Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Sarah

“ H ow do you know all of this?” I asked Deacon, still trying to make sense of everything he’d just dropped on me.

“I have pieced it together from many stories of other people and I have not shared this suspicion with anyone but you. Constance’s gift as a conduit played a large role in why she was so well-respected, so when we went to war, Justice used it as an opportunity to get rid of all the conduits. He blamed them for not warning us of the impending war. He argued they should have seen it coming and since they did not warn us, they were treasonous and he had them executed. He declared the old faith was treason, as well.”

I listened to Deacon and tried to keep my shit together but felt like I was falling apart. My father, whom I’ve never known, was an alien. I was half-Ladrian and a conduit that had the ability to communicate with ghosts. And Justice Bateen, my fucking uncle, sounded like a complete lunatic and asshole.

“Deacon…this is a lot for me to handle right now…I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of it. I miss my pills,” I said, wondering if this was all just another wild hallucination. It certainly felt like one.

“You mean those drugs that had Ode Hrimp so worried about you?” he asked.

I nodded and sat on the ground. “I have no idea how to handle any of this information.” Or really, if any of it was actually real.

He sat next to me and pulled me against his warm body and I automatically cuddled close to him. “You have done well, Sarah. You have had a lot of new things come to you in a very short span of time. I think it is time for sleep.”

But I was too wired for that, and my mind whirred with a dozen different questions. “I don’t think I could sleep if I tried, Deacon. Why don’t I look half-Ladrian? Why don’t my sisters?”

“Our bodies do not mix that way,” he said, stroking a hand along my arm. “You either look like one or the other. Most often, the offspring will take after the mother.”

Mom . I huffed a big breath, trying not to cry. In the years since her death, I had wanted to speak to her several times, but none so desperately as right now, discovering I was half-Ladrian. “I wish I could talk to her. Ask her about Volatile and everything else. It’s cruel to find this out now, when she’s dead and gone and I can’t ask her questions about what happened.”

“You have not seen her ghost?” Deacon asked, sounding surprised.

“No.” I sniffled and shook my head. “I’ve tried, but it’s not like I have any control over what I see.”

He gave me a gentle squeeze. “Actually…there might be a way.”

Hope rippled through me. “How?”

“Just a moment—I need to ask my father something.”

He went into the house, while I sat under the stars. Without any light pollution, I saw them all. It was a beautiful night, in spite of the circumstances.

I’m half-Ladrian. I’m a conduit. Is any of this real?

My fingers tugged at the grass beneath me. It felt real. All of it. Everything since I had looked out the window at Ryan’s and had seen Jac lurking along the tree line had felt real. The ghosts are not hallucinations. Every bit of this is real.

Once that thought hit me and really sank in, somehow everything felt easier.

For years, I had wanted the ghosts to be hallucinations. If it was just me that was crazy, then ghosts weren’t real, and the afterlife was a peaceful place. Better to have one crazy woman, rather than countless ghosts who wandered the world and could not speak to their loved ones. It seemed cruel, like a ghost’s afterlife was some sort of sick joke. So, for a long time, I had wanted to be crazy.

But accepting the truth made my internal struggle quiet down. It was as though I could breathe fully. Finally.

It was real and it was true.

A flock of birds flew overhead, blotting out the moons for a minute. I watched as they soared together, on a mission going somewhere fast. Strange—I don’t really see birds fly like that at night back home. Then, they started to circle over the house. They were large birds and squawked loudly at one another. One landed on the roof of the house. It stared at me, and in the night’s light, I studied it.

Silvery feathers reflected the starlight, making the bird glitter. Its beak was long and pointed, but dark. But it was the eyes that took my breath away. They were missing. Just two hollow spots where eyes should have been.

What the fuck?

More birds landed on the roof, all of them staring at me with their absent eyes. One hopped off the roof and onto the lawn, just a few feet from me. I almost jumped away, but I held still instead. It was taller than it had looked before—taller than me sitting on the ground. I should get to my feet . But my body would not listen.

Its head bobbed side to side, as it came closer. It was then that I saw the feet were not what I had expected. They were much larger and had talons the size of my hands. I held my breath as its head dipped toward my foot. But instead of taking a bite, it poked my shoe with its beak. Not hard—it was like it wanted to touch me, not hurt me. Then it stood up to stare at me with those black holes, his head tilted to the side.

Does it want me to touch him?

Tentatively, I reached out for the odd bird with my foot and tapped its talon with my shoe.

The bird walked next to my leg and poked my thigh, a light peck as if to say hello .

So, I reached out with my hand this time and touched its long, scaly leg, trying not to be too weirded out by its missing eyes.

Abruptly, the bird hopped onto my lap, startling me, but cozied up to me there, like I was a nest. It gently poked my leg with its beak again, so I petted his soft feathers. The bird made a cooing sound like a dove, seeming to be content with this arrangement.

More birds came to me from the roof and sat in a line on my left and right, with me in the middle. I had no idea what to do, but I petted the one on my lap and the ones next to me, as they poked each other, lovingly.

I’m the Jane Goodall of alien birds. What the fuck.

When Deacon returned, he froze when he saw my situation. His voice was tense when he asked, “Sarah, are you unhurt?”

I smiled at his formal choice of words. “I’m fine. I think these birds think I’m one of their own or something.”

Very softly, he said, “Remove the jem’hora from your lap.”

“Okay.” I assumed he meant the bird, so I gently scooped my hands beneath it, and lifted it onto the ground next to me. The little guy looked perturbed but accepted my choice and sat there. “Now what?”

“Slowly stand up and come over here to me.”

I did as he told me. “What’s wrong?”

“Camp Deo,” he said, raising his voice a bit so that his words traveled into the house, “there is a flock of jem’hora here.”

“ What ?” The android sounded panicked and rushed outside to join us. “Cover your ears.”

I stared at the android in confusion. “Huh?”

Deacon covered his, so I did the same.

Camp emitted a sound like a cross between a screech and a siren. It was deafening, even with my hands pressed against my ears. The flock of jem’hora squawked back at her, before they took off and disappeared into the night.

Once they were gone, she stopped making that noise, and asked, “Is anyone hurt?”

“No, we’re good, Camp Deo,” Deacon said.

“What is going on?” I asked, having no clue what had them both so fearful. “Do they carry some kind of disease or something?”

The pair looked at each other in astonishment. Then Deacon explained, “Jem’hora are fearsome predators. They are drawn to newborn Ladrians and will fight and kill adult Ladrians to get to them. It is likely they caught the scent of the twins—I do not understand why they did not attack you.”

“Maybe they don’t like the taste of humans?” I shrugged.

“You’re right—they don’t,” Camp said. “But they are known to kill humans for sport and leave the carcass behind.”

My blood ran cold. “Oh.”

“They are why Ladrians who come to Halla nearly always have an android with them,” she went on to explain. “We are one of the best defenses against the jem’hora. Fighting them is difficult—there always seem to be more. Chasing them away is the best strategy, so more do not come.”

“Well. That’s…bracing.”

“Did you feed them?” she asked curiously.

“No.” I shook my head. “One came right up to me, checked me out, and sat on my lap. Before I knew it, I was the middle of a line of them. I don’t know why.”

“Thank you for chasing them away,” Deacon said to Camp Deo as he took my hand in his, “but if you’ll excuse us, we have somewhere we need to be.”

Camp nodded. “Of course.”

I smiled at her. “Thank you for saving me,” I said as Deacon started pulling me toward the Allegiant . “Why are we suddenly rushing?” I asked him.

“Now that the jem’hora are gone, there is no need to waste any more time. We are going to the temple.”

“The temple? Should we call Drift to fly—”

“I can fly my own ship,” he said, sounding a little miffed as we entered the cockpit.

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“I can do some things myself.” He still sounded annoyed.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Deacon.”

He huffed, then calmed down. “I know. It is only that, being classed, many unclassed assume we are helpless.” He flipped some switches, then placed his hands onto the touchpad thingie I had seen Drift operate. “Take a seat.”

I sat next to him and watched as we soared into the air, just above the treetops. Truthfully, Halla was beautiful at night. Very few artificial lights meant the trees were bathed in pure moonlight. Every once in a while, one of those silver roofs shimmered between the trees.

“So, I’m unclassed , right?” I asked him curiously.

He laughed, then said in a proud tone, “You are unofficial royalty, consort.”

Royalty, hmm . “That’s classed?” I asked, trying to understand.

“It is like a triangle. Royals are the top point. The next level is classed. The widest level is unclassed. But all of the parts are important—it is how Ladrian society has functioned for many generations.”

I process that for a moment. “Oh. So, in Ladrian society, I am more important than you?” My voice cracked because of how uncomfortable I was with the idea.

He smirked, confirming my question. “This disturbs you, yes?”

I shifted in my seat. “It’s definitely a strange idea for me.”

“Quite honestly, with your bloodline, you would need to be legitimized through acknowledgement by an elder Bateen, before anyone else would officially declare you a royal,” Deacon said, pressing a button on the console before meeting my gaze again. “Being a royal conduit is a special thing, but it would put a target on your back, so I am in no hurry for any of them to know you exist.”

My head dug back into the headrest and I pressed my fingers to my forehead. “I do not understand any of this.”

“I had hoped it would be obvious to you by now, that you have Ladrian blood.” He sounded genuinely contrite. “I am sorry I did not tell you about your father before—I was not sure how to bring it up.”

“No, that part I understand, actually.” I watched his handsome face smile in the moonlight. “I have no idea how I would have broken the news to you about something like that, either.”

“Then what is it that you do not understand?”

“What I don’t understand is, in the middle of all of this chaos, why are we going to temple?”

“Because conduit temples are holy sites.”

I frowned, still not comprehending. “You said that like it explains something obvious.”

He chuckled. “I suspect your questions will be better answered when we are there.”

“Okay.” I stared ahead into the darkness.

Before long, a clearing parted the trees. It was on a hill with all the bushes cut away. On the top of the hill sat a tall cylindrical building. The whole building was dark, like it was painted black. Deacon landed Allegiant next to the building.

“This is the temple,” he announced.

“It looks so desolate,” I whispered, taking it all in. “I would have thought the temple would be prettier. Flowers or landscaping or something. The rest of the planet is so lush—”

“Conduits need space to work.”

I followed him out and the air smelled differently than by Valor’s house. “It smells like spices here. Almost like Christmas.”

He nodded. “It will get stronger inside.”

The doorway was larger than I had expected—much larger than needed for a Ladrian, too. He was right about the smell. It was like inhaling heavily spiced chai inside. As we passed through the doorway, the building opened wide.

It was a rectangular room, with a stone altar in the middle. They could have parked several school buses inside, the interior was so large. The interior was heavy gray stone. A square of stone was missing from above the altar, letting the moonlight shine down on it. The floor was sunken, and steps framed the entire floor. Furs lined most of the floor and steps, but a wide strip was bare stone to leave a clear path to the altar.

Deacon helped me down to the floor—the steps were too tall for me to just step down on my own. Once on the main floor, I said, “I thought altars were supposed to be in front of the congregation at a church, not in the middle.”

“We are not in a church, and we do not often congregate together at designated times in temples. When the faith was more popular, people came at any time. Conduits were always around to help connect people with their loved ones. Now…” he sighed and looked around, “temples are usually empty.”

“So, why are we here?”

“You want to speak to your mother,” he said with a smile. “I do not know precisely how the conduits’ gift works, but when they call the ghosts, they place their hands on the altar there. Since you are a conduit, I’m hoping you will be able to summon your mother’s ghost and be able to speak to her.”

Hope tightened in my chest. “Really? You think I have the power to do that?”

He chuckled. “There is only one way to know.”

Inhaling a deep breath, I approached the altar, with Deacon close by. It looked to be stone like the rest of the building, but the top of it was covered in a thick black liquid.

“They just put their hands here?” I asked skeptically.

He nodded. “That’s all it looks like to us. I do not know more.”

“Too bad Predict decided to attack me,” I said, only half-joking. “I could have used a conduit friend who knows how this works.”

“Did she look strange to you?” Deacon asked as I continued to contemplate this mysterious looking altar.

“No stranger than any other Ladrian. Why?”

He shook his head. “I have been trying to figure out how she knew you were a conduit.”

“I’m not sure.” I stared at the black liquid, not really listening to Deacon any longer because my nerves were starting to get the best of me. “I don’t know about this. If I touch this black stuff and something seems wrong, pull me from it, okay?”

“Yes, of course.”

My heart jumped into my throat as I placed my hands into the liquid. It was cold and as soon as I touched it, a chill shot through me, making my bones ache. My hands were sucked into the liquid over my wrists, but no further.

“Should I pull?” Deacon asked immediately.

“Not yet.” There was nothing hurting me in the liquid—only the chill—so I figured it was okay for the time being. “And now, I just wait?”

“I don’t know. Think of your mother, perhaps?”

As soon as I closed my eyes and imagined her presence, I smelled her hair. She used a cheap vanilla shampoo that smelled more like cookies than actual vanilla. I could see her in my mind. Her brown hair. The way she smiled. Tears trickled down my face, but I didn’t open my eyes. I felt like she was there with me. Her presence was palpable.

Then, I heard her voice. “Sarah?”

I opened my eyes and there she was, right in front of me. Translucent, but my mother, nonetheless. My voice broke. “Mom?”

“Oh my gosh.” Her face radiated happiness as she stepped forward and tried to hug me. And failed. Just like Deacon’s own father hadn’t been able to embrace him. “Sarah…what are you doing here?”

I ignored the pain in my heart and swallowed back the lump in my throat. “I don’t know if I have time to explain, but Mom, what the hell?”

Then, she saw Deacon in his alien form and her gaze narrowed on him. “Oh. They’ve contacted you.”

“This is Deacon Ladrang,” I said, introducing him. “We are united, do you know—”

“You got married?” Her voice rose in shock. “To a Ladrian?”

“Mom, focus! I don’t know if I can maintain the connection. Why didn’t you tell us… anything about our father, Volatile Bateen?”

She shifted her gaze back to me. “I didn’t tell you about Vol because he begged me not to. He knew it would put all of us in danger, because of his powerful family. He didn’t trust his brother, Justice, not to come after us.”

“That lines up.” I sighed. “But seriously, nothing ? Ever? I grew up thinking my dad hated us.”

“I’m sorry, my dear,” she said softly, sadly. “Are you safe? Are you happy? Did you want to unite with Deacon?”

She shot Deacon another reproving look.

“I’m good, Mom. I promise. God, I have so many questions,” I said, and they started to spill out of me. “What’s the afterlife like? Have you seen Nana and Pop? Are you bored? What do you do all day?”

She laughed. “You were always the curious one.”

“Where do you spend all your time, Mom?”

“It’s hard to explain,” she began, as a serene look passed over her features. “But most of the time, I’m with old friends and some of our family. Sometimes, I can check in on you girls, especially when you think about me. I always feel where you are, or at least I did, until a few weeks ago. I was worried for you. Where is this place?” She glanced around the temple.

“We’re on Halla—”

“Oh my gosh, really?” My mother’s eyes widened as she took in the scenery. “I’ve never been to Halla before. Vol always said it was beautiful here, but this just looks like a fancy cave.”

“We’re inside a conduit temple,” I explained. “That’s how I’m able to contact you.”

My mother’s lips pursed with worry. “You stay away from those women, Sarah. Those conduits are dangerous.”

Deacon stepped closer to my side. “How do you know about that?”

“The dead talk. Conduits, mediums, witches, whatever you want to call them, they are important to us. Without them, we haven’t been able to contact our loved ones the ways we used to.”

Something in my arms weakened, and my mother’s apparition started to fade. “I think I’m losing our connection, Mom. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Sarah.”

I swallowed back the emotion clogging my throat. “Is it okay if I call on you like this again?”

“Anytime you want, my dear.” Her ghost-like image flickered, then vanished.

Tears flowed down my face as I glanced at Deacon. “Why can’t she stay here on Halla, like the other ghosts do?”

“I do not know, but I have heard it is hard for ghosts to go from planet to planet, and if she passed on Earth, then Halla would not be a normal resting place for her.”

I pulled my hands from the black liquid, and they were surprisingly dry. I wiped my tears away, but soon Deacon took me in his arms. I let him hold me as I cried. But while we stood there, my sadness faded fast and it was replaced with gratitude.

I looked up at him and said, “Thank you.”

He tipped his head to the side. “What are you thanking me for, Sarah?”

“I haven’t spoken to my mother in years, Deacon,” I said, blinking back a wave of fresh tears. “I am extremely grateful for this gift you’ve given me. I thought I would never see her again.”

He smiled. “It was nothing.”

I fisted my hands in his shirt and used his uniform to pull him down to my mouth for a kiss. “It was everything to me.”

“I am happy to help you—”

I kissed him again, deeper this time, and he held me tighter. I couldn’t get enough of him. My body throbbed and ached, and I was wet before I had another thought. I tore at his clothes until I found his warm, firm skin. He stripped me down too, and soon we were both naked in the temple.

I wasn’t sure if it was the gratitude or something in the temple, but I needed Deacon inside of me. I grabbed the top of his shoulders and he lifted me up, then lowered me onto his stiff cock. I was sore from everything that had happened with him and Jac earlier that day, but nothing could have held me back from being with Deacon now. I wrapped my legs around him and groaned as he entered me, then began lifting me up and down his length, burying himself as deeply as my body would allow.

I needed him and he seemed to need me, too. Am I falling for him? Is that what this is?

I didn’t know anything about love—I had come close in my past, but even then, it didn’t feel like this intense, overwhelming need I was experiencing right now with Deacon. I rolled my body on him, while he supported my weight. Our desperate sounds filled the temple. Deacon bit my shoulder and held me still, while he pumped up into me, grunting with pleasure.

Every stroke drove me higher. I dug my nails into his neck—I needed something to hold onto when I came. The intensity of my orgasm tore through me, wrenching a gasping moan from my soul. My back muscles locked, and my head tossed back. He bit my throat as he came, too. He growled my name through his teeth, and the vibration felt like another orgasm in my skin there.

When the blissful sensations gradually ebbed, Deacon gently set me onto a fur on the floor. He gathered a few more for both cleaning me up and for covering us. After we were settled, I nuzzled onto his chest and fell asleep, exhausted to my ghost.