10. Juliet

Except I can't controlmy dreams.

Silas can invade those. I wake up shuddering violently, my thighs clenched together as my orgasm rolls through me. The feeling of his body subsides slowly, those enormous arms crushing me in them as he ground into me. I clutch on to my pillow, panting.

It's still dark, no sign of dawn. It must be the middle of the night. I raise my head and look around. Everyone's asleep.

I half-expect to see Silas standing at the end of my bed, sniffing me out as I get off. But he's not there.

I haven't seen him in two weeks. I don't know where he's gone, or if he's even gone anywhere. Maybe he's just doing a great job avoiding me. I hate that I've noticed his absence. And I've had sex dreams about him three fucking times now.

And in my dreams, he's good. Really good.

I roll on to my back and sigh. It's just frustration. Matt is still really trying, but it's just… not satisfying. I try to show him how to touch me, how I like it, but he gets sensitive about it. Like I think he doesn't know what he's doing. I've never had a steady boyfriend before. I've never been in a long-term relationship, I don't know how to navigate this shit.

I was 19 when they herded me in here. Still a kid. I still feel like that 19 year old girl. Inexperienced, caged, unable to grow or thrive. Maybe I'm being immature. Maybe I'm expecting too much of him. If I let him take the lead, maybe Matt will feel better. Maybe he just needs to feel like a man to heal. I don't know.

I close my eyes, and Silas's face swims before me. My body reacts instantly, retreating back into that dream world where Silas was driving into me, making me scream. I take a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm down. I'm just frustrated. I am. That's all. I'm trying to process it, and it's not like there's a lot of attractive men around. It's not that I want Silas. I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated. That's all.

How many more times do I need to tell myself that's all until I stop feeling guilty?

Matt shifts in the bed next to me, and my stomach does a flip, like he knows what I'm thinking. Oh god, what if I made noise while I was sleeping. My lungs clench in terror as I wonder if I said Silas's name. I cover my face with my hands. Shit.

I don't have much more time to wonder as the alarm starts to whir above us. Everyone starts up in their beds, clutching blankets to themselves. Matt throws back his blanket and leaps over in my bed, clutching on my hands.

"Here we go again," he says.

We all sit quietly, waiting. There's nothing else for us to do but wait, as always.

"You OK?" Matt asks quietly. He seems to sense my tension, and strokes my knuckles with his thumb. "Sorry, dumb question."

There's an explosion nearby, and everyone scatters to the floor, carried by a chorus of screams. Matt and I huddle by my bed, his arms around me. I'm starting to wonder where the Afflicted are getting these weapons from. They're sure as hell well-armed for a horde of mindless, virulent vampires.

Footsteps thunder past the dorm, and we hear shouting. Another explosion sounds, close enough to shake dust from the iron rafters above. Something hits the wall behind us, it sounds like gravel being kicked up, but it could also be bullets.

Matt and I scooch into the center of the dorm, away from the potential bullets. A few others do the same, and we all take cover there, just trying to breathe. Trying not to be consumed by terror.

It goes quiet suddenly, the alarm and the gunfire stopping simultaneously. For a moment, I'm seized by panic. If the Afflicted have overpowered the feeders, we're fucked. Then I hear that terrible, droning sound of the Afflicted as they wail, and they're really fucking close.

No one is firing on them. The feeders have abandoned us. There are probably too many of them, so they left us to our fate.

I clutch on to Matt's hand, and his eyes are wide with panic as he looks at me.

"Why aren't they shooting?" He asks. "Why the fuck-"

The dorm doors fly open, and Afflicted pour in.

I can't scream, I can't make any noise at all. I shuffle backwards from the shrieking, groaning figures. They descend on the people closest to the door. They don't stand a chance. It's all over for them.

Matt's scrambling alongside me, and I look around frantically for Gina. The Afflicted are tearing through those poor people, and the screaming is fucking awful. Something hot is running down my cheeks, and I figure it's tears, but I'm too fucking terrified by what's going on in front of me to even register whether I'm crying.

We're going to die.

This is it.

I turn to Matt and grab on to his hands. We're about to die. I don't know what else to say to him. He strokes my cheek, wiping away the tears.

"I love you," I blurt out. I don't even know if I do, but right now it feels like the best thing to say, the only thing to say.

"I love you too." He puts his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

We hold on to each other, knowing those will be the last words we say to each other. I don't even feel anything. It's like I floated away already. I clench my eyes shut as I nuzzle into Matt's chest, wondering what it will feel like to die.

It can't be that bad, right? Warmth and white light. It'll be OK.

All of a sudden the sounds around us change, and the dorm is lit up with an explosion of flames. The Afflicted shriek and wail, and I peek over Matt's shoulder to see the dorm doors burning. People scramble across the floor towards us, coughing and retching as the room fills with smoke.

Bullets ping off the walls and ceiling, and I cower against the bed next to me, terrified of being hit by a ricochet.

The Afflicted become quieter and quieter, and then feeders are advancing, killing every last Afflicted as they move into the dorm. My heart does a weird little flip as I spot Silas, handgun drawn and pointed at the screeching creatures on the floor. He fires without compunction, and finally all that's left is the sound of flames crackling and the folks around us crying.

"Are you OK?" Matt asks, holding my face in his hands.

I nod, clutching on to his arms, and suddenly I'm sobbing as all the adrenaline wears off. I can't stop shaking, I'm so scared. He helps me to my feet as the feeders direct us out of the dorm. Outside, a large part of the compound is burning, and feeders are running around with guns and flamethrowers, dealing with the last of the Afflicted as they lie on the ground.

Smoke grazes down my throat, and I cough. Matt is at my back, rubbing me soothingly.

"It's OK, we're OK." He keeps saying it over and over, and then suddenly hands are on us, shoving us towards the yard.

"Line up!" A feeder yells, and we all form a shivering, coughing, sobbing line on the grass. The flames illuminate wide, terrified eyes, faces covered in soot. My jaw is chattering, and I can"t control my hands, so I jam them against my body with my arms.

Feeders begin to make their way down the line, looking us over. I'm too numb to realize what the fuck they're doing, until one of them steps back, raises a gun and fires. I jump back from my place in the line, and now I'm shaking so violently I can barely stand.

They move down the line again, pulling out someone's arm. I hear protests, garbled insistence of "It's fine! It's just a -" The words are cut off as another gunshot rings across the lawn.

Some of us were bitten. They're Afflicted now, carrying this horrible fucking disease that would kill them slowly, that would infect their blood and make them useless to the vamps. I try to tell myself that it's mercy, it's kindness. If they didn't kill them now, they'd be choking on their blood as it filled their lungs.

This is a good thing.

But as another shot echoes through the night, only a few people away from me, I'm so terrified I can't think. I'm going to faint.

The feeders stop in front of me, and a hand reaches out, unclenching my arms from across my chest.

"Come on now," a voice says, and I look up into a pair of rusty red eyes.

It's Silas. His hands are warm, and his face is soft as he gazes at me.

"It's alright," he says quietly. "Let me look you over."

I shake my head. "They didn't get anywhere near me, it-it was -th-they were… They weren't…"

I'm hyperventilating, my chest hurts as my lungs graze against my ribs. Silas's hands hold me tighter, and he's saying something but the roaring in my ears is so loud I can't hear anything.

I collapse in on myself, and Silas catches me.

"Hey!" He exclaims, his arms around me. "Hey, it's alright, Juliet, I've got you."

My feet leave the ground, and I'm in his arms, my head bouncing gently against his chest as he carries me off somewhere. Everything is blurry and distant, and I don't have it in me to fight. All I'm aware of is Silas murmuring, "I've got you. I've got you." Over and over again.