Chapter 26

26

T he ride back to Lochlann Castle was a quiet one. Lydia was engrossed in thoughts of her own and Murdoch found he was quite content with that. He had enough to occupy his own mind as they traveled.

He was glad Lydia had agreed to accompany him. He wasn't sure what he would have done had she refused to speak to him or to return to Lochlann Castle with him. Every option he'd thought of to persuade her had ranged from ‘foolhardy' to ‘embarrassing' to ‘will only infuriate her'.

He was equally glad that Wilma had decided to stay with Lydia's sister for the time being. His cousin had taken the news of her father's treachery and his death about as well as he'd expected.

Like Murdoch and Gordon, she'd been crushed by her father's duplicity, hurt by his actions, and blamed herself for not realizing the truth before it came down to a fight to the death.

She felt that, as a healer-in-training, a scholar, and someone well versed in the lore of natural and supernatural ailments, she ought to have realized something was wrong with her father. She felt she should have seen and recognized the madness and the malice in him before he reached his breaking point.

Wilma had cried in Murdoch's arms for several minutes before declaring that she was going to become the best healer the Highlands had ever seen, and make sure that such tragedies never happened again.

To that end, she'd elected to stay with Nora and continue learning from her. Murdoch had teased her, saying it wouldn't make her a witch or a sorceress, but at heart he was relieved. Better that she find a productive way of dealing with her grief and her pain, instead of letting it fester.

At least his teasing had earned him a watery smile of acknowledgment and a bit of laughter from Nora and Lydia, who'd joined them.

Gordon had dealt with his anguish by shouldering his father's duties and vowing to serve as the best advisor he could be, once he recovered from his wound.

Gordon also spent more time with Finn, watching over the bairn his father had once tried to kill. It seemed to help steady him, and Murdoch could no more begrudge him than he could begrudge the fact that Gordon had spent most of the past few nights with his lover, seeking comfort and a place to mourn in relative privacy.

Murdoch was glad his cousin had that support, and relieved that Gordon had still been under the healer's orders to remain in bed when the Council had convened over Arthur's death.

The meeting had been a tense, ugly affair. More than one Elder had seemed perfectly willing to see the sins of the father pass to the son. By the end of it, Murdoch had been on the verge of challenging at least three Councilmen to honor duels. Eventually, however, he'd gotten his way, and had seen to it that Gordon would suffer no shame for his father's madness.

The sun was low in the sky but not yet setting when they rode through the gates of Lochlann Castle. Murdoch was relieved that the ride was over, and pleasantly surprised to find Gordon waiting, with Finn perched on his uninjured arm.

Lydia swung down from her horse and immediately made her way over to the pair. Finn held out his arms for her and giggled. "Ly-da!"

"Hello Finn." The smile she gave the bairn as she spoke to him eased some of the tightness in Murdoch's chest. For all that she'd insisted he couldn't use Finn as a way to coax her to stay, it was clear that Lydia cared greatly for his son.

"Ly-da!" Finn giggled again, then looked around. "Hec-tor?"

"Hector stayed with yer aunt Wilma. She'll bring him back soon."

"Back soon." Finn nodded. Then he cocked his head and looked up at Lydia with an intent expression that Murdoch thought Wilma would have classified as adorable. "Lyda eat with us? Lyda an' Da?"

Murdoch swallowed hard at the childish question. He saw Lydia's smile falter for an instant before she summoned it again, and ruffled Finn's hair gently. "We'll see, me bonnie lad."

Finn smiled, apparently reassured. Gordon looked between the child and Murdoch, then addressed Lydia. "Tis good to see ye back, Miss Knox."

"Thank ye, Gordon." Lydia hesitated. "I'm sorry to hear about yer faither."

"Me faither made his choice. I'll mourn the man he was, nay the man who died consumed by madness. But I thank ye for your kind words, and ye have me gratitude that ye can still think kindly of us, after everythin'." Gordon dipped his head in the closest approximation of a bow he could give while holding Finn in his arms.

Murdoch stepped in before it could become too awkward. "Ye have the same rooms as ye were in last time, Lydia. I'm sure ye'd like a chance to freshen up and wash away the dust of the journey."

She nodded. Murdoch breathed out a sigh of relief that she hadn't decided to turn around and go home. "Aye."

"We'll give ye the privacy to do so. However, I'd greatly appreciate it if ye'd meet me in the corridor outside yer rooms, an hour before supper. There's something I wish to show ye."

"I'll be there." Lydia nodded, then took up her bag, a single travel pack this time, rather than the carriage full of chests and bags she'd had before, and went inside.

Gordon looked at him. "Ye think she'll like yer surprise?"

"I hope so."

"Ye think she'll stay?"

Murdoch took a deep breath. "I hope so."

By the time the appointed hour came around, Lydia was burning with curiosity. She couldn't help it. Despite her best efforts, she'd seen no evidence that would tell her what Murdoch's surprise was.

Jewelry? She'd heard of such gifts being used to reconcile after an argument, and she supposed it would be all right, though she'd little use for jewels and trinkets, especially if she could have a good book instead.

Something about his first wife? She wasn't sure she cared to know more, not now that she knew the truth about her death. Still, as hard as she'd pressed the topic, perhaps Murdoch thought something like that would placate her.

A location like the fairy pools? She'd enjoyed her visit there, and he had to remember that, as well as what else had transpired at the edge of the pools. Maybe he knew other spots that she might enjoy seeing.

Really, it could be anything. She simply didn't know enough about Murdoch to hazard a guess. For all she knew, he wanted to show her the history of the Lochlann Clan, and all the reasons he'd make an admirable match for her.

With no idea what Murdoch wanted to show her, Lydia chose to dress in a casual day dress, her hair confined to a single plait down her back. She hoped to gain some insight from what Murdoch wore, but when she emerged from her room and saw him in the corridor, he was wearing his usual kilt, shirt, sash and belt. There were no hints there.

He offered her his arm. "Will ye come with me?"

"Do I need a cloak, or anythin' of the sort?" He could at least tell her if they were going outside.

"Nay. We're nae going far."

So it was something inside the castle. That narrowed down the choices of what he might show her. It also didn't appear to be something he'd brought with him, so perhaps it wasn't jewelry.

She took his arm and kept pace with him as he led her down the hall to a set of rooms that were mostly unused. Wilma had pointed them out as long disused family quarters, meant for visiting second or third cousins, and occasionally used for important guests, or for younger children of the laird, when the laird had a large family, which was rare these days.

Murdoch led her to one of the doors and pushed it open. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace and a small table to one side, as well as a large, comfortable looking chair, but none of those things were what caught Lydia's attention first.

What caught her attention first were the shelves.

Any furniture that might have been in the room had been cleared out, and the walls had been lined with shelves. Most of them were empty, but the ones across from the door had been filled with a haphazard looking collection of tomes. And there, in the center of the middle shelf, was a single book.

Lydia stepped closer to be sure she'd seen what she thought she had.

The book standing so prominently in the center was the one Murdoch had bought her at the fair, the one she'd never had a chance to read. Her fingers caressed the spine.

There were other books, some of which she thought she'd seen in his study, and some she didn't recognize.

She turned to look at Murdoch. "What is this?"

"Yer library. Or the beginning of it. Tis the book I bought ye, and the ones from me study, as well as some more I bought from the merchant before he left." Murdoch waved at the shelves. "There's nae much, but there will be more booksellers. Ye can buy more. And if ye fill the shelves, I'll have the local carpenter build more, or we can expand it to a larger room."

"Ye built this…for me?" She could scarcely believe it, even with the evidence staring her in the face.

"Aye. As a wedding present, if ye'll have me." Murdoch stepped closer, his eyes filled with warmth. "I dinnae ever get ye a betrothal gift, so I thought the books could be for betrothal, and the library for the weddin', if ye are willing to marry me after everythin'."

Her heart felt like it would jump out of her chest and her throat felt tight with emotion. "I thought ye dinnae want me."

"I dinnae want ye hurt. But the danger is now past, and even if it werenae…I daenae like being without ye, though I'll understand if ye daenae feel the same."

His frank and heartfelt admission crashed into the walls she'd tried to use to protect and harden her heart, and smashed them like paper before boulders. Lydia flung herself into Murdoch's arms.

"Ye fool. of course I feel the same. I'm sorry I was so cold to ye, but ye were so stubborn - I couldnae figure out how to respond tot it. But after ye sent me away, I couldnae stop thinkin' about ye. I kept rememberin' the way ye held me, the way ye kissed me. It was too hard to speak to ye and imagine I'd never have that again, never get to tell ye…"

"I love ye." Murdoch's hand caught her chin and tugged it upward until their gazes met. "I love ye more than I ever thought possible, and I'll spend the rest of me life showin' ye how much I love ye, if ye'll let me."

"O' course I'll let ye." Lydia reached up to twine her arms around his neck. "I love ye too."

And with that, she pulled him down for a kiss.