Chapter 24

Chapter

Twenty-Four

“God,”I yawn for what feels like the hundredth time, clutching my coffee to my chest as I plod along the gravel road.

I’ve had mornings where I looked hotter, I’ll say that for nothing.

My festival outfit was already picked out a week ago, thank god. I’m wearing a bright blue silk shirt and sturdy denim shorts, white high-tops, and a cute little belt to pull it all together.

If I dress up nice enough, people might not notice my face.

I feel like I’m walking to the gallows. But I promised Gage that I’d be there by ten to help him set up, so by god, am I going to be there.

Even if that promise was made before the horror show that was last night. And even if I stayed up until four AM playing sad 80s love ballads—which I’d never dream of admitting.

Then the gravel crunches from behind me, and I automatically veer for the side of the road. But the approaching golf cart slows down and pulls up alongside me.

There’s no mistaking the replica ’57 Chevy body, with turquoise seats and a fold-down roof. Only one person on the island has the money, the interest in classic cars, and the sense of humour needed to get that custom-made.

It’s Carter. Next to him, Felix has one arm around his shoulders. He’s sliding over on the bench to make room for me.

“Need a ride? We can fit another little one,” Felix beams at me.

I can’t help a little smile back at him. I know enough not to turn him down. I’ve spent enough time alone and miserable and walking the gravel roads in the last twelve hours.

And, one way or another, today is going to be a long-ass day.

“Thank you,” I tell them as I clamber up into it and settle myself down.

“No problem,” Carter tells me as we roll forward again. “I’ll drop you two off at the orchard and park up at the lighthouse.”

Felix pretends to swoon, bumping his forehead against Carter’s shoulder. “What a gentleman. It makes a nice change, doesn’t it?” he beams at me.

Ouch.

They haven’t heard the news, then. Why does everyone hear everything, except the stuff I don’t wanna say out loud?

Even as my gut sinks, I manage a smile and a nod. “You know it,” I tell him automatically.

Do I tell them? Maybe I should… it’ll be obvious when we see each other, right?

Then Felix leans so far over Carter that he blocks his view. “Look!” He points at the poster on the fence of the community garden—another ad for the festival. “It’s your face!”

Gravel screeches. The cart lurches to the side as Carter yanks the steering wheel to keep us on the road. I yelp, grabbing onto the nearest handle as Felix swears under his breath and slams right into me.

Carter hits the brakes, and we all lurch to a stop.

“Fox!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Felix moans, rubbing Carter’s arm. Then he glances sheepishly at me. “This is why I don’t drive.”

I snort with laughter, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Maybe I’ll walk after all,” I tell them, which makes them both laugh.

Then I glance once more over my shoulder, taking in the poster Felix pointed out.

Ugh. Like I need any more reminders.

I already saw half a dozen of those posters—at the top of the ferry wharf, and in the window of the coffee shop, and stapled to telephone poles.

All over the island, my smiling face glows softly as I gaze at the man I know is just out of frame. It makes my heart twist and pull apart into fragments to think this, but… he might be out of the picture forever.

“Hey. Out we get,” Felix tells me, shoving my shoulder as I blink.

Oh. We’re at the orchard already.

My job comes in handy sometimes. I can answer small talk without even thinking about it. But I barely even noticed the rest of the drive, I was so caught up in…

Well, everything between me and Gage.

“Thanks for the ride,” I tell Carter, sliding out so Felix can hop to the ground after me. I slowly walk through the little white gate that’s propped open, looking around for anyone.

I think we’re the first to show up. I don’t see any signs of anyone—not even Gage.

Oh, god.

I’ve never stepped in here and felt so many things all at once. I’m used to being overwhelmed with feelings every time I come within sight of this place. But not these feelings. Guilt, fear, worry, you name it. So much yearning that it makes me want to break in two.

And, despite it all, a sliver of hope.

I want to fix things. I just don’t know if I can.

The night apart hasn’t made anything easier. In fact, it feels even harder to walk back into the orchard knowing that things aren’t right between us. And after I left in such a rush last night… I’m not even sure if we’re boyfriends right now.

“This way,” Felix tells me, and when I pivot on the spot, I see him heading up the nearest path. “Come on.”

I sigh and sip my coffee, falling into step behind him. But what Felix doesn’t know is that he chose the path toward the far corner of the orchard, right where Gage and I had our first date.

I don’t know if I can keep it together if I have to see that spot right now.

My throat grows tighter and tighter. When we’re just around the corner, I speed up my pace to get ahead of Felix. Then I turn my back and block his way.

“What is it?”

Felix stumbles to a halt. Then he looks over his shoulder as if to check if we’re alone before relenting with a little sigh. “I don’t know, Kieran. You tell me.”

He sips his coffee and waits as I sputter into silence.

Damn it. I have friends who care, don’t I? And I haven’t the faintest clue how to do this.

I clear my throat and swallow the lump, looking down at the path.

“Berty told him. About my visa.”

Felix pauses like he isn’t surprised, and I sigh to myself. Of course he knows that part of the story already. I should really be used to this by now. All he says is, “And?”

Right. Nobody but us knows the important part, then.

I shift my weight onto one foot, kicking a little twig off the close-cut grass until it’s off the path. Finally, I sigh and look up at him. “He proposed to me.”

Felix’s eyebrows shoot up almost into his hairline. I sip my coffee as I watch him processing in real-time. He unfolds his arms, gestures helplessly at me, and makes a wordless noise. Then he opens and closes his mouth a few times and gestures again, but even bigger.

The universal sign of what the fuck?

I sigh. “I know, I know?—”

“No. Wait. I’m sorry… what?!” Felix exclaims. “You sound like your pet rock just died. Not like your boyfriend,” he pauses for dramatic emphasis, “proposed!”

I can see his point.

“Yeah. So I can get a visa to stay. And in this really casual, off-handed way,” I tell Felix.

Oh, god. There it is again—the ache that’s alive and well in my bones.

“Like, oh, I guess we can do the paperwork so you can stay,” I lower my voice in an imitation of Gage’s. “Like it’s a fucking… business proposition.”

Felix’s eyebrows slowly sink back to their normal place. “Ohhhhh,” he breathes out a groan as he rubs his forehead. “Okay. Gotcha.”

“Yeah.”

I tilt my head, gazing through the trees in the vague direction of the cabin like I can X-ray the entire field and the cabin walls and get a picture of Gage’s thoughts.

“I mean, in fairness… you do have a type,” Felix tells me.

The situation isn’t very funny, but I can’t quite help myself. He gets a giggle out of me, at least. “What, himbos?”

His eyes sparkle in sympathetic amusement as he reaches out to squeeze my shoulder. “Exactly. They can’t help it sometimes, you know?”

“And neither can I,” I sigh, gulping down more coffee as Felix turns to lean against me and gaze through the trees. “I can’t help loving him—them,” I correct myself as Felix catches his breath.

My cheeks are hot with the accidental truth that spilled out of my mouth.

I want to own that truth. But I haven’t told Gage yet. And we all know what happens when I tell other people things that he should know first.

God, what a mess.

“But?” Felix asks quietly.

“I don’t know what he’s thinking sometimes. And I wish I did,” I sigh. “God, he confuses the ever-loving shite out of me sometimes.”

“Welcome to marriage,” Felix laughs. “You’re on the right track already.”

I shove him with my elbow and he snorts again as he steps away to wander around a little.

“Seriously, though,” I shake my head. “I—I do love him. And at this point… I don’t know how I tell him that.”

Felix just clears his throat pointedly, but I keep on talking, sighing right back at him.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Just tell him. If I’d done that in the first place… we might not be in this mess.”

“Kieran—”

“But now we are, and it’s too late. And I’m in love, and… I don’t have a bloody clue what to do.”

Now that I’ve finally given Felix a chance to get a word in edgewise, he doesn’t say anything.

But someone else does.

“The feeling’s mutual, Kieran Walsh.”

I whirl on my heel, swearing under my breath as I spill quite a bit of my remaining coffee.

Gage is standing in the middle of the path, wearing dusty faded blue jeans and an old plaid shirt. He has his hands in his jeans pockets as he watches me.

I know his face so well that I can instantly see past the downturn to his lips and the furrow in his brows. There are a hundred conflicting emotions racing across his face—mostly in his eyes, which express so much more than he knows.

“I think I hear Carter,” Felix says hastily. Then he kisses my cheek and scurries off down the path, leaving us alone again.

I study Gage’s face, and my brows pull together in a frown.

He doesn’t look like he’s had a great night either, if I’m honest.

Gage jerks his head, silently inviting me further along the path.

I take a deep breath to fortify myself, and then I fall into step behind him, heading down to the end of the path.

We’re here. This is the little clearing where we shared so much—our first date, our passions and our dreams… everything besides my unspoken truth.

And it’s here that I truly decided to let it become a secret.

I don’t think Felix set me up. He looked too surprised about it.

Gage must have already been here, thinking about me. But thinking what? I’m dying to find out—and, at the same time, terrified.

“Gage?” I whisper as I come to a halt facing him, curling my hands by my chest.

I can’t pour all my uncertainty and questions into that word. But I can use it to ask him the most important thing of all.

Do we still have a chance? Will you forgive me?

And Gage smiles, in one of those small, genuine expressions that means the world to me. He doesn’t need to say a word. He just reaches out with both hands, offering them to me.

And I fling myself at him, looping my arms around Gage’s neck to hold on tighter to him than I think I’ve ever clung to anything in my whole damn life.

“Gage,” I breathe out, my voice choked up.

“I’m here,” he whispers, an echo of the only thing I can think right now.

He’s here. He’s still here. He’s staying.

And I’d do anything to stay, too.

Gage is holding me, his arms tight and warm and strong, his lips against my hair, his thumb rubbing gentle circles against the back of my neck as I desperately burrow into him.

I swallow hard a few times, shaking my head.

“I missed you.”

Even for this one night, I felt so empty without his woodsy, musky scent in my nostrils, the warmth of his body next to me in bed, the sound of his breathing falling into a deep, even rhythm.

I didn’t realize how much I need to fall into his rhythm—quiet and steady and perfectly safe.

“Me too,” Gage whispers. He leans down, lets the top of his chin rest against my head, sways gently with me. “It’s quiet without you.”

I can’t help a little teary giggle. “But peaceful?”

“Mmnh-nnh,” Gage shakes his head, his fingertips going still on the back of my neck. “Too quiet for that.”

When the knots in my chest finally loosen up, I pull back slowly, dizzily. I blink, letting him slide his hands down my arms to take mine again.

“And I love you, too, Kieran,” Gage murmurs, squeezing both my hands tightly.

I moan wordlessly, apologising that he had to find out that way.

He chuckles, kissing the back of each hand, one at a time, but I shake my head. I’m not going to be a hypocrite. He deserves to hear it for real.

This time, and so many more.

“I love you, Gage,” I whisper.

His eyes sparkle as he squeezes my hands tightly. He lets out a sigh of relief, the air whooshing from his lungs. “I’m glad, Kieran. Now… tell me what you want.”

The way he’s watching me makes my heart melt. It’s all soft but intense. Like he’s willing to do anything to make me happy. And I’m pretty sure that’s exactly it.

God, I’ve been a dick. He’d have every right to call it off and walk away. But he wants to stay in this.

And all I ever wanted was to stay.

I lick my lips, stepping close to him as we sway gently together, like we’re dancing under the trees.

“Romance,” I murmur softly, a blush creeping along the back of my neck and straight up to my cheeks. Admitting it out loud isn’t nearly as hard as it’s always been. But I feel vulnerable saying it straight up to Gage’s face.

Gage breathes out softly and nods. “And?”

I lick my lips nervously, sliding my fingers between his. They’re broad and sturdy, making my hands almost ache, but I need to feel like we’re interwoven again, the way we’ve been since day one.

“And…” my voice cracks a little, and I clear my throat. “And I want to be a risk that you’re willing to take. I don’t want to be a safe bet.”

Understanding finally blossoms over Gage’s face, and he nods.

“I get it,” he murmurs at last. “I’m sorry. I should have thought about how I came out with it.”

I smile up at him. “And I should have said thank you. I appreciate what you were doing—trying to rescue me from my mess.”

Gage snorts with amusement.

“Again,” I add under my breath. “That’s what you’re in for, if you marry me.”

Gage just chuckles softly. “I can’t imagine anything better,” he says, and he really seems to mean it.

The butterflies are finally back. They explode from my stomach, beating their fluttery wings against my heart and my throat and right down to the tips of my fingers.

“What about you?” I ask Gage, tilting my head as I gaze up at him. “What do you want?” Because hell, I’m just realising that I’ve been assuming I know.

Assumptions only go so far. Actually getting to know each other, inside-out… that will be the work of a lifetime. And for the first time, I’ve found someone I want to put that work in for—someone who will reward me, yet challenge me, every step of the way.

“There’s only ever one thing I’ve wanted,” Gage tells me softly. “To do it together, you and me. Whatever it is. But it has to be together.”

“Yeah,” I breathe out, my voice choking up again as Gage folds me into his arms and I melt into his mercy.

My luck has come through again. But I’m not going to keep pushing it. There’s no way I’m letting go of this man again without a real fight.

Just the two of us in the warm spring morning, dancing together in the orchard before we open it up—our home, our life—to countless strangers.

It’s a beautiful thought.

When we finally pull apart to walk back toward the cabin, Gage’s eyes twinkle as he gazes down at me.

“So, lover,” he murmurs. “If I’d asked you properly, what would your answer have been?”

I mean, I already know my answer. And I think he does, too, judging by the playful tone in his voice. So I take my time and sip my coffee, letting him sweat it out a little bit.

Finally, I wink up at him. “I guess we’ll have to see, won’t we?”

Gage tips his head back and laughs. “That’s fair. God, is it ever fair.”

He catches his breath as we rejoin the main path, only to find the little clearing by the beach full of people—neighbours and friends who have come to help with setup.

“Now then,” Gage says, coming to a halt. “If we can get through this…”

“We can get through anything,” I finish.

“Mmhmm.” Gage squeezes my hands firmly and grins at me—just for me. “Let’s do this.”

I beam at him like the fucking sun. “Kiss me,” I order him. “For luck.”

And, by god, the way he leans down and kisses me, right here in front of everyone… this orchard ought to be blessed with a century of good luck.