Chapter 15

15

Hopefully Tanner was home.

Ryder reined in at the top of a rise and peered down into Arapahoe Valley where Eagle's Nest Lake spread out with its deep blue water the same color as the evening sky overhead. The glassy surface was so calm and clear that it reflected the tall ponderosa pines growing along the banks.

Although the view was as heavenly as always, Ryder didn't take the time to enjoy the beauty.

Instead, he nudged his horse down the rocky trail toward the log cabin that bordered the lake's western edge. He caught a glimpse of the well-constructed and solidly chinked structure in a slight clearing amidst the pines, but he didn't see any sign of his brother at the late hour or any smoke rising from the stovepipe that jutted out of the log beams of the roof.

It was possible Tanner wasn't there, had taken a trail-guide job for tourists or another group who needed an experienced mountain man to hunt for them or guide them to their destination.

But several miners down by One-legged Joe's Mine claimed to have seen Tanner out checking his traps yesterday. With September having arrived, marmot season had started. Since it was followed by grouse trapping in October, Ryder suspected Tanner would stay close to his home.

Over the four days since the nightmare, nothing more had come to Ryder—no other names or memories. But at least he had something he could finally give Tanner.

Now that the haying was done, he had a couple of weeks before the wheat was ready for harvesting. After that, it wouldn't be long before the cattle breeding season began, and he sold off some of his heartiest steers.

The truth was, his schedule was free enough to allow him a day or two to track Tanner down, and he wanted to find his brother and tell him the news about the names. It might not be enough for Tanner to use in his investigations, but at least he would know more than he had before.

Besides, it was past time to repair their relationship. Genevieve had been right that he was blessed to still have Tanner when some orphans had no one left.

"You better be home," Ryder grumbled as the horse slipped on the gravelly path. He rapidly righted the horse's footing and slowed down. He didn't want to get hurt and be delayed in returning to the ranch. Already, he dreaded leaving Genevieve and Boone for one night, and he wouldn't be able to stay away from them longer than that.

Thankfully, when Ryder had told Maverick about the names he'd remembered after his recent nightmare, his adoptive brother had offered to send Ross, one of his most trustworthy hired hands, to the ranch to watch over the place and do chores while Ryder rode out and found Tanner. Ryder had left a hammock up in one of the barn stalls for the fellow—the hammock that he'd been sleeping in for the past few nights since he'd kissed Genevieve.

Genevieve hadn't kicked him out of the bed in any spoken words, but she'd quickly shut down the possibility of allowing their relationship to develop into more. He'd tried to tell himself she just needed more time. After all, they'd only been together for about a month. And even though his feelings had escalated quickly, he couldn't expect that hers would.

He reminded himself again that he had to be patient. And that's why he'd refrained from joining her in the bed. He could hardly keep from reaching for her when she was within arm's length, much less lying beside him. Even before kissing her, his hands had sometimes strayed her way. But now, after the kisses... he had the feeling he'd stray even more.

And he was burning up with the need to kiss her again.

He closed his eyes briefly as a swell of desire pulsed through him. He'd loved the way her body had melded against him, how her arms had wrapped around him, and the way her lips had fit with his. She'd started tentatively, but her kiss had rapidly matched his with a burning fervor that had consumed him so that the world could have ended around him and he wouldn't have noticed.

Her passion had surprised him and still did. For a woman so composed and poised, she'd lost herself in the kiss the same way he had—or at least she'd seemed to.

So what had happened to put an end to the kiss and cause her to shut down the possibility of more between them?

He hadn't been able to figure that out over the past few days. He'd wanted to ask her, but it seemed like an odd question to bring up. After all, he'd been the one to suggest a partnership rather than a real marriage. Just because he was already changing his mind about what he wanted didn't mean she would.

He could only hope that eventually she would accept more to their relationship than a marriage of convenience. But a strange anxiety had plagued him ever since she'd walked away from him that night—an anxiety he hadn't been able to shake off, that had made him hesitant to leave the ranch.

As the trail leveled off onto even ground, Ryder directed his horse around the lake to the west. He stayed clear of the area where he suspected Tanner had his traps set, until at last he rounded a secluded corner of the lake, and the cabin came into sight again.

Tanner had strung lines between trees and built a few racks for all the furs that he was preserving. Most of them were the rusty-brown marmot skins. But other animals were mixed in—one fox, a coyote, and several hares.

Though the era of growing wealthy from fur trapping was long over, there was still a market, especially among wealthy easterners. Tanner had done well for himself over the past few years of trapping and selling his furs. Although he never spoke of the financial details specifically, it had apparently been enough for him to hire an investigator to help him try to locate family.

Ryder had never been all that happy about Tanner's wandering ways—had wanted him to stay close so he could keep an eye on him. But in one of their first fights after Pa Oakley's death, Tanner had shouted that Ryder had smothered him with all his worry and that he couldn't stand being around him and had to get away.

Tanner never seemed to mind the rough living of the wilderness. In fact, he seemed more at home in the mountains than anywhere else.

A small shed behind the cabin was locked, likely containing pelts ready to be sold. A dugout canoe was propped against the shed along with paddles. A pair of long skis hung from the other side of the shed. But the lean-to shed was empty of Tanner's horse.

Ryder hesitated even getting down since it was clear Tanner wasn't there. Sunset was still a couple of hours away. If he turned around and left right away, he might be able to make it out of the mountains and back down into the Blue River Valley before the way grew too treacherous in the dark.

He wouldn't mind getting home to Genevieve and Boone, even if it was late. He sighed. Who was he fooling? Not only wouldn't he mind it, but he was eager to be with them again after being gone for the day.

He scanned the area one more time, taking in the cold fire pit near the shore, the carcass of a fish, and the distant bird of prey circling over the lake—probably one of the eagles that nested in the area.

Before he could shift his horse back around, the crackling of twigs in the woodland put him on alert. He surveyed the dense trees, his revolver out and his finger on the trigger. There was no telling what kind of trouble or wild animals lurked in the mountains, and he always liked to be ready for anything.

"What do you want?" called a voice from within the dense foliage.

It was Tanner.

Releasing the tension inside, Ryder stuffed his revolver back into the holster. "Hello to you too."

A moment later, his brother emerged from the forest, leading his mount. He wore his coonskin cap and a fringed leather buckskin coat. His face was covered with several days' worth of unshaven hair, but the hair couldn't hide the animosity in his expression.

Tanner didn't say anything until he halted halfway between the trees and the lean-to. "Why are you here?"

Ryder's mind went back to the nightmare. Although he couldn't picture Tanner's face any more than he could picture their mother's, his heart pinched at the remembrance of Tanner's soft whimpers for Mommy . He'd been too young to understand anything that had happened or why his whole life had been turned upside down.

"I had a nightmare this week," Ryder said.

Tanner shrugged. He was used to Ryder's nightmares, had grown up with them. But that didn't mean he had to be so callous and cold about it.

The usual words of irritation began to push up, but rather than start off their interactions with the antagonism that had been there for months, Ryder wanted this time to be different. He wanted to be different. "Listen, Tanner. I want to stop fighting—"

"I'm not fighting," Tanner stated belligerently. "I'm just trying to get information from you that you won't give because you're a stubborn coward."

Ryder swallowed hard, pushing down a defensive retort. Instead, he took a deep breath. "You're right. I have been a coward, and I'm sorry for not trying harder to help you with the investigation."

Tanner's mouth stalled around a response.

"I want to do better. And I think I can help."

His brother closed his mouth, then narrowed his eyes on Ryder. "What do you want?"

"I want us to be brothers again."

Tanner released a scoffing laugh.

"You're all I have left—"

"You don't know that."

Ryder kept his voice calm, even though the pressure inside was tight. "I pray that someday you'll find everything you hope to. But that won't change that I love you and don't want to lose you. Not now. Not after everything we went through together."

Tanner didn't immediately respond, seemed to be contemplating the declaration.

"I came out here to tell you about the details from the nightmare." Ryder hadn't shared anything in a long time. Tanner knew that.

At the statement, Tanner dropped the reins of his horse and stared at Ryder.

He wasn't sure how he'd finally gathered courage to talk about the past. Maybe it was because he'd already done so with Genevieve, and it hadn't seemed so terrible. Maybe because he was realizing that if he didn't change, he would lose Tanner, and he couldn't let that happen—not if it was within his power to make things right between them.

"This was the first one where, when I woke up, I actually remembered anything."

Hope flickered to life in Tanner's eyes. "Like real details and not a bunch of weird images?"

"Real details. Even names."

"What names?"

"Our mother's name was Sarah. I was called Edward, and you were named Donny."

Tanner whispered the names, likely trying to jar his own memory.

"I can't recall the name of our father or our surname," Ryder admitted, "but if this memory came back to me, maybe it will open the door now for more to return."

Tanner nodded.

Ryder slid down from his horse. "I'd like the chance to tell you the rest of the nightmare."

"Okay." The fighting edge was gone from Tanner's voice. In its place was something Ryder hadn't heard there in months. Peace.

Ryder nodded at his brother. Even if this new information would never bring any resolution to all that had once happened, hopefully it would help them both make peace with each other and with their past.