22. Silas

"You want to do what?"Sam eyes me incredulously. "Please tell me you're joking."

"She's depressed, and needs a breather." The truck keys jangle in my hand. "Come on, what's she gonna do? Overpower me and run away?"

"If the other humans get wind of this there will be riots." Sam crosses her arms over her chest. "Absolutely not."

"Sam, seriously, I will sneak her out, no one will notice."

She cocks an eyebrow. "Why are you asking me? Why didn't you go ask your buddy Anderson?"

"You bloody know why." I tilt my head, giving her my most charming smile. "Come on, Sam."

"Don't use a sexy face on me, it won't work." She narrows her eyes, then rolls them, shaking her head. "For fuck's sakes."

I can't help but laugh, knowing that I've won. "Thanks Sam."

"Yeah yeah, go have fun." She waves her hand towards the door. "Just don't let anyone see, OK?"

"No problems." I hurry out of her office, heading down to the garden to look for Juliet. She should be down here somewhere. I spot the blonde head of hair almost instantly. She's bent over a cucumber vine, plucking them and depositing them in a basket at her feet.

"Hi," I say as I approach, and she gives me a hesitant glance. I shouldn't be surprised, I haven't seen her since I almost kissed her in the forest two days before.

"Hi." She straightens up and brushes her hands together. "How are you?"

"Fancy going for a drive?" I hold up the truck keys.

She stares at me blankly. "A what?"

"A drive. I need to go to Savannah, they didn't send us enough needles with the last shipment, forgot about 20 boxes. Thought you might like to come with me."

She scoffs, shaking her head. "Yeah sure, they'll let me walk right out of here, huh?"

"Sure are. I've got boss approval and everything." My heart drops a little as I consider that maybe she doesn't want to be in a car with me after I backed her into a tree and pinned her there. Self-hatred seeps into my veins as my cock twitches at the memory.

She looks at me, her mouth quirking as she considers. "OK." She bends to pick up the basket, scooping it up and resting it on her hip. "I just gotta take these to the kitchen."

"Here, let me." I take the basket, and we walk to the kitchen together. I check the driveway before we walk out, and jerk my head. "Come on this is something of an incognito mission."

"So you are sneaking me out?" She shakes her head, smiling. But she climbs into the truck, keeping her head down.

I climb in, and gun the engine. I swing the truck towards the gate, waving to the guards. They already know I'm going, so there's no need to run any checks. The metal gate slides back slowly, and I drive out onto the road with a wave. We pass the guard compound, and turn left out onto the road.

I put my foot down, and the truck shoots forward on the smooth dirt.

"You can get up now." I look down at Juliet. "We're out of dodge, baby."

She laughs, sitting up and gazing out the window. "God this feels weird."

"I bet."

She winds down the window, leaning back against the leather seat as she takes a deep breath. Her hair flies about in the breeze, and I realize I'm not keeping my eyes ahead of me. I nearly miss the turn onto the sealed road, the old interstate, and Juliet's head jerks over as the tires squeal.

"Out of practice, Speed Racer?" She asks with a laugh.

"Just distracted."

"By?"

I can't look at her right now or we will crash. Because she's sitting there, one foot up on the dash, her hair blowing in the breeze.

"I think you know very well what by."

She scoffs. "By my skinny ass? I don't think so."

"Talking about your ass isn't helping."

"Arse." She mimicks my accent. "The way you say that. Arse."

"Making fun of my accent now?" I shake my head as she giggles. "You bloody Americans, I tell you what."

"I happen to think your accent is very sexy." She pulls her feet up onto the seat, hugging her long legs to her chest.

"Oh, is that right?" I say with a laugh. "Yeah, you American girls did always love a British accent."

"Wait wait, can you say something for me?"

"I am not saying Bond, James Bond."

She laughs out loud, and fuck it's a beautiful sound. "How did you know I was going to ask you to say that?"

"Because that's what American girls always want you to say."

"It was worth a try." She chuckles to herself as she gazes back out the window. "And technically you did say it for me. Ha ha."

I shake my head, smiling. This feels too nice.

We drive on in silence for a while, enjoying the open space and the fresh warm air that's blowing in through the windows. We pass some small towns, abandoned gas stations. It's eerily fascinating, as though the world outside simply stagnated, holding its breath until the world returned to normal.

Not that that will ever happen.

"Can I ask you something?" She asks after a while.

I nod, keeping my eyes on the road. "Sure."

"And you don't have to answer this, it's none of my business. But… You said someone saved you once. Is that how you got clean? Is that what you meant?"

I exhale heavily, gripping the top of the steering wheel with one hand, letting the other drop to the seat beside me. "Well, that's a bit of a story."

"We have time." I can see her looking at me from out of the corner of my eye. "Savannah's still a ways off."

"That's true."

"Only if you want to tell me."

"I do." I genuinely do want to tell her. I shift in my seat. She's still looking at me, still waiting. "I told you, I was an addict. I used to break into big houses, when the owners were away on holidays. I was an expert at disarming alarm systems, so I was never caught. Made a fortune stealing shit, and it all went straight into my veins." I glance over at her. "Sure you want to hear this?"

She nods. "Mhmm."

"OK." I look back at the road and take a deep breath. "So one day I broke into this house, on a huge property, surrounded by park land. Everything inside was old. Like, antique old. The windows are all covered in heavy velvet drapes, and the whole house smelled like gardenias. It was dark, and absolutely silent. It freaked me out, but I needed money, so I kept going." I exhale heavily. "And that's how I met my maker. Quite literally."

Juliet gasps a little. "Oh wow."

"Yeah. Margot had heard me coming a mile away, was waiting in her bedroom for me. I nearly fucking died when I walked in and there's this naked woman lying on the bed."

"Naked?" Juliet asks, laughing nervously. "Why was she-" She breaks off as I grin over at her. "You mean she…"

"She liked the look of me. Said she saw potential. I couldn't understand why this rich naked woman was coming on to me, when I'd literally broken into her house. Then I saw her fangs."

Juliet squeaks out a tiny gasp. "Does… I mean, did it hurt?"

"Getting bitten?" I shake my head. "No, not at all. Quite the contrary." I look over at her, and she bites her lip. "You've heard that it feels good, yeah?"

She nods slowly, clearing her throat as I move my gaze back to the road. "I'd heard that you can make it feel…"

"Pleasurable?" I don't look at her, because this topic probably isn't the one I should be broaching when I'm trying to not think about how close she is to me right now. "It's… yeah. An orgasm basically."

"But… how? I mean, it's a bite. How does it not hurt?"

"Venom." I gesture to my mouth with a wave of my hand. "It's in all our, um, bodily fluids. Saliva, blood… All the other ones."

She lets out a sweet, embarrassed giggle. "Oh god, OK."

"We can control its release, make a bite hurt, and leave scars if we want to. But generally, it feels good for us to release the venom too. And very good for humans."

She puffs out a breath. "So, uh, how do you then, like, how do you get turned? I've never really found out how it works."

Change of subject, yes, that's good.I flex my hands around the steering wheel and try to wet my throat. "A lot like what the movies show, you get drained to the point of death, and then drink your maker's blood. A lot of it."

"And that doesn't hurt either?" She asks quietly.

"It's like… You know when you're going to sleep, and you have this really vivid dream while you're half-awake still, and it feels real?"

"And then your leg does that weird kick thing and you wake up?"

"Exactly like that. Except when you wake up, the kick is that you're immortal and thirsty as fuck for everything you can imagine." I smile over at her. "Everything. You want to drink and fuck and tear down a wall."

She smiles shyly. "Well that sounds pretty crazy. You die and then straight away want to do… that?"

"It's overwhelming, that's for sure." I look back out the windshield as we drive past the remnants of another abandoned town, its name long since lost as the sign is faded and cracked.

"Is that how you got big?" She reaches out and runs a hand down my bicep, and my cock fucking twitches again.

I clear my throat. "Yeah. Margot was old, turned during the French Revolution, so she passed those powers on to me. I was pretty scrawny from, well, poor life choices. But I woke up like this."

"No wonder she wanted to fuck you."

I nod, laughing. "Well, thanks. She did. For three days."

"Three days?" Juliet slumps back against the seat. "Jesus."

"It was like a fever dream. And then it sort of dawned on me, what it all meant." The deep feeling of dread sinks into my stomach, even all these years later. Juliet waits patiently for me to go on, gazing over at me as the breeze continues to snatch up strands of her golden hair and fling them about her freckled face. "I lost it. I ran away and hid in my flat for a week. Didn't see anyone or talk to anybody. It was stupid, Margot knew where I was the whole time."

"But she gave you space?"

"She did. She understood, I suppose."

"Did you, I mean, sorry if this is insensitive to ask." Juliet fidgets with her fingers. "Did you go through withdrawal? From the drugs?"

I exhale heavily, taking a gentle turn in the road as we pass a yellowing patch of forest. "It was odd. When you become a vamp, you sort of withdraw from everything. You get used to not needing food, and as much sleep, even air. I had the desire to shoot up, just to feel human, just to do something that made sense."

"I guess it didn't work?"

"Nope." I gaze over at her, those grey eyes looking at me with softness and understanding. "Eventually I ended up going home to my parents. I wanted to show them I was clean, and that maybe being a vamp was a good thing."

"How'd that go?"

I swallow hard, my throat feeling tight. "Bad."

She reaches over and threads her fingers through mine. "I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago." I gently remove my hand from hers, not because I don't want to hold it anymore, but because the touch of that warm skin is too much. Feeling her pulse against my fingers - fuck.

"So then what happened?" She asks, wrapping her arms back around her legs.

I shrug, pushing down the visor as we change direction and the sun shines in my face. "I tried to be human. I met a girl, this cute little goth who worked in a record store in London. Vampires were slowly becoming public knowledge in some circles, and she was into it."

"What was her name?"

"Vivien."

"And what happened to her?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek for a second. "I killed her."

Juliet falls into silence, and it takes me a beat to get up the courage to look over at her. Her eyes are a little wide, filled with a mixture of fear and curiosity.

"It was an accident." The sick feeling of that night washes over me. "We were… we were having sex, and I bit her, just as I finished. That was a mistake."

"You took too much blood?" Juliet asks in a small voice.

I ripped her fucking throat out. "Something like that." I can't tell her the truth. It would horrify her. It still horrifies me, all these years later. There was so much blood… I blink away the image and the terror. "After that, I had to admit to myself that things weren't going to go back to the way they were. I wasn't the same person anymore. That life was over. So I went back to Margot."

We lapse into silence for a while, both caught up in our own thoughts. I think back on that day, when I went back to her. Her face when I walked in, the utter joy, love and concern in her eyes. She'd run me a bath, washed my hair, and held me as I mourned my old life.

"I know, mon amour," she'd murmured. "I know it is painful. But you and I, we shall have the world. It is all there, for you and me."

"She died of the Affliction." Juliet's voice draws me back into the moment, back into the truck as the warm breeze floats through the open windows.

"Yeah she did. Four years ago."

"That must have been tough." She reaches over again to take my hand, but pulls it back. I love that she wants to touch me all the time. I hate that I feel the need to push her away.

After I nearly kissed her in the forest the other day, I know I need to be more careful. Touching her too much will drive me insane. I'm one hand-hold and lip bite away from pulling over the car and bending her over the hood.

Fucking STOP IT.

She seems to sense the shift in my demeanor, turning away from me so she's looking out the window. Her back is inches from my hand, her hair brushing over my arm as it waves about in the breeze.

The silence finally becomes too much, and I lean down to flick on the ancient iPod I have connected to the truck's stereo. Juliet nearly jumps out of her skin as Michael Jackson's Black or White comes on over the speakers at a volume neither of us expected. I quickly turn it down, and Juliet begins to giggle.

"Oh my god you have music?" She picks up the neon green iPod and turns it over in her hand. "I haven't seen one of these since I was a kid."

"Yeah, well it's the one thing I managed to hold on to, and by some miracle it still works." I chuckle as she continues to stare at it. "Back in the days before everyone had music on their phones."

She lets out a breathless little laugh, and puts the iPod back on the dash. "Yeah, those were the days huh?" She flexes her toes on the seat, then stretches her legs out in front of her. "This is an old song right?"

I lift a finger in her direction. "Ey, ey, watch yourself now."

I can sense the sass rolling off her as I catch sight of her grin.

"My parents used to listen to this music," she drawls softly.

I slam a hand to my chest and let out a strangled groan. "Brutal. Straight through the fucking heart, Monroe, Jesus."

She gasps, and my head snaps to look at her.

"You alright?"

She nods slowly. "You know my last name?"

Shit. Way to let her know you've been a creep and looked up her file.

I look back at the road. "Uh yeah. I looked you up. I was curious. Sorry."

"What does my file say?"

"It says your birthday is March 13. Born 1999." I smile over at her. She's still regarding me with that somewhat distrustful, incredulous look. "You were picked up from UGA and brought to the facility here. You were 19 years old at the time, in good health."

"They say that?" She scoffs. "I was in good health?"

"Yeah. The vamps are all about health."

"Yeah." Her entire mood has shifted. She curls up on the seat silently, and winds the window up. She stares out at the changing landscape, decaying buildings springing up either side of us as we approach Savannah.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

She waves a hand, not looking at me. "It doesn't matter."

"Well, it does."

"It's just a name, Silas."

No, it isn't.The protest dies on my tongue as she refuses to turn back around.

I want to explain to her why I looked her up. That I was desperate to know more. That my heart ached when I saw the picture attached to the file. The eyes wide with terror. The blurred fingerprints so obviously delivered by a trembling hand. Humans had known of our existence for all of her life - but to suddenly be a captive, to be tied down and harvested for blood, who could have foreseen that?

But I say nothing, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

"Juliet," I say softly as we approach the perimeter of the facility in Savannah. "When we get there, just stay in the truck, OK? Get in the back and lie down. There's a blanket for you to hide under. You'll be perfectly safe."

"Fine." She tucks her arms across her body, leaning her head against the seat in a way that makes the delicate veins on her neck stand out. My mouth waters at the sight.

I give myself a shake and focus on the road. As we get closer, Juliet climbs between the seats into the back, giving me the perfect view of her long legs and her ass as it passes my head. Goddammit.

"Silas?" The whisper comes from underneath the blanket in the back seat.

I cock my head. "Yeah?"

"Were you going to kiss me in the forest?"

My hands grip the steering wheel. The perimeter fence is in sight. This isn't the time for this conversation.

"I'm sorry about that."

She lets out an annoyed little grunt. "That's not an answer."

"Juliet-"

"Yes or no?"

I growl out a breath between gritted teeth. The guards up ahead spot me, lining up at the gate to prepare to let me in. "Yeah, maybe. I dunno."

"Yes you do."

"Juliet, not the fucking time. Now stay quiet."

"I would have let you."

I nearly tear the damn steering wheel from the dash. Blood roars through my body, remembering the feeling of her against me, pliant and wanting. Her hand pinned above her head, her eyes closed as she waited for me to kiss her. I can't tell her I wanted to do more than kiss her. I wanted to give in to every depraved fantasy I've had about her.

I breathe in and out heavily, steadying myself. I raise a hand in greeting to the other vamps who wave me in through the gate, completely unaware of the emotional and physical torment I'm going through right now. I jump down from the truck, slamming the door closed quickly. The blanket is covered in pheromone oil, so I'm sure it will throw off Juliet's scent, but I feel better knowing she's inside behind tinted glass all the same.

The vamps help me load up the supplies, bemoaning the growing number of Afflicted attacks and apologizing for the unnecessary trip. I make as much small talk as I can bear, the balls of my feet burning with the need to get her the fuck out of there. Maybe this was a bad idea.

But the vamps don't seem to notice my uneasiness, slapping me on the shoulder as I say I should head back before it gets too late, don't want to get stuck out on these roads at the moment, haha.

Finally I'm back in the truck, gunning the engine and heading out of the facility. Juliet stays in the backseat for a long time, until we're almost on the outskirts of Savannah, and I wonder if she's fallen asleep.

"You can come out now," I say in a low voice, not wanting to wake her.

The blanket shuffles and moves, and a long leg extends between the seats, followed by a small ass and another leg. She flips around to plop down in the seat next to me, her hair sticking to her face. She's sweaty and smells fantastic. Her cheeks are all flushed and her lips are full.

Why the fuck does she look turned on?

"You OK?"

She nods, biting her lip. "I'm fine. Just… hot."

It takes my stupid brain a second to register what the fuck I did. I cast a glance into the back seat, at the blanket doused in pheromone oil. My pheromones.

You fucking idiot. It didn't even occur to me that while it would throw the guards off her scent, it would drive Juliet crazy.

"It's OK," I say quickly, trying not to focus on her thighs as she squeezes them together, her nipples that are peaking under her shit. Shit. What the fuck have I done? "It's the oil on the blanket, it's just going to heighten everything for you. Just breathe through it." Yeah, just breathe through your erection, Silas.

Juliet inhales sharply and nods. "Yeah, OK." She scrapes the heels of her hands along her thighs. "Can you put on the air, please? I need to cool down."

I flip on the air-conditioning, which throws up the scent of her arousal as the air bursts from the vents. Blood rushes to my cock, and I grasp the steering wheel hard to stop myself reaching over to grab her.

She snatches up a bottle of water from the dash and twists off the lid, gulping it down in three long bounces of her throat. Droplets run down her chin, and she licks her lips, trying to snatch them back up. This is bad. I'm an idiot. This was a bad idea.

I spot a sign up ahead, the white writing peeling off the green background, but still legible. Ansom Lake. I tear the steering wheel to the right and we fly down a corrugated dirt road.

"Where are we going?" Juliet asks, her voice still breathy and sexy.

"Somewhere to cool down."

It's only a short drive down the road, and the forest opens up to reveal a shimmering dark green lake. The tires screech to a halt as I pull up, and I realize as I kill the engine that we're both panting. Juliet looks over at me, her hands clenched between her thighs.

"What did you do to me?"

"I wanted to mask your scent," I say, waving to the backseat. "It's basically concentrated vampire scent."

"Well y'all smell real good." She runs a hand over her flushed face, tipping her head back against the seat as she closes her eyes. Her chest rises and falls rapidly, her nipples still bunched up under the white fabric of her shirt. She turns her head and opens her eyes, gazing at me.

It would be so easy to have her right now. I could pull her onto my lap, tear those soaked panties aside and bury my cock in that pussy that's aching to be fucked right. I could pin her down and suck on her throbbing clit and not let her go til she's come on my mouth three times. I could soak my cock in all that arousal pooling between her legs and fuck her in the ass so she can't walk tomorrow. Right now, I can do what I want with her. She'd be open for anything, her body's so strung out on my scent.

And none of it would be because she wanted it. She's drugged out of her mind.

I throw open the truck door and climb down, sucking in heavy breaths of warm air.

The door on the other side opens, and Juliet clambers out, a little unsteady on her feet as she walks around to my side. She stops right in front of me, staring up at me. Her pupils are blown, sweat still beading on her forehead.

"Why don't you go for a swim?"

Her brows knit together as she looks at me. "A swim?"

"Sure. Get your mind off things. I'll keep watch."

She takes two steps back from me, then lifts her shirt. Fuck. She pulls it up over her head, and hands it to me. Her eyes stay fixed on me as she drops her shorts and her panties down her legs, picking them up with her foot. She hands those to me too, and the hit I get as her scent wafts up into my face - no drug is this good.

She stands completely naked in front of me, her hands at her sides. Her long blonde hair hangs over her shoulders, partially covering her breasts. She looks like an angel. My angel. Maybe just once…

But it wouldn't be once. It would be forever. If I taste this woman I know that she's the only thing I'll want for the rest of my life. I can't have her. I can't do that to her. I can't do that to myself.

"Go on." I tilt my head towards the water. "Go cool off. Swim. You said you were a good swimmer once." I give her a crooked smile.

The fog seems to lift a little, her face crinkling as she frowns. She looks over at the water, finally breaking the stare on me, and moves slowly towards it. I watch as she crosses the small sandy beach, a flicker of panic passing through me as she hesitates at the edge of the sparkling depths. Am I about to trigger an episode of PTSD? Shit. She hasn't been in the water since… That day. I take two steps forward, ready to grab her if I need to.

But after a moment, she wades in, her hands caressing the water's surface as it meets her fingertips. Her legs are almost fully submerged by the time she lowers her body in, her hair spreading out behind her like some heavenly lilypad.

I lean my back against a tree, breathing a sigh of relief, watching her swim. She moves through the water swiftly, naturally. Like she's never left it. Her long arms glisten in the sunlight as they lift then plunge back into the depths, propelling her forward.

Gradually my own arousal sinks away, eking out of my bones miserably. I want her. I want to own her, to taste her and consume her. When I nearly kissed her in the forest, I had to stop myself because I know what kind of man I am once that boundary gets crossed.

Vivien's boyfriend discovered that. Painfully.

Margot used to laugh at me. "My little love addict," she'd tease, stroking my hair. She was right.

I'd fucked Vivien out the back of the record store where she worked, it was meant to be a casual thing. She had a boyfriend. She didn't want any more than that.

But I did.

Once I'd tasted her cunt, her blood, her mouth, I was done. I had to have her. I had to own her.

I'd hunted her boyfriend down, torn him to pieces and thrown him into a canal. Vivien thought he'd left town. I was there to comfort her. She accepted willingly. We lived in our little bubble of blood and fucking for three months, before I tore out her throat while I was still inside her.

By the time they found her boyfriend's body, she was already dead.

As I watch Juliet float through the water, like a nymph who's finally found her way home, I know within myself - this girl is too pure for me. I feel something for her I've never felt for anyone before, not even for Margot. In another life, maybe. But not here, not like this. And whatever she thinks she feels for me, it's nothing but fear. She's scared and alone.

That's all there is to it.

After an hour, the sun begins to bathe the forest in golden light, and Juliet comes out of the water. She shakes the droplets from her hair, and she's smiling widely.

"That was amazing," she says breathlessly. "Oh my god."

I return her smile. "You really are an amazing swimmer."

"Thanks." She tugs her clothes onto her wet body, giggling. "Hopefully I dry out by the time we get back."

I say nothing, just keep smiling at her.

On the ride home, I'm keenly aware of the fact that she keeps looking at me. Her face is soft and happy.

And I realize that I've just made her like me even more.