Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-seven

When there was a knock at Lexie's door in the morning, she answered it without thinking, toothbrush in hand, still in her pajama vest top and shorts, bare legs on show. Of course, it was Theo who stood there, his hair messy, a hint of stubble just starting to grow out. And no matter that he'd seen all of her last night, no matter that he'd tasted practically every naked inch of her, she still had a rush of self-consciousness. It was one thing in the moment, in the middle of the night—another thing entirely with the curtains open, bright light streaming in—and him all dressed and her…not. Especially as she hadn't had time to sort her face out and she currently looked like she'd just crawled out of bed—and definitely not in the sexy way. She tried to resist the urge to cover herself as Theo's gaze dropped to her legs, traveling up the length of them. She cleared her throat and his gaze snapped to hers.

"Right. Sorry."

It made her laugh, and the self-consciousness faded a little. He shoved his hands into his pockets. He did that, she realized. When he was working up to something.

"So I wanted to take a trip today. And I wondered if you'd come with me."

She frowned, now not really sure what to do with the toothbrush in her hand. "Aren't we booked onto the flight home with the others?"

"Yeah, but we can get them on the bus and say our goodbyes from here. We couldn't ask the company to pay for new flights for us, but flights home from Dublin are super-cheap."

"From Dublin?"

"Yeah. I've got a friend who lives near Dublin still—he owns a B&B down there. We could drive down. It's only about an hour from here."

His hands were still in his pockets, and he rocked back on his heels. He was nervous about asking her. And that thought made her heart catch, in a way she couldn't help. She thought about it for a second. But the truth was, she didn't want to go home. She didn't want last night to be the end.

His voice, heavy with near-sleep. Stay.

So she nodded. "OK."

"OK? Really?"

"If you didn't think I would say yes, why did you ask?"

He grinned at her in that way she loved. "Always worth a shot, Lex."

—

The B&B turned out to be an old farmhouse and even though she knew Dublin was a stone's throw away, it very much had Irish country vibes. They'd driven down a long drive, fields with horses in them on one side, and a view of a nearby lake on the other. Theo parked the car on the gravel driveway in front of a place that managed to be impressively big while also holding an undeniable "cottage charm." The building was stone gray, with climbing green plants over one side, and flowers in mismatched pots leading up the white steps to the front door. Lexie heard barking, and a collie shot out from around the back of the house somewhere.

"Simon!" shouted a man's voice as Lexie took half a step backward from the bounding dog. It was wagging its tail, though, tongue hanging out and head low, so Lexie held out a hand for it to sniff, then laughed as the dog pressed against her legs for strokes.

Theo and Lexie carried their bags inside, and were greeted in the reception area by a man with scraggly hair and an equally scraggly beard who looked about the same age as Theo. He was dressed very casually for someone in hospitality, his jeans ripped at the knees, a streak of mud down one side of his T-shirt, and he smiled at Lexie when he saw the dog following at her heels.

"Sorry about Simon," he said, then glanced at Theo, leaving Lexie wondering who the hell named a dog Simon. "And hello there," the man said, his Irish accent thick. "Can I help you both on this fine day?"

His smile was full of charm, but Theo managed to look suspicious, his scarred eyebrow shooting up. "I called earlier."

"Ah yes. Theo, is it?" The "Th" changed to "T," so that it sounded more like "Teo." "Got a lovely room for yiz both, overlooking the lake."

"I asked for two rooms," Theo said pointedly, before Lexie could jump in. At her shins, Simon nudged her for attention.

"Ah no, we've only got the one room, I'm afraid. But she's a beauty."

Lexie opened her mouth to protest, but Theo pulled her to his side and wrapped an arm around her side. He gave her a very un-Theo-like smile. "What do you think, honeybee?"

She narrowed her eyes up at him as the scraggly-haired man laughed, then came over to envelop Theo in a hug. "Mate! It's been too long."

Lexie couldn't help noticing that his Irish accent was less thick now. So, this was the friend Theo had mentioned. She wondered if Theo had put him up to the joke.

Theo clapped him on the back. "Good to see you. Lexie, this is Kieran. Kieran, Lexie."

"Um…hi." She gave a sort of awkward half wave, and then used Simon as a way to distract from that, bending to scratch him.

"Nice to meet you, Lexie," Kieran said. He tipped an imaginary hat to her.

"So— do you have two rooms?" Lexie asked, looking up at him.

Kieran laughed. "Yeah. I've had them on standby since Theo told me you were coming a few weeks ago."

A few weeks ? Lexie straightened and shot him a look, but he studiously ignored her gaze. So, he'd been planning this then. Her stomach flipped with a weird combination of anxiety and pleasure.

"Or one room, if you prefer," Kieran said, with a sly grin for Theo.

Theo glanced at Lexie and shrugged. "We'll figure it out later." And oh God, the awkwardness. "But first, I figured we'd go into Dublin—you've never been, right, Lex?"

"No, I…"

Kieran raised his hand in the air, grimacing as he did so. "I may have something that interferes with your plans." He lowered his hand and tugged a little nervously at his beard as Theo waited for him to elaborate. "Your mam may have found out you're here."

"Kieran! Did you call her?"

"Nah, of course not. But, like, you know how it is. I stuck something on Facebook, her friend saw, she found out, she called me. And you know how I am—can't lie, can I?"

"Do not tell me she's coming here, Kieran." Theo's tone was full of warning.

"I don't think so. But she asked me what time you were expected and, well…"

Seemingly on cue, Theo's phone rang. He got it out, glaring at Kieran, while Lexie returned to stroking Simon, unsure of what to do. Simon licked her ear as Theo answered.

"Hello, Mam." It was the most Irish she'd ever heard Theo sounding. "I'm sorry, but it was a bit of a last-minute thing." There was a pause. "Only one day—we're flying tomorrow." Another pause. "Lexie." He shot Kieran an evil look. "No, I can't come today. Because I'm with Lexie. Right." He pulled a hand through his hair as his mum continued to talk at the other end of the line. "Right. Look, I'll let you know." He hung up, tugged a hand through his hair. "She wants us to go for lunch. For fuck's sake, Kieran."

Kieran winced.

"We can go for lunch with her," Lexie said, trying to be diplomatic.

Theo shot her a look, but she couldn't quite read it.

"And do Dublin later? I'd like to meet her."

"I'm not sure you would," Theo said dryly. But she was thinking of her own dad now, and of the fact that she'd brushed him off the last time he tried to reach out. Thinking of how these chances were limited—and how you have to take them while you can.

"I think we should go," said firmly.

Kieran clapped Theo on the back. "The room will be ready by the time you get back."

"Rooms," Lexie said, keeping her firm voice in play.

"Ah, sure. Rooms. That's what I meant. And I'll have a pint waiting for you."

Theo sighed. "Fine, we'll go." He looked at Lexie. "But please remember that I warned you." He turned his attention to Kieran. "And that pint better be on you, mate—you owe me."

—

Lexie couldn't stop her mouth from quite literally falling open as Theo parked the car in front of his parents' place. It had to be the most gorgeous redbrick house she'd ever seen—and was about five times the size of her mum's cottage. The front lawn was perfectly manicured, complete with pruned bushes. Four turreted chimneys stretched up above the roof, and from the windows she could see, Lexie was sure it must be three floors.

"You're rich!" she hissed at Theo as they got out of the car. She hung back until he started making his way toward the porch, feeling uncertain all of a sudden.

"My parents are rich," Theo said. And like he could sense her nerves, he took her hand, laced his fingers with hers. Even out here, in front of his parents' house, her pulse flared with the contact, and she had to try very hard to stop her mind flashing to how it had felt to have him inside of her last night.

"Isn't that the same thing?" she asked, as they crunched across the gravel. There were another two cars in the enormous driveway—a BMW and a Mercedes.

"Well, definitely not in my case."

But Lexie was still staring at the house, craning her neck back as they approached, feeling a combination of awe and trepidation.

"Damn, I never should have brought you here," Theo said wryly. "Now if I ever ask you to marry me, you'll only be in it for the money I might one day inherit."

She could tell he was joking, but her heart immediately gave a panicked thump at the word marry, and she stumbled a little as they came to a stop.

He squeezed her hand. "Lex?"

She looked up at him.

"I'm kidding."

She licked her now-dry lips. "Right. I know that." She gave a weak, very unconvincing laugh.

Theo pressed the doorbell, and Lexie heard it echo inside the house. A woman came out almost immediately, and Lexie knew this had to be Theo's mother. She had the same eyes—dark with amber highlights, though on first glance they seemed more static than Theo's, which were constantly changing. Her tan skin was flawless, her lips painted peach, and her hair was a little lighter than Theo's, with honey highlights neatly streaked through. She smiled, showing impressively white teeth, and leaned in to kiss Theo's cheek. Theo, Lexie couldn't help but notice, held himself a little stiff as he returned the gesture.

"This is my mum, Lexie," Theo said. "Shauna."

"Hi, Shauna." Lexie's smile faltered a little under Shauna's assessing gaze. Shauna then looked away, back to Theo, like she was reserving judgment.

"Your father's in the living room," she said to Theo. "He'll be pleased to see you."

"Doubtful," Theo muttered, so quietly that Lexie was sure his mum hadn't heard.

She squeezed his hand as Shauna led them into the hallway, her heels clacking on the wooden floor. Lexie felt underdressed—not just in comparison to Shauna, who was wearing a flowery dress that looked like it must be designer, but in the face of the interior. The whole place was flawless. The off-white walls were spotless, the beige carpet leading up the impressive spiral staircase pristine. There was a fireplace in the hallway, of all places, with a rug in front of it and two reading chairs, and above them a chandelier hung from the high ceiling. There was artwork dotted throughout, in that way most people could only dream of. She wondered what it must be like to keep a place of this size as clean and tidy as it was—though surely somewhere like this would have a cleaner. It was so at odds with what she'd seen of the flat above the shop where Theo lived that she couldn't get her head around the fact that he'd grown up here.

The walk through the house felt oddly hushed—if it had been her mum, they'd have been talking from the word go. Theo's dad was reading The Irish Times when the three of them entered the living room and he only looked up when Shauna spoke his name.

"Patrick? Theo's here. And his friend Lexie," she added, after the briefest of pauses. There was a piano in the corner of the living room, for God's sake. She glanced up at Theo, wanting to ask if he played, but he was looking at his dad, his posture stiffening by the second. She pulled her hand from his, tugged at her curls self-consciously.

Patrick peered over the paper. His hair was steel gray, to match his eyebrows, and his eyes were bright blue. He was wearing a suit, despite the fact that it was just the four of them. Lexie decided that Theo's parents must take the concept of "Sunday best" literally. She and Theo definitely looked underdressed.

"So you're visiting for the weekend, then?" Patrick asked, not bothering to say hello to Lexie.

"Lexie and I are here for work," Theo said, and he said her name a little pointedly, like he was reminding his dad she was here. It worked, and Patrick glanced at her.

"You work with Theo, do you?"

Jesus, Patrick's eyes were intense. But not in the way Theo's were—his gaze was cold and calculating. "Ah, yes. I'm Richard's daughter."

Patrick's gray eyebrows pulled together.

"My old boss," Theo explained, and Patrick grunted, before folding his newspaper.

"Lunch ready, then, is it?" he asked Shauna.

"Yes, nearly," Shauna said, her tone a little too bright. Lexie had a momentary flare of sympathy for her. "You head on through to the dining room and I'll bring everything in. Can I get anyone a drink?"

"I'll have a beer, if you're offering," Theo said.

Shauna pursed her lips. "It's lunchtime, Theo. I've made some lovely elderflower cordial, though."

"That sounds great," Lexie said quickly, because she saw Theo go to open his mouth again—and she knew that argumentative look. He cocked one eyebrow down at her, like he knew what she was doing.

Shauna served drinks and an entire Sunday roast on the world's biggest dining table, so that even though they were all sat down at one end of it, it still felt like they were very far apart from one another. Shauna and Patrick sat on one side, Theo and Lexie on the other, and Lexie was put in mind of a formal board meeting—or a job interview. The roast was incredible—a joint of beef, complete with impeccable roast potatoes, cauliflower cheese, creamed leeks, and Yorkshire puddings. How had Shauna been able to get all this ready in time—and still look as immaculate as she did?

"So, Theo," Shauna said brightly, stretching to place more potatoes onto Lexie's plate across the table, "how are things? You're here for work? Is it still that travel agency you're working for, then?"

Theo tore off a chunk of his Yorkshire pudding, dunked it in gravy.

Lexie saw the look Shauna gave him at that, but she didn't say anything.

"Yeah. Still there."

Lexie started eating with gusto, partly to try to cover up the awkwardness.

"So, you're sticking with it, are you?" Patrick said, folding a napkin neatly on his lap.

Theo shrugged, but Lexie saw the brittleness in that action. "I enjoy it."

"Haven't you thought about what we talked about last time, darling?" Shauna asked. "I have a friend who has a contact at that firm in London if you—"

"I'm good. Thanks."

"You haven't grown out of it yet, then?" Patrick asked, surveying Theo over the fork of beef he lifted to his mouth. "Don't want to settle down and do something serious?"

"He owns half the business," Lexie said, unable to stop herself. She felt herself redden as both of his parents looked at her, a little baffled. But seriously— grow out of it ? It was like what people said to her when they asked why she was still traveling around, why she hadn't gotten a proper job yet. Only the judgment from Theo's parents was worse, because he had settled down—he was good at running the business, and he had worked hard to keep it going.

"You own it?" Shauna repeated, looking back at Theo for confirmation.

"Lexie and I own it, yeah." Theo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and Lexie wondered if she should have just kept quiet—maybe there was a reason he hadn't told his parents.

Shauna looked between them, frowning slightly, like she was trying to figure out the exact nature of their relationship.

You and me both, Shauna.

"How much is it worth?" Patrick asked, spearing a roast potato in a way that managed to make Lexie feel sorry for the potato.

"I don't know yet, Dad."

"Have you spoken to Cally since the wedding?"

"No, Mam."

"Well, she's doing very well. They went on a lovely honeymoon to the Maldives, and I think it won't be long before we'll have more news to celebrate. They're looking to move house, and I heard on the grapevine they were looking around Rathfarnham, and you just know that's because of the schools in the area." She sighed. "I always wonder, if we'd sent you to school there…"

She trailed off, but the end of the sentence was implicit, and Lexie thought of how Theo had said before that his mum was big into wishes. Was this one of those—I wish we'd sent you to a different school, so that you'd have turned out differently? Was it about success? But he owned his own business now—surely you didn't get much more successful than that? And he had a cool idea, to invest back into local businesses, even if that might not come off in time, but still…

She opened her mouth, but Theo caught her eye, shook his head ever so slightly. And really, she didn't want to risk rocking the boat, did she?

"That's nice for Cally," Theo said, ignoring the second part of his mum's sentence.

It went quiet for a moment, and the scrape of knives and forks on china made Lexie wish there was background music. She cleared her throat, trying to dispel some of the tension in the room. "This is delicious, Shauna."

Shauna gave her a smile. "Thank you. I love cooking a roast—it's so soothing. Do you cook, too?"

"Oh, um…sort of." She thought of her and her mum's attempts at blinis the previous Christmas—most of which had ended up in the bin. "I make a good spaghetti Bolognese," she settled on.

There was more warmth in Shauna's smile now. "Such comfort food." Then she sighed. "I do wish you'd stuck with the cooking lessons yourself, Theo."

Lexie had never heard the word "wish" sound so cutting. She wanted to reach out, lay a comforting hand on his arm—but she wasn't sure she should, with his parents watching them.

"You know, Reuben from your school is a chef now—and he owns his own restaurant."

Lexie waited for him to snap back, wanting him to snap—or to at least stand up for himself. But instead he just nodded—so unlike the Theo she'd come to know. "Good for Reuben."

Shauna turned her attention to Lexie. "So, what else do you do, Lexie?" Lexie wondered if by saying she could make spaghetti Bolognese she had led Shauna to assume cooking was something she "did," and decided, all things considered, to roll with that.

"Um…" She glanced at Theo for support, but obviously he couldn't help her here. "I guess I travel a lot."

There was a sigh from across the table from Patrick, barely hidden.

Shauna frowned. "Don't be rude, Patrick." She smiled at Lexie. "I'm so sorry, Lexie. Do tell us more."

"Well, I mean there's not a lot to tell, really." If they thought Theo was unsuccessful, she hardly wanted to admit to moving around every six months—and was sure they wouldn't take too favorably to the fact that her last job had been as a nanny. But as the meal passed in uncomfortable silence, she wished she had gone into the details. It felt like time was moving incredibly slowly—though it could only have been forty minutes, tops, by the time the plates were cleared and Patrick went back into the living room.

Theo made an excuse, telling his mum they had to get back to the farmhouse for a meeting, and Shauna didn't question it, for which Lexie was immensely relieved. She was starting to feel a little guilty for having forced Theo to accept the invitation.

"Thank you for coming to see us, Theo," Shauna said at the front door, kissing his cheek again. "I do wish you'd visit us a bit more, you know."

"I'll try," Theo said noncommittally, and Shauna pursed her lips at the evasive answer.

Then she turned to Lexie. "It was lovely to meet you. I hope you have the most perfect time in Dublin this evening."

It was said kindly, Lexie was sure of it. But she couldn't help the words from slipping out, over a smile of her own. "Perfection is overrated."

It got a small laugh of delight from Theo.

"But I'm sure we'll have a great time, thank you."

Theo said nothing as they got back into the car, and still nothing as he started the engine, turned around in the driveway.

Lexie let out a long breath. "Well."

Theo ran a hand across the back of his neck. "Yeah. Not what you expected?"

"I don't know what I expected, really."

And it wasn't like his parents were horrible . They just weren't warm. She could tell that Shauna had been trying, and perhaps she really did have Theo's best interests at heart—she wouldn't be the first mother to want something better for her son. But it was like she hadn't noticed that Theo had been getting more and more tense throughout. So perhaps they were both products of their upbringing, in the end. And even though his parents were still together, Lexie couldn't help wondering if they should be—did they even like each other? Or speak to each other? Or was that just where all relationships were destined to end up eventually?

"She cares about me," Theo said, like he was reading her mind. "But I can't help feeling that I'm a disappointment every time I see her. Like she wishes for something better."

"I don't think you're a disappointment." She wasn't sure how much it was worth, but she said it anyway.

Theo glanced at her, something she couldn't read in his expression. "I feel stupid sometimes, for caring about it. There's nothing nasty and they weren't ever abusive or anything—so it feels like I shouldn't be hurt by it, you know? Like what do I really have to complain about?"

Lexie tapped her fingers against her thigh. "I'm not sure things need to be overtly nasty to be hurtful." Over time, constantly feeling like you weren't good enough could do its own damage, couldn't it? Leave its own scars.

"I guess not."

"My dad was never mean," Lexie said. "He just wasn't there." And that, too, had left scars. She shook her head. "I'm sorry I made you go today—if you didn't want to. It's just…He tried to build a bridge with me, before he died. Richard. And the thing is, I might have allowed it, if we'd taken things a bit slower, so to speak. But he went right in for this big apology and it was too much. And now, a part of me is wishing I'd taken the time to listen to him, but another part is wondering if he even would have done it, if it hadn't been for the cancer. And then I get really confused, because I don't know how I feel about any of it—or even who I'm really grieving for."

"I guess you can grieve the father you lost when you were seven, as well as the one who died last December. It's OK that he wasn't perfect—and it's OK to feel sad about the fact that he's not here anymore, even though he left you. I think it's OK to feel however you feel—I don't think grief is ever simple or straightforward, no matter the circumstances."

Lexie looked out of the window. "Yeah. Maybe. I guess I'm working toward that—and trying to forgive him, too."

"I think it's OK if you can't forgive him. Forgiveness and acceptance are different things, aren't they? And it might take some time to work toward either."

Lexie glanced back at him. "Is that how you feel, with your parents? Because that's where I was going with this, believe it or not—because I know I'll never get another chance. So that's why I was so keen for us to visit your parents today."

He flicked the indicator on and said nothing for a moment. Then, "Do you know? This is why I was a bit…resentful of you at first. Because your dad was trying to reach out, and your dad was just so great with me . And my parents—they're annoyed if I don't visit when I'm here, but really, they wouldn't ever come to visit me or anything, and they disapprove of everything I do. Whereas your dad, to my mind, was just so proud of you, of the way you explored new places. And it looked to me like you just kept throwing it back in his face."

Lexie frowned. "It's more complicated than that."

"I know that now. And I hope you know how sorry I am, for judging you. For making you think I hated you."

"You did hate me."

The corner of his mouth crooked up. "Only a little. Only as much as you hated me."

She hesitated, not sure of what to say. Then, "I don't hate you now." It was the best she could offer.

His mouth spread into a fuller smile. "I know."

Something inside her lurched at his expression—something she didn't quite understand. Or maybe something she didn't want to understand.

—

When they got back to the farmhouse, Simon came out to greet them again, following them at Lexie's heels as they headed inside, and they found Kieran slouched in an armchair in the guest living room—which was much more haphazard than Theo's parents' living room, and much nicer, to Lexie's mind, because of it.

"I'll have that pint now, Kieran," Theo said loudly.

Kieran got to his feet, clapping Theo on the back. "Right-oh." He turned to head out, then stopped, fished in his pocket, and held out a key with a bird key chain on it.

Lexie took it. "Thanks," she said. "We'll just have the one room."

"Oh good," Kieran said, tugging at his beard. "Because I've only actually got the one."

Lexie shook her head, then laughed. She glanced up at Theo as Kieran headed out—presumably to get them all a drink. "I suppose you knew I'd cave." Though she hadn't been sure she would—because sharing a room felt bigger, more deliberate. No longer just a casual hookup—and something that would be harder to walk away from.

He put his arms around her and kissed the corner of her mouth. "I didn't know," he murmured. "I hoped."