Chapter 14

14

She'd kissed Ryder's chest. What kind of woman was she becoming?

Mortification pummeled Genevieve, freezing her to the spot in Ryder's arms.

With every passing day, she'd noticed herself growing more comfortable around him, so that earlier in the day, during the ride home from town, she'd thought nothing of laying her hand on his.

But that had been to console him, hadn't it? And what about moments ago when she'd started rubbing his arm? That had been to console him too, hadn't it?

Or was it more? The warm pleasure swirling around her abdomen felt like something more, but since she'd never had such sensations before—except with him—she wasn't entirely sure what those sensations meant.

What she did know was that she liked being in his arms this way and wasn't ready for him to let go of her quite yet. That was the only reason she'd initiated the kiss... and because he'd kissed her head first. If he could kiss her head, why couldn't she kiss his chest?

Her cheek lay flat against his hard muscles, his skin so warm and his flesh so taut. She hadn't hugged him in return, and her hands rested lightly on his bare arms. But she could still feel the power radiating from him and had the urge to wrap her arms around him and skim her fingers over the hard length of his back.

Why was she thinking such brazen thoughts? Was it because she'd secretly been admiring his perfect chest every night for the past three weeks? Even though she'd tried not to look at his bare upper half when they lay in bed together, she'd clearly looked more than she should have.

Her face flushed, and she was suddenly glad for the darkness that was hiding her reaction to him.

He shifted as though to move away again, and this time her arms slid around his waist as if they had a mind of their own.

He paused again for several heartbeats.

Oh dear. What must he think of her? She was being too forward.

She released him and sat back. "I apologize, Ryder—"

He lifted her and deposited her on his bent knees, so that now she was even closer to him.

She was on Ryder's lap. Just the thought shot a strange heat into her blood—a heat that was different than the warmth in her stomach moments ago. This heat was thick and rich and sluggish, melting her body with each spurt of her pulse.

He seemed to hesitate, then he brought a hand up and swept the hair away from her cheek. In the process, his fingers caressed her skin, making her shiver, but not from the cold this time. He brushed back her hair again, dropping lower and grazing her neck.

All the while, his gaze was caressing her too, so that she was utterly lost in his eyes and the sensations he was awakening inside her—sensations that had fluttered to life before but were now roused altogether and clamoring for more of his touch.

Yes, she wanted him to touch her, wanted him to hold her, wanted him to kiss her again, this time on her mouth. She knew she shouldn't feel this way, but after the closeness they'd developed, she suddenly wanted more, much more.

His fingers slid through her hair to the back of her neck. As the gentle pressure there guided her head closer to his, he dipped forward too, angling his mouth toward hers. He halted an inch or so away, and she wanted to huff out her impatience and her need to kiss him. But she was inexperienced, had never done anything even remotely like this, and wasn't sure what came next.

He waited, as though seeking her permission.

Whether or not she ought to give it to him, she did. She lifted her chin, offering him better access to her mouth.

With her lips nearly touching his, she'd made it clear enough that she would kiss him. And a man like Ryder Oakley didn't need another invitation. He closed the distance and fused his mouth to hers with a powerful surge that knocked into her, swept her away, and carried her up to the clouds, where the world disappeared and all that existed was this man.

This man. His kiss wasn't at all tender. Not that she'd expected something chaste and proper from Ryder, because he was neither chaste nor proper. He was all desire and heat. And as his mouth moved against hers, he gave her no choice but to respond with the same desire and heat, so that she was kissing him back with a fervor that was almost shocking.

But the truth was, she wanted the deeper connection with him, had been longing for it, even though she hadn't dared to admit it. In this moment, she didn't want to think about the repercussions. She simply needed to feel this delicious passion swelling inside. And she wanted him to know how much she'd grown to admire him.

He shifted, and the kiss slowed its desperate tangle. Perhaps he'd realized his fervor and intended to pull away and bring the intimate moment to an end.

But she didn't want it to come to an end. Not yet. So instead of letting him back away, she snaked her arms around his neck and pressed in.

He released a low groan, one that rumbled against her lips and echoed all the way to her soul. Then he dragged her closer and devoured her again, as if he couldn't get enough, not even if he kissed her every night for the rest of her life.

But that was the trouble, wasn't it? She wasn't staying in Colorado for the rest of her life and most certainly didn't belong on a remote ranch up in the mountains. While she was learning a lot and making the most of her time here, she would never be able to live in the West on the ranch permanently. It simply wasn't the life she wanted or had dreamed of having.

In addition, and more importantly, their whole marriage was based on a lie. She couldn't forget that.

At the thought of her deception, panic began to swell in her chest. What was she doing? By kissing Ryder, she was crossing boundaries she shouldn't have crossed.

She had to stop so that she didn't end up hurting him. He'd already been wounded by one wife, and she couldn't bear the thought of causing him more pain.

With a new force of desperation—this one born out of the need to protect this tenderhearted man—she pushed back, breaking the kiss and breaking her hold around his neck. She scrambled away, needing to put distance between them.

He held on to her for a moment, as though sensing her panic and not wanting to lose her. But as she struggled again to free herself, he let go, because he wasn't the kind of man who would ever force her to stay with him. Not for a kiss and not for her future.

She quickly rose to her feet, and only then realized she was breathing hard. "I apologize, Ryder," she managed. "We shouldn't have kissed."

"Nothing wrong with it." His voice was low and breathless too. He didn't move from the ground and instead peered up at her with dark, half-lidded eyes that made her want to throw herself down on his lap and allow him to keep on kissing her.

But she couldn't. Because regardless of what he said, there was something wrong with kissing him. "I cannot..." What excuse could she offer that would make any sense? Was it time to tell him the truth? The truth that she should have revealed from the beginning? That she wasn't Constance Franklin, and their marriage was only temporary?

He sat back on his heels. "Reckon we can change the nature of our marriage if we both agree to it."

She wasn't used to talking so frankly with a man—or anyone, for that matter—about the intimacies of a relationship. So the flush that had been present during their kiss flamed hotter. She couldn't even begin to imagine what their relationship might be like if she allowed herself to fall for Ryder—really fall for him.

But falling in love with him wasn't part of the plan. At least, not now. And she couldn't foresee them ever being truly compatible. "I cannot agree to it, Ryder."

He watched her a moment longer as though waiting for an explanation. When she didn't give one, he nodded. "Okay."

Was he really okay with her decision?

She didn't wait to find out. Instead, she spun and retraced her steps to the cabin. Once inside, she crawled back into bed, pulled the covers high, and faced away from Ryder's side. But even as she closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, the only thought racing through her mind was that she'd loved kissing Ryder and wanted to do it again, even though she knew it would only lead to heartache.