Chapter Eight

A lice had half-hoped she would be sacked after the incident at Sydney Gardens. At least she would be free to begin a torrid affair with the man who made her body sizzle like a rasher of bacon in a hot pan.

She sighed at the thought of how she’d tingled when he kissed her and of wanting him to do it again. Had she learned nothing from her previous disregard for propriety and her foolish wildness?

However, lessons continued as usual, and although Susanne gave her a nettled glare when they encountered one another in passing, nothing else changed.

While taking her break and strolling through Bath’s bustling avenues, Alice’s discontentment in her usual mundane practices made her realize everything had changed. For one, her thoughts were constantly on Lord Diamond, how he had held her when she’d cried and the way he’d taken the blame for their indiscretion, making sure her reputation hadn’t suffered.

And secondly, when she went to bed at night, she contemplated the profoundly different life she might have had over the past few years if he’d been her husband and not Richard. When she awakened, she felt a sense of disappointment, knowing her chance at happiness had been wasted on such an undeserving man.

In truth, she didn’t know Lord Diamond well, but he’d already shown more good character during their short acquaintance than Richard ever had. Apart from the ill-advised, spontaneous kissing!

As she left her favorite shop with not only fine instruments but also the best selection of sheet music, she startled. Lord Diamond was waiting outside. And she knew he was waiting for her, obviously not conducting any shopping of his own.

“How did you know where I was?” Alice asked, resigned to the fact that he was interested in her, only hoping she could navigate the situation without detriment.

“I followed you,” he confessed, looking proud of himself. “It was easy. You mostly only go to two places, either here for musical accoutrements or to the Lilliput Alley bakery for Sally Lunn buns. Shall we go there next?”

“We cannot go anywhere together.”

“I know that ought to be the case, but I cannot fathom why. You are not a debutante with an anxious mother, nor are you a titled lady with a lady’s maid trailing behind. You are an independent woman, which is the most glorious creature imaginable.”

Was he mocking her? She thought not. He was being arguably more honest than any man she’d ever known. However, because she had no family or chaperone, that was all the more reason she had to protect herself.

“Regardless of my station in life, I must preserve my reputation, perhaps with even more vehemence. Otherwise, the fall is too easy and swift.”

“The fall?” he asked.

Lord Diamond was walking beside her despite her having intended to put him off.

“Yes, the fall into disgrace.” Alice knew all too well the perilousness of letting down one’s guard, especially for a handsome man.

Instead of taking her seriously, this particular handsome man smiled, then asked, “And would a delicious bun shared with me truly lead to disgrace?”

He had no idea, she thought. For indeed, it might. One thing often led to another, at least in her experience.

“I believe I deserve a reward from you.”

“I beg your pardon,” she said. What was he on about?

“You said it was unseemly to appear to have designs upon Lady Susanne while actually wishing to spend time with you, and thus I told her forthrightly that I shall not be courting her.”

Again, Lord Diamond had shown his honest and good nature. But being seen with a nobleman was dangerous for many reasons she couldn’t tell him.

“I am still a governess while you are a titled lord.”

He sighed. “We cannot change who we are, Mrs. Malcolm.”

She flinched slightly, but he continued without noticing, and they turned onto Lilliput Alley.

“And in all the annals of time, I am sure some other nobleman shared a Sally Lunn bun with a member of the middle class without the world breaking apart.”

With that, he held open the door to the bakery. “And since we are already here, what is the harm?”

Alice peered inside, hoping not to recognize any of the patrons, just as she hoped every day. But it was worse if she seemed to be accompanied by Lord Diamond. People would see her differently. They might look twice. They might remember her from her old life.

Yet since she was causing more commotion by blocking the entrance, she went inside, breathing in the tempting aroma of warm bread. At the busy counter, they placed their order, which Lord Diamond paid for. With their purchase in hand, they strolled east toward a grassy spot by the River Avon and found an empty bench. Then silence fell while his lordship opened the bakery bag, offering her the sack to help herself.

After stripping off her right glove, she took one out but felt a little odd eating outside with him.

Undaunted, Lord Diamond, with both gloves off, drew out a still-warm Sally Lunn and bit into it. He sighed, as Alice had done the first time she’d tasted one.

“Chewy and light, a little sweet,” he remarked. “It’s rather perfect, just like being with you.”

It would be perfect if Alice weren’t terrified. Even if no one knew her as Lady Alice or Lady Fairclough, her employers might happen by. And being found in the company of a nobleman, even if only eating a bun, she knew it would not go well.

“I am nervous,” she confessed. “I know we middle class can mix with you nobs, but you were incorrect in your opinion that I am independent. I am securely bound by the expectations of Lord and Lady Beasley. And what they expect is a moral instructor for their girls.”

He nodded. “I promise not to kiss you here on the bench.” His tone was teasing.

She sighed, closing her eyes momentarily. She wanted to laugh, but it wasn’t funny. When Alice opened her eyelids, she fell into Lord Diamond’s deep blue gaze. His interest was obvious. She’d seen the look before.

In response, frustration and resentment swirled through her. Being restrained from doing what she wanted was still uncomfortable and unfamiliar, although the lesson wasn’t lost upon her. A little restraint ahead of time would have changed everything in her past.

On the other hand, she was already seated beside him and therefore decided to enjoy the moment. In any case, it was too late to go home and hide.

“These are best eaten sliced and buttered,” she said. “I often take them home to have with a cup of tea during my free time.” Then she finally took a bite.

“I won’t accompany you to Lord and Lady Beasley’s for butter or tea,” he said, “knowing how that would alarm you. I also promise not to ask any prying questions into your past.” This time, he spoke seriously.

“Thank you.”

“Then what shall we talk about?” he asked.

Alice blinked at him. How wonderful that he simply wished to converse with her. Most men wanted to dance, compliment, kiss, and then do more. Yet none she’d met had ever shown an interest in honest discourse.

“Tell me what brought you to Bath.”

To her surprise, he went a little pink in the cheeks before answering.

“Believe it or not, I am escaping my life in London.”

Her heart thudded painfully, having done precisely that herself, two years earlier.

“What do you mean?” In Lord Diamond’s case, he might be engaged, secretly married, or running from debt. All those thoughts flitted through her head before she quickly dismissed them. Lady Beasley knew his family and would not have allowed Susanne within a furlong of him if he was involved in any such miscreance.

“The young ladies of Mayfair have known me or known of me for a few years, ever since I escorted my sisters to public events. Some families seem to have put me on a list of possible suitors.”

Alice couldn’t help pointing out the obvious. “Quite high on the list, I would imagine.”

“Indeed, whether I wish it or not,” he said. “And I do not.”

“Why?” She knew she was being a nosy-poke, but didn’t most men want the attention and obvious flummery of pretty ladies?

“They were all of a kind, like Lady Susanne.” Immediately the words were out of his mouth, he gaped. “I cannot believe I just said anything so ungentlemanly, offensive, and...”

“Honest,” Alice supplied when he trailed off, looking chagrinned. “I cannot speak for the other ladies you’ve met, but Lady Susanne seems younger than her years and has a stubbornness set against filling her mind through literature, history, or music.”

He nodded sagely, clearly unwilling to say anything else that even hinted of a derogatory insult. She liked that about him.

“And yet, if I may point out, you are amongst the same sort of people here in Bath. You came calling at the Beasleys’ home, and you went to a ball.”

“I have also attended a few dinner parties,” he told her.

“To what aim, my lord, if you wish to remove yourself from the marriage-minded females?”

“Not all of them,” he said. “Only the pushy London ones. I would like a wife in the not-too-distant future, and where else can I look if not at balls and in the homes of the quality folk?”

Alice supposed he was correct, and yet there he was, on a bench with her, seemingly a lowly governess.

As if reading her thoughts, he added, “And in all the time I’ve been in Bath, I have enjoyed your company most of all. In fact, after I saw you on the street and returned your package to you, I began to search for the mysterious lady , which, in answer to your question, was why I was out in the small Season, attending dinner parties with strangers.”

Alice had not expected such a confession. He’d been searching for her! Yet that was precisely the type of statement Richard would have made to press his case and make her think his devotion was genuine. Having been such a fool once, it was difficult to believe another man with an equally smooth tongue.

And thus, she quelled her blossoming enthusiasm for Lord Diamond. Or tried to.

Adam couldn’t believe how thrilled he was to eat Sally Lunn buns. And it wasn’t because of their soft texture and lightly sweet goodness, reminding him of a French brioche. Rather, the simplest pleasure of sitting on a bench by a river had become extraordinary for doing it with Mrs. Malcolm. The only thing blighting his satisfaction was having promised not to pry.

Her romantic past did not matter greatly, but he wanted to know more of her previous life. If he was going to stretch the boundaries outside the usual sea of females in which he fished in order to pursue her, which he had all but decided to do, then he wanted some assurance. Even if they were merely going to have a secret affair, she needed to be of sound mind, free from any ties to nefarious individuals, and of acceptably virtuous character. The latter meant willing to cavort in his bed while not simultaneously doing the same in anyone else’s.

He would wager his last farthing she was all three. Still, it would be reassuring to hear from her own lips. Thus, after his last bite, he deigned to ask a personal question.

“How did you meet your husband?”

She frowned over the rim of her cup. Then she set it down.

“I thought you weren’t going to ask personal questions.”

“I answered yours,” he pointed out.

“You didn’t have to,” she said. “You chose to. I choose not to.”

“But why? I am honestly curious as to where a governess goes to meet a man, even a dastardly bastard of a man, and get engaged.”

“I see. Your question is to satisfy your idle curiosity.”

He couldn’t tell her it was nothing of the sort without alarming her, but it wasn’t idle at all. Instead, it was searing, meaningful, determined curiosity. Where had she been when she’d spied Mr. Malcolm? What had drawn her to him if he was such a wretch?

Mostly, he wondered how he could feel jealous of a dead man, especially one whom she seemed to despise.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he finally conceded in the long hesitation. “It is only my wish to know you better, and what happened in the past has a bearing on who you are now, whether we will it or not.”

She took in a deep breath. “Very well. We met at a dance, just like where those of you in the wealthiest classes meet. He saw me first, as I recall. He asked for the honor of a dance. He....” She hesitated, then lifted her chin slightly and looked Adam in the eyes.

“He distracted me with pretty words and flummery. I was na?ve but didn’t realize it. I thought I knew as much as any worldly woman. I was wrong.”

The topic had made her morose, but he had successfully started her talking now, so he continued with another question.

“You were at a public dance, one for which you bought a ticket, I assume.” He didn’t think either the deceased Mr. Malcolm nor the female seated before him could have been at a private ball attended only by the wealthy or the powerful. He tried to imagine the throng of store clerks and shopgirls dressed in their Sunday best. Alice would stand out with her beauty, her learning, and the cultured manner she had.

“After dancing together, you decided to allow his courtship. Is that correct?” he asked.

She merely frowned, and he sensed there was more to the story she would not disclose. At least, not then and there.

“And did your parents approve? Where are they now? Why didn’t you stay in London after you became widowed?”

“Those are many questions, my lord. How did you know I met my husband in London?”

“Lady Beasley told me where you came from before you arrived in Bath. I assumed if you’d come from there, then you might have lived there, too.”

“You are correct. I did. My parents left for the Continent soon after my husband died. As to your last question, I needed to earn a living, so I came here to Bath for a fresh start.”

“Because of Northanger Abbey ?”

“Yes. It had captured my imagination early in my life, so why not here?”

“Many women would have thrown themselves upon the mercy of Her Majesty’s government. We have programs for destitute widows.”

She made a face at the words he’d chosen. “That sounds like giving up,” she said, her voice soft. “The way ladies of your class often seem to do — stay home and do nothing, earn nothing, and be nothing.”

The women he knew, at least in his family, lived full lives with a husband and children to look after, charities to run or assist, and personal interests of their own, be it art, music, gardening, or science. Thus, he thought she was being a little harsh on an entire class of people she actually knew nothing about, only surmising.

On the other hand, for her own life, she was pragmatic and industrious — both admirable traits. He supposed if he persisted and asked more about her courtship and marriage, it would in truth be mere curiosity, unworthy of him despite how much he wished to know.

Besides, the future was what was important, even if for them, it could only last until the autumn.

“You’re smiling broadly, my lord. Is it the quality of the Sally Lunns?”

“Naturally,” he said. “What else could make this the best bun of my entire life?”

Her cheeks became rosy again, and Adam’s heart squeezed. She was not immune to him. And he was captivated by her. After the few times he’d been in her company, with their interesting discussions and capped by the most titillating kisses, he had decided he would pursue her and do so with bold keenness, as he had that day.

Pushing aside his previous inclination to leave her alone, noblesse oblige and all that nonsense, he gave in to his more ignoble instincts only because she seemed as affected by him as he was with her.

“Are you sometimes lonely, Mrs. Malcolm?”

“What an impertinent question!” But she hadn’t raised her voice to cause a scene, so he continued.

“I only ask because we get along well and share a similar outlook upon many things, indicating our compatibility. Also, if I am not mistaken, in all frankness which I think you’ll appreciate, we are attracted to one another in the physical sense.”

This time, her cheeks went scarlet, but she did not stand up and walk away, so he hoped he was correct. Naturally, he would never have such a candid conversation with any lady of his acquaintance, but he didn’t think Alice would be so delicate or easily offended. He couldn’t imagine her needing smelling salts or having a fit of hysteria, either. She was made of stronger stuff.

“I understand what you are saying,” she responded in a quiet voice. “You are making a proposition to me to keep company.”

“Keep company,” he repeated. Was that her euphemism for swiving? Because above all, he desired to roll her under him, bare her bountiful breasts, and take them both on a journey of sweat-inducing, tremor-causing pleasure. “Yes,” he said, hoping she agreed as readily, “until such time as I must return to London.”

“While I appreciate your offer,” she said politely, and he knew she was going to turn him down, “I cannot risk my position.”

It was that simple. He could offer payment that would equal her governess’s salary, but he knew enough about her not to make such a crass mistake. Besides, that would leave her in the lurch, without employment, when he left for home.

Thus, the only way to get past her objection due to her station as a governess was to remove the impediment entirely. While he considered that, she chewed another bite.

“Our conversation ought to have remained firmly in the present,” Alice said. “Do you know about Solange Luyon, a young Huguenot refugee and skilled baker? Somehow, she became Sally Lunn after coming to Bath in 1680. The story is that she was escaping persecution in France.”

He shook his head. “Is that true?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Some say these buns are actually named for sol et lune, French for sun and moon .”

“Strangely, I prefer to think of a real person baking these,” he mused, peering into the bag where two buns remained.

Alice chuckled. “Regardless of the name’s origin, my lord, I assure you that a real person baked these.” She rose to her feet. “I should be getting back now, but it has been an interesting diversion.”

“I will escort you home,” Adam offered, also rising.

“No, thank you. That would be unwise. I wouldn’t want to run into... anyone.”

He knew she was nervous about being seen with him, and thus, he would respect her wishes, at least for the time being. If only they could have had a moment truly alone.

Not that he was overly confident of his prowess, but she seemed to become more pliable, soften toward him, seem even to understand the depth of their connection whenever he touched her. It certainly reinforced the sense of rightness he felt in pursuing her.

Unfortunately, he had to let her go. After walking beside her for a few yards, he bid Alice good day. The lingering look they exchanged assured him she would welcome seeing him again.