Chapter 10

10

I didn't use my five-hour drive wisely , as Carter had arrogantly suggested. I'd used it being pissed. I was nursing my anger, so I wouldn't forget what a bossy asshole he really was.

I mean, seriously, who says that? And it wasn't just one thing, it was all of it. Though, I had to admit, he'd been right about some of what he'd said. He never hid how he felt about me. But that only made it worse. I knew he loved me but he'd still leave. I knew our time together meant something to him, but he'd never fully open up.

The whole drive, Carter was never more than two car lengths behind me. He'd tailed me the entire time, never making a move to pass me, which I'm sure annoyed him, considering I drove much slower than he liked. I'd also pulled off the road four different times to use the restroom and pick up snacks. Something I normally wouldn't have done, but did it in an effort to further irritate him. None of those times had he gotten out of his truck or tried to talk to me. He'd pull into a parking spot next to me and watch.

Now I was pulling down my street and he didn't follow.

I told myself this was a good thing; he was giving me what I wanted and not coming over. I thought this while I'd unloaded my car, unpacked my bags, stood in my laundry room tossing my dirty clothes into the washer, and taking my makeup and hair crap back into my bathroom and placing it on the counter.

I continued to think this while I showered. It wasn't until I was pulling on a pair of shorts that I allowed myself to feel disappointment.

Once again, I was being stupid.

There was still a kernel of hope that we could finally have a chance at something more.

So stupid.

I finished getting dressed, grabbed my cell, and walked to my kitchen while I was dialing my parents' number.

I put the phone on speaker, placed it on the island, opened my fridge and started rooting through it in hopes I had something to make for dinner.

"Hey, sweetheart," my mom answered. "Are you home?"

"Hi, Mom. Just got in."

"Good. Did you have a nice time?"

I thought about her easy question but I didn't have an easy answer. Did I have a nice time? No. But then my trip to the beach wasn't meant to be. Did I find the peace I'd been after? That was a no, too. Had I come to the realization I'd never be at peace about the loss of my baby? Yes, I'd come to that heartbreaking conclusion.

"Yeah, it was great," I lied.

"Right," my mom whispered, knowing I wasn't telling her the truth.

I heard the front door open and the sound of keys jingling. Before I could get off the phone with my mom Carter came into view holding takeout bags and a six pack of my favorite beer.

This was seriously unfortunate because my mom kept talking.

"I heard Carter went down to talk to you. Your dad said that didn't go well."

"Um."

"He said when he and the guys found Carter he was in a bad way."

Carter's body locked and he stared at the phone.

"Um," I repeated.

"Have you talked to him?"

"Mom, can we talk about this later?"

I stepped toward my phone but Carter had set down the bags and snatched it up before I could. Asshole. We went into a stare down and I gave him my best dirty look. He smiled.

Double asshole.

"No, sweetheart, we can't. I've waited long enough to talk to you about him. I've watched and waited and hoped you'd come to me. You haven't. I've given you both privacy and respect to work out what you both needed but that's over. I know, sweetheart."

Carter's eyes held mine but now they were soft and understanding. As I waited to hear what my mother knew, I was statue still.

"I know how hard it is to love someone and know they're putting up walls. I almost lost your dad because of it. I pushed him and he walked out. Do you know who finally broke through and made your dad realize what he'd thrown away?"

"Mom, maybe we can talk about—"

"Your aunt Lily."

My eyes widened in shock.

"Mom! Car—"

"Actually," Mom spoke over me again and I reached for the phone but Carter stepped back. "Lily reminded your dad of something he told her when she left your uncle Lenox. When two people are destined to be together and share the love that you two have, there is no getting over the other person. That was what your dad told Lily and what Lily reminded him of the day he left me. So, sweetheart, I think it's pertinent that wisdom is passed down to you. I know it hurts. But, sweetie, you have to fight for him. He's his father's son. He's headstrong and stubborn." Carter shook his head at my mom's accurate description and I smirked. Take that jerk . "He's also the man who has loved you your whole life. And if I didn't truly believe that, I would've let your dad loose on him. If I didn't know the kind of love you have for him, the same love I have for your dad, I would've stepped in. All I want is for you to be happy. If that can't happen with Carter in your life, then move on, and we'll stand behind you. But before you make that decision, and fair warning, by what your dad said, Carter's on the war path to get to you. Think about what your dad said, think about the kind of love the two of you share. If your answer is you can live a happy life without him, then kick him out and move on."

Shit. Shit. Shit. What was I supposed to say to all that?

"And, Carter?" my mom called, making both of us jerk.

"Yeah?" he croaked.

"Do not make a liar out of me."

My mom disconnected and Carter tossed my phone on the counter.

Before I could recover, Carter did, and he moved toward me. "Take a chance, Laney. Please take a chance on me, on us, on the future you know we were destined to have. Start over with me."

"I need more than five hours," I told him.

"No, you don't. You need to go with your heart."

"And you need to stop telling me what I need to do," I snapped.

"Go with your heart."

"That hasn't worked out well for me, Carter."

"Go with it, Laney. Start over with me."

"What does that even mean? How do we start over?"

"Let me take you out on a date?"

"A date?" I sucked in a breath and reached for the counter, holding on to the edge so tightly my knuckles were turning white. And, yes, I knew I'd stopped the blood flow to my hand because I was staring at it unable to look at Carter.

"Will you go out to dinner with me?" he asked.

I couldn't help it, I really tried not to laugh at his preposterous question but I failed. My eyes closed and I cackled loud and long.

"So goddamn beautiful when you laugh."

My eyes flew open and he was in my space. One arm went around my lower back and he hauled me against him. The other went to the back of my neck and he gathered my hair into his hand and he pulled, tilting my face to his.

Holy hell.

Carter Lenox was hot. He'd been hot since he was thirteen. He became super-hot when he was sixteen and started working out. By the time I'd given him my virginity, which was the first time I'd seen him naked, he was crazy-hot. And over the years, he'd continued to work out, making his body even more muscular and that was when he became out-of-this-world hot.

So considering I'd always thought he was the sexiest man I'd ever seen, this new look he had going on, staring at me with an intensity I'd never seen coming from him, made him out of my league hot. He looked part badboy and part my Carter. This mix of the two was doing crazy things to my body. But then, him being close at any time had never failed to turn me on. I was conditioned. This was what always happened. All he needed to do was pull me to him, brush my hair away, and kiss the side of my neck and I was ready for him.

He didn't even have to work for it. Never had. Since the first time, I'd offered myself to him.

God, I was dumb.

"Please don't," I whispered as his mouth lowered to mine. "If you want us to start over, then you have to give me time. I need to think. And if I decide that's what I want to do, I don't kiss on the first date, so that means I really don't kiss before that date even happens."

He smiled a huge grin and I started to rethink asking him not to kiss me. He let go of my hair and stepped back, but stayed close.

"You don't kiss on the first date?"

"Nope."

"How many dates do I need to take you on before I get your sweet mouth?"

"At least ten."

"Two," he countered.

"Five," I returned.

"Deal. Five it is. I'll pick you up tomorrow at six." He kissed my forehead and walked out of the kitchen.

What the hell just happened?

"Carter? Wait."

"See you tomorrow at six, Laney."

The front door slammed shut and I stayed rooted in place, staring at the takeout bags and six pack of beer.

Seriously? What the hell happened?

"You busy?" I asked Mercy.

I was sitting on my couch in my mostly dark living room, the heels of my feet in the cushion, knees up and a bottle of beer in my hand.

"Never too busy for you. What's up? How was your beach vacation?"

On an exhale I filled my sister-in-law in. Mercy was the only person other than Carter who'd known I was pregnant. She and I had bonded in a way that no one else in my life could understand. Not only had she been there when Derek Lowe had kidnapped me, she'd willingly given herself to him in an effort to save me. And he'd almost killed her.

She saved my life that horrible day—unfortunately before she'd killed him, he'd already killed my baby. When we were in the hospital and the loss was so overwhelming, I went to her and shared. I did it because I had to tell someone and she was the only person I could turn to.

"Wow," she said when I was done.

"Wow doesn't help, Mercy. What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to believe everything he's saying. Do a happy dance. He's finally offering me what I've always wanted. I want to ride off into the sunset with him and have my happily ever after."

And that was the truth. I wanted to believe we could be together. But the last eight years of rejection were fresh. And I didn't think I'd be able to put it behind me and trust him.

"You know, when Jason first told me about you and Carter, I thought he was an asshole. I think I even told your brother that you should kick him to the curb. You're too beautiful, too sweet, too good to be waiting for a man to pull his head out of his ass. Then what happened with the baby. I'm sorry to bring it up, I've never lost what you have, but, honey, it was more than just you having a miscarriage.

"I felt it when you came into my room and held onto me. It was pouring out of you. And what I was feeling was Carter. How much you loved him, how much you needed him, and how much you loved that precious baby the two of you made. You and Carter—that's what I felt."

Damn, she was perceptive. She was right. That day when I was holding onto her like a lifeline I was grieving all things Carter.

"But he wasn't there."

"No, he wasn't. But, Delaney, he wasn't out fuckin' about with his friends, leaving you to it. He was deployed. I started to understand in the hospital how much you loved him. When I saw him at Nick and Meadow's house, and you didn't see it because you were already out the door, all I saw was concern and love. Then when you bolted, confusion and hurt." Mercy paused then went on. "That night after I got you sorted and went home, Carter was at my house talking to your brother. I was fully prepared to tell him to screw off. But I couldn't. He was a mess and begging me to tell him what was wrong. Outside of Jason I've never seen a man look so devastated. I understood then how much he truly loved you and he was struggling. I don't agree with what he's done, being stupid and pushing you away. But, honey, I understand."

"You never told me he was there," I accused.

"No, I didn't. And I've never told you I've heard Jason on the phone with him. When you won't answer, he calls your brother to check on you."

"But why now? How can I trust him?"

That was a huge issue for me. What if we started over and he pulled away again? I wouldn't survive him leaving me. Not again.

"Can't answer the why now," she told me, then asked, "Why did your brother fight his feelings for me, then decide to be with me, then leave me and break my heart, only to want me back?"

"Not the same thing. Jason pulled his head out of his ass within weeks. Carter's had eight years."

And I wasn't going to mention my brother's head was screwed up after his first wife died of cancer. It wasn't only Mercy he'd cut out—for two years he'd stayed locked in his head and refused to allow any of us to get close. Then he found Mercy, and she worked miracles and gave my brother something so special he'd come back to the living.

"You're right; you and Carter have been dancing around this a long time. But when Jason came back, I had to trust him that he wouldn't leave me again. Let me ask you this, do you wanna hold on to your fear or do you want to be happy?"

"I…um…."

"Tuesday asked me that same question. Then I returned the favor when she wouldn't let Jackson in. Now I'm asking you. Think about it, will you regret not giving the two of you the chance to find happiness? In a year from now will you be lying in your bed wondering what if?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Then take the chance."

"But—"

"No buts. Go slow, go smart, go with your heart. Just take the chance. He loves you, Delaney. I wouldn't be giving you this advice if I didn't know it."

"I don't think Carter wants to go slow and I don't think I can," I blurted out.

"I didn't really think slow was an option. I've seen Carter." She giggled. "Tuesday also told me if Jason hurt me again, she'd buy a pig farm in Montana and feed your brother to her swine. Just thinking out loud, Carter may be a little more difficult to take down, but I think we could do it."

"Thanks," I whispered.

It felt good to talk to Mercy. I had a lot of friends, most of them through work, none of them I could talk to about this. I loved my little sisters, but I hadn't been honest with them about Carter over the years and they wouldn't understand without a weeklong explanation about the last eight years.

"This is what friends do. What family does. I'm always here to listen," she returned. "So you gonna go for it?"

"He's picking me up tomorrow at six for our first date."

My declaration was met with Mercy's very loud laugh. It took her a minute to recover and while she was belting out her hilarity I sat back and smiled.

I still wasn't a hundred percent sure about Carter's crazy plan, but what I was sure about was, if I didn't take the chance not only would I be lying awake in my bed one year from now, I'd regret it for the rest of my life.