37. Chapter 29

I'm waiting in front of Brie"s house so that I can talk to her as soon as she gets home. I need to explain, or try to. She's still not home from school yet, but I couldn't wait another minute. I need to get my head together. I can't focus on anything, and I have been mindlessly walking through every task today.

How am I going to explain something that I don't even know what it is?I don't know, but I know I need to try. I'm not going to let her go without a fight, not when I just got her.

I turn my head at the sound of a car door closing, and look up to see Brie. She meets my gaze and I can see some bags under her eyes. My heart clenches at the knowledge that those are because of me.

"Hi," she says with a shaky smile, then quickly looks away as she starts to walk toward her house. "What are you doing here?"

I push off of my car, move to follow her, and meet her before she passes in front of my truck. I hold out a cup of coffee that I brought for her. My heart races, and I feel as if I just ran a quarter mile sprint. I'm even starting to sweat.

"I want to talk to you. No. I need to talk to you."

She pauses, takes the coffee and looks at me. In her gaze I see a glimpse of something before she shuts it down.

"Thanks," she says, raising the cup in gratitude, and starts heading back toward her house. Over her shoulder, she throws at me, "I don't think we need to say anything, do we? I mean this was just for show and to help you get back into the good graces with the team. It worked, right?"

When I snort, she looks at me again, this time with confusion on her face. "I guess it's safe to say you didn't watch the game." She shakes her head. I look down and mumble, "Or the press conference."

I rub my hand over my face as the hope I had of Brie hearing the guys drains from my body. When I lift my head, she's already moving up the stairs. I trot after her, taking the steps two at a time, and put myself between her and the front door, blocking her. She looks at me with an open mouth.

Brie is about to see the Josh Owens determination that all the scouts and coaches talk about, focused entirely on her. This version of her in front of me needs to be confronted, otherwise she will lock me out. She's already doing it. It's in every movement of her body. It's palpable. I am willing to put it all on the line for this woman. If I don't, I will lose her.

"I'm so sorry," I say, bending my knees to reach her eye level. "You have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you—at least, I hope you do."

She nods, and I take a deep breath trying to control the pounding in my chest.

"And yes, this thing between us…" I motion between us with my hand, "was supposed to be fake, but I think we both know now that it never really was."

"Josh—"

I cut her off and keep going. "Brie, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you most of my life, but I never realized it. Maybe I did subconsciously, I don't know. But I do know that getting the chance to spend time with you without Susie, has made it easy for me to see how much I look forward to talking to you, laughing with you, and teasing you. Everything and anything with you because it feels like you're finally mine."

Her mouth is hanging open and I keep going because now that I'm being honest with myself and her, I can't stop the flood of words falling from my mouth.

"I think the only reason I let Finn talk me into the fake dating thing was because it gave me the opportunity to do something I always wanted to do, but never let myself actually want." I stop when she puts her palm on my chest and my heart pounds against my rib cage at her touch. It's so strong that I'm positive there's no way she doesn't feel it. She pulls her hand back with a jolt. I watch the emotions run over her face and impatiently wait for her response.

"I—I don't know what to say." I open my mouth to speak, but she jumps in before I get anything out. "It's too much for me to process right now, Josh. It's too big. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head back and forth, and I watch as tiny bricks stack one by one around her body. She's shutting me out. My heart sinks, and my stomach swirls when her eyes meet mine. Her eyes are shuttered and hard.

"I understand," I push the words out. "I'm sure my feelings, and yours, bring up a lot of emotions for you."

Her eyes soften for a moment, and then I see the wall go back up. My shoulders droop a bit as I realize that this battle is lost. I step aside and let her go to her door.

"Brie?" The words squeak past my lips. When she glances over her shoulder at me, I see clearly how it is taking every ounce of her to hold her emotions in check, and I want nothing more than to comfort her. "I don't want to lose your friendship."

Relief floods her face as she whispers, "Neither do I."

She doesn't take her gaze off mine, and time freezes as we stand there looking at each other. A zing shoots through my body, and I have to pin my arms to my side to keep them from pulling her to me and whispering that there isn't anything we can't work through. Instead, I force myself to blink and break the spell between us.

"Good," I whisper back. "Thank you for listening to me. I appreciate it."

"Thanks for the coffee." She raises the cup, nods, and lifts the corner of her mouth. I try to get myself to turn around and head down the steps, but my feet are caught in quicksand. Again, neither of us moves, afraid of what happens next, and I search her eyes for any sign. For what exactly, I don't know.

Finally, I turn to go. I hear her stick the key into the door just as I remember the track and field event at her school, and my heart leaps at the opportunity to see her again.

"I will see you in a few days." When her eyebrows scrunch together, I smile at how adorable she is when she's confused. "At the track and field event for the kids."

"Oh yeah." She offers me a small smile."I had forgotten about that. The kids are going to love hanging out with all the players."

"Not as much as I will." I smirk, an idea has formed, and I know exactly what to do. I head down the steps whistling, leaving a very confused Brie behind me.

I don't know why, but knowing I have a time set in stone to see her again, where she can't cancel on me, gives me hope. My teammates, who know what didn't happen, will not let Brie shut them out. Unlike me, they will push Brie to hear the truth—that is if Finn or Tea Time don't get to the bottom of it first.

When I reach my truck, I turn back to look at Brie's house. She's still standing in front of an open door with her mouth in an ‘O'. I wink at her as I open the truck door and get inside. I see her snap her mouth shut, walk into the house, and shut the door without looking back at me. I can't stop myself from chuckling.

Nothing has changed since I pulled up to Brie's house earlier. I can't explain this feeling that everything will work out. Heck, I could be completely delusional. But for the first time I know, deep down, that this isn't the end of anything. Except for the fake dating part.

I pick up my phone and see a text from Finn.

Finn:I think I have some good news. Call me.

I hit the call button.

"Josh," Finn says excitedly. "You'll never believe what I have in my hands."

A full grin crosses my face, and my heart takes flight.