Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

Kenzie

I wake up in Jace’s arms and notice the sun seeping through the blinds. How did it get to be morning? I must’ve fallen asleep after we had sex. I was exhausted after that, but in a good way. I was relaxed and all warm and tingly inside.

Last night was amazing. It could’ve been because we’ve denied ourselves for so long. The sexual tension between us has been building for weeks. Finally being able to do it made the sex ten times better. Or maybe it was us. Our undeniable chemistry. Our intense desire for each other. Knowing each other so well. Whatever the reason, it was a night I’ll never forget, but one that won’t happen again.

When I told Jace that what we did wouldn’t change our relationship, I thought he’d tell me I was wrong. I thought he’d say he wants to be more than friends. But instead, he was silent, which tells me he wants to go back to how things were before.

Maybe it’s for the best. After what I went through with Liam, I’m not ready to have my heart broken again. If we dated and it didn’t work out, I don’t think my heart could take it. It’d be so much worse than with Liam because my feelings for Jace are so much stronger.

I love Jace, more than I ever loved Liam. I loved him as a friend first, and now it’s become something more. But dating him means putting our friendship at risk. If we broke up, there’s a chance he’d no longer be part of my life. I can’t let that happen. He means too much to me. I think he feels the same way, which is why he didn’t disagree with me when I said things wouldn’t change between us.

Slowly and carefully, I move out of his arms and get out of bed.

“Stay,” he mutters. I look back and see his eyes fluttering open.

“I have to go.”

“Where? It’s Sunday.”

“I have to shower, then work on a paper.”

“Come on. Just a few more minutes?”

“I can’t. I really need to finish the paper.” I leave his room before I get back in bed with him. I’m really tempted to, but if we’re going back to how things were, I need to stay away from him.

Hurrying back to my room, I grab my robe and go in the bathroom to shower, making sure to lock the door that goes to Jace’s room. After the shower, I get dressed and go to the kitchen. Jace is there, making eggs with his infomercial skillet.

“This thing is amazing!” He moves a spatula around the eggs. “Nothing sticks to it. Even melted cheese comes right off.”

“You’re funny. I’ve never seen anyone get so excited about a pan.”

“It’s exciting because it actually works.” He divides the eggs between two plates and hands me one.

“Thanks.” I grab some forks from the drawer and join him at the breakfast bar.

“So,” he says, taking a fork and digging into his eggs. He takes a bite, not finishing his thought.

“Yeah?” I look down at my eggs, moving them around on my plate. I don’t want to talk about last night, but I get a feeling we’re going to.

“What do you think?” He shovels more eggs in his mouth.

“About what?”

“Last night.”

“It was great,” I say, assuming he’s referring to the sex.

“It was, but that’s not what I meant.” He keeps his eyes on his plate. “What you said last night. About things going back to how they were. Is that really what you want?”

I shrug. “We don’t really have a choice. If it doesn’t work out, I don’t have a place to—”

I’m interrupted by his phone ringing.

“Go ahead and get it,” I tell him.

He sends the call to voicemail and turns to me. “Finish what you were saying.”

“There’s nothing to say. We already agreed that we’d—”

“That was before. Now it’s different.”

“We both said we weren’t ready to get into another relationship. Even if the roommate thing wasn’t an issue, we both got our hearts broken and need time to heal. No relationships. It’s too soon. That’s what we said, right?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we can’t—” He stops as his phone rings again.

“You should answer that. It might be work.”

He checks to see who it is and sighs. “It’s Nikki.”

His phone stops ringing, but then starts up again.

“What the hell does she want?” Jace takes his phone and walks to the living room. I hope he doesn’t answer it. If Nikki’s calling, it means she either wants something from him or wants him back.

“Why are you calling?” Jace says.

I turn around and see him standing by the window, his phone to his ear. He’s looking out at the driveway. I hope she’s not out there.

“When did it happen?” he says, sounding concerned. “But you’re okay?” He turns and walks down the hall to his room. His door closes and I can’t hear him anymore.

Before Nikki called, it sounded like Jace might be changing his mind about the no relationship rule. Is that really what he wants? If so, then maybe I should stop worrying about what would happen if we broke up and just be with him. I didn’t think he wanted that, but if he does, I’m all in.

“I have to go,” he says, racing back to the living room, hurrying to put on his leather coat.

“Where are you going?”

“Nikki’s apartment.”

“Why?” I get up and meet him at the door.

“There was a fire at her place last night.”

“Was she hurt?”

“No, she got out in time, but there’s smoke damage so she can’t stay there.”

I raise my brows. “You’re not letting her stay here , are you?”

“No, she’s staying with a friend.” He opens the door. “I’m gonna run over to her apartment and help her move her bed and some other stuff with my truck. I won’t be gone long.”

“You’re helping move her stuff? Isn’t that something her boyfriend should do?” I hear the anger in my voice and realize I sound like a jealous girlfriend. But I’m really just being a friend, looking out for Jace, because I know Nikki is up to something.

“Carter broke up with her,” Jace says. “They had a fight last night and he ended things with her. I need to go. I told her I’d be there in a few minutes.”

He turns to leave, but I grab his arm. “Jace, stop. You can’t do this. You can’t go running to her whenever she calls. She hurt you. She cheated on you. Why the hell would you help her?”

“Because she needs it. And because I used to care about her.” He sighs and looks down. “I know it’s hard to understand but—”

“I do understand. You used to love her, and maybe part of you still does, which makes you want to help her. I feel the same way. If Liam asked me to help him, I’d be tempted to do it. But I wouldn’t, because I know it would only hurt me more to get involved with him again, even as a friend.”

“It’s not like that. I’m just helping her move a few things. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. If you do this, you’re telling Nikki she has a chance with you again. She got dumped last night, and now she’s lonely and wants you back. Can’t you see what she’s doing?”

He walks out the door, then turns back to me. “Why do you care?”

“Because you’re my friend. I don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“Is that really the reason? Is that really why you’re getting so upset right now?”

“Yeah. You’re doing something that’s going to get you hurt. Maybe you don’t see it, but I do, and I’m trying to save you from that.”

“No one can save themselves from getting hurt. That’s life. You’ve said it yourself in all the talks we’ve had about relationships.”

“Yeah, but if you know you might get hurt by getting involved with someone, you can choose not to.”

“What if you can’t?” He pauses, his eyes on mine. “What if you’re in too deep and it’s too late?”

“What are you saying? That you’re still in love with Nikki?”

He doesn’t answer but just looks down and shakes his head.

“I’ll be back later.” He turns and walks off.

I stand at the door and watch him leave, completely confused by what he said. What did he mean? Why is it too late? Too late for what?

My phone rings and I see Dan’s name on the screen.

“Hey, Dan,” I say, going back in the house.

“Hey, how’s it going? You took off last night without saying goodbye.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t feeling great so I went home. But I’m fine now.”

“So, um, you and Jace. Are you two together or not? I didn’t get a clear answer last night.”

A few minutes ago, I wasn’t sure about it either, but given that Jace just went to see Nikki, I’d say the answer is clear.

“We’re not together. In fact, I think Jace might get back with his ex.”

“Really? That was fast. Didn’t she just break up with Carter?”

“Or he broke up with her. I don’t know the whole story.”

“I don’t either. I saw them fighting at the party last night and then she stormed out.”

“Jace just left to go see her.” I probably shouldn’t be telling him this. He’ll tell his friends and soon everyone will know.

“Does that mean you’re available?”

“Yeah, I guess it does,” I say, even though I was always available. Jace and I were never a couple.

“How about tonight? Can I take you to dinner?”

“I really need to get this paper done for history. Could we do it some other night?”

“What about tomorrow? I have football practice, but we could go after that. Maybe around seven? I’ll swing by and pick you up.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ending the call, I go back in the kitchen and dump the rest of the eggs down the sink. We only had a few bites before we were interrupted by Nikki and her urgent need to have her stuff moved. Like she doesn’t know other guys who could help her? She knows every guy on the basketball team. One of them could’ve helped her. It didn’t have to be Jace. She definitely wants him back. Either that, or she wants to make Carter jealous so he’ll get back together with her.

Back in my room, I try to work on my paper but keep getting interrupted by thoughts of Jace with Nikki. I can’t believe he went over there. Can’t he see she’s manipulating him?

I decide to call Tori. She’s probably on a plane somewhere, but I try calling her anyway because I really need to talk. I’m feeling antsy and anxious, and if I don’t calm down, I’ll never finish this paper.

“I was just about to call you,” Tori answers. “It’s like you read my mind!”

“Are you at the airport?”

“No, I got home last night. I don’t fly out again until this afternoon. Going to Atlanta for a trade show.”

“You need time off. You’re never home.”

“I know, but I’m making good money. So what’s up? How are classes?”

“Good.”

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You sound sad. Did some asshole break your heart? Was it Liam again? Did that jerk try to get back together with you?”

“No. I haven’t seen Liam since that day at the pool.”

“So it’s some other guy. Who? I swear, I’ll kill him for hurting you. Actually, I’ll send Kane there to do it. He’s huge. He’ll take care of whoever this guy is.”

“Who’s Kane?”

“A guy I met at a sales conference last week. He’s a pharmaceutical rep and amateur bodybuilder. The guy is huge. He could put a scare into anyone giving you trouble.”

“Are you dating him?”

“We might’ve had dinner.” She pauses. “And maybe went back to his room.”

“You slept with him?” I ask, sounding shocked.

“Hey, don’t judge. It’d been forever and I needed it. Like really needed it.”

“I’m not judging. I’m just surprised you didn’t tell me.”

“I haven’t talked to you since it happened. So how about you? Did you and this guy have sex?”

“Um… what guy?”

“I don’t know. I’m waiting for you to tell me. And by the way, your attempt to not answer my question tells me you had sex with him.”

“Okay, I did, but I’d rather not say who it is.”

“Hold on. You really had sex with someone who wasn’t Liam? Kenzie, that’s great! You finally did it with a different guy! You realize he’s only the second guy you’ve ever had sex with, and you’re not going to tell me who it is? Sorry, but I need to know who this guy is. I’m your best friend. You can’t keep this a secret.”

She’s right. Before last night, I’d only had sex with Liam. I didn’t know if the sex was good or bad because I had nothing to compare it to. But after being with Jace, I now know that sex with Liam was bad. Really bad. He was done so fast I almost never finished. Jace made sure I did. And it was unlike anything I’d ever felt. I didn’t know an orgasm could be that good. All those years with Liam, I never knew what I was missing out on.

“So?” Tori says. “Are you gonna tell me?”

“What are we talking about? The sex or the guy?”

“Both. Start with the sex. How was it?”

“Amazing. Way better than I ever had with Liam.”

“Anyone would be better than him.”

I laugh. “How would you know?”

“He just looks like a terrible lover. So who’s the guy? That one who asked you out a few weeks ago?”

“Um, no. It’s someone I’ve known since before classes started.”

“You didn’t know anyone then.” She pauses. “Except Liam, but it wasn’t him, so who else could it be? Someone you met at that pool party?”

“No.” I hesitate, because I know she’ll tell me I shouldn’t have done it with Jace.

“Just hurry up and tell me.”

“It was Jace.”

“Your roommate?”

“Yeah, we didn’t mean for it to happen. We were at a party, then we came home and were fighting, and the next thing I knew we were in his bed.”

She doesn’t say anything.

“I know it was a bad idea, but at the time I wasn’t thinking that. Anyway, now we’re back to just being roommates.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then why do you sound so sad?”

“I don’t. I’m fine with Jace and me just being friends. It’d never work for us to date. If we broke up, I’d be out on the streets. I’d have nowhere to go.”

“I doubt he’d leave you homeless.”

“There’s nothing he could do about it. There’s no place to live in this town. I’d have to move a half hour away to find an apartment. But aside from that, I can’t get into a relationship right now. I’m going to casually date so I can figure out what type of guy I really want.”

“What about Jace?”

“What about him?”

“Is he the type of guy you’d want?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t matter because, well, it just doesn’t.”

“What if it does matter? What if he was the guy?”

“But how would I know that? I need to date a lot of guys to know what I want so I don’t end up with another version of Liam.”

“I get the dating around thing, but if your heart tells you Jace might be the one, I wouldn’t ignore that.”

“You seriously think I can trust my heart? After it fell in love with Liam? A guy who cheated on me?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but I don’t think your heart was really that into Liam. I think you loved the version of Liam you wanted him to be, a sweet caring boyfriend who wanted a future with you. But that was never Liam. I could see it, but you never could.”

My eyes are tearing up because she’s right. Liam was never the guy I imagined him to be. He was selfish and immature and said really hurtful things to me, but I overlooked it all because I wanted him to be the one.

“Listen, Kenzie, I don’t know this Jace guy, but from what you’ve told me about him, he sounds like he’s a better match for you than Liam ever was.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because he helped you get through one of the worst times of your life. You barely knew the guy, and yet he had you smiling just hours after Liam broke your heart. Remember that photo you texted me of you at the laser tag place?”

It was a photo of me aiming my laser gun at a cardboard zombie, laughing and smiling. It really is amazing Jace was able to cheer me up like that so soon after Liam dumped me.

“Jace and I can’t date. What happened last night was a one-time thing. We talked about it and, well, it’s just not gonna happen.”

“You both decided this? Or did you do that thing where you make a statement and if the person doesn’t disagree with it, you assume you know what they’re thinking?”

“I might’ve done that, but he had a chance to disagree.”

“Kenzie, I’ve told you a million times to stop doing that. You need to ask the person what they want, not make assumptions based on what they didn’t say. You need to talk to Jace and find out what he’s really thinking.”

“We talked this morning and nothing’s changed. We’re still just roommates. And now he’s with his ex-girlfriend. There was a fire at her apartment last night and she asked him to move her stuff to her friend’s house. He didn’t even hesitate. He just did it.”

“So that’s why you’re sad.” She sighs. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but this isn’t Jace’s fault. You’re breaking your own heart this time.”

“No, I’m keeping it from being broken again.”

“Too late. It’s already breaking. I can hear it in your voice. You love Jace, but you refuse to tell him, and refuse to let him know you want to be in a relationship with him. And since he doesn’t know any of that, he’s not doing the things he would do if he knew the truth. He wouldn’t be with his ex right now if he knew how you felt about him.”

“I don’t know about that. I think he still has feelings for her. He wanted to marry this girl. He dated her for years.”

“Just like you and Liam. If Liam asked for your help, I bet you’d do it.”

“Never. Not after what he did.”

“If he really needed your help, you’d do it. You know you would. There’s a part of you that still cares about him, even after what he did.”

Tori is probably right. If Liam really needed my help, there’s a good chance I’d do it, even though the logical part of me would be screaming at me not to.

So maybe I shouldn’t be upset with Jace for going to help Nikki. But why is he still there? He said he’d be back soon, but he’s been gone for hours. Does that mean they’re getting back together?

Why do I care? Why does it hurt so much for me to think of Jace with someone else? Why did I let it get to this point?

It’s like Tori said. This isn’t Jace’s fault. I did this to myself. By falling for Jace, I broke my own heart.