Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Jace

What the hell is Dan doing with Kenzie? And why is she at this party? How’d she even know about it?

“Hey, Jace,” Dan says as I walk up to him. His arm is around Kenzie, which pisses me off, and not just because I wish it was my arm around her, but because Dan has a girlfriend.

“Hey.” I stand in front of Dan, glaring at him. I used to think he was a good guy, but now? Cheating on his girl? With Kenzie? I want to punch the bastard.

“Is something wrong, Jace?” Kenzie asks, sensing my anger.

I glance at her. She looks freaking hot in a tight red dress, her hair down. Every guy here is checking her out. This is why I didn’t want her to come with me tonight. A lot of the guys here are assholes who wouldn’t treat her right.

“Where’s Maddie tonight?” I ask Dan.

Maddie is his girlfriend. They’ve dated for over a year. She’s one of the football cheerleaders and a really sweet girl. She volunteers for all these different kid groups and charities in town. I can’t believe he’d cheat on her.

“Maddie and I broke up,” Dan says, taking his arm off of Kenzie.

They broke up? Why didn’t I know that? He’s friends with Troy, but Troy never mentioned it, probably because we don’t hang out much anymore. Since meeting Kenzie, I’ve been spending my time with her instead of the guys.

“Sorry, I didn’t know,” I tell him.

He nods. “We decided we wanted different things. She’s in a hurry to get married and have kids, and I’m not ready for that. I don’t think I will be for a long time.”

“When did this happen? Recently?”

“A few weeks ago. We talked a lot before we broke up and decided it was best for both of us to just end it.” He drinks his beer. “So how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around much.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with classes.” I look over at Kenzie. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Andrea invited me.” Her eyes drop to the cup she’s holding and she runs her finger along the top of it. “Since someone else didn’t bother to even tell me about it.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to come,” I say.

“And why is that?” Her eyes go to mine. “You think I’d rather sit home alone?”

Dan points his finger between Kenzie and me. “Are you two, um, together?”

“No,” Kenzie says emphatically. “We’re definitely not together, are we, Jace?”

“It’s complicated,” I say, keeping my eyes on hers.

“I think I should let you two talk,” Dan says. “I’m gonna go get some more beer.”

“No, wait!” Kenzie says, but he’s already gone, heading to the keg on the other side of the room. “Thanks a lot,” Kenzie says to me. “I actually liked him.”

“You just met him. You know nothing about him.”

“I know he likes me and wants to date me, which is the whole reason I’m here. And now you ruined it.”

“How did I ruin it?” I say, folding my arms over my chest.

“Dan asked me out, but now he thinks there’s something going on with us. He’s not going to go out with me now.”

“You really want to go out with him? Fine. I’ll talk to him so you can go on your stupid date.”

I’m angry, but I shouldn’t be. She found someone. I should be happy for her. Why the hell can’t I be happy for her?

“ Stupid date?” She puts her hand on her hip. “Why is it stupid? Because you don’t like him?”

“Forget it. I shouldn’t have said it. Go out with Dan if that’s really what you want.” I walk away.

Kenzie grabs my arm, stopping me. “Why are you being this way?”

“Being what way?”

“Acting like you don’t want me dating someone when you keep telling me it’s what I need to do.”

I turn to her, angry and frustrated and not able to hide it. “I don’t know, Kenzie. Maybe because I care about you and don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“I don’t want that either, but it’s the risk you take when dating someone. And I’m cutting that risk by not letting it get serious.”

“You really think you can do that? Date someone without getting your feelings involved?”

“Yeah. Why couldn’t I?”

“I know you, Kenzie, and I know you have a big heart that can’t just be shut off when you tell it to.”

“You don’t know that. You think you know me, but you really don’t. If you did, you’d know that—”

She’s interrupted by some girls who bump into us as they make their way through the crowd. Kenzie starts talking again right as someone turns the music up.

“It’s too loud,” I tell her. “We’ll talk later. When we get home.”

“Hey, Jace,” I hear a girl say. I look over and see Rhea beside me.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

She smiles at me. “Did you decide when you want to go out?”

I feel Kenzie staring at me. This is really uncomfortable. It feels wrong making plans with Rhea with Kenzie standing there.

“You didn’t answer her,” Kenzie says to me. “When are you two going out?”

“We haven’t decided.”

Rhea wraps her arm around mine. “How about tonight? Let’s get out of here and go have a drink.”

“You should go,” Kenzie says to me. “Have a good time!”

She walks off, and I notice guys watching her, eyeing her like they want to take her home. I hate that they’re looking at her that way. It pisses me off. She’s too good for them.

“What do you think?” Rhea says. “You want to get out of here?”

“Not tonight.” I take off, catching up to Kenzie. “Where are you going?”

She whips around to face me. “Why are you following me?”

“Because you’re barely dressed and guys are staring at you.”

“That’s why I’m wearing this. So guys will ask me out.”

“Guys who only want you for sex.”

“Really?” she asks, looking like she wants to slap me. “You think that’s all they want me for?”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that I know these guys and I know that’s all they’re looking for. I’m trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection.” She storms off, then stumbles and falls to her knees.

“Kenzie!” I race over and help her stand up. “Are you okay?”

She reaches down and takes off her shoe. “Dammit. I broke a heel.”

“Are you hurt? You fell really hard.”

She takes a step. “My ankle. I twisted it. Shit.” She gets her phone out.

“Who are you calling?”

“Andrea, to tell her I’m going home.”

“She left. She took off with Troy.”

“Oh. Then I’ll just go.” She takes her other shoe off and starts limping toward the door.

“Wait.” I catch up to her. “I’ll take you. Give me your keys.”

“I can drive myself.”

“Not if your ankle hurts. Plus, I really want to get out of here and I don’t have my car.” I smile at her. “I’ll pay you for a ride.”

She rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to pay me.”

We walk out to her car and she hands me the keys. I take them, then help her into the car.

We say nothing on the ride home. Kenzie seems sad, but I don’t ask why because I’m sure it has to do with me. I was out of line tonight, but my emotions took over and I reacted without thinking.

“I’ll get you some ice,” I say when we’re home.

“I don’t need any.” She drops her heels on the floor. “It feels okay now. I just want to go to bed.”

She walks down the hall and goes in her room.

I don’t like this. The distance between us. The silence. Not being able to talk it out. It’s not us.

Since the day we met, Kenzie and I have been friends. Friends who can say most anything to each other. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. We’ve stayed up all night talking. Now things have changed between us and I need to fix it.

Going down to her room, I stop at her door and notice it’s cracked open. I push it open more and see her lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Kenzie, about tonight, I know I was out of line, and I’m sorry.”

She nods. “Okay.”

“I’m serious.” I go over and sit beside her. “I shouldn’t have acted that way. I was angry, aggressive, overprotective. I have no right to be any of those things. It’s just that when I saw you with Dan, I… I didn’t react well. Guess I’m just not used to you dating. I know I need to be okay with it and accept that not every guy’s an ass, but I’m not there yet.”

Kenzie’s still staring at the ceiling. “You should go out with her.”

“Who?”

“Rhea. She really likes you.”

“But I don’t like her . I mean, she’s okay, but I don’t feel anything for her.”

“You just need to get to know her. We agreed we’d get out there and date so you might as well go out with her at least once.” She pauses. “Have other girls asked you out?”

“A few. All girls I met at the gym.”

“Why didn’t you go out with them?”

“I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel like it.”

“Because you’re not over Nikki?”

“It’s not about Nikki.”

“Then why?” I feel Kenzie’s eyes on me, but I don’t look at her. I know she wants answers, but I don’t have them.

“Can we talk tomorrow? I’m getting tired.”

She sits up and checks the clock. “It’s only ten.”

I get up and walk to the door. “Goodnight.”

I go to my room, and just as I’m about to close the door, I hear Kenzie’s voice.

“Why’d you act like that?”

Kenzie’s standing in my doorway, wearing that hot-as-hell dress, her feet bare, her tiny toenails painted in a red that matches her dress. My eyes move up her body, past her sexy curves, to her beautiful face.

“Answer me,” she demands. “Why’d you act like that tonight? If you knew it was wrong, then why’d you do it?”

Why is she pushing this? Why now? When I’m angry and frustrated, and wanting her so bad I can barely stand it. She shouldn’t be near me right now, especially when she looks so damn hot.

“Answer me, Jace. Why’d you act like that?”

She needs to stop asking, because the answers will lead to us crossing that line I said I’d never cross.

“Jace, say something. Why’d you do it? Why’d you come over to me when I was with Dan?”

I step closer to her, my eyes locked on hers. “Because I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Why? What does that even mean?”

I move closer. I can smell her perfume, a soft flowery scent.

“I didn’t want you with him,” I say, my voice deep, solid, unwavering.

“Why?” Her voice is softer now, her breaths becoming faster. “Why didn’t you want me with Dan?”

I pause, knowing I shouldn’t say it, but she’s pushed me to the edge and I can’t take it anymore.

“Because I want you.” I wrap my hands around her face so she can’t look away. “I want you so bad.”

I kiss her, and it’s everything I thought it’d be and more. Her soft sweet lips. The taste of her. Feeling her body against mine. It’s more than I can take, and yet it’s not enough. I want all of her.

Maybe we shouldn’t do it. Maybe it’s wrong. But if it is, why does it feel so fucking right? Like everything up until now has been leading us here, to this very moment? I care about her, and I know she cares about me. So how could this be wrong? Holding her in my arms right now, kissing her, feels more right than anything I’ve ever done.

My hand lowers to her thigh, lingering at the hem of her dress. I want to go farther, but I don’t know if I should. I wait for Kenzie to tell me, give me some kind of sign, but all she does is continue to kiss me.

I go for it, my hand slipping under her dress, caressing the silky smooth skin of her inner thigh. She softly moans, which I take as a sign to keep going. I feel for her panties and yank them aside. She’s so damn wet, which has me imagining what it’d be like to be inside her.

She presses against me, hard enough that I have to step back. She does it again, and I realize she’s inching us toward the bed. If we go there, she knows what will happen. Is that what she wants? Because once we go there, we can’t go back.

But she’s not showing any signs of wanting to stop. Her hands are moving all over my body and mine are all over hers, one of them holding her against me while the other one pleasures her under her dress.

She yanks my shirt from my pants and starts unbuttoning it. When she reaches the last button, she works on my belt, hurrying to undo it. She unzips my jeans and slides her hand over my cock.

“Shit,” I moan, my eyes falling shut as she touches me.

I try to stay focused on her, my hand still under her dress. Her breaths are ragged and fast like she’s about to come.

“Jace,” she whispers. “Not yet.”

I look at her. “Why?”

“I want it to be with you . Not your hand.”

This is really happening. I knew it was headed that way, but I also knew there was a chance we’d stop before actually doing it.

“You sure about this?” I ask, slowly removing my hand from under her dress.

“I wouldn’t still be here if I wasn’t.” She pauses. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

She smiles a little, then steps back and slowly takes her dress off, then her bra, then her panties. Damn, she’s hot.

“Your turn,” she says.

I don’t go slow, like she did. I strip everything off within seconds.

Her eyes land on my cock and she smiles, then bites her lip. She likes what she sees, but not as much as I like the view I have of her. Her body is so damn beautiful.

Walking up to her, I take her hand and bring her to the bed. We lay down, facing each other, and I move her hair aside and kiss her neck, then her shoulder.

“Jace,” she whispers.

“Yeah?”

“I want this.”

“I know,” I whisper, continuing to kiss her neck. “I do too.”

“I mean now. I don’t want to wait.”

I smile at her, happy she said that, because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out.

She has no idea how bad I’ve wanted this, or how long I’ve wanted her. I think about her constantly. Dream about her. She’s the reason I can’t date other girls.

Getting a condom from the nightstand, I quickly put it on, then lower over her body. I kiss her beautiful mouth, loving the feel of her soft lips. I rub my cock back and forth over her slick opening, working her up until she can’t take it anymore. I finally slide inside her, going slow, until I’m all the way in.

“God, you feel good,” I whisper. I kiss her as I pull out, then sink back in.

She opens her legs more, letting me go deeper. I’m trying really hard not to come, but damn, I’m close. Being with her feels better than I ever imagined.

I pick up the pace, knowing I can’t last much longer. Kenzie holds onto me, her hands gripping my back. Her legs wrap around me, her hips moving in sync with mine. I try to slow down, but find myself thrusting harder, going faster.

“Yes,” she moans. “Don’t stop.”

I keep going, my hands gripping her ass as I pound into her.

“Jace!” Her body tenses and her nails dig into my back.

I watch her as she comes. It turns me on to the point I can’t hold back a second longer. I finally get my release, and damn, it’s never felt better.

I lay back on the bed and slip my arm under Kenzie. She turns and lays her head on my chest.

“That was unexpected,” Kenzie says, still catching her breath.

“What was unexpected? That we did it, or how good it was?”

“Us doing it.” She looks up at me and smiles. “I knew it’d be good.”

“Yeah, that was…” I take a breath. “Damn.”

She laughs. “That good, huh?”

“Better than good.”

The sex was great, but what happens now? Does this mean we’re dating? What if it doesn’t work out? If we broke up, I couldn’t just kick her out on the street. With school in session, there’s no housing available. But having her stay here would mean having to see her with other guys, and I couldn’t do that, not after having her as my girlfriend. Just being her friend, I couldn’t take seeing her with other guys. Look how angry I got seeing her with Dan tonight.

“Do you regret it?” Kenzie asks, her hand moving back and forth over my chest.

“No. Why would you even ask that?”

“Because nothing’s changed. I mean, we still can’t be together.”

Why is she saying that? Because she thinks that’s what I want? Or is that what she wants?

“You were right.” Her hand stills, but her head remains on my chest. “If we date and this ends, I’d have to move out, and that’s not what I want. I like it here. I like living with you. And I like being friends with you. I value that more than anything. You were my friend when I was alone and scared and didn’t know what to do. You gave me a place to stay, but you also gave me hope. You made me believe I could get through what Liam did to me and have a life without him. You have no idea how much that means to me. How much our friendship means to me.” Her head lifts and she looks at me. “I could never do anything to put that at risk.”

So she’s telling me she doesn’t want this? After I just decided I did?

I still have concerns about us breaking up, but I don’t want that keeping us from being together. I care about her. I might even love her. I was ready to set aside my fears of what might happen in the future and just be with her the way I want. As more than just friends or roommates. I’ve wanted that for weeks. I thought Kenzie did too.

But I guess not.