

"Great." I just want him to go away. I want them all to go away. But when I look up at him he's leering at me.

"I got to taste some of your exquisite blood the other day," he says, grinning widely. "It had us all very excited, I gotta tell you." He leans down over me, caging me in, and terror twists my lungs. "We all had to go and see to ourselves to relieve the tension. Especially Silas." He laughs, and the other feeder shifts in her chair. "Oh yeah, you should have seen his eyes."

"OK that's enough," the other feeder says. "Braun, out."

"Oh come on, Simpson, we're just having a little fun." He reaches out and runs his fingers down my cheek, laughing again when I flinch.

"Braun, I said out," she orders sternly. "This isn't appropriate."

He straightens up and grins. "I'll be seeing you later," he says, before leaving the cubicle.

My hands tremble, and I turn my face away from the feeder so she doesn't see the tears in my eyes. I almost wish it had been Silas who walked in. With him there's a boundary, there's a line he won't cross. Whatever his deal is, he seems to at least not want to hurt me.

But these other feeders, they're an unknown quantity. And these attacks from the Afflicted seem to have everyone on edge, and scared people - well, I know exactly how people react when they're afraid.

I just want Matt now, I want to crawl into his arms and cry. I need comfort, and I won't get it here.

Finally, the draining is done and I choke down that fucking donut and some of the milkshake. Nausea washes over me, and the feeder wants me to stay put because I'm so pale. I can't stop shaking and I just want out of there.

She leaves to check about getting me some medication, I don't listen to her so I don't know what for, it doesn't matter anyway. I keep looking out the window, not looking back as the curtain opens. They'll just give me whatever, I have no say.

"You alright?"

My head snaps around to look at Silas, and rage curdles my mouth. "Did you tell them I could be pregnant?"

"Are you?" His tone is strained, his shoulders tensing.

"No, of course not. Y'all force contraception on us, remember?"

"Contraception isn't 100% effective, you're a big girl, surely I don't need to tell you that." He crosses his arms over his chest, and he looks almost concerned as he raises his eyebrows. "You do not want these vamps in here if they take blood from you and you're pregnant. They will tear you into bloody ribbons, Juliet."

The way he says my name sends a shiver down my spine, slow and deliberate. I don't like it.

"Well I'm not, so lucky me, huh?" I rub my eyes violently, as though I can push the tears back in and ignore them.

"Yeah, very lucky. The breeding centers are run mainly by humans for a reason." His face darkens a little. "The vamps that work there have special training. For the rest of them, it's too much."

"What do you care?"

He lunges at me, leaning over me in the chair. "I don't know," he snarls, "I don't know why I should care." He seems to see my widened eyes, and his face softens, his head dropping a little.

"Get the hell away from me," I hiss, pushing him away so I can get out of the chair. I spin around to face him, and god fucking dammit he's tall, and broad, and so big he's almost suffocating me in this cubicle. "I don't know what you've told yourself about me, but you're wrong, OK? I'm just a bloodbag, I'm nothing."

Before I know what's happening, he has me by the throat, pushing me back against the wall. He bares his fangs and snarls in my face.

"You're not nothing." His eyes move over my face, almost desperately. "You are not nothing."

I suck in a breath, and he loosens the grip of his enormous hand. His eyes drop to the floor, his head dipping towards mine until our foreheads are almost touching.

"You're not nothing," he murmurs, and his fingertips brush along the skin behind my ear. He lifts his eyes, and gazes at me. "I can't have you talking about yourself that way."

"Why?" I ask the question even as he moves closer, the way he's looking at me makes me hurt in a way I haven't hurt in years. I recognise it, because I've seen it in my own face so many times.

He's in pain. He's lonely.

I hate that I can sense it, that I can see, and that I feel sorry for him. I hate every single one of these fucking feeders, and yet I find myself raising my hand to touch him. But before I make it to his face, before I reach out and touch that face that keeps inching closer to mine, I let my hand drop.

"Let me go," I say.

His eyes bore into mine, his hand staying right around the base of my throat.

"Silas, let me go."

He sighs, his head dropping as he lets me go and steps away from me.

"I'm nothing to you." I begin to back towards the curtain, watching as he tucks his hands into his pockets, his eyes still locked on the floor. "I don't know what you think you see in me, but I'm not what you're looking for. I don't want to be what you're looking for."

He nods. "I know."

"I want you to leave me alone." I try to keep my tone measured, and not betray how fucking shaken I am after everything that happened in the last hour. "I want you to stay away from me. I want you to stop staring at me. I want you to pretend I don't exist."

"OK." His eyes stay fixed on the floor.

I don't know what else to say. He's unmoving, just staring at the floor. I back out of the cubicle, and as soon as the curtain falls closed, I hurry out of the clinic and across the yard. I know I need to slow down after losing all that blood, but I push through the dizziness and break into a jog. I need to find Matt.

He's working on a garden bed, raking straw across the soil, and when he spots me he raises his hand in a wave. Just the sight of him has me in tears again. He balks a little, dropping his rake and rushing towards me.

"Babe, what's wrong?" He asks as I collapse in his arms. "Did something happen?"

I try to speak but my throat is too tight, so I just hold on to him, shaking my head. "I'm OK," I finally manage to squeak. "I'm OK, they made me do - do a t-test."

"What test?"

"A preg-pregnancy -" I start crying harder as I think of what would be happening right now if that test had been positive.

Matt's eyes widen and he clasps my face in his hands. "Are you pregnant?"

I shake my head. "No, no, no. I'm not."

His face crumples almost into an expression of disappointment, and he clasps me to him. I get it. Some small part of him wants that life he hoped for with his wife, the family and kids and a swing set in the yard. We both want normality. I can't blame him for it.

"I was so scared," I whisper.

"I bet you were." He kisses my forehead. "I'm so sorry, babe. You poor thing."

"I was so relieved." I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. "I was so relieved when it was negative. They would have taken me away, and I'd have to give up the baby and -" I bite my lip, determined not to cry anymore. I'm not pregnant. I'm not being hauled away.

And Silas will hopefully get the message, and stay the fuck away from me.