Chapter 30

30

Abel

Happiness is a strange sort of thing. I’m normally inclined to align with Harlow’s mistrust of it, but I can’t help thinking that with the three of us finally on the same page, there’s few forces in this world strong enough to tear us apart.

In theory.

The truth is, as always, significantly more complicated.

“Abel.”

I open my eyes to find Eli on his side, his head propped on his hand. He’s watching me with a strange look on his face. “You’re heading out soon.”

“Yeah.” As tempting as it is to spend the day in bed, I need to trek out to Old Town to get their official answer today. My father would have demanded they deliver the answer to the compound, but they’re going to agree to my rule; there’s no reason to ruffle feathers with an unnecessary power play. I doubt I’ll take either Harlow or Eli for this one, though. The first impression was the big thing that mattered. Now it’s just tying up some loose ends.

“I…” He hesitates and huffs out a breath. “There’s one last thing that needs to be said.”

“Eli—”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come after you. I’m sorry I let eight fucking years go by without finding you… That I would have let more years pass.” For once, he’s not even attempting to bullshit. That raw tone is back in his voice, though I don’t need to hear it to know this is the truth.

I reach out and lightly clasp his throat. “It wouldn’t have mattered. We intentionally made ourselves hard to find, and even if you were successful, I might have killed you.”

“I might have deserved it.”

I shake my head slowly. I believed that when I first came back to Sabine Valley. I don’t believe it any longer. “No. If I’d been thinking clearly back then, I would have realized that you’d try to handle shit so I wouldn’t have to.” I stroke the line of his throat with my thumb. “Love makes fools of us all, doesn’t it?”

“That’s what they say.” His voice is so hoarse, it’s barely above a whisper. “I want to make things right.”

“We will. Harrow’s right, though. It’s going to be a long road.” I slowly retract my hand. “When I get back from Old Town, I’d like to sit down and go over some plans with you and Harrow. I want more details on the stuff you’ve already implemented, a look at the finances, and to put together some ideas for the next few months.”

His slow smile has my goddamn heart skipping a beat. Eli grabs my hand and presses a kiss to my palm. “I’d like that. I…I never dared dream that you’d end up back here, that we’d actually put into action everything we talked about when we were younger. It makes me happy.”

Is that what this feeling is in my chest? Happiness? It’s like sunshine in the middle of the night. “You might not stay happy once we start negotiating.”

“Maybe. But I’ve missed our negotiations, Abel. I’ve missed a whole hell of a lot when it comes to you.” He releases me. “You should go. Being late to meeting up with Old Town is a bad idea.”

“Yeah.” But I don’t immediately get out of bed. “I’m glad you found her, Eli. I’m glad we both did.”

We look down at Harlow, sleeping between us. The balance we never realized we needed, might have never looked for if shit didn’t get so fucked up eight years ago. I’m not one to say that everything happens for a reason, because I don’t believe that there’s some higher power out there who’s invested in humanity’s suffering. But even I can’t deny the gift Harlow is.

I carefully slip out of bed. Harlow was right last night. Her bed isn’t anywhere near big enough for all three of us. We’ll have to officially move into the other room tonight. Eli and Harlow might have some shit to say about that, some desire to create a little bit of distance now that we’ve blasted through so many walls.

Fuck that.

I have them. I’m keeping them. I’m tired of dicking around while I wait for them to come to terms with it. I brush my hand over Harlow’s head and then Eli’s and pull on my clothes. I feel his gaze on me before I make it to the door. Sure enough, when I turn around, Eli is watching me. “Take care of each other while I’m gone.”

“You won’t be gone that long. Be careful out there.” He yawns. Without his glasses and with his hair a mess, it’s like seeing him without his armor. It’s just another reminder of how well I know this man, regardless of what pitfalls this life has thrown at us. When push comes to shove, there’s one truth I can’t escape.

I love him.

I doubt I ever stopped, even if rage made that love feel a whole lot like hate for a number of years. I open my mouth to tell him but change my mind at the last moment. Now isn’t the time. He’s even more skittish than Harlow is, but at least we have enough history that he might not call me a liar to my face if I told him the truth. Harlow, though? It will take time and patience before she accepts the thing I’ve recognized since that morning when she fucked me to purge away the memory of Eli. I don’t know if it’s love, but I’ve fallen hard for her. Eventually, it will be love, as long as we don’t get in each other’s way.

Eli closes his eyes and rolls over to throw an arm over Harlow’s waist. Maybe I should feel threatened by how quickly they seem to have patched things up, but it’s just one more barrier demolished between me and the ultimate end goal I’ve decided on.

The three of us. Together in every way that matters.

I force myself to turn away from them and slip out the door. I take fifteen minutes to shower and change, and then I go down to the kitchen for coffee. It’s early, but Broderick is an early bird, and I want to sit down with him and start going over how to vet the people we need to hire to staff this place. We’re getting by on our own right now, but eventually we’ll have to start entertaining and the like, and we can’t pull off that shit on our own. I’m sure Aisling and Ciar wouldn’t be surprised if we served them grilled cheese—we’re Raiders, after all—but to play the game properly, we need the proper weapons.

That means a chef. It also means either bringing a tailor in to work on retainer or losing our shirt in bargaining with Old Town. I’m not quite ready to take that step, and no doubt Broderick has ideas.

Eli will have some ideas as well. I’m still getting used to the idea I can trust him. I don’t really think this is all a ploy to get close enough to strike, not when he could have sunk a knife between my ribs or shot me dozens of times in the last few days. Plus, doing something underhanded like recommending a chef who intends to poison me and my brothers puts both Harlow and the rest of the Brides at risk. He might succeed in killing us, but the other two factions of Sabine Valley would come for his blood, so victory would be short-lived.

No, I believe him when he says he wants to try. I don’t think that’s simply the past talking, but I’m being cautious all the same. I want him, I love him, but I’m gambling with more than my life and safety. I have my six brothers, their six Brides, apparently now a bodyguard and Beatrix of the Mystics. Not to mention the people who have chosen to follow me over the years, currently housed in the barracks. They’re all trusting me to guide us through.

I can’t make decisions with my heart.

Fuck, I didn’t think I even had a heart anymore.

I have the coffee going when I sense someone behind me. I don’t hear him, but then I never hear Cohen when he walks. When we were kids, Donovan and Ezekiel once ambushed him and tied a bell around both his wrists so we’d have some kind of warning when he moved around. He didn’t find it as funny as the rest of us, but then Cohen’s never had much of a sense of humor. Being exiled from Sabine Valley killed what little softness he had. Or maybe that was losing Samson at the same time. Impossible to say.

One look at his face, and I know I’m not going to enjoy this conversation. “What happened?”

He glances at the coffee. “Enough in there for two?”

“There’s a whole pot,” I say mildly. Normally, that would be enough for several people, but Cohen doesn’t sleep much, and his coffee intake reflects that. I grab two mugs and pour us each one. I pass his over. “It’s not like you to stall.”

“Not stalling. I’m fucking exhausted.” He takes a long drink of coffee, apparently oblivious to the fact it should be burning the fuck out of his mouth. “I was doing rounds last night.”

Another quirk of Cohen’s, and one that’s saved us more times than I care to admit. Ever since the fire, he can’t rest until he patrols the entire premises of wherever we’re staying. I lean against the counter. It’s not like him to pussyfoot around. “What did you see that you think is going to piss me off?”

He lowers his brows. “Your boy was having a late night meeting on one of the balconies on the north side of the building. I just happened to see him, but if I’d been even a few minutes off either way, I would have missed the meeting entirely. It was that woman, the one heading up security when we got here. Marie.”

Something cold sinks its roots into my chest, but I ignore it. Either I trust Eli, or I don’t. “Did you hear what was said?”

“No. I was too far away. Light’s not great there, either, which is probably why they chose that place to meet.” He hesitates. “The conversation looked tense.”

“I see.” Hard to say one way or another what that means, but no matter how fucked up my trust is right now, I trust my instincts. Eli wasn’t lying last night when he asked Harlow’s forgiveness, and he wasn’t lying this morning when we talked about the future. I don’t know what the hell was going on last night on that balcony, but I refuse to believe he betrayed us and then crawled into bed with us. There’s no fucking way.

“I followed her.”

Of course he did. I bite down a sigh. “I don’t suppose you took backup.”

“I can handle myself.” He doesn’t have the grace to look apologetic for the fact he endangered his life. Again. “Besides, she didn’t see me. Some fucking security person she is; she didn’t even circle around before she went back to her little hidey-hole.”

I make a winding motion with my hand. “And the rest.”

His amber eyes go hard. “They’re all there, Abel. At least a dozen people and a cache of enough weapons to level a small town. He’s got them set up to take this faction back.”

No.

I take a drink of my scalding coffee to avoid voicing the instinctive denial. No matter how much my brothers trust me, they know I have something of a soft spot for Eli. They’ll focus on that instead of on my instincts saying this isn’t what it looks like. “I’ll take care of it.”

Cohen gives me a long look. “You sure? You don’t exactly see clearly when Eli’s involved in a situation.”

That’s exactly why I can’t claim this is all one big misunderstanding without evidence. I know Eli didn’t betray us. I just do. But that doesn’t mean the woman and her people aren’t dangerous. Will Eli be willing to turn them over to prove his loyalty? That, I don’t know. Still, I can’t fix any of this shit right now, and I need Cohen to stop looking at me like he’s about to crack my head open and check to see if I have any brains left. “I have it under control.”

“The more you say it, the less I believe you.” Cohen shakes his head. “I know you won’t put off the meet with Old Town, but you will let me handle security. It’ll be subtle, but now isn’t the time to be reckless.”

“No.”

“Abel.”

I shake my head. “No, for two reasons. I won’t go into Old Town with excess security today for the same reason I wouldn’t two days ago. It reeks of weakness and insecurity, and they’ll see it as a sign that I’m afraid of them and react accordingly.” I pause meaningfully. “And we flat-out don’t have enough people to both defend the compound and put together that kind of security. I’m not going to leave this place and all of you defenseless.”

He curses. “Fine, but you’ll take me and the same two as last time.”

“Agreed, as long as you understand you can’t shoot first and ask questions later. Not in Old Town. We can’t strike first, even if you see Eli’s people.”

He glares but finally nods. “If you get shot, don’t come crying to me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” With that out of the way, I can’t help needling him a little. “How are things going with your Bride?”

“It’s best we stay the fuck away from each other.”

Surprise stops me short. Cohen isn’t exactly the most expressive of my brothers, but he sounds almost concerned. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” He gives a long sigh. “Nothing important. She’s just…soft. I know I’m a monster, but she really makes me feel like one.” Something must show on my face, because he holds up a single hand. “She’s not doing anything. We’ve just spent our lives around a certain sort, and I don’t understand how a fucking Amazon princess is so goddamned soft and sweet. It’s a head trip. Better for both of us that I stay away and Maddox handles things.”

I consider whether I want to wade into the meaning behind that statement, and ultimately decide it’s not my fucking business. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Sure, I’ll start now. Don’t get fucking killed because you’re thinking with your cock. I get it with her, because Harlow’s priorities are obviously in order. But we have a whole lot of history with Eli, and the good doesn’t outweigh the bad. You’d know that if you weren’t all fucked in the head whenever it comes to him.”

“He didn’t know about the fire.”

Cohen snorts. “You say that like it matters. His father and his people did it. If he didn’t know, that just means he’s incompetent. It doesn’t absolve blame.”

This is the other component of choosing to keep Eli—my brothers. Some of them will be more open to the idea than others, and that’s a whole different battlefield to step onto.

It won’t be necessary if Eli’s betrayed me. Again.

No, damn it, no. He hasn’t. I honestly believe that.

I still want to stalk upstairs, drag him out of bed, and shake him until he gives me some answers.

I take another long drink of coffee. I have to keep my head in the game. Right now, the priority is getting Old Town’s official response and checking off that box. Once they’ve publicly declared their support, I can deal with Eli and his people. If he doesn’t give them up…

I don’t know what I’ll do. Maybe offer them exile, but I won’t be able to trust that the fuckers leave without some kind of proof. Exile didn’t keep me and my brothers out of Sabine Valley indefinitely, after all.

A problem to deal with this afternoon.

Add it to the fucking list.