35. Henry

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

henry

My hands shake as I stand in the meeting, looking around at some familiar faces and some who are brand-new to me. I didn’t think I needed this, but a part of me did. I listened to them tell their stories.

All different but all the same at the core.

Something in their lives has deeply impacted them. Left them with inner scars they can’t seem to get past, and I realize I have scars too.

That my parents’ abandonment made me cling to Maggie, and when she left me, I thought I was broken forever.

I thought if I just kept my head down and didn’t talk about it, it would eventually fade, but it’s always been there, and I don’t want to remain silent anymore.

“My parents didn’t want me. My girlfriend didn’t want me. Not more than the drugs she used to numb herself because of her own damn parents,” I start, and Andrew gives me a nod of encouragement. “She left me and our daughter. She didn’t want us, and it nearly killed me. I didn’t think anyone would ever love me.”

I look around the group as they all listen to me talk.

“I thought there was something unlovable about me. That I was destined to be alone forever.”

My gaze automatically goes toward the gym to where Felix is watching Hazel and working at the same time. I can’t see him, and he’s not watching the meeting, but I swear I can still feel him.

“But then I met the man who’s now my boyfriend.” A smile falls over my lips. “I thought he was totally insane at first.”

I hear Andrew chuckle slightly, and I smile bigger.

“But he didn’t give up on me. He loved me and my daughter from the very beginning. I couldn’t push him away, no matter how badly I thought I wanted to, because I finally realized I wanted that. I want him to love me, and I want to be worthy of him.”

Emotion clogs my throat as I think about Felix and just how good he is. But I realize now that I’m good too. That it wasn’t me. It was them and their issues that caused them to leave me. Not anything I did.

“Sometimes the fear comes back. That he’ll leave. But then I have to just tell myself that Felix is stubborn, and that’s never going to happen. He loves me, and I love him. He also loves my daughter. Her mother couldn’t love us, for her own reasons, but there was never any question when it comes to Felix.”

Andrew smiles, a calm passing over me as I realize the words coming from my mouth are healing me, one by one.

It’s not going to be instant, and I’ll still worry, but the scars are healing.

“I’m in love. And I’m happy,” I say with a smile. “Thank you all for listening to me ramble on about nothing,” I joke, but they all smile, none of them looking put off at all. None of them saying I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say.

And I do feel better as I retake my seat and the next story starts.

I still don’t know why Maggie didn’t want to be a mother or my lover. But I know Felix and I belong together.

And that Hazel is his too.

He loves us both. I may have been abandoned over and over in my life, but I know I’ll never be alone again.