Chapter 14

14

I had to admit, after a rocky start dinner was good.

And that rocky start was due to me wanting to hold on to my irritation and fear. Carter was right, I couldn't keep throwing our past in his face. It served no purpose to harp on an unalterable situation. There was no changing the past and besides, he'd apologized about a hundred times, and had repeatedly told me he'd been wrong. And in some ways we both had been.

We were in his truck on our way back to my house and I'd decided I was going to set my bad attitude aside. I couldn't sabotage our evening if I truly wanted to see if we could move forward like Carter had said we could. Like deep in my heart, I wanted to.

"Were you serious about taking me to Virginia Beach?" I asked as he turned on to my street.

"Yeah. I wish we could leave sooner but tomorrow I have meetings all day with Brady. And the next day is a dog and pony show introducing me to our LEO contacts. I have a feeling the guys want to start stepping back a little."

"Retire?"

I'd never thought about my dad or any of my uncles wanting to retire. They weren't spring chickens anymore, but none of them were old.

"Not retire, but slow down. I heard Uncle Levi talking about wanting to take Aunt Blake to Hawaii but there'd never been time. With me there they can take off."

Something I'd never thought about before struck me. "Do you think they want you, Ethan, Jason, Nick, and Jackson to take over Triple Canopy?"

"Absolutely. That was their intention when they started the business. You know them, they'd never force any of us to take over, but they wanted to create something they could pass down. And this stays between us, but I think Nick is ready to leave the FBI. Now that him and Meadow have the twins, he doesn't like having to leave all the time, sometimes without notice. And it wouldn't take much for Ethan to be on board. Jackson will be the hold out. He loves being a firefighter and still has years left in him."

"And what about us women?" I scoffed. "Is there a place for us?"

"Of course there is. Your dad's been working on Quinn for months, trying to get her to take some accounting classes."

"Right." I laughed. "Good luck with that. The wild child sitting behind a desk all day crunching numbers. That's never gonna happen."

"My thoughts exactly." He chuckled.

Carter pulled his truck into the driveway and his face went funny.

"You have a flat tire." He was eyeing my car and the funny left his face and turned hard. "They looked new when I checked them before you left the beach."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Of course he'd checked my tires. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd told me he'd checked my oil and had given it a tune-up, too. He was always looking over my car before he'd leave to go home. Without fail, he'd give it a once-over every time he visited.

"They are. After school let out for the summer, I had all four changed and an alignment."

His gaze left my car and he scanned the area, checking the mirrors and out the windows.

"What's wrong?" I asked, not understanding what the big deal was. "I probably ran over something."

"When we get out, we're heading straight for the house. I'll do a walk-through and come back out to look at the car."

"Carter—"

"Delaney, straight into the house."

"I think—"

"No, baby, in this situation you don't think. You go into the house, lock the door, and stay safe."

Stay safe? He was freaking me out a little.

"It's just a flat tire."

"I would agree with you if it was just one."

"What?"

"All four are flat, Laney. Let's get you into the house where I know you're safe and I'll come back out." I couldn't help it, my hands started shaking. Stay safe . There'd been a time when my brother had said the same thing to me and I hadn't listened. "Everything's gonna be okay. I just want you inside so I can look around."

"Okay," I whispered.

Carter wanted to say more but instead jumped out of his truck and rounded the hood and helped me down. Then he walked us to the front door, used his key to let us in, and disarmed my alarm.

"Please stay here while I check the house."

"But my alarm was on. No one can get in."

His brows raised and lips pushed together, his look telling me an alarm meant nothing.

"I'll wait here," I told him and he didn't delay.

It took him ten minutes but when he came back to where he'd left me he announced the house was clear. Normally I would've thought all of this was overboard. But Derek Lowe had taught me there was no such thing. Carter guided me to the couch and I was grateful to be sitting.

"I'll be right back."

"Wait. You don't have a gun." I was unsure why I was still whispering but I couldn't force myself to speak any louder.

"Laney." He gave me a half smile.

"Mine's in the safe in the closet."

"Know where yours is. But I don't need it."

"There could—"

"Trust me. I don't need it."

I didn't want to think about why he didn't need a gun. I also didn't want to think about why I was offering him one.

I nodded and moved to the door.

"Do not come out. If you hear something you don't like, call 911, then your dad. But do not leave this house."

Saliva filled my mouth and I nodded again. The door opened and he slipped out leaving me on the couch wondering if I was the one who needed the gun. I rummaged through my purse, found my cellphone, and held onto it like it was the next best thing.

I sat there long enough for my mind to wander and I was debating calling my dad even though I hadn't heard anything, when I heard the lock click and the door opened.

"Need new tires, babe. I'll call a wrecker in the morning and sort it out. If you have shit to do tomorrow you can use my truck."

There were a few things swirling around in my head. The first was the nonchalance in which he'd told me he'd sort out my car. The second was he'd offered to let me drive his truck.

"Use your truck?" I breathed. "You don't let anyone drive it."

"Babe."

"What? You don't. When Ethan asked to use it to pick up lumber for a playset, you told him no and drove to the store to pick it up yourself."

"That's because he drives like an ass."

"But—"

"Why would you think I wouldn't let you take my truck?"

"Well, you've never let me drive your truck before."

"You've never needed it." That was true. I'd never actually asked to drive it. But still, I figured if he wouldn't let his own brother drive it he'd never allow me to. "Laney baby, I don't give the first fuck if you drive my truck or not."

"You love that truck."

"I do. Are you gonna take it off-roading?"

"No. That's crazy."

"Then why do you think I wouldn't let you drive it?"

"I don't know. I'm being silly, I guess." He was still staring at me gauging my reaction when I blurted out, "This is weird."

"What is?"

"This." I threw my arms wide and motioned around my living room. "Us. You. All of it. This isn't us. And I'm not throwing it in your face, but I'm not used to you sharing openly. Or offering to let me use your truck."

"It is us. The new us."

Carter checked the door was locked and set the alarm before he flipped the porch light off and said, "Let's hit the sack. I'm beat."

"Hit the sack?"

"I have to be up earlier than normal so I can go to my hotel in the morning and grab my shit before I hit the gym then go to work."

"Hotel?"

"Babe, why're you repeating what I'm sayin'?"

"Because I'm confused."

And I was. I had no idea what was going on.

"About what?"

"Why are you staying in a hotel?"

"Because you're not ready for me to come home. Though after tonight you may not have an option."

My body went solid and my temper surfaced. And as much as I didn't want to argue with him I hated that he was getting his bossy tone back and I really didn't like him telling me I didn't have an option about my living arrangements.

"I think our date's over, Carter."

"You may be right, but I'm not leaving."

"Yeah, you are. I already told you I don't kiss on the first date, so you can take that as I don't let men in my bed either."

"That's enough of that shit, Laney," he growled. "I told you once, I didn't want to know what happened with that chump Steve. This time I'll make it crystal clear, I never, and I mean, never want to hear you reference another man in our bed."

"It's not—"

"It is our bed," he rudely interrupted. "Always has been, always will be. And you don't have a choice about me staying here."

"I want you to leave."

The evening was rapidly declining. Carter needed to go before we got into a kick-down drag-out fight. It wouldn't be the first argument we'd gotten into but it would be the first time there would be no make-up sex at the end of it. And if I was being truthful, that was the best part of fighting with Carter.

"Not gonna happen."

"And why's that?"

"Because someone was in your driveway and slashed your goddamned tires, Laney. I'm not leaving you here alone."

All the fight drained out of me at the news.

"What?"

"Seriously? I told you all four of your tires were flat."

He had, but it never occurred to me someone had purposely damaged them. I lived in a nice neighborhood, with nice people. Things like this didn't happen around here.

"I…I…Why would someone do that?"

"I have no idea. It could be some punk kid being stupid or something else. What I do know is, you're not sleeping in this house alone until I find out why your car is sitting in the driveway on the goddamned rims. So, go and get ready for bed. I'm gonna check the house one more time and be in in a minute."

Something cold slithered through my body leaving me shivering. It was more than someone vandalizing my car. They'd been in my driveway and if they'd been there had they looked in? I never kept the blinds drawn, no one did on my street.

I knew my neighbors. They were all nice people. The houses were older, but well-kept, not a lot of closet space so most of us used our garages for storage and parked in our driveways. Some even parked on the street, all of us without fear of our cars getting broken into or our tires slashed.

"What's happening?" I asked in an effort to stall.

"We'll talk in bed. Go get ready."

Damn.

I was giving myself a mental pep talk as I walked into my bedroom. I could do this. I'd shared a bed with Carter loads of times. And he was only staying over because of my car. I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, and went in search of my most unsexy sleepwear. Surely I had something that would communicate I wasn't interested in anything more than sleeping.

I was still rummaging through my drawers, not finding anything near what I wanted, when Carter walked in.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking at the multiple opened drawers.

"Finding pjs."

"Pjs?"

"Uh, yeah. You know, something to sleep in."

"You always sleep in one of my tees," he unfortunately reminded me.

Whether he was joining me in bed or not I'd always worn one of his shirts to bed. They were huge on me and fell right above my knees. We had a ritual, he'd leave me the shirt he'd worn the day before and I'd wear it to bed for as long as I could before washing it. I could fall asleep with Carter's smell wrapped around me. I also prolonged washing my sheets after he'd leave. This had gone on for years. Me preserving what he gave me, until I couldn't.

Then I'd wash his shirt and my sheets and traces of Carter would be gone. I still slept in his tees but none of them still smelled like him. It had been a long time since he'd been in my bed. I'd tried my hardest to remove all traces of him. But I still wasn't ready to give up the last thing I was holding onto. Him wrapped around me while I slept. Even if it was a stupid cotton shirt that no longer hinted of his shampoo and cologne.

"I don't anymore," I lied.

"Really? I see at least three of my tees right there." He pointed to an open drawer and nabbed one, tossing it at me. "That'll work."

Regrettably my reflexes had kicked in and I caught the shirt as it hit my chest. The feel of it burned through me so hot I had to close my eyes. It was too much like old times, us getting ready for bed together. A time when I'd idiotically thought all I had to do was wait for Carter to come around and we could finally have it all.

"Baby? What the hell?"

Carter's arms were around me and he yanked me to his front, the shirt trapped between us still scorching.

"I can't do this. I thought I could. I wanted to. But there's too much between us. Too much history. Too much hurt."

"Don't pull away from me. We're gonna move forward. I promise we'll—"

"I hate that word, ‘promise'. Please stop promising me things. You have no idea how hard this is for me. It's almost been a year and I still hurt. I still sleep in your stupid t-shirts because I can't let you go. I've tried. I keep trying, but I can't. If you keep promising me we have a future, make me believe it then pull away again, I won't survive. We can't do this."

Carter took a step back, took his shirt out of my hands, pulled the cute flowy top I'd worn to dinner over my head, expertly reached around behind me, unsnapped my bra, and in my stupor, I allowed it to fall to the floor. His tee was over my head, my arms were in the sleeves, and he'd done all of this without a word or my help.

His hands were at the button of my jeans and the next thing I knew he was pulling them down over my hips and he was on his knees in front of me. I did help him finish taking off my pants but when they were tossed aside, he didn't stand. He leaned forward and rested his head against my belly for a beat before he kissed my stomach and stood.

The tiny gesture rocked me.

A simple nuzzle that conveyed more feeling than words ever could.

The emptiness I knew I would live with for the rest of my life suddenly didn't feel so lonely. He now carried some of it.

Carter stripped down to his boxers and moved us to the bed. I climbed in still thinking about the belly kiss, and Carter arranged us to our normal positions. Him on his back, me tucked to his side with my head on his chest, one arm on his stomach but my hand over his heart and his over mine.

Familiar. Comfortable. History.

All the things I was struggling with.

But there was one thing that was new. Never had I felt Carter's heartbeat hammer against my palm. It had always been a steady, rhythmic beat. Feeling it would lull me to sleep. Now it was erratic and pounding.

Something was eating at him, agitating him, something big enough to make his pulse race and I was afraid he was going to tell me what that something was.