Chapter 12

12

I should've bolted. Instead I was staring at myself in my bathroom mirror wondering why I hadn't fled.

I was doing this because I was dressed and ready for my date.

With Carter.

This was so stupid but every time I'd thought about ditching Carter I heard my mom. When two people are destined to be together and share the love that you two have, there is no getting over the other person. Then I'd hear Mercy. Do you wanna hold on to your fear or do you want to be happy?

I wanted to be happy. And I wanted that happy to include Carter, but that didn't mean letting go of some of the fear so I could make that happen would be easy. And then there was the guilt. Would he ever forgive me for being stupid and poking around in a drug case that both Mercy and Jason had told me to stay out of?

Not only had I not stayed out of it, I'd followed Derek to a storage unit, trying to be a super sleuth, got caught, then I'd been forced to accept his invitation to dinner so I didn't blow my brother's case. Jason had been pissed, rightfully so, but he'd been off the charts mad at me that night.

And even after all of that, getting caught by Derek when I'd been following him, forced to sit across from a man who was suspected of using teenagers as drug dealers I'd been stupid enough not to be extra careful. I'd gone about my life not caring about my safety.

And I paid a hefty price. Carter did, too.

How could he ever forgive me for that?

The doorbell rang but I was frozen in place. Doubt crept in and I started making excuses why I wasn't going to go out with Carter. And I had a lot of them. Thousands of excuses why this was stupid but only one real reason. And that was fear.

Fear he'd hurt me.

Fear he'd leave me.

Fear that after all of this time, he'd figure out that maybe I was just comfortable but not who he wanted.

"Laney baby?"

Damn.

"I need to change my locks," I grumbled.

"Wouldn't matter if you do. I'll just pick it," Carter returned.

I lifted my head and opened my eyes but kept my hands planted on the vanity. My gaze met his reflection in the mirror and I was happy I had something to keep me upright. He was wearing a black button-up shirt that complemented his skin tone, and brought out the green in his eyes. The pair of khaki chinos fit snug but they weren't too tight and I knew from experience the view from behind would be awesome. Carter Lenox had a great ass.

"You know how to pick a lock?" I asked.

"I do," he confirmed.

His features turned thoughtful and I wasn't sure why. I was still stuck on my newly gained knowledge.

"Can you hotwire a car?"

"Yep."

"Do you know CPR?"

"After I finished BUD/s I had a twenty-seven-week combat medic course. So, yes, I know CPR." I had no idea he'd done that. "Why are you frowning?"

The man had spent almost a decade in my bed and I didn't know much about him. I hadn't known he could pick a lock, could hotwire a car, or that he'd had twenty seven weeks of medical training. That was over six months, six months he'd been gone somewhere and I'd never known.

"I don't know you," I whispered on a wheeze.

It was in times like these, when the reminders came, that my heart hurt. He was a virtual stranger.

"Baby, you do."

"I had no idea you were a medic."

"I wasn't, not really. Each team has two combat medic billets to fill. I was selected to go, and took the training. Filled that spot on one deployment, then a hospital corpsman rotated into our team and I no longer filled the spot."

"What did you do then? Like what was your job?"

"AOIC."

"What's that?" God, I felt dumb, but I knew nothing about the Navy and anytime in the past if I'd started to ask, he'd shut me down. I only knew he was a SEAL because the whole family flew to San Diego for his graduation. Had it not been a family affair, I doubted he would've told me.

"Assistant Officer In Charge."

"Why are you telling me this? You never—"

"No more secrets."

"What?" I muttered.

"Ask whatever you'd like. I'll answer. I don't want anymore secrets between us. But before we travel down that path, I want you to understand something. You know me, Laney. Just because you don't know about the Navy or what my job was, doesn't mean you don't know the man I am. And I want you to really understand why I didn't talk to you about any of it. It had nothing to do with me not trusting you. When I came home and was with you was the only time I felt like me. Like I belonged. I loved my brothers. We were a team and they were all good men. I do not regret my service. I do not regret being a SEAL. But I never wanted you to see me as Special Operator Lenox. I didn't want that to touch you. I wanted simple. I wanted just you and me. I wanted to be your Carter. I wanted to be good enough for you and I was afraid if you knew what I'd done you wouldn't think I was. So I kept it all from you. Ask all your questions, Laney. I'll answer them all. I'll tell you everything you want to know, but never forget, you know me."

My stomach tightened and felt funny.

"All I ask is you do it over dinner. I'm fucking starved. Your dad and mine kept me in meetings all day. And when I wasn't going over schedules and course curriculum, Uncle Levi and Uncle Clark were running me around the compound. I had no time to break for lunch."

"You're serious?"

"About which part, being so hungry I could down five peanut butter sandwiches? Or the part about our dads being slave drivers?"

"You hate peanut butter."

"Yeah, babe, I know. That should tell you how hungry I am. Can we get to dinner?"

I didn't move to leave for dinner like he asked because my legs were shaking. Instead I continued to stare at him, using the mirror to do so. Maybe I could do this—or at least I could try if he was willing to finally open up. He'd said no more secrets, if he truly meant that then possibly, possibly there'd be a chance for us.

"Laney, baby?"

"Yeah, right. I'm ready."

I finally let go of the counter, turned to face him, and he pushed off the doorjamb he'd been leaning against and stepped toward me.

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I murmured and shifted my eyes away from him. It was silly, I'd heard him tell me a millions times he thought I was beautiful but this time it felt different.

It felt like more.

"Eyes on me, Laney." I didn't want to look at him. For some asinine reason I now felt shy. This felt different than all the other times he'd stood in my bathroom.

His hand came up and went under my chin, forcing my attention back to him.

"Let's go get dinner, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Everything's gonna work out. Trust me."

"If you say so," I grumbled.

"It will. I promise."

My back shot straight and I stepped away from him.

Now he wanted to promise me something? After all of this time, I was just supposed to follow blindly? I don't think so.

"Don't, Carter. Don't make me promises. Just because we're going out to dinner doesn't mean I trust you. It doesn't mean I think we can be together. All this means is I'm polite and you tricked me into agreeing to go out with you and it would be rude to stand you up. We'll go on our date, but there's no guarantee you'll be getting a second one."

His face went funny and it was a weird mix of hard and trying to hold back a smile. Whatever he was thinking was annoying and I wasn't going to stand around and wait for him to explain.

It was time to go and get this night over with.

"Thanks." I heard from behind me and turned to watch a very tall, very pretty woman walk through the door Carter was holding open. She looked kind of familiar, but I couldn't place her.

The drive to the restaurant had been uneventful. Carter had talked about Triple Canopy and what his new job would entail. I was trying not to be irritated he was sharing freely. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. My brain understood this, but I was a woman, therefore logic flew out the window and I was getting annoyed.

At this point, I was beating a dead horse. It was bloody and mangled yet I wasn't ready to let it go. So the more he told me about the training he'd be in charge of the more annoyed I became. I'd wanted this for years. Years. Even a fraction of the details he'd given me in the car and I would've been happy. Which pissed me off, knowing I'd been willing to live off of scraps.

Carter mumbled a ‘you're welcome' to the woman and checked us in with the hostess, then led us to a bench to wait for our table.

The whole time I was thinking about how weak I'd been when it came to Carter. I didn't allow anyone else to walk on me, I had a quick temper, and was fast to stand up for myself. I wasn't a pushover. Knowing all of that brought me to one conclusion. Love made you stupid. And if that was the truth, I didn't think I wanted to ever be in love again. That was after I forced myself to fall out of love with Carter.

"Wow, this place is really busy," the woman Carter had held open the door for said, and sat down next to me.

"Best steaks around," I told her.

"Really? I'm new to the area. I was told they have the best burgers," she returned.

"Those, too. You can't go wrong, anything you get will be awesome."

"I'm Natalie." She stuck her hand out and smiled.

"Delaney. Nice to meet you. This is Carter."

He gave her a lift of his chin but made no move to shake her hand. It was a little awkward and a tad bit rude but Natalie didn't seem to mind and didn't miss a beat.

"It's beautiful here and everyone is so friendly. So much different than where I'm from," she continued.

"Where'd you move here from?"

"Chicago."

"Well, welcome to Georgia." I smiled.

"Thanks, happy to be here."

"Sir. Your table's ready," the hostess announced.

"Laney?" Carter stood and reached down to take my hand.

I thought about telling him I didn't need his help but my manners kicked in and I accepted his offer.

"It was very nice meeting you. Enjoy your dinner," I told Natalie.

"You, too."

Natalie glanced up at Carter then back to me. She was smiling, open and friendly but there was something else there I couldn't place.

We followed the hostess to our table and Carter pulled out my seat and helped me scoot in. The gesture both gentlemanly and annoying.

I should've had this all along.

Carter took his seat and the hostess left us to our evening.

"Well, she was nice," I commented.

"Who?"

"Natalie."

"She was desperate."

"What? That's not nice to say."

"Maybe not, but it's the truth."

"She was just friendly," I defended.

"No, baby, she was desperate. We sat down, and she came right to your side and took a seat. There were plenty of other places she could've waited, but instead she sat close. Then she talked your ear off."

"Carter, she didn't talk my ear off. I'm sure it's hard for you to understand because up until recently you've answered questions with the least amount of words possible and avoided anything that resembled conversation, but she was simply being nice."

The waiter coming to take our drink orders cut off Carter's retort. And by the way his eyes had narrowed I knew he was going to be bossy which led me to asking a lot of questions about the menu and the nightly specials. I did this long enough for the waiter to get fidgety and Carter to stare at me.

Whatever.

He could be as irritated as he wanted to be. It wasn't like I was trying to impress him nor was I trying to jockey for another date. As far as I was concerned Carter Lenox could suck it. I hadn't lied when I said this place had the best steaks in Georgia.

I was going to order the biggest one they had, and enjoy every bite. And if Carter sat across from me miserable it served him right. He wanted this, not me.