Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Kenzie

“I saw Maddie today,” Dan says, as he swipes through his phone.

I turn to face him on the couch. “Did you talk to her?”

“No. She was going in the library.”

“Maybe it’s time.”

“Time to what?” He sets his phone down and looks at me.

“Talk to her.”

“You told me to wait.”

“I think she’s had enough time to think it over. By now, she’s either realized she’s okay without you, or misses you and wants you back.”

“I’m worried it’s the first one. That she’s okay without me.”

“But you don’t know that. You have to find out for sure.”

The past few weeks, Dan and I have been talking about his ex-girlfriend Maddie and how he can win her back. We also talk about Jace and my feelings for him, feelings I can’t seem to get rid of.

I haven’t seen Jace much since that Sunday he went to Nikki’s house. For all I know, he’s seeing her again, or maybe he has someone else. I don’t ask, because I really don’t want to know, just like Dan doesn’t want to know if Maddie is seeing someone.

It’s great to have someone who understands what I’m going through. I’m really glad I met Dan. He’s become a good friend. We hang out so much that people assume we’re dating, but we’re not. We went on one date and realized there was nothing there. No spark. No chemistry. We even tried kissing but felt nothing.

We talked about it and decided it was because we’re in love with other people. If that wasn’t the case, maybe Dan and I would feel something for each other. He’s hot, so it’s not like I don’t feel an attraction to him. But the attraction doesn’t lead to a spark because my heart belongs to someone else. But that someone hasn’t shown even the slightest interest in me since the night we had sex. He barely even talks to me anymore.

I’m trying to accept that Jace and I just aren’t meant to be together, but my heart won’t let me. It keeps telling me to try again. Dan tells me that too. He’s trying to get me back together with Jace, and I’m trying to get him back together with Maddie. But as of yet, neither of us has taken any action.

“I can’t do it,” Dan says, rubbing the scruff along his jaw. “I can’t talk to her and risk having her reject me. Or worse, tell me she’s with someone else.”

“You can’t keep putting it off. We’ve already gone over what to say to her. You just need to do it. It’s possible she’ll reject you, but isn’t that better than going your whole life regretting the fact that you didn’t give it one last try?”

“But why would she want to get back together with me? Nothing’s changed. I’m still not ready to get married and have kids. If that’s what she wants, I can’t give that to her.”

“But you want that eventually, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“What if she wants to know when? Can you give her an answer? Like five years. Is that too soon?”

“Not at all. Five years would be great. I want kids while I’m still young. I just don’t want them in the next year or two.”

“But you never told Maddie this?” I grab my soda from the table and take a sip.

“No, because that’s not what she wants.”

I set my soda down. “See, this is where you went wrong. By not telling her what you want, she assumed you meant you didn’t want marriage and kids at all, or not until way off in the future. If you told her your timeline and explained why you want to wait, maybe she’d be okay with it.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t see her changing her mind.”

“You’ll never know until you talk to her. I bet she’d be willing to wait a few years to have kids if waiting meant she got to be with you.”

“If that were true, then why didn’t she just ask me about this, instead of breaking up with me?”

“She shouldn’t have to ask. You should’ve told her. When she explained why she didn’t see a future with you, that was your chance to tell her the future you both want isn’t that different. But you kept quiet so she left.”

“I’m such an idiot,” he mutters.

“So am I.” I sit back, folding my arms over my chest. “Jace gave me a chance to tell him how I feel and I blew it. I’m so stupid.”

“Sounds like he blew it too. If he wanted you to be more than a roommate, he should’ve told you, not kept quiet.”

“I think he tried to tell me, but I didn’t let him.”

“But that’s not your fault. Nikki called and interrupted him.”

“I could’ve talked to him later. Like that night, or the next day.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I was angry. I was angry he took off to be with Nikki after we’d just had a great night together. It made me think he’s not over her. If all it takes is one phone call for him to drop everything and do whatever she tells him, then what chance do Jace and I have as a couple? I don’t want to be his second choice. And I don’t want to date him and then have him go back to Nikki later.”

“But didn’t he tell you it was a mistake to go over there? That all they did was fight?”

“Yes, but that was their relationship. They fought all the time, and yet he stayed with her. It’s what he’s used to. So it’s entirely possible he’d go back to her.”

“Not if he had you.”

“But I ruined any chance of that happening. When he tried to talk to me, I pretended I’d moved on with you.”

“You used me,” he says, pretending to be annoyed.

“Not really. I mean, we did go on a date that week.” I pause. “But I guess I kind of used you later.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” He looks down at his phone. “I’m nervous about calling her. I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell her all the stuff you’ve told me. About how much you love her and want to be with her and can’t imagine your life without her. I know it’s scary telling her that, knowing she might reject you, but you have to do it. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to move on.”

He nods. “I know.”

“As for me, I think it’s too late.”

“Why? Haven’t you been telling me this whole time about how it’s never too late?”

“Yeah, but it’s different with Jace and me. You and Maddie were in an actual relationship. Jace and I never had that. We didn’t even get a chance to date. All we’ve ever been is friends.”

“You’re making excuses.”

“Excuses for what?”

“For why you can’t be with Jace. When the truth is, you’re just afraid you’ll get hurt again.

“I’m not afraid. Getting hurt is part of falling in love. I’ve accepted that. It’s not what’s keeping me from being with Jace.”

“Yeah, right. Having your heart broken by Liam didn’t affect you at all.”

I sigh. “Okay, fine, I’m afraid of being hurt again. But everyone is. It’s normal.”

“So you’re going to let fear get in the way of being with a guy who’s perfect for you?”

“How would I know if Jace is perfect for me? We’ve never dated.”

“Because you know what kind of person he is. You know the real Jace, and it’s all you’ve ever known. Unlike most relationships where people start out trying to impress the other person, doing things they’d normally never do, you and Jace started out as friends. You weren’t putting on an act or pretending to be someone else.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s perfect for me.”

Dan lets out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, I need to explain this a different way because you’re clearly not getting it.”

“Hey!” I smack his arm. “I’m not stupid because I don’t agree with you.”

“No, you’re stupid because you’re about to give up on the guy you should be with.”

I roll my eyes. “And you’re saying I should be with him why exactly?”

“Because the best relationships start out as friendships. And Jace isn’t just a casual friend. He’s the friend you go to when you need someone. The person you count on to always be there.”

“That’s not always going to be true. He’ll graduate and move away. Meet other people. Move on.”

“Only if you let him. If you really want to be with Jace, you need to tell him how you feel. You still have a chance with him. It’s not too late. You’ve told me that a million times when we talk about Maddie, and yet you won’t take the advice yourself.”

“Because I don’t trust how I feel. My head’s still messed up from Liam. How do I know what I’m feeling for Jace is real and I’m not just seeing what I want to see, like I did with Liam?”

“That’s easy. Just look at the past.”

“What do you mean?”

“From what you’ve told me, it sounds like Liam never did anything to show you that he loved you. He just said he did.”

“And I believed him.”

“That was your mistake. Without action, his words were meaningless. But with Jace, it’s different. Actually, it’s the opposite with Jace. His actions are there, but he’s missing the words. But he won’t say them because he thinks you just want to be friends.”

“What actions are you talking about?”

“He’s been showing you how he feels since the moment you met. Think about it. You met Jace when your heart had just been ripped to shreds. A lot of guys wouldn’t bother trying to make you feel better. They would’ve gone out that night and not even thought about you. But Jace took you out, then stayed up with you that night. He took action to make you feel better. And he kept it up, doing things for you to let you know he cares.”

“You’re right,” I say, thinking of all Jace has done for me.

“Actions say more than words. And Jace has shown you through his actions that he cares. That’s the guy you want. A guy who makes you feel better when you’re at your lowest. Who makes you smile when you didn’t think it was possible.”

I feel myself tearing up. “Okay, stop it. You’re making me sad. I already know Jace is that guy. I don’t need to hear you say it.” I wipe my eyes.

“If you already know, then stop wasting time. Talk to him. It’s not too late. Will he turn you down? Maybe, but it’s a risk you have to take. Just like me talking to Maddie. I’m scared to death to do it, but if I don’t, I’ll always wonder what might’ve been. We both need to take action. Otherwise, we’ll still be here talking about this months from now. And no offense but, even though I like hanging out with you, I’d rather be spending my time with Maddie.”

I smile. “No offense taken. But if you guys get back together, you better invite me to the wedding.”

“Well, obviously, given that you got us back together. We might even name our first born after you.”

“You should probably get Maddie’s okay on that, but it does seem appropriate given all the time I’ve spent listening to you talk about her.”

He laughs.

I lean over and give him a hug. “You’re a dork, but I’m gonna miss you when we can’t hang out anymore.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

I pull back from him and stand up. “I should go.”

“Are you gonna talk to Jace when you get home?”

“I’m not sure. I might wait until tomorrow.”

“Stop waiting and just do it.”

“You first. Go talk to Maddie.” I walk to the door. “Tell me how it goes.”

“Kenzie?”

I turn back. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.” He smiles. “You’re pretty cool for a girl.”

I roll my eyes, smiling. “Don’t ever say that to Maddie.”

On the drive back, I decide I’m going to do it. I’m going to talk to Jace when I get home. If I put it off until tomorrow, it may not happen. I’ll find another excuse for why I should wait.

I’ve put this off long enough. If Dan’s finally talking to Maddie, then I need to talk to Jace.

When I get to the house, I see his truck parked in the driveway. I go inside expecting to see him lying on the couch, watching TV. That’s what he usually does on Friday after class. I used to join him, and then later, we’d make dinner or go out. But we stopped doing that after we spent a night together. I wish things could go back to how they were, and maybe they will if our talk goes well.

“Jace?” I call out as I go in the house.

He doesn’t answer.

“Jace?” I say again. “Where are you?”

“He’s sleeping,” I hear a girl say.

I look down the hall and see Nikki coming out of Jace’s room.