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Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Tink

Somewhere between orgasm four and five, I almost forget Hook’s damning words. Love. He can’t possibly love me. Yes, we’ve known each other for years at this point. Yes, there might be more than just white-hot attraction between us. But … love?

Impossible.

He presses a kiss to my lips and disappears into the bathroom. A few seconds later, the shower turns on, but I don’t have the energy to try to join him. I’m not even sure my legs will hold me if I attempted it, and the thought of him walking out to find my naked ass sprawled on the floor in some testament to his virility is too much for my pride.

The buzzing of my phone distracts me, and for one heart-stopping moment, I’m sure it’s him.

But no, when I crawl to the nightstand and pick it up, I see Meg’s name flashing across the screen. Grateful for the distraction, I answer. “Hey, Meg.”

“I need you to come in.”

I blink. She sounds almost … worried. “What’s going on?”

“Bring your strapping new husband, too. This concerns him as well.” She doesn’t even put an ironic tilt to Hook’s new title. That’s how I know it’s serious. That and the fact she’s calling me before ten in the morning.

“Okay, we’ll be there.”

“Good.” She hangs up.

Apparently my plan to avoid Hook for the foreseeable future while I get my head on straight isn’t going to happen. No one refuses a call to the Underworld—not even the leader of a territory. Especially one potentially in contention like ours.

Ours.

I sit up. This isn’t my territory. Not really, wedding ring or no. Feeling possessive of it when I’ve spent the entirety of my time locked in one room or another. Even before, Peter only trotted me out when he wanted to show off or prove a point. Hook might not share the same motivations, but it doesn’t change the end result.

I’m a figurehead.

The thought doesn’t sit well with me. I press my hand to my chest, but naturally the physical move doesn’t alleviate the strange ache beneath my ribcage. I know better by now. Wanting something of my own—it’s what got me into this mess to begin with. Promises of safety, of family, of a home. None of those things are for me. Wanting them is a weakness I can’t afford.

And yet …

And yet.

I manage to get my legs in gear and walk into the bathroom to find Hook standing in front of the mirror, a towel wrapped around his waist. I stop short. I’m not shy. Even before this marriage, he’s seen me naked more times than I can count.

He never told me he loved me before, though.

Just like that, it’s back. The panic fluttering at the base of my throat. I can’t do this. Why did I think I could do this? I start to turn for the door, but his low voice stops me. “Who was on the phone?”

I mentally lunge for the lifesaver he just threw me. Easier to focus on this than on what went down in our bed not too long ago. “Meg. She wants us to come in to the Underworld. It sounded important.”

His mouth goes flat. “I’m not Hades’s lap dog.”

Save me from the male ego. I understand his point of view on this. All leaders in Carver City engage in a delicate dance of power with Hades. One wrong step can mean complete ruin for everyone involved. I give Hook a long look, holding his gaze in the mirror. “Are you willing to let the appearance of power potentially keep you from important information?”

“Appearance of power is power, Tink. I’m already balancing on a knife’s edge. You know that better than anyone.”

He’s not wrong. Still … Ignoring this summons is a mistake. I know it down to my very bones. I take a careful breath. “Then I’ll go in your stead.”

He finally turns to face me. “Absolutely not.”

“Either I’m your wife and partner or I’m a pretty little trinket you bought to keep locked up in this room. Which is it?” I’m holding my breath. It’s a mistake, and I can’t stop. I never should have voiced this question, never should have dared hope that he’d answer the way I suddenly very much need him to.

Hook crosses his arms over his chest. “If you do this, there’s no going back. Are you sure it’s what you want?”

My head goes a little fuzzy. I fully expected him to shoot me down. There’s no frame of reference for this unexpected question. “What?”

“With you acting the part of my prize, you have a chance to escape when this is all over.” His gaze is steady, no smile in evidence for once. “If you start playing my wife and partner in truth, you’re making a choice to take this. This territory. Power.” A significant pause. “Me.”

The fluttering in my throat transforms into a whirlwind of blades. “You’re trying to trap me.”

“I’m laying out the potential outcomes. It’s your choice, Tink. It’s always been your choice.”

The two paths forward spin out in front of me. I don’t know if he’ll really release me, but Hook has never gone back on his word before. There’s no reason to believe he’ll do it now, no matter how high the stakes.

With Peter dead, I could finally be free. Truly free, without a single threat dogging my heels. The possibility leaves me breathless. I’ve been entrenched in this life for nearly a decade. If I could leave it behind …

Where would I go?

All my clients are here. My …friends, though I’ve barely come to terms with the fact they exist. A new city means starting from the bottom and scrapping my way to the top. I can do it. I know I can do it.

The question is if I want to.

As for my other option … Do I really want to be responsible for more people than just myself? To fully embrace the darkness, even if it’s more like shadows than true night in this place? Hook has lines, but power has a habit of taking people to places they never anticipated. What’s to say he won’t cross his lines when push comes to shove?

What’s to say he won’t drag me down with him when he does?

That’s fear talking, but I don’t know how to silence it. I see the way his people look at him, as if he’s a god who wandered down to live amongst them in this city. There’s fear there, but they worship him in a way most leaders can only dream of. In return, he bears the weight of their safety around his neck. Do I truly want a share of that burden, even if the potential outcome is everything I’ve been too afraid to reach for on my own?

A home. A family. The kind of safety I’m not sure I believe in any more.

I look at Hook, really look at him. I can’t be sure, but I think he’s holding his breath, too. Waiting for my answer, for me to cut him down or embrace him wholeheartedly. I don’t know if I can do either. I’m too tangled up inside. “I want kids.”

He doesn’t even blink. “I want kids, too.”

Somehow, it makes me feel worse. It’s like standing in a snowstorm and seeing the perfect life laid out before me, except I’m separated from it by a thick pane of glass. I can press myself to it in an attempt to get closer, but it doesn’t have the power to chase away the cold eating at my bones. “I can’t be trusted to make this call. I’m flip-flopping so hard, I’m giving myself emotional whiplash.”

He sets his hands on my shoulders. It’s all the invitation I need to take that last step and let him enfold me in his arms. I hate how good it feels, that I can’t stand on my own when he’s right here to stand strong for both of us. I press my face to his chest and inhale deeply. “This will never work.”

“Not with that shitty attitude.” He strokes a hand over my hair. “But you’re right. It’s too soon to make that call. We’ll go to the Underworld together.”

“Thank you.” I sound subdued, but I don’t know how to change that. I can’t help but be grateful for the way he’s handling me, too. I feel fractured, held in place by the thinnest of layers, as if one wrong touch will send me crashing to the ground in pieces. In a different world, I’d be strong enough to hold myself together. But I don’t live in a different world; I live in this one. And in this one, I need all the help I can get.

I make myself take a step back and then another. “I need to get dressed. You need to get dressed.”

Hook starts to speak but gives his head a sharp shake. “Be quick.”

I make it work. I pull my hair back into a slick ponytail and dress in a high-waisted midi skirt, a fitted green blouse, and flats. It’s a little blah for my tastes, but it works in a pinch. Plus, I can run in this skirt and these shoes if I need to—something that needs to be considered with any outing in the near future. At least until Peter is dealt with.

I head down to the front door and find Hook there, talking in low voices with Colin and Edgar. Edgar looks up, and his gaze immediately goes shuttered when he sees me. Fuck, I’ve seen that look before. He’s not sure if I’m going to fuck his day up again, if I’m a threat to him. The very idea would be laughable under normal circumstances; I barely hit his armpit. But one thing physical size can’t take into account is power, and I was an asshole who punched down by bringing him into my spat with Hook.

I lift my chin and stride over to the trio of men. Colin starts to say something, but Hook nudges his shoulder, silencing him. Apparently he trusts me to handle this. I bite back a sigh. “I apologize for yesterday, Edgar.”

Edgar takes a step back, hands lifting like he wants to ward me off before he catches himself. “No need to apologize. We’re good.”

He’s scared of me.

Something heady and ugly takes wing in my chest. It is so easy to see how someone starts down this path, craving the security that others’ fear brings. Shame muffles the feeling before it can take hold. I’ve been on the other side of this kind of interaction too many times to relish it like this. I don’t want it. I refuse to want it.

I paste a smile on my face. “All the same, I’m sorry.”

Hook takes pity on us and shifts, drawing our attention. “We’re ready. We’re combining this trip with the one for collecting your things. Colin will lead the team.”

I want to argue. Colin is so young. Putting him in charge of anything seems like a mistake. But I’ve only been back a few days. Hook has led this territory for years now. Either I trust him or I don’t, and it’s not worth arguing with myself because I already know I trust him. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me. “Okay.”

He arches an eyebrow. “I had five whole minutes allotted to argue with you about this.”

I snort. “Someone’s overcompensating.”

Colin makes a choked sound and slaps Edgar on the shoulder. “See you when we get back.” He heads down the hallway toward the back entrance, leaving us to follow at a slower pace.

I know we’re not alone, that there are bound to be eyes and ears everywhere on the main floors of this place, but wading through all the emotional shit for the last twelve hours has left me out of fucks to give. Hook’s seen me shattered, he’s systematically dismantled my defenses, and even more importantly, he’s done the same to himself in my presence. He says he loves me. I don’t know if I believe it. I don’t know if I can believe it. But the rest is fact. “Thank you for doing this.”

“You didn’t give me much choice.”

I match his tone, voice pitched low so as not to carry beyond the two of us. “As you keep reminding me, there’s always a choice. You made this one. So … thank you.”

“It’s entirely possible that you’re not going to like what you find when we get there.” He takes my hand and places it in the crook of his elbow like some kind of old world gentleman. “Hades is only loyal to himself. If Peter made a deal—”

“No.” I’m already shaking my head. “Meg wouldn’t let him do that.”

He shoots me a look. “You’re that sure of her?”

“Yes.” And I am. If she’s willing to fight Hades to get me out of Carver City, there isn’t a chance in hell that she’ll let him endanger me like that. She’s my friend.

Hook releases a long exhale. “Okay.”

It doesn’t hit me until we’re in the car, working our way to the center of Carver City. Hook took my surety as truth. He trusts me enough to walk into a potentially dangerous situation because I said we wouldn’t be targeted. The knowledge rocks me. I press back against my seat and focus on breathing.

He means it.

He truly means it when he says he wants me for keeps. That he … loves me. He’d never let down his guard this fully outside the bedroom if it wasn’t the truth.

I twist in the seat to look at him. “It’s a bad idea to love me.”

“Maybe.” He shrugs a single shoulder. “But I don’t think so.”

I want to shake him. How can he sit there, so at peace with the emotions that have to be raging inside him? How can he possibly be okay with loving me? With cutting himself open for a woman who might walk away the first chance she gets? “What if I leave you and then you’ve shown your entire ass to your territory? It will weaken your position to make a fool of yourself over a woman, even one you married. Your enemies will use it against you. People could die, Hook. What the hell are you thinking?”

“You know what I’m thinking.”

His arrogance leaves me breathless. “You can’t possibly be that sure of me. I’m not even that sure of myself.”

He shrugs again. “Time will tell. We have larger things to worry about now.”

That’s the damn truth. Larger things like Hades.

And Peter.

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