Chapter 28

28

Perrie

Gently, I trace my name on Ollie’s chest as he sleeps.

His right arm is tightly around me, his head tilted to the side, and I take in his features. His lips are parted a little, stubble lining his jaw, and long lashes fan his sharp cheekbones.

The man is a work of art.

The urge to cut has diminished, the memories vanishing. Ollie brought me back to his place, and did as he promised, though giving me four orgasms didn’t seem much of a punishment to me, but, if anything, he got me out of my head.

I raise my hand and gently trace my finger along his bottom lip.

It’s seven in the morning, and I’ve barely slept, yet I feel content….

For as long as I can remember, even when I distanced myself from him, Ollie has been my safe place, and I know I’m his.

“Is it a stalkerish move to watch someone sleep?” Ollie mumbles, a smile tilting his lips before he nips the tip of my finger, making me smile slightly.

He turns, looking at me. I gently place my hand on his jaw, my thumb rubbing the stubble, as I admit, “Not if the person is scared and wants to soak this in….”

And I am scared. I’m scared he’ll leave me again, that I’ll be that girl sitting on the diner counter, vulnerable and alone as he runs. I’m scared he’ll realize he can do so much better than a cutter with no college education, and who needs to fight to handle the pain.

His dark green eyes race between mine, his brow furrowed as he reads my face. Suddenly, he tightens his arm around me and forces me on top of him, making me gasp in shock.

Ollie wraps his arms around me, forcing my legs to either side of his waist and with my chest flat against his. I smile at the closeness and cross my arms over his chest, and rest my chin on them to look at him.

“Talk to me, Tinker,” he demands softly, gently running his finger in small circles at the base of my spine, and I sigh in contentment.

I guess it’s time to get everything off my chest….

“I love you,” I say after a few minutes of chewing my bottom lip, and his eyes soften. “Since we first met, I knew you’d become someone to me. That stubborn, angry boy instantly burrowing into my heart.” He smiles. “As I grew up, you were my light…so when I kissed you, and you turned me down, I won’t lie, it hurt, and I didn’t think about the fact you were eighteen, and I was underage. I was someone hurting from her father’s death, and I thought you didn’t feel the same way, that I wasn’t good enough….”

He sighs. “Perrie…there wasn’t anything more that I wanted than to hold you and never let you go.”

I hum and admit, “I know that now, but back then, I was a sixteen-year-old pulling away from her crush so she didn’t lose him as her friend. I was so embarrassed by my actions, and I-I, God, I guess I didn’t read the room. I didn’t see what I meant to you, and I know if I had fought for you back then, you would have given in….”

He snorts. “Given in? Nah, I would have tied you to my bed and never let you go.”

I grin at his words before kissing his chest where my name is, and then look back at him.

“When Cass left, I went to The Fight for the first time in months because I wanted to cut badly and was trying to stop. It was then the Aldo brothers raped me.” Ollie tenses, but I continue, giving him what he needs, “They weren’t happy that I beat them, that they lost money, so they both ganged up on me in the changing rooms. I tried to fight back, even when Franky tore me….”

“Tinker…” Ollie chokes.

I shake my head. “You need to know everything, Ollie, just like I know nearly everything about you. I think that’s why my nightmares came back.”

He sighs, tightening his hold on me, and rasps, “Alright.”

I give him a sad smile. “I tried to call you that night, Ol, but you didn’t answer.” He flinches. “That’s when I decided the only person I could count on was myself, and completely pulled back from everyone.” I take a deep breath and admit, “It took me a few years to do it, but I got the courage to get my revenge on Austin and Franky so that they couldn’t hurt another girl. After the abortion, it was the only thing I could think of. I hid in the hallway before I jumped out on Franky first, and stabbed him, before hiding again, and doing the same to Austin.”

“Fuck, Tinker,” Ollie whispers with pain.

Tears blur my eyes as I admit, “I ran outside afterward and vomited behind the dumpster.” I sniffle. “I changed that night, Ol. I became hard and cold, and for a while, I was trying to get better, trying to allow a man to take me, even if it was just from behind.” Ollie scowls, and I grin. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Ol.”

He shrugs. “Don’t care if I am one. I don’t like the thought of anyone touching you.”

I smirk. “And how do you think I felt after hearing you screwed my so-called friend a week after you screwed me on the diner counter?”

He narrows his eyes and growls, “I was drugged!”

I hum and ask, “And you had an idea you were, right? When you woke up?”

He looks at me skeptically but nods. “I did, yeah.”

I raise a brow and state, “Then you could have told me the truth instead of allowing me to believe you slept with her, had gotten her pregnant, instead of using her lies to keep me at a distance.” Ollie groans. I laugh a little before admitting, “After Canine killed her, Piston did some digging, something he hadn’t done other than her medical records. Her father had cut her off. From the day we met, he made it perfectly clear she had to work for what she wanted because she’d become bratty and spoiled, and she didn’t like that.”

“She was hoping your mom would convince him to give her money?” Ol asks as he glides his fingers lightly up and down my spine.

I shake my head. “No, she was hoping Mom would give her the money he was giving her instead by guilt tripping her for breaking up her parents’ marriage, which is what she did with Dad’s money, not wanting to waste her lover’s. But when mom started saying she couldn’t take any more money because Dad was becoming suspicious, bills were not getting paid?—

the mortgage, the water, heating—Andrea then planned to get her father and my mom together to get her way. She’s the one who told Dad about Mom’s affair. Piston found proof on her phone, a message she sent Dad with a picture.”

“Fucking bitch,” Ollie mumbles, and I smile.

I’m glad she did it because then Dad knew what kind of wife he had….

“We’re getting a little off track here,” I say, and he grins before I admit, “I didn’t have feelings for Coby.” Ollie’s grin disappears, a scowl replacing it, but I ignore it and continue, “I was using him, but he knew the deal. I didn’t want a relationship; heck, a man’s hands on me made my skin crawl. I could barely get wet, and if I did, it was just my body’s natural reaction. I couldn’t orgasm, and I was using him to try and get there, but I never could.” I take a deep breath. “I’d ended things with him before you and I slept together. He started getting clingy and wanted more, like the guy before him. I told him about the rape and to move on. He started showing up out of the blue and was stalking me after months of silence.” My eyes race between Ollie’s as I admit, “He’s the one who put the notes on my car.”

His jaw ticks, and he mumbles, “I should have tortured him longer….”

I snort, then gently trace my name again, his fingers still moving along my spine, setting a fire deep inside me.

“The first orgasm I nearly had was with you,” I admit, not looking up. “It was on the counter, and it scared me. It was the first time I got wet from arousal, the first time I didn’t panic with a man's hold in my hair, the first time I didn’t care that a body was pressed up against mine….” My eyes stay focused on the tattoo. “I got in my head when I realized I wasn’t freaking out, which is why I told you to pull out and come in the condom before I had a chance to orgasm….”

Ollie gently cups my jaw, and lifts my face to look at him.

“You’re scared I’m going to leave you, aren’t you?” he asks, and my tears fall.

He wipes them away before he sits up slightly, bringing me with him. Cupping my jaw now with both his large, rough hands, he states, “I love you, Perrie. I know I fucked up over the years, I know I should have told you about Andrea and my suspicions, and I know I should have tried to let you in sooner regarding my past, but honestly, I thought I could cope with just being in your life as a friend, that I could watch you fall for someone else and start a family…until it suddenly consumed me, and I realized I couldn’t.” He gently pecks my lips. “You, Tinker, are the reason why I got help, so I can overcome the fear, the pain, so that I could be with you.”

His eyes race between mine before he admits, “You are my life, Perrie Halliwell; you are the reason why I breathe, why I get up in the morning. Even when you distanced yourself from me, you were still my reason, and every day, I ended up at the diner so I could get a look at you….”

I sob and say, “Now that is stalkerish….”

He grins. “I don’t give a fuck because you’re mine, sweetheart, you always have been.” He rubs his thumb over my tears. “I want you to see someone, Tinker, to help unravel your past, your trauma.” I open my mouth to decline, but he kisses me to silence my words, then mumbles against my lips, “I think it would do you good, Tinker, just like it has for me. It made me realize you are my reason to heal. Give it a go, and if you hate it, I’ll ask Nat to be your go-to listener, but honestly, I think you’ll flourish with professional help.”

My eyes race between his, and I see his sincerity. He really does believe this would do me good.

“You’ll go with me?” I ask, and he nips my bottom lip as I feel his member twitch beneath me, making my stomach clench.

I may be sore, but not sore enough not to have him again.

“I’ll be at every single session, and whether that’s in the room or the waiting area, I will always be there for you,” he promises, and more tears fall.

Giving him a slight nod in agreement, he grins and kisses me hard before rolling us so I’m underneath him, and his member slides into my entrance with ease, my walls fluttering as he bottoms out.

I gasp, breaking the kiss, and he grins. “Now that we’ve got the serious stuff outta the way, I believe it’s time to convince you to move in with me….”

My eyes widen in shock before he pulls out of me, only leaving the tip in, then slams forward, making me gasp then moan as his lips press against mine, and all thinking stops, only him and his body centering me.

My tongue meets his as his hips move soft and slow, sending delicious shivers over my body.

We make up for lost time, not leaving the bed for the whole day. After that, he does as he said he would, moving me in while I was working, like the jackass he is, though he is my jackass.

We’re two broken people who have come together, healing each other, and I’m a lucky woman who gets to call him mine.